Chapter 2 - Part 1

Ribbon's Uselessness

The next world is Rock Star, which consists of just hovering rocks orbiting around...bigger hovering rocks.

KIRBY: How the hell am I supposed to get in here? Also, if the levels are drawn in a sketchbook, then how exactly DO I get there? Is it some sort of undecipherable map or something?

The first stage of Rock Star starts as a generic desert area. It even has cactuses in the background, because what's the point of having a desert area without its props, right? Some of the enemies are shaped like cacti, meaning the cacti in the background are UTTERLY UNNECESSARY.

There is also a fire enemy, which he swallows.

KIRBY: Sweet! This means I can turn all the sand into glass and slide through everything!

Sadly, it does nothing but turn him into a dashing fireball.

KIRBY: Why even have fire enemies if there are no puzzles or anything that involve me turning sand into glass? Oh look, someone thought they could hide a sandwich from me around a bunch of blocks. Finders keepers!

KIRBY (despite having a Copy Ability at the time) manages to eat it. Later on, he also meets some enemies that look like sand blobs with faces.

KIRBY: Maybe that's what the Fire ability is for. All right, it didn't go to waste!

BLOBS OF SAND: I'm gonna put sand in your eyes when you sleep!

KIRBY defeats these guys. Unfortunately, they just crumble. Disappointed, KIRBY goes into a blocky sand building. There are generic enemies and floating blocks with a hovering CRYSTAL SHARD above the middle one. Guess which one the PLAYER is more interested in?

KIRBY: Even though we can just ignore these lame enemies, I'm going to waste about 10 seconds of my time just fighting them.

After that, he goes on the floating blocks and gets the CRYSTAL SHARD. There is a square hole in the ceiling with sand leaking out.

RIBBON: That doesn't look good...

KIRBY goes through it and encounters, once again, ANOTHER rehashed boss idea. This time, it's a big four-sided cactus that bounces around. Oh, and a bunch of smaller ones fall from the air.

KIRBY: Sorry to ask, but shouldn't you be in the 'Rejected Bosses Gallery'?

KIRBY defeats the miniboss because if there's one boss you don't want to lose to, it's the one you've fought multiple times already. He then gets another PLOT DEVICE.

RIBBON: We're getting so much closer to finding them all! Only about 69 more to go!

The next room has quicksand flooding the area, and also climbable bricks, even though KIRBY can just hover. There are only a few obstacles. The sand turns out to be coming from a head statue. WADDLE DEE breaks a hole into a ceiling, and KIRBY follows him as the hole fills up with sand.

KIRBY: Wait a minute, you mean I could have skipped most of this level?

WADDLE DEE is nowhere to be found.

KIRBY: Hey, where'd he go?

RIBBON: What's a pond doing on top of a mountain?

KIRBY: Doesn't matter, let's keep moving.

They go through some generic obstacles and complete the level. KIRBY wins a 1UP from the picnic minigame. The next level turns out to be some sort of forest with falling pillars…

KIRBY: At least it's not totally generic…

And some of the same enemies from the previous level (including the cacti).

KIRBY: Not these guys again.

The next room has a central structure with a CRYSTAL SHARD blocked off by an unbreakable wall.

RIBBON: Despite the fact that I can just fly around the 2D plane and get it, I'll just sit there and do nothing, because you can't expect me to do anything.

They go through the middle of it and keep going to the left…to see the CRYSTAL SHARD blocked by an even taller unbreakable wall.

KIRBY: Seriously, why don't you do something useful for a change and get me that shard?

RIBBON: Huh?

KIRBY: Never mind, those shards can collect themselves. Say, what happens when you collect all of them?

RIBBON: Ummm…

The next room is dark, except for a bunch of platforms that form an X shape. And ghost enemies that throw flames at them. There is also a CRYSTAL SHARD floating below the middle platform.

KIRBY: I have to get that, don't I?

RIBBON: Yep!

KIRBY: Oh come on! All you have to do is fly there and get it!

RIBBON: But you can jump down and get it, and then float back up.

KIRBY gets it, and then RIBBON flies around KIRBY, grabs it, and goes back in…his mouth?

KIRBY: I gotta ask, what is the point in making me do it, when you're just going to show off like that? Oh, you're off screen again.

The next area has blocks that are far apart, with water below. Oh, and those fish enemies that just splash around.

KIRBY: Wow, this is too easy.

RIBBON: Well, what were you expecting, for the enemies to turn into great leviathans or something?

KIRBY stands on a big gray block, which RISES TO THE CEILING AND SQUISHES HIM.

-AREA 4, 4 LIVES REMAIN-

KIRBY: At least I don't have to start from the beginning of the level. Say, how did I end up here?

He floats over all of the obstacles and heads to the next area, which consists of cannons shooting at the PLAYER from the background, and some enemies.

KIRBY: It's been a while since I've used a copy ability. I think I'll try out Ice + Lightning.

The combined ability turns him into…a refrigerator.

RIBBON: Where's your mouth? If I open the bottom door, will it be inside? Or is this whole bottom door your mouth? If so, that would be just weird. I mean, your eyes are visible, but your-

KIRBY launches food at Ribbon.

KIRBY: This is AWESOME! We can camp out here all day! Now this is a real picnic.

ONE HOUR LATER.

RIBBON: Can we advance the plot now?

KIRBY: Yeah, whatever.

As soon as KIRBY goes through the door, KING DEDEDE goes barging in, and the door shuts itself.

KIRBY: Well, if that isn't cliché. I'm just going to ignore the fact that you were following me, and just conveniently showed up. Hey, Dedede, you missed the best picnic ever!

DEDEDE: You're not still mad about missing the food in that picnic minigame, are you? Loosen up a little; it's all in good fun.

KIRBY: No seriously, we camped out here for a few hours, and had all of the food we could eat.

DEDEDE: Sounds awesome! Get on my back.

KIRBY: Yay piggyback ride!

DEDEDE takes out his BIGASS HAMMER and starts wrecking everything in sight.

KIRBY: Hey, if you could break stone walls, can we go back and get the Crystal Shard from the way beginning? Ribbon here was too lazy to fly around the 2D plane to get it.

DEDEDE: No, we'll just find a way to get it later. Hey, there's one above us. I'll just-

RIBBON flies up and gets it once again.

KIRBY: WE DON'T NEED YOU, GO-

RIBBON: We're getting closer to collecting them all every time!

DEDEDE: There's the door. You ready?

KIRBY: Yep. This time, we're in this together.

They go through the door, and the minigame is exactly the same as before. DEDEDE, ADELEINE, and WADDLE DEE are eating in front of him.

KIRBY: Hey, I thought we would get to do it together. Didn't you guys eat a couple of minutes ago?

WADDLE DEE: Yeah, all of that work really pooped us out.

KIRBY: I get that, but is it really necessary to eat after every level? Only about ten minutes pass in between each one.

DEDEDE: You took a long time to even get to the last room.

KIRBY: Yeah, but you were following me, and could have assisted me earlier.

KIRBY misses and starts crying, despite having had a buffet a couple of minutes ago. Everyone else laughs.

DEDEDE: I guess your picnic wasn't so great after all!