Thought: I wanted to try a classroom one. Leaveeeeeeeee requests!


no point of view.


governare due
non mi mentono mai o nessuno altro


Logan tried to stay out of trouble, he really did. It was hard when your friends were James Diamond, Carlos Garcia and Kendall friggin Knight.

Their third grade teacher was Mr. Stuart. He wore tan slacks and a tie every day, carefully tucking in his shirt. Gel greased up the hair that was combed over trying to hide the balding on the aging teacher. He was your typical dork teacher. He wasn't cool, or funny and his lessons plainly sucked. However, he was dangerously stupid.

Well, okay, it wasn't that he was stupid, more like he was clueless. He was completely oblivious to the class, especially the four most trouble-making students he'd ever encountered. There was one day that Kendall and James played charades with each other from across the room; Mr. Stuart didn't catch on for like, three hours.

Carlos's record of, "Guess what?" "What?" "Chicken butt." was at an ultimate high. He'd gotten about, seven in one day, and each time, Mr. Stuart proceeded to explain that the eggs don't actually fall out of the chicken's butt, it just appears that way. The eggs came out of cloaca's, which is where the male chicken penis is hidden, and where the female vagina is, and that's how the eggs appear to come out of their ass.

Kendall was continually a smartass. One day, Mr. Stuart made the comment that "a picture is worth a thousand words." That very day, the kids were assigned a 1000 word essay. Instead of writing, Kendall drew him a picture. Mr. Stuart and all his obliviousness thought it was rather clever and gave him an A+.

James was always faking not knowing what was going on trying to delay the next lesson. He always had comments, and he always exaggeratingly made a point that he wanted to answer the question, and then answered with something stupid like "orange" or "buttercups." He rarely paid attention and always looked at himself in a hand mirror. He would sometimes shout random words during the lessons, and play it off as if he didn't say them. Mr. Stuart was teaching multiplication, saying, "There's a trick to the nine's-" and was interrupted with a "CHOW MEIN!"

Logan even had his fair share of causing mischief. There was one day, he had been running late and when he entered the class after the bell and Mr. Stuart firmly looked at him and said, "You're late." In a panic, Logan responded with, "The wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." ….he got away with it. There was one day the guys convinced him to turn his homework written in Spanish. …he got away with that, too.

As a whole, they were torture. They were constantly getting into things that they weren't supposed to touch; like the teacher's desk and supplies, and putting glue where they ought not put it. They sent notes around the class and once organized a chorus of "99 Bottles." Another time, they'd switched the dry erase markers with permanent ones. It took Mr. Stuart seven weeks to completely rid the permanent ink.

One day, they were messing around in the classroom after being forced to stay in for recess. It wasn't their fault the fire alarms went off and the firetrucks showed up. …okay, maybe it was, but taking away recess was cruel. Mr. Stuart had to step out to use the restroom, and the boys had ended up knocking over half of the white board.

"HOW DO WE FIX THIS?" Logan shrieked, not being able to handle the pressure.

"Relax, Loges!" Kendall shouted at his friend. "We can just…look it's like cardboard back here. We can just…staple it…"

"WE CAN'T STAPLE IT YOU MORON!" said Logan, starting to hyperventilate.

"Logan!" James shouted. "Calm the heck down would ya! Use you friggin brain and think of something! You're the genius!"

Logan's brain panicked and scanned for answers. Then, it hit him. He took the gum out of his mouth. "Quick! Gimme your gum and start chewing more!"

The boys obeyed, spitting their wads into Logan's hands and he slapped them against the fallen board. The guys started chewing, two, three pieces at a time, breaking them up, handing the genius pieces to stick all over the board.

Logan gagged at the thought of touching gum that had been in their mouths, but they were running out of time and the guys didn't know the precise placements of the wads that would make the whiteboard stay in place.

"Quick, help me put it in place," Logan said.

Kendall grabbed the board and James and Carlos followed in suit, putting it in place. Logan inspected, keeping his hands far from his face. "To the left a smidge," he mumbled, then helped them stick it tight, and Just as they were leaning against it to put pressure on it, Mr. Stuart walked in.

"…what's going on?" he questioned.

"…nothing," came the simultaneous supply of three of the four boys. Logan's sticky hands made him feel disgustingly sick to his stomach and he swore if he opened his mouth again, he'd throw up.

"Never lie to me, boys," he said, "never lie to me or anyone else. It's a disgusting habit."

Kendall laughed casually. "Us, lie? We're so honest.," he lied, glancing at Logan. "Dude…? Are you okay?"

Logan stopped leaning against the board and booked it for the bathroom, washing the disgusting stickiness off of his hands. He scrubbed for a good three minutes before his friends burst through the door. "Are you okay?"

"Don't. Ask. Me. That.," he said firmly through gritted teeth. "You just lied!"

"You lied, too, genius," said James.

"I'm aware!"

"It's okay, Logan," said Carlos, "Stuart has no idea what happened. He's an idiot, remember? He'll never even find out."

Logan rolled his eyes. "I'm not going down with this one, guys," he said, finally finishing washing his hands. "Do you remember how long I was grounded the last time Mr. Stuart called my dad? My dad's gonna flip!"

Kendall couldn't help but agree. "Yeah, and I really hate when he hits you."

Logan's cheeks reddened and he stormed angrily passed his friends mumbling, "let's just get back."

And when they retuned, recess was over and class was to resume. The boys took their seats and Kendall, Carlos and James couldn't help but watch their angry friend. Logan, however kept looking at the board, noticing it was slowly moving forward. The gum at the top was giving away.

Mr. Stuart didn't notice and kept teaching, writing notes of history on the side of the board that wasn't slipping or being held by gum. Then, he turned, stepping to the right, right below the board, and all too soon, the board smashed down onto their teacher's head.

Logan's heart plummeted, knowing for sure he was going to get it this time.

However, Mr. Stuart jumped up, with a big, doofy grin on his face.


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