A New Understanding, chapter 2
Lee entered his bedroom and quickly stripped off his wet clothing; leaving it in a pile at the foot of his bed. He strode into the bathroom and quickly toweled himself dry and then ran his lucky comb through his hair. As Lee returned to the bedroom he wondered who was more nervous; himself or Jamie. He pulled on a polo and a well worn pair of jeans, sat down on the bed and reached for the phone. He dialed Amanda's number and waited to hear his wife's voice.
"Hello," she answered breathlessly as she'd been rushing around her kitchen.
"Hi, it's me."
"I love hearing your voice but I thought that we agreed that you'd go home and I'd have dinner alone with the boys. There is something strange going on between them and I'm determined to find out what it is. I'm ready to put dinner on the table; may I call you back later?"
"No," Lee replied curtly, worried that Jamie would start wondering what was taking him so long.
"What do you mean 'no'? Its dinner time and I'm sure the boys must be starving."
"I know Jamie is; he's waiting to have dinner in MY kitchen."
"He's what," Amanda squeaked as she clutched the phone tightly.
"I said he's-," Lee tried to explain.
"How did he get to your place?"
"My guess is he took the Metro but I didn't ask him that yet. I'm more concerned with-"
"I'll be right over," Amanda interrupted him again.
"No, don't come, Jamie told me he came here because he needed to talk to me in private and I want to hear him out. After we talk and eat I'll bring him home. I'll see you later. Bye." Lee quickly hung up the phone because he didn't want to leave Jamie waiting any longer then he already had. He returned to the kitchen where Jamie was busily setting the table for dinner.
"Hey Lee, what did my mom say, how soon will she be here," Jamie asked a blindsided Lee.
"How did you know I called your mom?"
"I'm just a kid but I'm not dumb," Jamie replied good naturedly. "I guess you won't have to share your dinner after all."
"You're a smart kid but you're wrong about dinner. We're going to have dinner and talk and then I'll drive you home," Lee said as he tousled Jamie's hair and walked past him to the kitchen counter. Jamie came to stand next to him while Lee opened the wet bag and removed an assortment of take out containers which he spread out on the counter.
"What's on the menu," Jamie asked curiously.
"We can start with the wonton soup since it's in a plastic container; I'll just warm it up on top of the stove. I also got egg rolls, shrimp in lobster sauce over brown rice and mixed vegetables in garlic sauce. We'll have to see how they held up," Lee said as he eyed the somewhat soggy looking traditional white cardboard containers dubiously.
"You can stick the egg rolls in the stove for a few minutes; it'll warm them up and dry them out a little at the same time. Don't worry about the other stuff; it's in gravy so it is supposed to be wet," Jamie stated cheerfully.
"Jamie, you make a good point, I like your attitude." Lee poured the soup into a pot and placed it on the top of the stove and turned it on. Jamie began to unwrap the egg rolls while Lee got a baking sheet to warm them on.
"Lee, I'm not always a jerk, I know that must be hard for you to believe." Lee immediately stopped what he was doing and turned to Jamie.
"I don't think that you're a jerk." Lee furrowed his brow and looked at Jamie with a concerned expression on his face. "What makes you think that I do?"
"A lot of people think that I'm a jerk… well maybe not a jerk… more like I'm a geek or a dork," Jamie stated resignedly.
"I don't think that you're any of those things," Lee replied as he continued to study Jamie's demeanor. "Has Phillip been giving you a hard time?"
"Phillip says that he doesn't care if I mess up my own life but he's tired of my messing up other peoples' lives too. He said that if people could trade in brothers the same way as they trade in a car he'd trade me in." Jamie turned away from Lee and made a show of peeking into the unopened take out containers.
"I don't know what it's like to have a brother from personal experience but from what I hear it's perfectly normal for you guys to get on each others' nerves from time to time. If Phillip suggested that you've 'messed up' his life he is out of line."
"That's what I thought too at first but then he started making a list of all the things that I've messed up and I realized that Phillip is right…although I didn't admit that to him." Jamie said the last part with some satisfaction. Lee walked over to the stove to stir the soup and surreptitiously see Jamie's face.
"Can you give me an example of something that Phillip said that you messed up?"
"Okay, I guess I should start at the beginning, it'll be easier that way. If the soup is ready I can talk and eat at the same time."
"Sounds good to me; go sit down in the dining room and I'll bring the soup." Lee followed him with two bowls; he placed one in front of Jamie, and then sat down across the table from him.
"Last week Phillip's friend Tommy invited him to spend the whole weekend with him and his family. Tommy's family devotes one weekend a month to doing family stuff; instead of going their separate ways they do everything together. They play ball, see movies, go places; all kinds of good stuff. Phillip was happy to be invited to go along with them but then Tommy uninvited him," Jamie explained as he slowly stirred his soup around in the bowl.
"Why did Tommy take back his invitation?"
"Because of me. Tommy's mother told him that if he invited Phillip he had to invite me too because the whole point of having a family weekend is for families to do stuff together. Tommy didn't want to include me because I'm not as good at sports as they are and I'm boring. Phillip said it is my fault that he is missing out on a fun weekend; he thinks Tommy is right about me."
"Phillip knows better than to judge people based on their athletic abilities. He should also realize that you aren't boring; you and he just don't share as many of the same interests as you did when you were both younger. Phillip is disappointed about this weekend but he'll get over it; don't worry."
"If I only ruined this weekend it wouldn't be a big deal but he's right about me; no one wants to spend a lot of time around me. I drive people away…Phillip said I've been doing it my whole life…starting with our dad."
"That's ridiculous," Lee said more loudly than he intended.
"No, Phillip IS right. Mom, Dad and Phillip were happy until I came along. Dad decided to move to Africa after I was born."
"Your dad moved to Africa because he wanted to take the EAO job not because he didn't want to be around you. He loved you when you were a baby and he loves you now. I can't speak for him but I think he has come to regret leaving you all behind for so long." I can't believe I'm trying to explain the actions of the man who abandoned Amanda and two great boys in order to pursue his own dreams.
"Maybe you're right about Dad…he is trying to get to know us since he moved back." Lee started to relax as Jamie appeared to be reconsidering the reasons behind Joe's actions but then Jamie truly shocked him by asking, "What about you?"
"What about me," a wide eyed Lee asked.
"Phillip said that you and Mom would be married, or at least engaged, by now if I hadn't treated you so badly for so long. I don't know why I behaved the way I did. I've been feeling so many things that I don't understand, and I don't know who I can talk to about this kind of stuff. Please say that you'll give us a chance to be a whole family again; it would make Mom and Phillip and Grandma so happy."
"What about you," Lee repeated Jamie's earlier question to him. Jamie eyed Lee warily and Lee sensed that the boy was struggling to decide how open he wanted to be with him.
Jamie sighed deeply and replied," I'd be happy too. I don't know what it would be like to have a dad…step dad…around all the time but I think it would be good. I love my dad but he only comes around when he wants to and we mostly do the stuff that he wants to do. You spend a lot of time with us and you seem to care about our interests. Heck, you bought me the camera because you knew that I like photography. You're spending time with me while I use it even though you don't seem to…never mind." Jamie looked away from Lee, stopped pushing his soup around in the bowl and began eating it.
"I do enjoy spending time with you. I suspect that you believe that we don't have much in common but I think you'd be surprised by how alike we really are." I have to convince him that I'm as nervous and unsure about the future as he is. The only way that I can truly earn his trust is to be as open with him as he's just been with me. "Before I had dinner with your family for the first time, did your mom tell you and Phillip that there were certain questions that you shouldn't ask me?" Jamie looked at him for a long moment and then quickly took another spoonful of soup so Lee continued speaking. "She told you both not to ask me about my family or my childhood."
"How'd you know," Jamie asked as he once again made eye contact with Lee.
"I didn't know for sure but I suspected; your mom knows that I'm not comfortable talking about the loss of my parents and my unconventional childhood. You said that you don't know what it would be like to have a stepfather…I don't know what it's like to be part of a normal family. It's a kind of scary prospect…I love your family but I don't know if I'd really fit in."
"You love all of us," Jamie asked quietly.
"Yes, Jamie, I love you all but I'm new at this family stuff and I don't want to mess things up either. I guess we're in the same boat."
"If we're in the same boat and we're rowing in the same direction then I think that we'll make it to the shore without any trouble." Jamie finally allowed himself to believe that he wasn't responsible for any of the things that Phillip had blamed on him.
Lee smiled warmly at Jamie and asked," Are you sure you're only eleven years old?"
"Yup, I won't be twelve until November, why do you ask?"
"You suddenly seem much older... to be honest I think we both did some growing up tonight." They looked at each other for a long moment until they both felt the need to lighten the mood so Lee said," What's left of my soup has gotten cold again and I may have burned the egg rolls so are you ready to move on to the main course?"
"More than ready; I'm starving. Can we eat slowly…I'm in no rush to get home. I think that Mom is going to ground me until I'm old enough to leave for college," Jamie said half seriously.
"I don't think it'll be as bad as you think. I'll try to convince your mom that sometimes a guy just has to do something risky if he's doing it for a good reason." With any luck at all Amanda will understand why Jamie came here alone and why I spoke to him about our future as a family without clearing it with her first. Who am I kidding? We're both in big trouble!
