Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and I never will.
Chapter 1: Bitter Welcome
EPOV
Are you okay?
I almost scoffed out loud at the question. I swallowed the spite that was threatening to come out so I gave Jasper a slight shrug instead and continued to stare outside my window. I heard him hesitate for a few seconds before leaving. I felt guilty for the way I treated him and the others but it was the excuse I used for not talking. All the talking usually led to one thing.
'Okay' was a word I despised. It was one of those modern words that I would never find myself use to describe how I was feeling. I was far from being okay. In fact, I hadn't been 'okay' for a long time. It had been decades since I'd felt 'okay.' Things had never been 'okay' since that day. I brought my knees up close to my chest and put my arms around them.
I gave out a deep sigh.
I was sick of the word. They would always ask 'are you okay?' or say 'things are gonna be okay' but they all knew that I never would be. Never again. Not without her.
"Don't be so hard on him, Edward" Alice said as she knelt down beside me.
You know he's just concerned about you. He knows very well how hard this is for you... He still blames himself for everything after all this time. Alice said in her thoughts.
I felt her finger brushed against my hair trying to put the strays on the side.
I shook my head at the thought she directed at me. I turned to look at my sister in the eye.
"It was never his fault. He should know that by now. I never blamed him. It was all me. I should've -"
Alice cut me off as she put a finger on my lips and she shook her head.
"Don't even finish that sentence. There are a lot of should've beens or would've beens Edward but no one can do anything about it anymore. The decisions we make leads us to where we are right now"
"You're right. I -"
"No. I'm not blaming you for any of it and neither should you. Yes, it was a bad decision but that's what it was. A decision. All I'm saying is that there's no point in looking back and contemplate on the "should'ves or would'ves" because even though you can say it a million times, nothing will change. All you can do now is move forward, try making things better and I'm telling you now that ending your existence is not the answer. Do you think Bella would've wanted that?"
I didn't answer her. I didn't know how to. As much as I wanted to "move forward and make things better," I couldn't. Everybody was better off without me. I wrapped my arms tighter around my knees and let my cheek rest on my knee looking away from Alice.
Bella wouldn't have wanted that. She didn't want anyone hurting me but I hurt her in the most brutal way. It didn't matter what everyone else said. It was all my fault. Maybe this was some sort of punishment. I was in my own hell as I walk through purgatory alone. I deserved all this pain and much more after what I put all my love ones into. But knowing I was in pain puts them in pain. If they could only let me go then I wouldn't be holding the down so much. I had already caused my family to break apart once, I didn't want it to happen again. I felt the guilt slowly consume me as I thought of the past years. Why couldn't they understand that I didn't want them to be in any form of pain anymore? Why couldn't they just let me go?
But, was it fair for me to put my family in the same kind of pain? I knew I was hurting them with the way I was but if I left, I would put them in much more pain. It was the only nagging thought in my head that made me agree to come back to Forks. I knew that any plans of leaving where being watched carefully so there was really no point of even trying. Snap decisions don't work anymore. I almost came close once but they still caught me. I was acting like a coward, running away from my problems but I was so confused. What can I do? I don't want my family to be in pain because of me anymore but whatever I do I knew that I would end up hurting them either way.
I sighed again and tried to push the thoughts away.
It had been almost a century but it felt like time didn't really move. Sometimes, I wish I could still hold her, hear her heart beat and smell her beautiful scent. But all I had was a memory of her face, perfectly etched in my mind. The memory of her face wasn't good enough. But I knew what I did. I lost my chance at forever since that day.
"Edward?" Alice called softly.
I turned my head slightly in her direction. The look on her face broke my heart. I felt the pain shoot down my torso as I tried to reign the . If she was able to cry, I knew she would've been crying already.
"I'm sorry" I whispered and reached out an arm for her. She closed the distance between us as she wrapped her arms around me. She shook her head as she held me there.
"Don't be... I miss her too" she said as she moved to look me in the eye.
I closed my eyes and gave her a nod. I couldn't stand to see the pain I'd cause her when she lost her best friend because of me. We held each other for a few more minutes then Alice pulled away.
"Are you coming with us?" she asked.
"I'm not ready yet" I whispered as I shook my head softly.
Alice nodded her head in understanding then she got up. She tapped her chin lightly and gave me a soft smile.
"The weather is good enough for a walk... Or a run" she paused and gave me a look.
"Enjoy" She smiled brightly before leaving me on my own again.
I felt the corner of my lips twitch. It means they were giving me free reign but I also knew that somebody would be there with me in an instant the moment I make my escape.
I sighed.
No, there would be no escaping today.
I was back home.
Well, almost.
I decided to take up Alice on her suggestion. It was rare for me to go outside the house without someone tagging along. After a few of my escapades, the family decided that somebody must be with me every time I had to go out. That, of course, included hunting. How they managed to watch my every move was beyond me. But, this, this meant that they were starting to trust me again. Something I'd lost over the years. I didn't want to lose it again. Maybe this way, I could lessen their pain.
I ran halfway through and decided to hike the rest of the way. I only had one place to go to. The only place I ever felt at peace.
Our meadow.
It had been decades but a day never passes without me thinking of the memories that the place held. The summer before that dreadful day was the best months of my existence. We spent most of that time in the meadow just talking and holding each other. I just hoped she lived the rest of her life to the fullest and that she forgot the pain that I'd caused her. After all, human memories fade with time, right?
The return to Forks was unavoidable Alice had a vision of Bella's gravestone but she couldn't see it properly. Her name could be seen clearly but the year was blurred out. There was something strange about it but despite the situation, the entire family wanted to say a proper goodbye, including Rosalie. The hostility she felt towards Bella disappeared throughout the years thinking that I finally came to my senses and that it was for everybody's good. And I agreed with her. It was for the best, especially Bella's. I just hoped she found happiness somehow.
I continued to walk at a human pace. I wasn't slow but I wasn't fast either. I took in the familiarity of the place as I walked. I was trying my best not to think of the pain. I had too much of that today already. I wanted to remember the good times for now. Just for a little bit even though I didn't deserve it. The pain was always present but I learned to numb it down for Jasper's sake. He couldn't stand to be near me but he always tried. I could still feel the guilt he felt towards what happened but I told him time and time again that it wasn't his fault. He thought that maybe if he could try to lessen my pain or share my pain that he could lessen that guilt. I was probably too hard on him these past few weeks but I would find a way to make it up to him somehow.
I felt the corner of my lips twitch as I rounded a familiar tree that had fallen down. It was covered in moss just like it had been. I remembered the warmth that was Bella when I had to hold her closely so she wouldn't trip on the "invisible" roots. Just the memory of this place was enough to bring a smile on my face. Was it really right for me to be happy? Even for a short moment? I didn't have any right to be but for the sake of my family. I would. Even for a little bit. After all, I didn't know how long I was going to stay around.
I was enjoying my quiet walk when a familiar scent assaulted my senses. My lips curled back as I inhaled the familiar scent of freesias. The mere memory of her scent was enough for my body to act upon instinct. The scent was so strong that I had the urge to follow it. There was a certain familiarity to it but it was different at the same time.
I ran at a human pace, trying to delay the inevitable. I already know where the scent would lead me but I didn't know what to expect.
My mind was probably playing tricks on me.
My insides were battling with each other. One side was hopeful while the other was being realistic.
I pushed back the monster that was trying to break free. I tried my best to control my instincts as I continued my path. I convinced myself that it was impossible.
Alice saw the gravestone and I saw it in her thoughts. Besides, there weren't any sounds that pointed to any humans in the immediate area and the scent didn't smell human at all. But I could never mistake that scent for anything else. There was a burning sensation in my throat but it wasn't bad as bad as I thought it would be. But the thirst was definitely there. I didn't understand it. Maybe it was just my memory playing tricks on me.
Before I could ponder any more thoughts, I was suddenly there. I stood at the edge of trees as I gazed over the meadow. I was anxious and curious at the same time. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath before walking into the beautiful meadow.
I opened my eyes and I took in the sight of the meadow. It was the same yet so different. It was beautiful. More beautiful than I remembered. It looked like somebody had been taking care of it. The wild flowers were there but planted right in the middle were soft white-colored freesias. It was surrounded by the wild flowers but what was disturbing was the different colored freesias that outlined the entire meadow. They were spread throughout.
Was this a cruel joke?
Somebody was taking care of this place. And whoever it was knew what they were doing.
They were mocking me.
I walked to the group of freesias at the middle of the field. I fell down on my knees as I brushed my fingers lightly on the petals. The strong scent of the flowers made my senses go into overdrive. It was everywhere. I cradled my head in my hands as I felt the familiar pain come back in full force. I closed my eyes in as I got lost in the memories. The happy ones mixed with the painful ones and I took the painful blow each time.
It was a bitter welcome but I knew I had to face it somehow. I let myself continue to suffer in silence before taking a deep breath that forced my muscles to relax. I opened my eyes and stared at the beautiful flower in front of me. I brushed my finger on its petals one more time before I slowly stood up.
There was a sudden shift in the air. The musky scent was so familiar and overpowering that I felt like throwing up. My head whipped at the direction of its source. Standing at the other side of the meadow was none other than Jacob Black.
Great cliff hanger, eh? I decided to post early than planned. I know the Prologue was short (but then again, that's why its the prologue) so hopefully this one will catch your attention this time round. Lots of mood swings in the coming chapters! Hopefully, you'll stick around.
BTW, I decided to give a treat to all those who reviewed/will review. I will send you a little snippet from the upcoming chapter. So if you want a little sneak peek, leave a review and let me know what you think about the story so far!
Thanks for reading!
