Chapter 2: In Which Robin is the Mysterious Transfer Student


Summary: Robin's the new kid at school. Nerdy but kawaii as hell, girls swoon after him. But they don't know he's actually a total weeaboo and hella gay. Forced to sing a duet with Chrom, basketball superstar extraordinaire, the two hit it off at a New Year's Party. Will the plan go all according to keikaku or…? Crack. Yaoi!Chrobin.


Robin shuffled past the huge crowd. Gods there were so many people here. Both Validad and the best sister in the whole entire world Aversa (who had mysteriously disappeared at the New Year's party) had to walk with him to school. Like, what? He was a senpai in high school now, he didn't need them.

Robin walked passed the huge crowd of people screaming things. This was possibly even worse than the stupid party. Except for Chrom. Yeah. Besides the fact that he'd probably never see the handsome bara ever again. Sighs. Such was his completely normal and utterly boring life.

Robin suddenly stopped walking in shock. There, right in front of him, was Chrom. But like a huge-ass Chrom in a basketball seifuku. Oh, was it a mural? A painting? What the hell? Robin rubbed his eyes and walked away. Probably a hallucination. What kind of gakuen supported huge art works of their athletes that are going to graduate in a few years anyway? Besides, it was obviously fake. Typical schools liked football better than basketball. Like, who even watches basketball (except in sports anime, Kuroko no Basuke made him cry far too many times).

Validad then grabbed his hand, leading him around school. "Come, Robin, let's go to find the principals!"

"Otou-san!" Robin yanked his arm out of Validad's grasp. "I'm not a smol child anymore. I can get around myself."

"Nonsense. You're just going to join a dumb nerd club. How about you go play with them," Validad pointed to a group of stoners. How the hell did they even manage to come to school high? Like without getting caught.

"Otou-sannnnnn, they're druggies," Robin groaned.

Aversa let out a purr and a 'meow,' gesturing at some hot dudes. Robin slapped his forehead before slapping her. "Hentai! Don't even think about it, that's not even legal!"

"Oh shut up you stupid weeb," Aversa batted her eyelashes. The guys started at her large oppais. Typical butas.

"I. Am. Not. A. Weeaboo," Robin gritted his teeth. "I am an otaku, learn the difference, baka."

She flipped her hair while simultaneously flipped him off. "Weeb."

"Settle down children," Validad interjected. "We're in a calm, learning environment. Now Robin, you should learn to take after Aversa's example. See that rude gesture is totally against the rules and is completely rebellious."

"You shouldn't be condoning this, Otou-san!"

"And stop calling me that stupid name! It's Validad to you. Japanese people are all evil anyway. I mean they like killed millions of people in World War II, isn't that proof enough?"

Robin looked at his father in shock. Nihonjin...evil? No way. They were the highest amongst all people. Japanese culture is SAIKOU.

A super skinny bishonen boy with wild red anime hair strutted towards Robin, his long fingernails clicking as he texted away on his brand spanking new iPhone, completely with rhinestone case. He was wearing a sparkly pink outfit, with matching sparkly pink shoes and bag. A small girl with the same red hair trailed behind him, using twenty dollar bills like a fan.

The two pushed past everyone, even pushing Robin and his family away. None of the other students seemed to think this was out of the ordinary.

"The mad king's returned from hell, hasn't he?" some jock joked to his friends.

"Yeah I bet he and his sister spent winter break as they always do."

"What?"

"Burning money instead of donating it to the poor."

"OOOOOOOooOoooOooOOooh," the surrounding boys chorused. "One hundred degrees in the SHADEEEEEEEE."

Validad ignored that whole encounter. "We still have to find the principals, ah, there they are now!"

Two of the scariest people Robin had ever met came before him, arguing loudly. One was a big beefy bald black dude with an eyepatch and the other was a big beefy black woman with the coldest stare ever.

"I'M THE HEAD PRINCIPAL," the dude yelled. "HEAD PRINCIPAL BASILIO."

"NO, I'M THE HEAD PRINCIPAL," the woman screamed back. "HEAD PRINCIPAL FlAVIA."

"Eto," Robin tried to speak. The two looked at him before going back to arguing again.

Basilio and Flavia started wrestling on the floor. Students just walked around them, while Robin and family started with wide eyes. The bell rang.

"Ano, I'm just going to go to class before I'm chikoku desu," Robin muttered, slipping away from the weirdos. Including Validad and Aversa.

He turned back to see the two cheering for the wrestling principals. Robin gave a stare of disgust and hurried up the stairs to first period.

Everyone was already in class. Walhart-sensei (the teacher Robin knew from looking at the schedule) was busy doing something in the front of the class. The teacher had shiro hair just like Robin's, but it was long and flowing. He also wore all blood aka clothes. Like Satan.

Robin recognized several people in the classroom from earlier. Sparkly pink shounen and chibi money shoujo sat texting on their iPhones, laughing with one another. The jocks who had mocked them were also in the class. One was a pretty beefy brown haired dude with a serious bitch face.

Robin caught a glimpse of blue hair. Chrom? Or was it someone else. How many people in this world could have blue hair, anyway? Only anime protagonists, that's who. Nah, Robin decided it was just a coincidence and took a seat in the very back. What are the odds? He had to sit in the back to pretend like he was a cool anime protagonist that was popular but mysterious. Actually he could probably be the mysterious transfer student!

Walhart-sensei decided to stand up and actually talk. "Welcome back class," he said in a deep voice. "To another year of wonder."

He looked at someone eating a hot dog in class. "Excuse me, what is this?"

The student gulped. "A hot dog, sir?"

"You know, Mr. Stahl, that meat is not allowed in this room. Do you know how terribly animal farms treat their animals? This is why I am vegan. Now put a quarter into the 'Donate to PETA' jar. And you'll have detention today."

Stahl groaned and put a quarter in the jar. Robin rolled his eyes. Everyone knew PETA kills more animals than it saves. What a joke.

"Before I was rudely interrupted," Walhart-sensei shot the class a glare, "I was talking about the new year. Ah yes, the winter musical is coming up. Anyone who joins will get extra credit—What is so funny Mr. Frederick."

"Nothing, sir," the beefy brown haired jock answered. Under his breath he muttered, "Stupid lobster."

Walhart-sensei continued, "There is also the decathlon hosted by the Perfect Einstein Genius Amazing Superior Ultimate Students (PEGASUS), headed by the club president, Ms. Cordelia herself."
A pretty redheaded girl raised her hand and beaming around the classroom proudly.

Suddenly Britney Spear's Toxic blasted from his pocket. Oh crap that was his phone (he forgot to change it back to Pure Pare-Do after Aversa decided to troll him)! Robin swore he had turned it to vibrate earlier. He was such a baka.

"Ah, the cell phone menace has returned," Wallhart-sensei rounded upon the class. "To disturb the conquest of learning. Mr. Gangrel, Ms. Anna, cellphones, right now. And you'll be having detention."

Robin pulled out his keitai, who was calling him in class anyway? He bet it was the baka majo Aversa, always getting him trouble. Robin looked at the screen. '1 missed call from Chrom.' Holy sh—

"CELLPHONE," Walhart screamed in his ear. "I will getting to know you better in detention, Mr…?"

"Robin, sensei," Robin replied glumly.

"Don't think it's so funny, Mr. Chrom, as I see your phone out too. Detention as well."

"Wait, mibro cannot have detention today, your honor, we have basketball practice," Frederick protested. "And we need mibro for practice."

"That'll also be fifteen minutes detention for you too, Mr. Frederick. Count them."

"It'll be hard for Freddy-bear to do that, since I doubt he can count that high," Cordelia snickered.

"And another fifteen minutes to Ms. Cordelia!" Walhart roared. "We are no longer on vacation. We are on a CONQUEST for LEARNING. CONSTANT VIGILANCE CLASS!"

The class stayed silent. Cicadas could be heard chirping. It was like natsu was already here. They could've had an entire beach filler episode already. "Any more comments, class?"

A white haired boy raised his hand. "Nyahahaha, how was your vacation, Mr. Walhart. Did you CAW-se any MURDERS of CROWS?"

Walhart's eye twitched. The class groaned and looked at the boy. Man no one has any chill around here.

"And you, Mr. Henry—" but Walhart was cut off by the bell. Everyone stormed out of class, trampling over a green haired chibi girl.

Robin was one of the last ones to leave, careful of staying away from Walhart's fiery breath. This man was actually Satan. No wait, he wasn't as bad as Validad.

"Oh hey!" someone called out to him. Robin turned around to see Chrom. "I didn't know you went to Ylisse High! I can't believe it!"

"Me either, fam," Robin admitted. Chrom's excitement was so kawaii.

"But how? I mean it's already halfway through the school year!"

"Well we had to run away from the popo because of something Aversa did that Otou-san was proud of. Ano, I mean Otuo-san's job transferred here to Ylisse?"

"Oh, uh, I see? I mean I looked for you the morning after the party, but you were gone," Chrom whispered.

"Aversa made us leave. Something about not wanting to be caught having underage, eto, I mean…"

"Aversa?"

"My older sister. Otou-san loves her. But why are you whispering?" Robin questioned.

"Uh, well my b-ball bros know about the partying and snowboarding but they don't know about the singing," Chrom looked around for his friends. One of them spotted him from like ten miles away and waved.

"Hey, 'sup bro," Chrom greeted a buff blond dude.

"It's the Teach to Chrommy!" the 'Teach' called back, hurrying off somewhere.

"Embarrassed or something?" Robin cocked an eyebrow.

"Nah, chill bro. It's just that was a different part of me, you know. I gotta be the swag basketball menimist bro to the b-ball bros. But the singing? I was just like another bro, bro."

"Menimist, who are you Donald Trump?" Robin thought about it for a minute. "Nah, that would be insulting to the menimists."

"So, anyway," Chrom ignored Robin's statement. "Welcome to Ylisse High. And now that you've met Mr. Walhart, I bet you can hardly keep it in your pants to audition for the school musical!" He gestured at the audition sign ups pinned to the wall.

"Nah, I don't want to be signing up for anything other than anime club. Anime is my ichiban priority."

"I hate to break it to you but we don't have an anime club."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Robin sunk to the floor in defeat. "I guess I might consider drama later." He muttered under his breath, "Especially if you join too."

"Bro," Chrom helped him up. "There are other places to take a nap than the ground you know. 'Sides, I already have the basketballs with the basketbros, so it'll be impossible."

"Nothin's impossible if you try hard enough, my sweet prince," Gangrel came up from behind them. "So nice of you to show the new boy around," he fluttered his eyebrows. "Maybe you could show me around if you know what I mean—"

"WOAH THERE," Robin cried, feeling jealous. "This ain't some hentai shit. Get your nasty ass outta here."

"Please," Gangrel pulled out a sparkly pink pen, writing his name as big as possible on the audition sheet to fill up all of the available spots. "Oh, were you gonna sign up too? Ehehehehehe," he cackled. "My sister and I have always been the lead, so there are always some supporting roles for you two."

"Uh no, actually I was just looking for the anime club sign ups," Robin pointed out.

"We don't have an animu club."

"STOP RUBBING IT IN!" Robin covered his ears, walking away from Gangrel. "LALALALA, I'm not listeninggggg."

Robin stopped to hide behind a corner, watching Gangrel and Chrom.

Gangrel twirled his sparkly pink pen, "So, Chrom, I missed you during break. What did you do?"

"Uh, basketball. Snowboarding. More Basketball. The usual."

Gangrel giggle batting his eyelashes. Chrom looked uncomfortable. The former continued, "When's the finals, hmmm?"

"Two weeks…"

"Well, aren't you a dedicated princeling. Just like me!" he flirted. "Anwyays, I hear Anna calling me. Toodles~"

"Toodles?" Chrom looked confused. Robin's blood boiled in jealousy. Bitch that was his blue haired bara, so stay away.


Omake: (because A Stampede of Chickens pointed out that Robin was considering on going gay for Chrom but never actually accepted the gay in the story. Also I'm not trying to offend anyone, especially with the coming out scene, this is all one big joke story soo...)


It was the day after the New Years Party. Robin, Validad, and Aversa were eating dinner at their home (after running away from the hotel). All morning Robin had been holed up in his room, questioning his existence. First he stared at Chrom's picture. And then at scantily clad women. Then at Chrom. Then at unclad women. Then at Chrom.

That's when it hit him. Wow, he was actually gay. Like as in he liked dudes. No wonder he used to stare at Ike's 'guns' in Radiant Dawn. Man that guy was ripped af.

Now, back to dinner. Robin looked to his Otou-san and and took a deep breath.

"Aversa. Validad. I'm gay."

"Fucking finally," Aversa put down the fork she was holding. Robin looked at the fork in disgust. He used the superior chopsticks instead of the dumb western instruments.

"We know, son," Validad didn't even bat an eye.

"Excuse me?" Robin cried in outrage. "I JUST FIGURED THIS OUT! TODAY!"

"Well, it was obvious," Aversa rolled her eyes. "I saw you checking out my old boyfriends."

"I did not! And what about you, otou-san. Aren't you going to threaten to kick me out of the house because I like it up the ass or something?"

"Oh no," Validad continued eating. "It's a good sign. You're finally rebelling against society. My little gay rebel, you."

"ARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!"


A/N: No songs for this chapter tho lol THANK GOD. OTL That feel when you're running out of memes and the weeb stuff gets repetitive. I don't really have any words for this, except that the omake is great and is currently the best thing I have ever written, crack or otherwise. Anyways, thanks again to 'A Stampede of Chickens' (on fanfiction) and 'Kyiss' (on tumblr) for suffering through this actual shit post of a story and trying to beta/add more memes. If you, yes you my dear reader, have any more memes/weeb stuff you want me to add or reference feel free to tell me because I will gladly try to do so.