Made in Canada
"What is a scrunchie?" Rodney frowned.
Jen reached up behind her head and yanked out her pony tail, letting her hair fall down around her shoulders. She held the oversized hair elastic out to Rodney.
"Ew!" He snatched his hand back. "What's that for?"
"It's a scrunchie." Jen smiled and dropped the item into the duffel bag. She grabbed her pen and crossed it off the list.
"You are Canadian." Radek shook his head at Rodney. "How can you not have something that was made in Canada?"
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well I'm sorry that our trading partners see fit to import everything from China."
"What about your Tim Hortons mug?" Radek suggested.
"Taiwan." Rodney muttered.
"You know…" Jen looked up from the list. "Technically… you are made in Canada?"
Rodney blinked, tilted his head, then puffed out his chest. "Yes. Yes I am."
"Do you think that will work?" Radek looked hopefully between the two of them.
"I don't see why not." Jen shrugged. "It's vague enough, and these things are supposed to be interpretable. We just have to justify our reasoning."
"All right then!" Radek happily crossed "made in Canada" off the list.
Evan stepped into the room. He was grinning, despite a stiff limp as he moved forward, favoring his left leg.
"Major?" Jen stepped towards him, instantly concerned. "Are you okay?"
"Yup." He grinned. "Perfect, actually!" He fumbled with his belt.
Rodney muttered something unintelligible and Zelenka looked as confused as Jen felt when Evan stuck his hand inside his pants.
The Major grinned maniacally and slowly withdrew a golf club.
"One nine iron." He said with a flourish as he dropped the club next to the duffle bag. "I saw Kavanagh sniffing around the supply room. Didn't want him to see me leaving with it."
"Kavanagh." Radek spit, then launched into a string of muttered curses in Czech.
"So you inconspicuously stuffed a golf club down your pants?" Rodney shook his head. "I don't want to know."
"You know," Radek removed his glasses to clean the lenses. "You keep saying that."
"Saying what?"
"That you don't want to know." He seated the glasses back over the bridge of his nose.
"Well I don't want to know how he managed to sneak a golf club down his pants," Rodney rolled his eyes. "And I don't want to know how you got Dr. Goerman to give up his toupee, either. And I most certainly don't want to know that Keller's idea of a good book has to do with half naked pirates with unreal pectoral muscles and buxom blondes who can't keep their underwear on."
"Rodney!" Jen backhanded him across the chest, feeling the heat rising into her cheeks.
"Oh please," McKay rolled his eyes. There's only four of us here, and unless Lorne or Radek here are secretly hiding a love of trashy romance novels, that book definitely belongs to you."
"Not me." Evan quickly added, clearing his throat.
"Nor I!" Radek looked horrified at the thought.
"I… I borrowed it!" Jen looked quickly between the three men.
"Doubtful." Rodney made a knowing face.
"It goes to well with the fishnets." Zelenka added with a laugh.
"Fishnets, Doc?" Evan raised an eyebrow.
"Okay those were definitely not mine!" Jen stammered.
"Does Ronon know you read this kind of material?" Radek grinned at the picture on the cover of the book he'd removed from the duffel bag. He tossed the book at Rodney when she dove for it.
"Better yet does he know about the fishnets?" Evan added.
"Don't be childish!" Jen muttered, scrambling for Rodney, who tossed the book to Evan.
"You know, this guy does look a lot like him." Evan laughed, holding up the book and pointing at the half-clothed hero on the front cover.
"Oh. My. God!" Jen muttered, snatching the book away from a laughing Evan and dropping it back into the duffel bag. "You're nothing but immature children."
"You're the one who brought the book." Rodney said innocently.
"Well at least I can read without visual enhancements, Mr. Fly vs. Fly!"
"I'll have you know Mad Magazine is a childhood icon." Rodney crossed his arms and frowned.
"It's the fact that you actually brought one all the way to another galaxy that surprises me most." Jen smiled.
"I brought a lot of things with me." Rodney argued.
"I especially like the red flannel long-johns you contributed." Radek nodded with a huge grin.
"And this coming from the man with pigeon pajamas." Rodney countered.
"Okay now that's just being petty." Radek frowned.
"All right, boys… and girl." Lorne interrupted loudly. "Perhaps we should get down to business?"
"Oooh, is this what I think it is?" Jen taunted the Major, waving a small neon-green packet.
Evan quickly reached for it but Jen held her hand away. Zelenka grabbed the tiny foil package. "Lemon-lime Flavored condom. Ribbed for her pleasure."
Evan, face flushing, snatched it back and tossed it into the bag.
"I never said it was mine."
"Right." Rodney nodded. "Like Keller's book."
"Rodney!" Jen exclaimed.
"And the stockings." Radek added with a grin.
"Okay!" Evan drew the word out, drawing everyone's attention. "We only have two hours left, folks, and I really want that furlough."
Zelenka read off the remaining items. "Fresh sea water, something specifically from Pegasus, Gumby or Pokey, a concert ticket, a pie, a Wraith stunner, and the Colonel's socks."
"Why does it have to be water from the north-east pier? Can't we just use any water? I mean, who's going to know?" Evan looked up.
"Can't." Rodney shook his head. "The water off that end of the pier is teeming with micro-organisms that glow neon-green."
"It would be far too noticeable." Zelenka added.
"Right." Evan nodded, and glanced at Jen, who shrugged. He checked his watch. "The trip to the north-east pier is at least thirty minutes, there and back, at a full run."
"Don't look at me!" Rodney looked marginally pained.
Radek rolled his eyes and Jen laughed.
"Don't worry, McKay." Evan grinned. "I wouldn't want you to have a heart attack."
"I'm in perfect health." McKay muttered. "For my frame."
"So Evan will get the water. That leaves the three of us to get something specifically from Pegasus, a Gumby or Pokey, someone's concert ticket, a pie, a Wraith stunner, and Sheppard's socks."
"You know… I'm not really sure we should be digging out Wraith stunners." Evan shook his head. "And why that's even on the list in the first place is beyond me. Those things are heavily guarded and require a direct order to remove from the armory. No one should-"
He was cut off with a soft thud as Rodney set a Wraith stunner onto the table.
"Uh, McKay?" Evan raised an eyebrow.
"What?" Rodney crossed his arms and raised his chin in challenge.
"Never mind." Evan shook his head and shrugged. "Now I don't want to know."
