Remember Edward and Bella belong to Stephanie Meyer

Edward and The Rocking Chair

This is section is just before they get involved. He is overcome with emotion and is motivated to act on his feelings.

I sit on her chair while I watch her sleep. I ask myself what is love. The overall meaning of love is to have deep affection, a sexual desire, and the act of sexual intercourse itself. Well lovemaking for us is out. But I can spend the rest of my time with her chastely enveloped by my lust. To be in her presence is intoxicating.

I feel familiar love as well - I would share my family life with her - if only we were human so I could offer her more. I feel an overwhelming need to protect - when I am away I become angst. If I was human - I would be queasy.

As I hear parts of her interactions with her parents - I am angered by their self-centeredness towards her. She is like the parent and they are like her children stricken with wanderlust. Ugh - silly humans. I am further saddened that Carlisle and Esme my adoptive parents and parents in the most important ways would have put her first. If I brought her to them as my mate - they would nurture her and help her finalize her growth into a marvelous woman. My family well aware of my feelings for her looks forward to meeting her. My mother wants to make her meals when she heard her parents have her cook and clean for them. My sister want to buy her clothes when she heard Bella works for her own stuff. Ugh again.

I yearn to provide for her as a man provides for his family. But I cannot give her children. The only thing I can give her is an extended family. I can show her the world in style and allow her to study in the finest universities in the world but she would not have the seem experience if she were my mate as she would if she went out with Mike Newton. As vampires we look like humans but we are ALWAYS on the outside looking in. Humans instinctively know we are different - something vile and unnatural. Yet I dream of changing her so I Can keep her forever. Ugh - I am so selfish. I offer nothing yet I am overcome with yearning for this human girl. I am not able to turn my back as I should. I arrogantly see what I can offer and try and convince myself she needs my protection - which I can give well. That she needs me to fund her college education. That I will never leave her unlike the Mike Newtons who might be unfaithful and then leave her heart broken. That I will always love her as she is and I will always be true to her. Our love would never change. But my love for her is indefensible. I am cold, hard, and unnatural. Yet my dead heart feels like it is restarting when she speaks my name in her sleep and my arms yearn to hold her. In my arms she would always be on the outside looking in. If only I were human and could love her and build a life with her as a man would. To grow our babies in her womb, to see the beautiful changes in her while she is with child - my child. To travel with her in the sunshine and not in darkness. To eat with her and wake up beside her. Even though I cannot give her this - my selfish heart yearns for her. Especially when she tells me she loves me in her sleep. The agony and bliss of it all.