She hasn't spoken to him yet.
Not one word.
Not in the last hour.
Cisco and Iris were in the control room, trying to clean up the smaller messes Desire left in her wake. All the metas that she affected were behind bars for the most part, but many still needed their full attention since most couldn't really control their actions at the time. Some were still under her spell, for lack of a better term, and were causing quite the stir at Iron Heights.
There were still a lot of non-metas still roaming the streets that have been affected by her powers but haven't done anything illegal for the most part. At least not yet. And there was still the question of how many innocent people Team Flash, and the CCPD, have locked up and how to help them break her power.
Caitlin had left early saying something about feeling tired, not that anyone believed her. But it was understandable that she didn't want to see Barry right now.
Barry didn't want to see Barry right now.
He was sitting quietly on the medical bed, trying to think over all of his actions. He hadn't moved since learning the revelations of what Desire actually did to him. Iris's reaction felt like a quiet storm, gathering more strength and speed as time passed- becoming more deadly by the hour. She didn't ask any more questions about Barry or Desire. Instead, she insisted that she and Cisco had a lot of work to do.
Business as usual.
His fingers were absentmindedly playing with his wedding ring; sliding the classic metal up and down his ring finger — the sheen mocking him, creating a constant reminder of what he did.
What he craved.
He shut his eyes closed, needing to forget. And longing to remember.
"It's still unclear about whether the effects are temporary or not."
He heard Cisco's voice getting louder along with the sound of heels meeting the polished concrete floors echo through the open door. Barry's gaze had focused on his hands, realizing how he was playing with his ring. He quickly put it back on and sat up, expecting Cisco by the door.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Cisco was cautious with his words. As if the wrong phrase would break him. But Barry didn't understand why. He felt fine.
Barry's focus shifted to his wife, standing next to Cisco, and staring at the floor beside him.
"I'm…" Barry began, unsure how to finish his statement. Was he fine? He felt guilty, sure, of course. But he wasn't devastated. He still felt in control. He still felt like himself.
"I don't know." He answered honestly, fixated on Iris's scowl.
Cisco rubbed the back of his neck, unsure how to respond in such a delicate situation. He thought back to earlier today when the tension was just as thick and immediately felt uncomfortable.
He coughed awkwardly to fill the silence, "Well, uh, if you start feeling any different, give me a call. We still don't know if Desire's effects are provisional or if you just don't have an impulse to do anything right now."
Barry nodded, and Cisco looked around the room, hesitant about whether he should say anything else. He decided it may be best not to and turned to Iris, "I'll go... start the car."
Barry looked back to his wife who gave Cisco a soft smile as he left them alone in the room. His eyebrows furrowed from Cisco's comment and finally, her eyes met his.
She looked down almost immediately with her arms crossed, forming an additional barrier between them. It felt like an eternity before she actually spoke.
"I'm," she exhaled, "going to be staying at Dad's for a while."
"What?" He sat up, and Iris jumped, alarmed from his sudden reaction, "Why? Shouldn't we talk about this?"
Her grip on her arms grew stronger as she shut her eyes, "I just need some time to process everything."
Barry couldn't believe what she was saying. Of course, he messed up. He'll be the first to admit that. But he couldn't control his actions! Surely she should know that he would never willingly cheat!
"But there's nothing to think about?" Barry questioned and stepped closer, "I couldn't control what I was doing, you know that!"
Iris backed up from the door frame and into the control room, trying to leave space between them, "It's not about that, Barry."
He knew she had every reason to be upset, but she wasn't even giving him a chance! She just kept running away from this- from him. He used his super speed to get closer to her and, in a moment of weakness, held her by her shoulders as if to beg. Her expression changed to something of disgust.
"Barry. Don't." She pushed his hands away, turning her face away from him.
"I don't understand! You know I would never freely cheat on you."
"It's not about that!" Her eyes were blazon in anger. She addressed him fully now, with confidence and courage, "You wanted to do that, Barry. That was you. Desire might have caused this, but you were the one who wanted to do it."
All he could do was stare. Letting the silence fill the space between them and it made him feel like they were miles away from each other rather than two feet away.
He let go of the breath he didn't realize he was holding in.
He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but his mind was blank.
She shook her head, "I can't even look at you right now."
He watched her as she turned away and started walking toward the door, "Iris, wait."
She turned around by the exit and looked at him expectantly. He didn't want her to go, but he had no idea what to say.
He sighed with his head turned down and said the first thing he thought of, "I'm sorry."
She scoffed, and he heard the door close behind her, leaving Barry alone with his thoughts.
Caitlin couldn't stop fidgeting. She kept moving from the kitchen to the living room, to her room, then back.
She tried cleaning for a while, but her apartment was already tidy. She tried reading a few new theoretical journals, but none of them held her attention. She even tried watching bad reality TV to shut her mind off, but whenever a new couple would hook up, she would shut it off and repeat the cycle.
She yelled in frustration and fell onto her bed, shutting her eyes firmly. She grabbed her favorite pillow and hugged it while burying her face in the freshly washed linen sheets.
What the hell, Barry?
She couldn't get that kiss out of her head: his touch, his smell, his taste.
"Barry…" She whispered to herself, outlining her lips with the tips of her fingers.
She thought this part of her was gone. She felt she let go of her silly crush on Central City's hero and her best friend. It was hard at first. She spent many years stealing glances and daydreaming about how he would feel pressed against her. How disheveled his hair would look waking up next to her. How she would decorate their shared home, and what kind of movies he would force her watch on their casual date nights.
She sighed.
Ever since he got married, she was forced to face the truth. Hell, since he started dating Iris, she knew that fantasy had no chance of becoming a reality…
But part of her still felt drawn to him. Like they were supposed to be together. Like they were somehow cheated of that chance.
Cheated.
That's precisely what they did today.
She hated herself for doing that to Iris. She thought back on the conversation they had earlier. Why didn't she stop him initially?
The memory of Barry invaded her thoughts again. How his Flash suit firmly hugged his lean muscular frame. How she could see the sweat still clinging on his body from fighting crime that day. His arms binding her body to his.
His tongue slowly brushing up the side of her neck.
She instinctively moved her hand to her neck as if to cover it up, chasing the ghost of his touch away.
She was in shock. Of course! That's why she didn't stop him!
She smiled at the sudden revelation, trying to ignore how hard she felt her heart pounding in her chest.
She simply didn't … understand… what he was doing. Yeah! He just caught her off guard, is all.
'You don't actually believe that, do you?'
She held her pillow tighter and groaned into the sheets, "Please, Frost. Not now…"
'Just admit it,' she almost sounded bored, 'you liked it. You didn't stop it, because you wanted it.'
"Frost…" Caitlin cautioned, her voice muffled from the pillow.
'You wanted him.'
"Frost!"
'Hey, I don't blame you. I've often wondered just how audacious a thundersnow would get…'
Caitlin could actually feel Frost smirking, "Oh God, I can't do this right now."
She left her bed and headed to the kitchen. Between the haunting thoughts of Barry's touch and Frost's teasing, she was sure to go insane.
She collected her chilled wine from her fridge and began to grab one of her wineglasses, when she caught sight of her reflection on the smooth crystal. She held it up to her neck and saw bright red marks sprinkled all over; the evidence of Barry's foray staring back at her. Taunting her.
Her grip loosened and she heard the glass shatter beneath her feet. Catching her breath, she ignored the scattered fragments and went to grab the strong liquor she reserved for special guests. Not bothering with another glass, she lifted the bottle and felt the clear liquid burn her throat on the way down.
Barry Allen, what are you doing to me?
Barry ran. Everywhere and nowhere.
At first, he started running around town, chasing the common criminal around the city, unburdening the workload for the police department.
But there were only so many criminals.
He then started running across to neighboring cities and tried to save some lives there. After a few, he realized he was causing too much confusion and was stepping on too many toes, so he ran back home.
The apartment felt empty. He felt empty. But maybe he was just tired. He tried getting his mind off everything by going to bed. He wanted to let sleep consume him, but every time he allowed his mind wander he saw how long Caitlin's eyelashes were from up close, the deep shade of her lipstick, her impossibly soft lips.
He got up. This wasn't working. He needed a shower. He sped to the bathroom and turned on the faucet. He let the water splash his face. Ice cold water met his skin, and his arms were riddled with goosebumps with how cold it felt.
It's almost frosty…
This is somehow worse, he decided.
He turned off the faucet and got dressed. Maybe another run would finally exhaust him. He didn't want to think about anything; he just wanted to run.
He felt his legs surge forward, propelling him through the lightning. He ran back and forth, hoping it would become monotonous. Yet, a tingling sensation coursed through his arms and legs. The electricity was so hot it almost burned him.
He stopped to catch his breath and to avoid accidentally traveling through time with how fast he was going. He thought about heading back, finally feeling his eyes beginning to heavy, until he realized where he was.
A firm, white door inches away from his face.
His hand was already in a ball, beckoning a knock.
He stepped back.
What the hell was he doing here? How could he have absentmindedly ended up at Caitlin's doorstep?
He couldn't be here. Not now. Not after what he did.
He turned to leave but heard the sound of glass breaking. He twisted back to the door, finding his hand back in the position he started in. But he was still uncertain of what he was going to do. Of what he even wanted to do...
He inhaled sharply.
He should apologize, right? At the very least he should see if she's okay, he decided.
