Chapter Two

Tonberry Gets A Lesson or Two

Seifer slowly inched his way toward the cage, which held the captive Tonberry. With one distantly outstretched hand, he flipped the latch and backed up. Fujin and Raijin watched on the other side of the room. Fujin sitting cross-legged on Seifer's bed and Raijin drooling stupidly as a spider crawled up the wall.

The Tonberry pushed open the door to his cage, took a few steps outward and looked around blankly. Seifer watched its motions carefully but Fujin took it to a higher level by writing down a series of hypotheses on their behavior in a small notepad.

Seifer looked up and saw Raijin "drawing a blank" again, so he picked up a nearby shoe and hurled it at him. The sneaker bounced off his head producing a hollow knock, and then dropping to the floor. Raijin snapped out of his daze and turned around. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing, moron?! This is a very important step in the study! The creature is released into a new environment! Let's see how it reacts."

A sweat drop poured down the Tonberry's head. With an almost triumphant hoot, it bolted toward Raijin with its knife held up high.

Raijin yelped and darted away from it. A wild chase ensued as Raijin ran screaming around the room while the Tonberry waddled after him giving the occasional war cry.

"FASCINATING." Fujin beamed and took a few more notes. "It seems to enjoy making its prey insane with fear before striking it down."

Seifer sat down next to her creating a ripple across the bed that sent Fujin a few inches into the air then back down again. The weight on the waterbed seemingly set off a chain-reaction of electronic events in his room. The lights dimmed down, a disco ball lowered from the ceiling light, and the stereo turned on too Kenny-G.

Fujin looked around with a look of disgust on her face then turned to Seifer who was busy kicking the crap out of the sensor in the wall. "PERVERT."

"This thing has been buggy all week!"

The closet door then opened and a half-naked woman tumbled out, bound with rope and gagged with a sock. Seifer shrieked and ran to cover up the evidence, but the Tonberry stopped its chase of Raijin and wandered over to this new event. It pushed Seifer out of the way and dragged the woman into the closet. A few moments later, it came out again holding her severed head in its hand.

Seifer groaned and fell back against the wall. "I guess we can't housebreak it here. C'mon, we'll take it to the training center."

~*~Minutes later~*~

Seifer, Raijin and Fujin sat on a bench and watched as the Tonberry dragged the severed head of a T-Rexaur back to them. It dropped its trophy down in front of them and gave another victorious hoot.

"Umm...well, maybe we should start training it not to kill things, ya know?"

"No way! It's fuckin' cool! It's kinda like having a useful dog!"

"NEGATIVE, DANGEROUS."

"Oh, like you care ya damn cyclops."

"BASTARD!!" Fujin smacked Seifer upside of his head and he recoiled, growling angrily but resisted the urge to retaliate.

"Son-of-a...grr...I-I read somewhere that the first thing an owner should do with any new pet should be giving it a name. It helps it too identify with itself and its masters."

Raijin was terrified of the Tonberry who tilted its head curiously. "How about 'Killer,' ya know?"

"What kind of a dumbass name is 'Killer?' It'll hate us for the rest of its life!"

Fujin rubbed her chin and after a moment, snapped her fingers. "IDEA! NAME, DAVE!"

Seifer and Raijin looked at her awkwardly then Raijin burst into laughter. "Oh, yeah! I remember that, ya know?! Hey, Dave's not here, man. HAHAHA!!!"

"Well, why not just name it 'Chong?' "

"NEGATIVE! DAVE!"

"Naw! 'Killer' is the perfect name for it, ya know?"

"DAVE."


"Killer."

"DAVE!"

"Killer!"

"ASSHOLE! SILENT!"

"...Asshole, silent? What kind of a dumb name is that, ya know?"

Seifer silenced them both then leaned forward, studying the creature before him. He slowed his breathing, focusing on it. The Tonberry, in turn, leaned forward mimicking his movements. Seifer grinned and nodded. "Its name will be..." He purposely slowed his answer just to leave Fujin and Raijin in suspense. "...C'mon, drum roll."

Fujin gritted her teeth. "NEGATIVE! TELL!"

Raijin, though, started a drum roll. When he stopped, Seifer stood up, the tail of his trench coat billowed behind him. "Its name will be George W. Bush!"

Fujin fell to her knees and started to weep. "NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!"

"I like it, ya know?"

"CEASE! NAME, BERRY!"

Seifer and Raijin looked at the Tonberry and nodded. "Berry works."

Fujin wiped the tears away from behind her eye patch and walked toward the Tonberry, who looked up at her and tilted its head in a purely confused expression. "BERRY, TRICK. SPEAK."

Berry looked at her for a tense moment then barked.

"SUCCESS! TRAINING, COMPLETE!!"

"That wasn't shit, Fuj." Seifer walked next to her and they both kneeled down. Directly in its line of view was Fujin's chest and its eyes bulged out and a line of drool dripped from its mouth.

After a few moments of wondering what it was doing, Seifer figured it out and backed away laughing insanely. Fujin took another few seconds to get it, then gasped and stood up covering her chest. "EVERYWHERE, PERVERTS!"

"Hey, it has good taste, ya know?"

Fujin looked at Raijin with a look of pure malice in her face, then screamed and tackled him to the ground. She wrestled him to his back and began to thoroughly wail on his face until he was every possible shade of black and blue.

Seifer choked back the urge to continue laughing and kneeled down in front of Berry again. "Now Berry, I want you to roll over."

Berry kept an unwavering gaze toward Seifer for a moment before it gingerly set down its lantern, stabbed its knife into the ground then rolled over, being careful not to dirty up its robe.

"Very good, Berry!" Seifer fished a dog biscuit from his coat pocket and offered it to Berry. The Tonberry gave him a dirty look, snatched the treat from his hand and put it into its robe.

"Now, beg."

Berry reached into its robes and pulled out a fake white beard and a tin can. Once the beard was in place he sat down on the ground, put the cup next to its feet then took out harmonica and started playing the blues.

"Great!" He gave Berry another treat.

Berry put it into its can then returned the objects to its robe.

"Now, play dead."

Berry thought about that one for a moment then pulled its knife out of the ground and held it up above its head, threatening Seifer. With a confused stare and then a terrified understanding of the unfolding events, Seifer screamed and ran away swinging his arms above his head. Berry gave chase, signaling its war cry.

Fujin looked over her shoulder and upon not seeing Seifer, got up off of the bloody corpse of Raijin and wandered away in search. After a few minutes of meticulous exploration, Fujin came across Seifer watching Berry cleave up another T-Rexaur and smear its blood on its face like war paint.

He saw her coming and waved her over. "He seems easily distracted."

"SAVAGE."

"Naw, he's just not a people-person." He stood in silence for another few minutes then snapped his fingers. "I know, we'll teach him how to be kinder, but I don't want to take away his warrior spirit. Quistis is a psycho-bitch but is usually pretty nice. I'm sure she'll know how to solve this conundrum."

"KINKY SLUT."

"I'm told she only uses that whip for fighting."

Fujin giggled then shook her head. "NEGATIVE, BONDAGE."

Seifer shrugged then shouted toward the Tonberry who was not currently visible to either of them. "Hey Berry!"

The Tonberry poked his head out of the maimed T-Rexaur's throat, brushing some blood and entrails from its robe.

"C'mon, we're going for a walk."

Berry nodded and hopped out of its kill, then followed Seifer and Fujin as they walked back toward the exit.