AN: The first and probably only Delena drabble I will ever write. Written before S4 ruined them for me. Inspired by Kenny Chesney's "Come Over," which is actually so pre-S4 Delena it hurts.
Come Over
Elena felt a little bit horrible about how she treated Damon earlier.
After everything, the fact that he was still there, still helping her? It amazed her a little bit. If the situation had been reversed and he had chosen Katherine over her, Elena doesn't think she'd be as forgiving. Yet, Damon stayed, and he tried to teach her how to feed. But…
Bonnie's expression had cut her to her soul.
Bonnie had looked at Elena like she was a stranger. And then, Elena had felt like a stranger to herself. Because that wasn't her. Elena didn't feed without a thought… she didn't revel in the taste and the feel of the blood. She didn't crave the thrill of the hunt.
At least, she hadn't. Until she had become a vampire.
But tonight? Tonight Elena had felt more alive than she'd ever felt, even with as a human. She had felt wild, and free, and for a moment all she had been able to think of was how good it felt to be that free with Damon.
In Damon's arms, moving to the music.
Thinking about it now, Elena could still feel the exhilaration.
Then she had seen Bonnie, and being so free had suddenly felt wrong on so many levels.
Partly because it had felt so right. Damon had felt so right.
Elena was a girl at war with herself. The part of her that still clung so tightly, so desperately, to her humanity wanted to cling that desperately to Stefan. It wanted to hold onto that relationship that had seemed so strong and pure when she was human.
Then there was the vampire part of Elena. That was the part that wanted freedom. The part that wanted to be a little wild, and it wanted Damon with a passion that took Elena's non-existent breath away. There had always been a spark between Elena and the elder Salvatore brother, her experiences in Denver had taught her that, but it was just so much stronger as a vampire. It made her love and desire for Stefan seem so… lukewarm in comparison.
It terrified Elena. She knew Stefan loved her, but she also knew Stefan could survive without her. Damon? Damon loved her with a love that was soul-consuming. It was epic, though Caroline would never approve of Elena using that term for Damon.
Epic was terrifying to a girl who couldn't decide who she was, much less who she loved.
Elena paced her room, restless. She needed… she needed…
She needed to apologize to Damon.
She needed to talk to Damon.
She just… needed Damon.
"If you're calling to tell me that you're going to rely on Saint Stefan for feeding advice, don't bother. I've already heard. Smart move, though, going to the uncontrollable ripper for help with control."
For a second Elena considered hanging up, but she could bring herself to do it.
"I called to apologize."
There was silence on the other end, and Elena could tell that whatever Damon had been expecting, it wasn't this.
"Well… apology accepted. Is that everything?"
Elena is silent for a long time, and she can hear Damon give a huff on the other end. Worried he might hang up, the words begin to spill out of her.
"I don't know how to do this, Damon. I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to die either, and I just don't think I can handle being a vampire. Stefan says we'll figure it out, but how are we supposed to do that when he has no idea how to control himself much less me? And I just feel everything so much more strongly, and it's tearing me apart, because that means I love Stefan more, but it also means that what I feel for you is stronger… and Damon, you terrify me. More than anything else I've ever faced."
There was silence on Damon's end of the phone, and Elena realized that she had probably just said way too much, both about her love for Stefan, and her feelings for Damon, which she had tried to keep mostly to herself. Because she'd made her choice, but now she's not so sure it was the right one.
"I just… It's not fair, but I need you right now, Damon. You were right earlier. I need to learn how to lose control if I want to keep it, and Stefan can't teach me that. And I can't keep worrying about what Bonnie thinks of me, because she doesn't know what this is like. I have to step up and take control. I can't promise that I won't mess up like this again, and I'll probably yell at you a lot… but I still need you. Because you're the only one who gets what I'm going through right now. Control comes to Caroline too easily for her to get it, and Stefan still doesn't have control, and…"
"Distracting me isn't going to make me forget that I terrify you, Elena," Damon cut her off. "You have to realize that you made a choice. If you're regretting it, you have to tell us… because it's not fair to Stefan, or to me, otherwise."
"That choice was made when I was human!" Elena snapped angrily, finally giving voice to the one thing she hadn't dared say since she had awoken in transition. "Yet everyone is acting as if it should still stand now! Well, I can't tell if it does, because I don't know what's tied to what I felt as a human, and what's caused by blood lust, and what I really feel. I don't know if I regret it. I don't even know who I am anymore, Damon. Can't you understand that?"
There was a pause on Damon's part, then a soft, "Yeah, I get it. Probably better than you understand."
Elena sat on her bed.
"I'm not good for you, Damon," she whispered. "Either of you. Right now, I'm not good for anybody."
"And I'm probably not good for you," Damon responded. "But Elena, we're not good for anyone else, either. I won't ask you to make another choice, because you're right. Right now, you can't think straight. Any choice you make right now probably won't be the same once you've figured stuff out. I just want you to do one thing for me."
"What?" Elena asked.
"Don't lie to yourself anymore. If you hate me, then hate me. But if you love me? Then stop hiding that. Because I'm not going to stop loving you, Elena. Not any time soon."
"And that's what terrifies me."
Elena is surprised when she hears Damon chuckle on the other line.
"Good. In this case, I think terrified might be good. We'll get you through this Elena. And both of us, Stefan and me, will be waiting on the other side, when you finally are feeling sure of yourself again. Until then… well, learning to let loose a little helps you to learn how to not let loose a lot in the future. Remember that the next time Glinda is giving you judgey eyes. "
Elena rolled her eyes at Damon's nickname for Bonnie but couldn't bring herself to reprimand him before hanging up her cell. Not when, for the first time since she had turned, Elena actually felt sort of like herself. Perhaps it was wrong that it was her boyfriend's brother who was responsible for that rather than Stefan… but Elena couldn't bring herself to feel guilty this time.
Damon was right, it was time to stop lying to herself.
It was time to stop playing human.
It was time to stand up on her own, and to see where her new life took her.
AN: Oh, if only. Like I said, probably the only Delena drabble I'll ever write, because S4 ruined the couple and the characters for me. I wanted Elena to take a step back and figure out what she wanted now that her life was completely turned on its head. Instead, we got the sire bond.
