Rating: PG

Pairing: MerlinEmrys/ArthurPendragon

Rights: Merlin and co are owned by the BBC, and not me… sadly.

The next morning, Merlin crept into Arthur's chambers far earlier than usual. He intended to do his chores and get out before Arthur woke up. He didn't want to have the awkward confrontation with Arthur. He didn't want to explain himself. He regretted what he'd done, but he couldn't take it back. He wasn't even sure he wanted to.

Merlin had come to grips with the fact that Arthur was going to leave him. As soon as that crown was placed on Arthur's head. The king would have to produce an heir. He couldn't run around in the shadows with his servant, kissing and touching but never being anything more. Merlin needed more. And he was trying to find more in other people.

That didn't mean that it hurt less when he walked into Arthur's chambers to see Arthur curled up in a ball on his bed, clutching his pillow to his chest like his life depended on it being there. Merlin didn't fail to notice that, tight in one of Arthur's hands, was a stone that he and Merlin had found months before by the river. They'd gone there to be alone, and Merlin had found a perfectly smooth, grey stone. There was nothing special about it, he just liked it. He'd shown it to Arthur and Arthur had laughed at him. Merlin had said he didn't care what Arthur thought, and that he wanted Arthur to keep the perfect rock. Arthur had smiled and taken it, running down to the rocky beach, searching for his own rock. He explained that if he got that one, then Merlin should have a rock that stood out to Arthur. Merlin could picture his own stone, sitting in his night table drawer. It was jagged and red with small elemental sparkles in it. It was beautiful, but in a totally different way than the rock Arthur clutched so desperately.

Merlin shook his head. Memories would do him no good. He cleaned Arthur's chambers and stoked his fire, ducking from the room before Arthur awoke. He'd have to see Arthur at the feast later that evening, but he wouldn't have to be alone with him.

~*~

Arthur was drunk. Sloshed. Hammered. Pissed.

Every time his goblet was filled, he would down it immediately and call for another.

"Perhaps you've had enough," Morgana said, heading to the prince.

"I know I haven't," Arthur snapped drunkenly. "I still remember."

"Remember what?" Morgana asked.

"Merlin," Arthur slurred, pointing at his servant, as Merlin refilled Lancelot's goblet. "Stupid bloody perfect Merlin. Goes around breaking people's hearts."

"Arthur," Morgana said, glancing at King Uther with seriousness in her voice, "this is not the place to talk about this." She'd had her suspicions that the two of them were together, and Arthur's drunken and heartbroken mumblings confirmed it. But she didn't want the King to hear. The execution bells would be ringing before sun up.

"Nowhere is," Arthur whimpered. "cause it's all wrong. What the hell kind of prince get his heart broken by a servant? By a… by Merlin?"

"I don't know Arthur," Morgana said. "You've had enough. I'm taking you back to your chambers."

"I don't want to go there…" Arthur whimpered. "my bed's so empty…"

"You're drunk, Arthur," Morgana said. "Come with me. You're lucky Uther hasn't noticed you yet."

"Oh don't worry, Uther never notices me," Arthur said, giggling. Morgana rolled her eyes and slowly dragged him from the feast and to his chambers.

"Why are you being nice?" Arthur asked, as Morgana sat him on his bed.

"Because you're obviously depressed," Morgana replied, sitting beside him. "Do you want to talk about it? We're away from prying eyes… you can tell me what's happened between you two."

"Not much to tell," Arthur grumbled, laying back and sighing, "I'm a stupid, idiotic, prat. And because I'm so bloody awful to Merlin, he's gone off and decided he'd rather be with a knight! Who'd want to be with me? I sure wouldn't…"

"Which knight?" Morgana asked.

"As if you don't know…" Arthur laughed.

"I don't. Who is it?"

"Lancelot. Fantastic, brilliant, handsome Lancelot!" Arthur choked. "With his stupid brown hair and his niceness. Oh, I'm Lancelot, I'm so bloody nice to everyone!"

"Did Lancelot know you and Merlin were-"

"No, but whose side are you on?" Arthur slurred. "Doesn't make sense to me. I thought he was the one, ya know? The one. I thought he was gonna be my big, stupid, gorgeous happy ending. With his big ears and his stupid smile. I thought he was the one… my life means nothing now…"

"Yes it does, Arthur," Morgana said, "you're going to be king. A great king. Truly. I know it."

"How can I be a great king, if I'm empty inside?" Arthur asked. His sheer drunken innocence broke Morgana's heart.

"The people of Albion will fill your heart," she said, "and you'll someone to love."

"No! I don't want anyone but him!" Arthur snapped.

"You should get some sleep, Arthur," Morgana said, gently. She helped him change and tucked him in, kissing him on the forehead and blowing out his bedside candle.

"Night, Morgana," he whimpered into the dark.

"Goodnight, Arthur Pendragon."

~*~