Oddly enough, Emily Prentiss had never been scared of being a hostage. She saw every day in her line of work for the FBI how short and precious life was, and the horrible things human beings could do to others. Her point of view on the subject had always been 'that is them, not me', but looking back she should have known better. She was always armed, and trained in self-defense. Nothing could touch her. It was as if she lived in a perfect plastic bubble, and the outside world was just that. Outside. Besides, if something were to happen to her, her team was always there to have her back.
She had never planned on her secure bubble being popped on a routine examination.
It was a religious society, and it was not the first complaint against their leader for sex with underage children. The FBI had only been called in because of the alleged weapons stash; but come on, it was a church! Emily didn't expect much, and the fact that they had sent her with Reid told her no one else did either.
Maybe they needed to look again.
As she was ushered through the cramped tunnel with a gun at her back, she had fought hard to stay calm and think straight. For all she had practiced at home and prided herself on, it was nothing compared to this. The realization that the last thing she had said to her team was 'be right back' weighed on her mind and taunted her as all the women and children were crowded into the underground room beneath the church. There were now several bulky men with machine guns that Emily could see, and she could hear the shooting from above her. Reid could hear it too; she could tell be his constant flinching and the panicked look on his young face. It wasn't the first time he had been taken hostage, and the last time he had been ruthlessly tortured. As a matter of fact, now that she thought about it, that too had also been inflicted by a religious psychopath.
She remembered making a mental note never to enter another church with Spencer Reid.
But the rest of it had gone by in a rush. Even the beating she had endured to save Reid from another torture hadn't been so bad. She had made sure to let the team, whom she knew was listening, know she was just fine. She was a big girl, she could handle it. It did hurt like hell, though. A moment of irony came to her when she imagined asking Hotch to "kiss it better". Another blow to her ribs jolted that thought away and she cried out in an involuntary rush of pain. There were a couple rough hits to her delicate face, and some strong kicks to her stomach and sides. She prayed over the crunching of her ribs that they wouldn't be in here much longer, and that everyone except the bastard beating her would make it out in one piece.
Ha.
She should have known it wouldn't work out so easily.
Looking back, Rossi had played his part well. She hadn't seen it in him, having made a conscious effort not to profile her team members. But now looking closer at him, she should have seen the potential. He had done it before, and several times at that, no? Her respect for him rose greatly that day, and she hoped she would get a chance to formally thank him. Morgan's phrasing of her situation had, quite frankly, unsettled her.
"You have now been the antelope."
But Hotch was her main concern.
He was pulling himself farther and farther away, and it was just subtle enough to not notice if you weren't already watching. Instead of talking to his colleagues on the plane, he would stare out the window with his jaw set, obviously in deep concentration on something above their level. It upset Emily to think he didn't trust them enough to confide in them. She hoped that wasn't the case. She wanted so badly just to go over to him and say something about it, but she was sure her comments weren't welcome. Besides, she needed to talk to Reid first. She kept it brief, and while she had meant every word, her mind was in another place. She was dedicated to her job, but she had always put her friends and family first. Now was no exception. Excusing herself from the cramped table with a smile, she zoned in on her supervisor and headed toward his location in the back of the plane. Her swollen eye distorted distance slightly, but she was still able to place herself in the chair before him and smile through her bruised face.
"Hey."
He looked up at her, seeming to take a moment to zone in on her face. He tilted his head slightly, squinting his eyes in that way that made her smile when she was alone. For now, though, she just tilted her head back at him and waited for his answer. When it didn't come, she felt compelled to break the silence. It felt almost like he was profiling her, and she hated it.
"What's wrong?"
She couldn't help but notice how his eyes zoned in on her lips, following their movement as she shaped her words. She recalled in a brief but clear moment how he had done so ever since the explosion, and how Rossi had mentioned he had been in excruciating pain when a gun fired next to him. She had seen him knelt over, groaning and cradling his face, but she hadn't had time to think anything of it until now. She had told herself it was just a byproduct of the explosion, and it was temporary. It hit her with a sudden force that it was possible that he really couldn't hear her, and the bottom dropped from her world. The edges of her vision faded to black, and for a second all she could see was him. The realization was coursing through her, and she was in absolute shock that he would hide something like this from them. She was well aware he no longer had his wife and child to go home to every night, but the team was like his family. They deserved to know. The moment was broken when he thrust his chin up slightly and answered her, albeit belatedly.
"Nothing." He sped on, changing the subject quickly. "You took quite a beating today."
Emily nodded, trying to smile through her shock. Deciding it was better if she kept her knowledge to herself for now, she laughed slightly. "It really is worse than it looks." Almost subconsciously she touched her fingertips to her cheek, determined to show him she was fine. She winced, and then flinched again when she realized he had seen her. It was still tender, but she had felt worse.
"You know, Emily, you don't have to be strong around us."
The way he said her given name made goosebumps rise on her flesh. It really shouldn't have, and she told herself that sternly. Her mental rebuttal was that he had only recently ceased to call her Agent Prentiss, and the new lapse in formality was pleasing to her in that forbidden fruit way. Noticing he still watched her lips, she made sure to speak slower and more precisely. She prayed he wouldn't notice what she was doing; she didn't think he was ready for anyone to know just yet.
"I know."
He nodded, staring at her for a few extra seconds before turning his gaze back to the stars gliding by outside the window. Emily pushed herself to her feet, having assumed correctly that the conversation was over and it was her cue to leave. Her taped ribs made it hard to stand occasionally, and she had guessed they would. The bandages were stiff, and she had been told to avoid putting pressure on them, which included heavy movements. She rubbed them discreetly as she walked, heading toward the pullout beds in the back of the plane. Halfway there, however, she was stopped by a matter-of-fact voice that was wrapped in casualty.
"Did you notice too?"
She stopped, trying to see Rossi's face through the paper he was reading. He hadn't even looked at her when he spoke, but somehow she could feel his comment was directed toward her. After all; Reid was reading, Morgan was blocking out all sound with his headphones, and Hotch was in some faraway land trying to cope with something currently beyond her comprehension. She slowly walked toward him, settling herself gingerly on the leather seat beside him, wincing when the tape pulled at her swollen side. He folded the newspaper and set it in his lap, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. She feigned ignorance, knowing he could see through her but wondering if he really meant to start this conversation.
"Notice what?"
"He's losing it, Emily."
She gave herself away by letting her eyes flicker over to where she had just come from, and she hoped her longing didn't show through her brown orbs. Snapping them back to Rossi right in front of her, his sad smile told her she had been profiled. She was glad Rossi could keep a secret. It felt wrong, somehow, to be in love with someone so out of your reach. So forbidden. Rossi had spent the most time with Hotch after the explosion, and she realized in a sudden rush that he could know something vital to her. At that moment, she felt that understanding Hotch was like breathing. Stretching out on a thin limb, she grasped for straws.
"How bad is it?"
"Enough. He shouldn't be here, and he knows it. He doesn't want to be home alone."
Emily nodded, the feeling understandable. It was nice to be able to clamp on to something she could digest. If Rossi knew, then Reid and Morgan would eventually notice. They all appreciated Hotch and the things he did for them, but how would they react to knowing their boss couldn't lead them? Morgan was the most likely to rebel, and for a moment Emily allowed herself to hate him for it. But she knew somewhere in her that when the moment came, she would want a change too. Several good things could come from Hotch leaving. For one, the man sorely needed a break from the everyday horrors. Two, he could regroup and reconsider his life. Prioritize things. Three...he would no longer be her supervisor, and therefore be a little closer to her outstretched arms. Her mind was drifting far beyond here and now, so she pulled herself back with a mumbled word to the man who had just confirmed her fears.
"Thanks." It was the only way she could think of to end an awkward conversation, and since he went back to his paper he must have accepted it. She felt numb as she made her way to the back of the plane and pulled out a bed, lying down but not sleeping for several hours after the lights had gone out. She felt lucky it was a long flight.
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A/N- Sorry the story is moving so slowly, all. Thank you for the great reviews, and I hope you continue to enjoy it. I promise there are some extra H/E moments coming up, where they won't be surrounded by the team. ;)
