Strong sexual content warning.
CH 2: Taking Chances
That night, Will couldn't sleep. He kept tossing and turning, recalling Abigail's tortured eyes and pained, fiery conjecture as he tried to relax. She didn't understand. As much as she shared in his torment, she just didn't see how her living there would be harmful to them both. In a perfect world, the two of them would live together for as long as she needed, swapping tales and basking in each other's company. But they weren't in a perfect world. What he desired could never be achieved.
"Will?"
He lurched to attention, jerking upright before his eyes zeroed in on a soft, feminine shape in the doorway. "Jesus, Abby…you should've knocked."
"I'm sorry, I…I wanted to see if you were awake." Shyly stepping into the room, she stood at the foot of his bed and twisted her hands.
"Are you ok?"
She quickly nodded. "Yes, I just…I can't sleep. I'm having anxiety about the flight. I might've said I enjoyed it yesterday, but the truth is…I hate flying."
Will sighed. "Ok, well did you need something from the kitchen? Maybe some milk?"
"Actually, I was hoping I could stay in here with you." She'd said it all in a rush, her hands twisting more fiercely as her bright, riveting eyes pleaded with him to see reason.
Will swallowed. "W-well, uh…"
"I can sleep on the floor," Abigail cut in. "Really, I don't mind…just as long as you're close by, I'll feel safe."
Will shook his head. "I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor, Abigail. If this is what you really need, you can come lie beside me." His cheeks grew hot with these words, recalling how he'd removed his shirt earlier that evening. He felt hopelessly exposed without it.
Expression melting into a look of relief, Abigail climbed across the bed and slipped beneath the covers, startling him when she moved to wrap her arms around his waist. Pulling away from her, Will rolled over and muttered, "Try and get some sleep, Abigail."
She pouted. Though she was certain Will meant it as dismissal, his turning away from her was a sign that he was comfortable in her presence. Abigail took pride in that, for there were very few people Will Graham trusted. Speaking of which…
"Will?"
He sighed, sounding frustrated. "Yeah?"
"If Hannibal comes back, do you think he'll kill you?" Abigail bit her lip, holding her breath as she watched his shoulders tense.
"I don't want to have this conversation."
"If you die, I'll have nobody left," she persisted. "Since you won't let me be with you, can you at least help me forget all this? Just for a little while?"
"Abby…"
"Please, Will, I've never…I mean…I want to. But with you. I couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else." She reached out and splayed her hand across his back, feeling his muscles bunch up beneath her touch.
Will swallowed. "I'm not going to sleep with you, Abigail. One of these days you'll find someone – a boy your age who loves you – and then you'll wish you'd saved yourself." He heard her scoff.
"No, I won't. In case you've forgotten, I'm stained…nobody wants the Shrike's daughter." Her voice grew small as she whispered, "Apparently you don't, either."
Will closed his eyes, tempted to roll over and take her face between his hands. "Abigail, I'm doing what's best for you."
"What's best for me? Or what's best for you?"
This time Will really did roll over, frustration lacing his face as he looked deep into her eyes. "You know why I'm doing this."
"Do I?" Her bottom lip quivered with hurt. "If you really cared, you'd let me do this one thing."
"No, I'm not letting you do this because I do care. You're too young to know what you're asking."
Abigail's eyes flashed dangerously. "Too young? I've experienced more than most will ever have to, Will – I was forced to grow up well before my time!" She struck his chest with her fist, tears pooling around her lashes. "If you can't love me back, fine, I get that, but please – please don't act like I don't know what I want. My dad never thought I could think for myself, and I guess Hannibal never did either, but I promise I've thought this through. I will never find anyone who understands me the way you do, so it's you that I want." Her eyes closed as she reached out and touched his face. "Let me share this with you…please."
Will nearly choked on her words. Finding it difficult to swallow around the lump in his throat, he shook his head and sucked a breath. "Abigail, I…I can't. We can't."
She drew away from him then, but instead of changing her mind like he thought she had, she reached for the hem of her nightgown and slid the soft, silky fabric above her thighs. "I want to," she whispered, now lifting the garment over her head. The nightgown fell uselessly to the floor, leaving Abigail blushing and nude – completely naked.
Will's mouth fell agape. She leaned over him then, tickling him with her hair as she held his hand up against her soft, modest bosom.
"Don't turn me away," she pleaded. Nuzzling him, Abigail ran her thumb across his lips and forced him to return her gaze. Will caught her wandering hand in his, recalling his guilt and how he could never ignore a stray. Was this what all of his efforts had amounted to? Him lying there, emotionally broken and seeking comfort from a disillusioned, equally broken girl? She was a fragile little bird…he didn't want to break her any more than he already had.
Reaching up toward her face, Will cupped her cheek and drew her in close, running his thumb down the slope of her chin. Her breath felt warm and sweet on his face.
Mistaking Will's affection for acceptance, Abigail eagerly joined her mouth to his and gripped at his curls, whimpering into the kiss as she pressed him down into the mattress. With a gasp, his mouth opened and she tasted him with her tongue, straddling his hips as her hands slid up the heaving curve of his chest.
Will broke away, trembling. "Abigail, wait…" He winced, gritting his teeth as she began to impatiently nudge her hips into his. Gripping her strongly enough to leave bruises, he arched his back as her lithe, undulating waist arced and curved along with her movements. This was wrong…nononono. Knocking his head back, he panted when he felt the undeniable pull from his nether regions. The more Abigail squirmed, the more she teased his cock into awareness, a soft, breathless noise catching in her throat when she rocked against him just right.
"Oh," Abigail breathed, causing his eyelids to flutter.
"Abby," he choked out. "Abby, we can't…oh, honey, please…"
But Abigail ignored him, her hair falling across her eyes as her hips continued to jerk and roll. Now sliding her fingers through Will's curls, she leaned forward and brought her lips urgently to his, slipping her tongue into his mouth as his hardness bucked between her thighs. The sensation made her whine into the kiss, her hands tugging so hard that his scalp prickled with pain. Will groaned low in his throat.
Deep-down, Will knew this was wrong – he knew it was – but he also knew he could never love anyone else. Or at least, not on the level of deep understanding that he felt for Abigail.
Rubbing his hand along the small of her back, Will gritted his teeth and finally encouraged her to rock into his arousal, silently begging her to take whatever it was she needed. All he wanted was to please her.
Abigail breathlessly whined and dug her sharp nails into his arms, glancing down at their thrusting hips as she shuddered. "I…I need this," she begged. "Please, Will…"
Wordlessly, he peeled away at his boxers until they were around his ankles, hardly able to breathe as he felt her wet, naked cunt press into his newly bared arousal. He gazed up at her then, mouth parted and eyes heavy-lidded. Swallowing sharply, he groaned as she resumed her shy exploration, her hand wrapping around him to test the feel of his length.
"Abby, please…" He turned his head to the side, rasping as his chest rose and fell along with his labored breathing. The gentle pull of her hand had his head swimming.
Abigail bit her lip, enjoying the aroused anguish that played across Will's face. His shaft was both harder and softer than she'd imagined…almost like an iron bar wrapped in velvet. She blushed at the juvenile thought. Maybe she really was a child.
Rolling her thumb across his tip, Abigail felt a sudden slickness that surprised her. What had happened? Did she do something wrong? Judging by the agonized, tortured look on Will's face and the frantic, impatient way he kept rolling his cock into her palm, she'd done exactly what she was supposed to do. It filled her with a sense of girlish glee.
Will's hand came between her thighs then, startling her as he pushed two fingers up inside her slick, sopping heat. She squealed, squirming as he pressed his thumb against her clit.
"Do you even know what you're doing?" he provoked.
Breathless, Abigail bucked into his searching hand and gazed down at him, rotating her hips as she squeezed her inner muscles. "Maybe…I've read a few trashy romance novels." She didn't want to admit that she'd planned this – that before her flight, she'd done a little research on losing one's virginity.
Feeling her insides flex and grip around Will's probing fingers, Abigail's toes curled and her nails raked down his shoulders.
"Let me," she pleaded. "I…I wanna try…"
Removing his hand from between her legs, Will gazed up at her with dark, lust-filled eyes. She was so beautiful…
Hovering over his cock, Abigail returned his gaze and shivered, pressing against his tip until she felt a dull stretch inside. "Oh…" Wincing, Abigail bit her lip and attempted to ease herself downward, rotating her hips so that Will gradually inched inside her heat. He cried out, clawing at her waist during the torturous descent.
"Abby," he pleaded. "Abby, wait a minute…"
But she refused to listen. With only the head of his cock inside her, Abigail trembled from the painful strain. It hurt – it was a sharp, pinching sensation, and the longer she stayed still, the more agonizing it became. Determined, Abigail winced and began to bounce her hips, the movement forcing more of Will's shaft into her tight slickness.
Will's mouth opened in a silent cry. As much as he wanted to bury himself deep inside her warm, tight space, he also knew he could never, ever hurt her. He loved her too much.
"Are…are you ok?"
Nodding breathlessly, Abigail gave a sharp gasp and sank down with a fierce roll of the hips, coercing him deep inside her silken heat as he gripped her waist.
"Abby," he moaned. "Oh, Abby, fuck…"
Blood singing through her veins, she tossed her head back and began to ride him, her hips knocking into his as the pain transformed into a warm, thrilling pleasure. He gasped her name.
Drawing Will in for a kiss, Abigail whimpered and met him thrust for thrust, his hands cupping her ass and forcing her to grind more deeply into his cock. The pleasure was incredible. Rocking more desperately, Abigail felt him jerk each time she slammed down into his lap, stretching her nice and deep.
Panting, Will grabbed her waist and rolled her over until she was pinned beneath him, unable to take her continuous tease. With his lips claiming her neck with several burning kisses, Will lifted Abigail's legs and wrapped them securely around his hips. "Tell me if it's too much," he urged.
Abigail nodded, only to yelp when he began to fiercely drive into her wet, welcoming heat. Pressing his forehead to hers, Will groaned and gripped the sheets as her walls massaged his girth. He was so close…
Mewling against his open mouth, Abigail raked her nails down his back and arched her hips, forcing him to pound into her more strongly. Her hands then drifted up toward his face, cupping his cheeks as she gazed up into his eyes. There was so much warmth and calm peering back at her…she felt safe basking in their azure depths.
Will shuddered, his body quaking as he felt himself coming undone. Something about the soft, yearning desire in Abigail's eyes had set him off, causing him to groan weakly as his cock began to pulse. He could feel her writhing beneath him, her forehead pressing more deeply into his as her soft, feminine gasps shook him from the very core. Her insides gripped Will strongly, milking him as he gave a strangled cry.
Breathless and spent, Will collapsed atop Abigail with a full-body shudder, his cheek pressing into hers as she murmured appreciatively. When he tried to pull away, she gave a desperate little "No!" and squeezed his hips with her thighs, forcing him to remain inside her. Abigail liked the feeling of intimacy.
Will, however, wasn't so sure how to feel. Lightly kissing Abigail's forehead, he gathered her in his arms and tucked her head beneath his chin, cradling her against his chest as he struggled for breath. "Y-you ok?" he managed to ask, truly fearing her answer. He knew this was when she'd come back to reality…when she'd realize that she'd just made a horrible, immoral mistake.
And yet…Will wasn't sorry. He cared about Abigail, and all he wanted was for her to be happy. He knew a part of him would die if he'd left her unfulfilled in any way.
Abigail finally looked up at him, her eyes soft and gentle as she smiled. "Yeah," she whispered. "More than ok."
Will quivered with relief. Abigail was alright. She seemed a little shy now, but he couldn't detect any underlying revulsion in her tone. Brushing the hair back from her face, Will's gaze softened and he cupped her cheek, running his thumb across the soft expanse of her lips. There were so many things he wanted to say – so many things he wanted to confess – but decided that now wasn't the time to bombard her with his feelings.
Reluctantly disentangling himself from her embrace, Will pulled her up and gently urged, "Come with me."
"What?" She peered up at him curiously. "Where?"
"We should get you cleaned up," he said. Will tucked her head beneath his chin and nuzzled his cheek into her hair, gently lifting her into his arms.
Embracing him around the neck, Abigail felt Will slide off the bed and begin carrying her toward the small, appointed bath adjoined to his bedroom. She rested her head against his shoulder, smiling into the crook of his neck. Nobody had ever really taken care of her before…repressed and obsessed over her, absolutely, but she'd never believed she was anyone's top priority.
Lacing her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck, Abigail felt him gently set her down to rest on the lip of the tub. Far too shy to meet with her gaze, Will crouched alongside her and turned on the water, his cheeks flushing as he still sensed her eyes on him. "Sex isn't clean," he sheepishly explained. "I…I just figured that you'd want to…I mean…y'know…"
Abigail's gaze drifted down toward her legs. The evidence of her missing virtue was smeared between her thighs, painting a vivid image of need and desperation.
"Thank you," was all she said. And since that could mean just about anything, she watched as Will spared her an uncertain glance, then moved to help her into the tub. Normally Abigail would snap that she could do it herself – that she wasn't an invalid needing constant assistance – but seeing how much he truly cared left her moved and silent. She hadn't thought it possible to be loved in this way.
Ducking her head to hide the emotion in her eyes, Abigail instead tried to focus on the warm, soothing water ensconcing her nudity. As her inner battle waged on, Will turned and grabbed a wash cloth from the towel closet. "Here," he murmured, coming back to her side. "Just lie back and close your eyes."
Abigail did as she was told, sinking down into the rippling water as his lips traced across her forehead. Soon after his kiss, she felt the rough, nappy texture of a washcloth drift down between her thighs. She tensed a bit, sore despite the worst of it having been over.
"You ok?"
Abigail nodded, opening her eyes to see Will's large, sad gaze observing his handiwork. He ducked his head and moved the cloth back between her legs, dissolving the blood and come with gentle, careful strokes.
Her hand came over his then, stilling his movements. "I'm not sorry," she told him gently, but firmly.
Will swallowed low in his throat. "Abby…"
"I'm not sorry," she said again.
This time Will chose to say nothing, his hand shaking as he moved to cup the soft curve of her face. Though he was afraid of what loving her might do to him, he was more afraid of being without her love. "Don't go tomorrow," he blurted. "If you're really not sorry, then just…don't go."
Abigail's brow puckered. "But you said-"
"I know what I said, and I didn't mean it. I was being a coward." Will fidgeted beside her. "Instead of asking what you wanted, I tried to do what I thought was best for you."
"Because of Hannibal…?"
He nodded sadly. "Yeah…I just wanted to keep you safe."
"And when you said you didn't care about me…did you mean it?" Abigail eyes were soft and wounded, her expression grim as she prepared for the worst.
Her heartache tore Will up inside. Wordlessly, he leaned forward and brushed his mouth against her lips, thrilling in her soft gasp as she gripped the hand between her thighs. Angling his mouth more strongly into hers, Will tilted her head back and eased his tongue into her warm haven, grunting as Abigail forced him to cup her womanhood. She arched her hips and whimpered, grinding urgently into the palm of his hand.
Will pulled away to look into her eyes.
"Please," she begged.
Unable to deny her anything, Will brought his lips back to hers and eased a finger into her soft, silken insides. Abigail jerked beneath him, her arms lacing around his neck as she bucked her hips. The movement caused water to slosh against the sides of the tub, Abigail mewling as the rocking of her hips intensified.
Drifting his lips down to her cheek and neck, Will added another finger and stroked her clit, her soft, agonized cries leaving him breathless with arousal. At this point, everything he did was for her – if she needed his touch to forget her pain, then that's exactly what she would receive.
Suddenly, Abigail arched her back and spasmed hard around his fingers, his cheek resting in her hair as she rode out her waves of orgasm. Panting weakly, Abigail leaned into his touch and allowed him to cradle her in his arms, Will's heart beating soundly in his chest as he kissed the top of her head.
He rubbed her back and smiled. "Ready to get dried off?"
Abigail mirrored his smile and nodded. He loved her – she could see that now. It was in the warm, fond way he stared at her when he thought she wasn't looking, and how he'd been able to let go so she could find herself. And in spite of her love for California, she'd rewarded Will's faith by returning to his side.
Rising with his help, Abigail watched Will fetch a towel before he moved to pat her down. The rough fabric brushed repeatedly over her skin, feeling especially good when he dried the sensitive spot between her legs.
Once her skin felt mostly dry, Will wrapped her in a fresh towel and drew her into his arms. He tucked her head beneath his chin, rubbing her shoulders in soft, gentle circles as she snuggled against his chest.
"Ready for bed?"
Abigail smiled, unable to help it. Was this what being a real couple felt like?
Slipping her arms around his waist, she lowered her lashes and nodded.
Will gave her a one-armed squeeze, then ushered her back into his bedroom. Somehow this made Abigail more nervous than the sex, because by sharing his bed, Will was opening himself up to all sorts of intimacy. Would they talk? Share all their past regrets? Or simply drift off in one another's arms, finally content with the world around them?
Pulling back the mussed up sheets, Will helped Abigail into the bed before crawling in beside her, now fondly tugging her close to spoon her from behind. Abigail curled her knees and sighed. She could feel Will's body pressed snugly against her every curve and contour, his hands aimlessly drifting back and forth across her stomach. Matching her soft sighs, he rested his face against the crook of her neck and kissed her skin.
Abigail bit her lip. With Hannibal and her true father, she'd only been able to imagine what a normal, healthy love could be. Was this finally the type of love she'd read about in books and seen in movies? No…she wasn't that naïve. Abigail knew she and Will were far from "normal" or "healthy," but for the first time in her life, she felt safe…appreciated, and that was good enough for her. It was nice to know that with Will, she didn't have to worry about anyone dying on her behalf…that she could just be herself.
Lacing her hands through his, she closed her eyes and found herself taken by sleep.
When Abigail awoke mere hours later, the light streaming in through the windows was still fairly dark. She laid there, heart heavy with discontent, for a thought had entered her subconscious on the wings of repose. If she ever wanted to be happy – if she ever wanted Will to be happy – she knew she needed to kill Hannibal Lecter.
Abigail's features darkened. It should be easy, shouldn't it? During her imprisonment in his home, he'd been planting the seeds of a killer into her very core – hell, her father had attempted the same thing, but on a much less deliberate and skilled manner. Why not show Hannibal that his efforts had paid off? It was the least she could do for all of his abundant "gifts."
Carefully prying Will's arms off her waist, Abigail slid out of bed and bent over to fetch her nightgown. The thought of leaving Will behind admittedly hurt more than she wanted to admit, but this sacrifice was necessary. They couldn't live normally until Hannibal was gone.
Keeping her back toward her sleeping lover, Abigail steeled her stance and moved out of the room. She knew that if she'd turned around, she never would've wanted to leave – that she would've given up this foolish dream and fallen right back into Will's welcoming embrace.
Gathering up her belongings, Abigail wiped her stinging eyes and sniffed. She'd always wanted to make amends for her sins…to atone for all the lives she'd helped her father end, and now she had her chance. If she could save Will's life, she could save herself, too.
Slipping outside into the deep purples of the dawn, Abigail kept her head bent down and her eyes averted. A part of her knew she wouldn't make it. Perhaps this would kill Will and add to his agony…or perhaps it would free him. She didn't want him to feel obligated to her any longer. With this sacrifice, she was giving him the chance to move on and create the life he'd always needed.
Getting into her rental vehicle, Abigail adjusted the rear view mirror and glanced back at Will's farmhouse. "Bye," she whispered. Her eyes stung and her heart throbbed. Immediately looking away, she stuck the key into the ignition and the car roared to life, tears blinding her vision as she sped away.
Will never saw her again.
A/N: Originally I was just going to end it with them falling asleep, but something was nagging at me to end it in this darker manner... I probably should've just left it alone, given all the fluff, but I've always gotten the impression that Abigail wants to redeem herself. I felt that's why she wanted to join the FBI (because if she could save lives, she could make up for all the lives she helped end). That's why I had Abigail think that if she could save Will, she could save herself. It's up to you if she lived or not...I honestly didn't construct an ending for either of these characters, other than the fact Will never saw her again (and then that allowed Molly to come into his life - though I think he'd always hold a special place for Abigail, regardless of his marital status).
