I'm participating in the Harry Potter Last Author Standing Challenge on livejournal. Much to my amazement, I've managed to make it to round 6. This is week 1's challenge: We had to incorporate 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy,' which, for those who aren't familiar with it, is a show by which friends submit a 'helpless' guy friend for a complete makeover that includes teaching the subject to cook a fancy meal, new clothes, decorating the house, a new facial regime, etc... All of this is done by the 'Fab Five,' a group of gay men who are 'experts' in their fields.
Pairing: Hints of Harry/Ginny
Spoilers: post-DH
"According to his friends, Harry's hopeless," Carson began, eyes widening as they watched the video of Harry. He tsked. "What is he wearing?"
"He can cook," Ted offered.
"But, knows nothing about alcohol," Jai countered, ruining his happy grin.
"His hair is a disaster," Kyan commented.
"I can see why they called us," the last of the Fab Five said as they saw the inside of the house. Thom wasn't sure he could make it better. Sharing a look with each other, they smirked.
They all loved a challenge.
"Harry just needs a push in the right direction," Hermione earnestly said.
"The poor dear has such awful hair," Molly clucked. "He could neaten it, but he's refused."
"I would love to visit with his godson," Andromeda Black stated, looking regal. A rambunctious toddler sat in her arms, his hair cycling through different hues. "The house is a disaster! Teddy could get hurt."
"Uh…, Hermione and mum both say he needs some new clothes and stuff," Ron said, looking confused.
"Potter has a responsibility to his family name to look respectable," Minerva McGonagall stated, looking as stern as always.
"He is the Savior of the wizarding world and should look the part," Minister Shacklebolt said, shrugging.
The first inkling Harry had to any of this was when Kreacher announced that "dirty Mudbloods were in the front hall." Harry just sighed at the epitaph. Kreacher wouldn't change.
He wandered down and blinked in surprise. "Uh… hello?"
"Oh dear god! It's worse than I thought!" Carson exclaimed. He took a turn around Harry and shook his head. "I'm going to need hours with him."
Thom just whimpered. "How can I make this better?" he asked, pointing to the dark decor that made up the majority of Grimmauld Place. He started walking through the house. "Are those… house elf heads?"
"Harry! My name is Jai and we're Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." He went on to introduce a bewildered Harry to the rest of them and explained why they were here.
"Hermione organized this, didn't she?" Harry asked.
"Stop chatting! We don't have much time," Carson ordered. "You, go with Kyan right now while I figure out if there's anything salvageable in your wardrobe." He shooed them out of the house and they got to work.
"Garbage… garbage… garbage…," Carson wailed as he tossed each and every piece of clothing to the floor.
"I'm not going to bother trying to redo the entire house. I'm just going to focus on the dining room," Thom said. "The walls are actually solid wood paneling, so I'm going to clean them and varnish them a light brown. That will make the room look bigger and more cheerful."
"How does an eighteen year old not have any music?" a bewildered Jai asked.
"Does he realize he has a great wine collection down here?" Ted asked, wiping the dust off yet another premium bottle.
"Nothing done to my hair ever works," Harry warned.
"We're going to put product in it. Now, some people are scared by this sort of thing," Kyan explained, "but there's really nothing to it." And he demonstrated how to use it. Even Harry had to admit his hair looked better, as if he had deliberately made it messy. He even started to like Kyan… until the man dragged him to the moisturizers and facial washes.
"Carson, he's all yours!" Kyan yelled up the stairs and asked for a martini.
"Does dirty Mudblood want it shaken or stirred?" Kreacher grumbled.
"I can't do much in the time we have, but I'll do my best," Carson began. He dragged Harry into an upscale men's store and started shoving clothes in his direction.
Harry spent the next few hours trying on different things; he barely took in what Carson was saying but if he knew Hermione, she would take notes.
"See? These are clothes that fit. You have a dynamite ass, Harry. You should show that off," Carson purred and stroked Harry's arm.
"Right," he said, and clutched the bags in his hands.
"The house has great potential" Thom explained. "You don't need to do much, just get in some lighter colors and change some of the more… dated decor." He went on to detail exactly what he was doing to Harry's dining room and why and made suggestions for the rest of the house.
They both ignored Kreacher's mutterings in the corner.
"Do you have anyone special in your life?" Jai asked him. Harry rubbed the back of his neck.
"Um… I don't know." Images of Ginny danced in his head. They really hadn't talked about their relationship in the aftermath of the war.
Jai shook his head. "First of all, you need to project a more self-confident image."
For the next two hours, Jai instructed Harry on his body language. He had never realized just what his body language had said to people.
"I snooped around your wine cellar and found a case of this fabulous red," Ted said.
"I have a wine cellar?" Harry asked.
Ted grimaced and continued. "We're going to make this the centerpiece of your meal."
"Alright Harry," Jai said. "The rest is up to you. Your friends are coming at seven. Good luck!"
"Right. Um… thanks," Harry said and smiled.
It looked forced.
"What do you think?" Jai asked.
"I'm so nervous!" Carson admitted, sipping his martini.
"I think Ted had the easiest part," Thom complained. "He already knew how to cook."
Ted really couldn't protest that. "Oh look! He's out of the shower."
Harry followed the instructions each of the men had given him, from his hair to his skin to his clothing.
Cooking the meal didn't take much effort on his part and he even remembered how to uncork and pour the wine properly.
With minutes to spare, he finished setting up the dining room for his guests.
The stunned looks on their faces were almost worth the hassle.
Almost.
