A/N: My mind went to a strange place.

….

For The Art!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: Worm was created by Wildbow.

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"All right," Director Piggot said, looking somehow more serious than usual, with an added air of 'I miss my kidneys, GOD I WISH I COULD DRINK' that went beyond what could be expected from being in the same chain of command as Assault. "We have an incoming situation. According to our latest tracking intelligence, and the latest updates on social networking sites and PHO, the Nein are on a recruiting drive, with Brockton Bay as their likely destination."

"Yes!" Clockblocker and Assault chorused, exchanging grins and likely wishing the table wasn't between them so they could exchange high fives as Vista and Battery exchanged looks of mutual commiseration and dealt with their respective idiots.

The aura of needing a drink intensified. "This is serious you two. The Nein are wanted criminals with a long list of offenses and charges to heir name."

Assault snorted. "I really don't get how they'd charge Bonesaw with medical fraud. It's not like she's even pretending to be a doctor. And people come to her. Any crimes are self-inflicted."

"That's not up to us to judge," Piggot snapped. "Regardless, if they're coming here, we need to be prepared. I want all hands on deck for this. Until we're sure the Nein are out of the city, all leaves are cancelled and everyone is on call."

There were resigned groans, though for once Clockblocker and Assault weren't among them.

"Why do you look so suspiciously happy about this?" Mona Lisa, the newest Ward, asked Clockblocker.

Vista let out a disgusted sound. "The Siberian, why else?"

Ah. The world's second most famous nudist after the Simurgh. Of course. Both Assault and Clockblocker just grinned wider.

"According to our analysts," Armsmaster said, "Brockton Bay has several likely parahumans the Nein would be interested in targeting." He touched a control and the display flickered with a new image. Mona Lisa saw her own picture, first and foremost. "Among the Wards, Mona Lisa would fit their theme. Her ability to reproportion objects to be more in line with the so-called Golden Ratio would be highly sought after to support the Nein's members, particularly since it isn't Manton-limited."

"No need to worry about that," Taylor, Mona Lisa, said. "If they ask, I fully intend to say no."

"While that might be the case Mona Lisa, if it turns out they're interested in you, we'd like to ask you to lure them into a situation where they could be arrested," Armsmaster said a bit stiffly. "I know it's a difficult thing to ask but in such a situation, you might be our best hope at finally bringing the Nein to justice."

"Are you still upset about that thing Jack Slash did of you and Dragon?" Assault said, grinning widely. "Oh, sorry, I mean 'Defiant' and 'Wyvern'."

"It's libel, pure and simple," Armsmaster said heatedly. "Dragon was very upset when she brought it to my attention. She kept quoting passages she seemed to find very distressing. I will not countenance such a baseless attack on our reputations."

"Stand down, Armsmaster," Piggot snapped. She privately admitted to surprise and exasperation herself. Really, that was his takeaway from what Jack Slash did? "Continue with the analysts' report."

Armsmaster did not 'hmph', but only just. The image flickered again. "Other potential candidates include the rogue Parian, Labyrinth from Faultline's crew, Kaiser, Bakuda, and Lung."

"Wait, Lung?" Taylor was surprised to hear the question raised by more than her, including the director.

If Armsmaster was the kind of man to shrug, he would have. "Apparently, he's an expert in fretwork art and cake decorating."

"Huh," Kid Win said the thought on many peoples' minds. "I was kind of thinking it would be... something else."

"What about Über and L33t?" Mona Lisa asked.

"What about them?" Armsmaster said.

"Well, they're technically performance artists..."

Armsmaster waved a negligent hand. "Our analysts have removed them from consideration. They all agree that videogames is not a legitimate form of art."

….

Über and L33t stared at the group in front of them, openmouthed.

"Oh my god," L33t said. "You're the Nein! Sir, I'm a huge fan of your work, I really am! Miss Bonesaw, I loved your Felyne work!"

"Well, it's always nice to meet a fan of more than the Siberians tits," Jack said jovially as he evaded a fond swat from said personage. "And you're Über and L33t."

"OH MY GOD, HE KNOWS OUR NAMES!"

Jack laughed. "Well, why should we? After all, you two are boys after our own heart. We've seen your videos, after all."

"Kill me now," L33T whimpered, horrified at the thought of his heroes having seen his failures.

"Relax kid, it's not so bad," Jack said reassuringly as he fiddled with a cheap hotel letter opener pen. "You're just getting in the game, finding your feet. But I can tell, you boys have spirit. You've got love for the art. Oh, some of those fuckers say videogames don't count, and that's shit. Full orchestra scores isn't art? And the writing...!" Jack wiped away a tear. "Damn, Aerith gets me every time. That's why we're here for you boys."

"Us?" Über finally managed to squeak.

Jack nodded. "As you can see, we're down a member right now, and Crawler wants to retire. That'll be two slots open. If you feel up to it, we'd love to have you two aboard, get some new stuff in, help you get some recognition for your genre. After all, the world's changing and that means people are makign up new art. You two could help give those arts legitimacy. And yeah, a little infamy." He grinned that twisted grin known the world over from a popular internet meme.

"We're in!" the two boys gasped, weak at the knees.

"Great! Welcome to the Arthaus Nein boys!"

….

- The End…

….

A/N: Meet... the Arthaus Nein! Complete with pretentious German name!

Siberian: a public exhibitionist who paints her body to make statements about the duality of light and darkness, the doppler affect, zebras, and the social construct that is the dichotomy of good and evil! Is wanted by the police for the corruption of minors (she doesn't choose her locations very well), and acts public lewdness and indecent exposure! It's for art, honest!

Bonesaw: her art is body modification. While for many that means piercings and tattoos, for Bonesaw that means looking like a unicorn, pony, catgirl and whatnot, whether for herself, other members of the Nein who volunteer to participate in her art exhibitions, and consenting members of the public who allow themselves to be turned into pony girls. Is beloved and deified by the furry community and is proportionately reviled for same. Helps fund the Nein by acting as a backalley cosmetic surgeon, giving boob jobs and other… extensions for a modest sum. The medical community and those people who peddle pop-up ads that promise pills to make you bigger hate her, and Hasbro has filed for copyright infringement.

Shatterbird: a glass sculptor and silicate artist, she usually announces the arrival of the Nein by causing the windows of a local skyscraper to develop hairline cracks and other strategic faults that when combined for erotic portraits and compositions depicting local capes in... uh, passionate embrace. Is wanted for numerous counts of vandalism and child pornography, as some of the capes depicted are Wards, even if they're not actually naked or doing anything lewd, apparently being portrayed in the same window counts.

Crawler: a founding member of the Nein with King (who specialized in Elvis impersonation, Elvis murals and general Elvishness), he was once a performance artist specializing in extreme physical challenges, but time and his constantly mutating body have taken their toll and removed the challenge from things, so he's considering retirement. Is mostly wanted for being an accessory to all the other members of the Nein.

Burnscar: largely an amateur, she's still finding her personal style, and to that end has tried wax sculpture (setting Chicago a little on fire, but at least this time it wasn't Myrddin), crop circle art (set some parts of Kansas on fire), cooking (gave the Nein heartburn and was banned from the kitchen), firedancing (so far, the macarena and the robot), and juggling (surprisingly good at it). Wanted, of course, for several counts of arson.

Mannequin: specializes in interior decorating, breaking into office building and giving their lobbies, public areas and employee areas a complete makeover, usually at the expense of the executive offices. Wanted for numerous counts of breaking and entering.

Hatchet Face: their driver, manager and in charge of merchandising and social media. The levelheaded person every group of artists needs to not starve to death. Like Crawler, is mostly wanted as an accessory, and driving a big rig without a license. Used to be Hero, now retired.

Jack Slash: the most infamous and longest-serving member of the Nein, Jack Slash specializes in parahuman erotic literature, usually homoerotic but not exclusively. Originally debuted on PHO with a popular Hero/Eidolon series that set many of the clichés of the pairing, before his account was banned due to explicit content. Over the years has racked up a staggering number of new accounts that have soon been subsequently banned. Is wanted by most members of the Protectorate on general principle, as well as charges of libel and child pornography due to graphic depictions of Wards.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.