Author's Note: This story is censored to comply with Fanfiction's policy on MA content. Portions of the story have been censored (by the author) for explicit content.

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That evening Rossi stood in front of the younger man's apartment berating his uncharacteristic lack of courage. He'd been standing there for a good five minutes before he finally reached up and knocked. Spencer opened the door immediately, as if he had been waiting on the other side for Dave to arrive. Wordlessly, he motioned towards the small kitchen and pulled out chair. The older man sat down at the small table, noting an open bottle of vodka and empty glass on the counter. The unusual choice of alcohol put him on edge.

"Dave, if we're going to make this work I need to tell you something." The older man nodded, trepidation filling his body. Spencer took something out of his pocket and set it on the table. His fingers covered it as he pushed it towards the older man.

Rossi's breath caught in his throat as the young doctor withdrew his hand. It was an NA token. He looked at his lover in astonishment. "Who else knows about this?"

Spencer twitched. "Gideon and Hotch. I'm pretty sure the others know and haven't said anything or at the very least they have their own suppositions. I've been clean for quite some time now. I'll hit five years here soon. Gideon was the one who took me to a detox clinic before he disappeared. Then after he left, Hotch helped me out even when he was dealing with his own problems."

Dave looked up at the apparent bitterness in his tone when he mentioned Gideon. "Can I ask what happened?"

Reid sat back in the chair, wrapping his arms around his waist. Dave cocked his eyebrow, observing how Spencer had curled in on himself, instinctively protecting the softest part of his body as if expecting harm to befall him. "Did Hotch ever tell you what happened when I was kidnapped by Tobias Hankel?"

"He mentioned it only briefly. I read about it in your file when I took over the senior agent's position." Rossi had a feeling there was more to the case than he had read, but hadn't ever asked. Anytime it came up it seemed to be an awkward moment for the team; sort of like how no one ever mentioned Morgan and the Chicago case or how everyone but Prentiss would tense up when a former agent named Elle was mentioned. He had read enough of Aaron's case files to realise that this one involving Reid had been carefully worded and painfully to the point.

"Hotch left out that Tobias drugged me with Dilaudid several times during my kidnapping and that as a result I became addicted. I was using off and on all the way up until the point Gideon left."

"You said he took you to a clinic. There were several months in between your kidnapping and him leaving." Dave stared at the token, it was scratched and nicked all over but still gleamed in the florescent light of the kitchen. It was for one year and even though Reid said he'd been clean for longer than that it looked like this one was important.

Spencer blushed, "Yeah, it didn't work. I kept having flashbacks and couldn't deal with it. Even now I have nightmares about it but they've become manageable. Shortly after that Gideon started falling apart. He really lost it after the second case we had with Frank Breitkopf; I think the incident in Arizona was the last straw." The young agent knew Dave wasn't going to like what he said next, but he had to get it out there for him to understand. "It was Hotch."

"What was Hotch?"

"The person who helped me get clean. After Gideon went missing I found a letter in his cabin addressed to me trying to explain why he left. I was pretty despondent and I felt like he had abandoned us ... me." Spencer took a deep breath before he continued. "I almost ODed, but Hotch showed up at my apartment and helped me before I was too far gone. You can imagine what happened next."

"He took you a clinic and managed to make it stick?"

The younger man laughed disparagingly, "Actually no." Dave looked at him in confusion. "He cooked soup and then held my head over a toilet all weekend. After that he searched my entire apartment and laid out all my drugs in front of me and asked what I wanted more; escape from one horrible experience or my life at the BAU. He dropped me off at my first NA meeting later that week."

Rossi muttered, "And he calls me the dramatic one. I think I understand why you hold him in such high regard."

Spencer nodded, "Dave, I have a great deal of admiration and respect for Hotch but I'm in love with you." He reached over the token on the table and grasped the older man's hand. Giving it a squeeze he added playfully, "But you better watch out, I don't know if I can handle the amount of jealousy I've heard Italian men can be capable of."

Rossi chuckled, "I guess I wasn't very subtle this afternoon was I?"

Reid laughed quietly, "No, but I'll be sure to tell my sponsor that he's still able to inspire jealously at his age."

"Whoa, wait a moment. He's an older guy? From my experience that's your type." Spencer looked mortified for a moment before he comprehended Dave was teasing him. Rossi drew in a deep breath and switched back to being serious. "I'm happy you could trust me with this. I'm not making light of it but I'm glad that was all it was. For a moment I thought you had decided this was too much trouble and wanted to call it quits."

The younger agent looked at him in astonishment. He didn't realise Dave was having doubts about their fledgling relationship. Even though they had been sleeping with each other for over five months the whole 'us' thing was rather new and fragile. But then again, he reasoned, he hadn't given the older man many reassurances that it was going well. Spencer looked at the past couple of days in another light and recognised he'd been a little off putting. He could see how the older man could have thought he wanted to end it. "I want this to work." He leaned forward and kissed Dave gently. After a moment he pulled back, "So are we good?"

"We're good." Smiling, the elder man leaned forward and returned his kiss.