Who Needs Tomorrow?
Part Two
He took her keys and unlocked her door. She hadn't allowed him to really see her at her weakest since the days she lived across the hall from him and had regular panic attacks. He had been the one to pull her back from the brink then. He tried to help her again, when the cancer was ravaging her body, but she had been strong-willed and pushed him back most times. The days she didn't scared him to death, because she was too weak to even tell him off.
"You should put something on your hand," he said
"It's fine," she said, dismissing the need to look after her own injuries.
Sonny stepped inside but when he turned around she was sitting on the bench on the deck. He walked back out and let out a breath. "I'm...sorry about Jax. I know you cared a lot about the guy and this can't be easy..."
"No, it's not... that. Easy. No, it's not." Her words were hollow. "But what is, really?"
"Hey," he said softly. It was tone he hadn't used with her in years- filled with tenderness and devotion- and immediately he wondered if it had been a mistake because her eyes took on a lighter hue, under the moonlight, as unshed tears glistened in them.
Alexis blinked back her tears but held his gaze.
"It's gonna be okay," Sonny promised.
Alexis wrapped her arms around her waist, and Sonny could see she was crumpling in upon herself. Instead of rising to the occasion, like every time before, she had come to the day when the last straw was added to the weight on her shoulders. He couldn't bear to see this, but he wouldn't leave her either.
He would have to be a better man for her. It wouldn't be the first time he tried, but he could not fail her now- even if he had before.
Sonny moved to sit next to her. As he searched his mind for the right words to say that would allow her to let him in, she turned to face him.
The look on her face was pure need. He opened his arms and she fell into them, a second later she was sobbing, her tears soaking through his shirt and running onto his skin.
For long minutes, Sonny held Alexis tight as she raged at the world in short bursts of tear choked words, "It's wrong...Fuck...I can't stand this...Not anymore...he was young, healthy, he JOGGED,...he was good, Sonny,...I hate this.. Why did this happened...why, why, why..I don't want to need you...but...Sonny, he's dead...Jax is dead...Jax..." Her hand rose to stroke his hair and then she was murmuring into his ear "Make this stop hurting...please...I can't take this..."
He pulled back a little and looked right in her eyes. "You can take this. You can take anything. And you know that."
She tried to wipe away her tears but he took her hand and held it. Then his mouth moved to her face, slowly inching forward, till his lips were on her cheek. He moved to the other side and kissed that cheek too.
His eyes closed and his mouth found hers. She sucked in a shocked little breath and let it out with a whimper. Sonny hadn't meant anything more than comfort but when her hand squeezed his, so tight and desperate, he opened his mouth and gave in to the temptation he had fought off for too many years.
She pulled away first, giving him a look that said This won't change a thing.
And maybe it wouldn't. All Sonny knew was she needed him, and he had always needed to save her. Just once. To let her know he could, and he would, and that he remembered her saving him once.
(Why should we worry?
No one will care girl.
Look
at the stars so far away.
We've
got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe.
Why
don' t we stay? )
XXXXXXX
Alexis knew it was insanity to stand up and lead Sonny inside her darkened living room. There were one thousand reasons not to do it- and somewhere she had them all written down- but there was one very compelling reason she tugged him inside and then back to her bedroom. He could read her eyes.
He always had been able to. That made her crazy, cause he knew just what she felt for him at any given moment. Like tonight, Sonny knew she was about to disintegrate. That her faith in humankind was all but gone, that every bullet hole in Jax that was put there by an enemy of Jerry's was like a piece of her being plucked away. Sonny knew the ache that tormented her...
(Deep
in my soul, I've been so lonely
All of my hopes, fading away
I've
longed for love, like everyone else does
I know I'll keep
searching, after today)
...when she missed him, he knew. When she wanted him in inside of her, he knew. When she was furious and bitter and ready to be through with him, he knew. When she fell in love with him, he knew. He might pretend to not know, staying silent on the subject, but he knew. And tonight he knew she needed this. For him to be hers for a few hours, for him to make her feel the blood course through her veins, and gasp in unsteady breaths, and have his weight holding her down, keeping her from unraveling, making her remember who she really was and that she could survive anything.
She knew he would leave in the morning. He would go back to his life that she didn't understand. To his other women. To his lies that he was happy with his choices. She knew that come sunrise Sonny would not be hers anymore.
Normally, that would stop her in her tracks. She wouldn't unbutton his shirt, kiss his neck, turn around and let herself rest against him as his hands rose up to work her shirt from her skirt. Because the pain in the morning would be intense, and her self- protection instincts would say Its not worth it.
Tonight, it was worth it, though. It was the only thing she wanted, his hands cupping her breasts, finally coming home to her again.
She spun around and kissed him, as hard as she could, with an intensity that made him shiver.
Sonny said "Wait."
"No!" She kissed him again, and his mouth moved over hers in a way that made her start to believe he had wanted this as long as she had, that he needed just as much.
"Alexis..." he stumbled backward. "Okay, listen. I can't."
She shook her head in confusion. Her lips were swollen from his kisses, her body was wet for him already, waiting to feel him. He couldn't seriously be able to walk away from her now...but hadn't he easily done that before?
Questions filled her eyes and he stepped closer again, pulling her against his bare chest. "I won't take advantage of this...loss you suffered...I just want you to know I can hold you...I can hold you together like you have done for me...if you let me."
She swallowed. "That is what I am trying to do. Don't go getting noble on me now, Sonny."
He flashed her a smile full of dimples. "I know...crazy, huh? Me. Noble.Ha..."
A slow smiled came to her lips, she ran her hand up his chest and then used her thumb to stroke his bottom lip. "Duly noted that you could just hold me. Now...do more than that."
(I
know it's late, I know you're wearyI know your plans don't
include me
Still here we are,
both
of us lonely We've got tonight, who
needs tomorrow?
Both of us lonely
Let's make it last, let's find a way
Turn
off the light, come take my hand now
We've got tonight babe
Why
don't we stay?
We've got tonight babe
Why don't we stay?
)
( Bob Segar)
End of Part Two
( Okay, stop reading here unless you are into NC-17 love scenes. I am attempting to write my first one with the next part of this tale. Part Four, though, is PG- 13)
