Hey guys! I wanna apologize for not getting this up sooner! I meant to, I really did but I uploaded the first part from work and I ran out of time on my break before I could get the other chapters up. So, I'm sorry guys! Here you all go!
Thank you you so much for all the kind words of my return! Also for the thoughts and prayers for my papaw! They mean a lot! And one quick question- do you all want this story to be full length? I have some ideas and t will follow Erin's pregnancy if you want to read it! Let me know!
After learning that Jay was now joining our unit, the rest of the morning went off without a hitch. The unit was quiet as everyone spent their free time catching up on some paperwork that we had all been avoiding all week. After lunch, we caught wind about one of our open cases, and we all jumped to close the deal.
Hours later, after a successful bust, Jay and I were on our way back to the district to wrap things up for the night. I was driving as Jay sat in the passenger seat drumming his fingers along his thigh and staring out the window. We sat in an awkward silence. After our little talk this morning, we hadn't said two words to one another, unless it involved the case, and I was perfectly ok with that. I had spent way too much time crying and pining over him in the past, and I was finally okay with where I stood in my life.
It had taken some time, but I had managed to forget him and everything that he once stood for. I had pulled myself together and made a wonderful life for myself. Sure, I never had a long serious relationship after he left me, but I had plenty of boyfriends over the years. I had grown, I had my fun, and now I was devoted to my work. It was the perfect system… but I guess all systems are made to be brought down, and when Jay walked into Intelligence this morning, mine started to crumble.
I was now in the process of trying to get used to the idea that I was now not only working with my ex boyfriend, the one who had crushed my heart into a million pieces, but that he was now my partner. I would be spending hours on end with him, probably seeing him more than my family, and having to trust him with my life. It had been years since I had done just that, and we all see how far that got us.
I hear him let out a heavy sigh and out of the corner of my eye, I see him turn to look at me. I bite the inside of my cheek as he moves to speak.
"So why do you get to drive?"
I roll my eyes and continue to focus on the road. "Because I've been in this unit for damn near eight years, while you've only been around for eight hours."
I turn my head and glance at him, to find him nodding his head but still watching me. We lock eyes for a moment and I quickly glance back to the road. "That's fair." He mumbles.
I don't reply but instead turn left onto the street leading to the district.
"Erin are we ever going to talk?" I instantly shake my head no and he sighs. I see him run his hand through his hair, a sign I had long learned meant he was annoyed or frustrated.
"We have nothing to talk about Jay. " I tell him, pulling up in front of the precinct. I shift the car into park and glance to him.
He was giving me a pleading look, and it took everything in me to not give into him right away. "Please Erin, just let me explain?"
I shake my head, protesting right away and reach to turn the car off but stop when I feel his hand on my arm. I glance down and watch as he takes my hand and intertwines it with his, halting me immediately. Instead of glancing to him, I close my eyes as I feel a surge of excitement rush down my spine with his skin on mine.
"Erin, I know you're hurt. Trust me, I've felt like shit every day for the past eight years, but will you please just go somewhere so we can talk?"
I open my eyes and turn to face him, finding that he still wore the same pleading look on his face. I let out a sigh. "I really need to drop my equipment off and grab a few things, but afterwards, sure we can go somewhere and talk."
A small smile tugs at his lips as he raises an eyebrow at me. "Promise?"
I fight the urge to laugh as he lets my hand free and I reach forward to turn the car off. "I promise Jay." I pull the key out of the ignition and open the door before turning to look back at him. "You coming in?"
He shakes his head. "Nah, I'll wait here."
This time, the giggle escapes my lips. "You don't trust me do you?"
His smile turns into a smirk; the same smirk that he knows is my one weakness in this world. "Not as far as I can throw you Erin Lindsay."
I nod my head, laughing. "That is fair. I'll be right back." I tell him, and hand him the keys so he could start the car back up and keep the heat going in the cold February weather. He nods, sticking them in the ignition and I climb out of the car and run up the steps into the district.
"Hey where have you been?" Nadia asks, standing up from the couch. She brings her blanket with her and wraps it around her shoulders as she walks through the dimly lit apartment to join me in the kitchen. "It's almost midnight; I was starting to get worried."
"Sorry mom," I mumble, walking over to the fridge to get a water bottle. I turn to her and raise an eyebrow at her as I take a drink.
She raises an eyebrow at me in return, and fights a smile. "It isn't like that Erin and you know that. I just know you guys had that major bust tonight and when you didn't come home at a reasonable hour, I was worried that some creep had you locked away somewhere and I would never see you again."
"Oh come on Nadia, you know you weren't worried about me" I joke as I sit the water bottle down on the cabinet. "You were just worried you would be stuck with my half of the rent."
She manages to lose her composure and laughs. "Yeah, you're right. You know I can't afford this place on my sucky salary. Not all of us are glamorous detectives with kick ass pay."
"It isn't that amazing," I remind her and she nods.
"Better than what I make," She shrugs. "But seriously, where were you?"
I sigh and sit down at the island in the middle of the kitchen. She follows suit and sits down across from me. "I was out with Jay."
Her jaw drops. "Wait, what? The last time I saw you two today, you wouldn't even look at him."
"Yeah I know," I let out a heavy sigh and slink down in my seat. "Trust me, I didn't want to talk to him, but you know Jay. He's slick and he always has a way of getting inside of my head."
"So where exactly are you taking me?" Jay asks, leaning forward to glance out the windshield.
"Molly's" I inform him, turning right down the road leading to the bar.
"No," He turns and looks at me. "Erin everyone else is going to be there and they will be right in the middle of our business. I want to seriously talk to you, without the distractions." He turns and glances out the window at the bar just in the distance and then turns back to look at me, giving me those same damn eyes he had given me earlier. I have never once; in all the years I have known him, been able to say no to those eyes.
I sigh and drive past the bar, which was crowded for a Thursday night, and continue on down the road before coming to a stop in front of a small coffee house.
He glances at the building and smiles before turning back to me. "Perfect, come on." He says climbing out of the car and waiting at the sidewalk for me.
I follow suit, and climb out of the car before walking around the front of the car. When I step up onto the curb, he places his hand at the small of my back and leads me toward the door, opening it for me. I have to take a few breaths to calm myself down as we approach the counter.
"Hey Erin," Josh, the kid behind the counter says smiling up at me, and I smile in return. "You just getting off?" He asks, moving to make my drink. I regularly stop by on my way to and from work, so he knew my order like the back of my hand, and he was of the very few who knew how to do it just right.
"Yeah, it's been a long night." I tell him before glancing back at Jay. Jay was glancing back and forth between the kid and I and I smirk to myself, knowing he was jealous of the simple interaction. Josh was 21 at the most, and my barista, nothing else. Sure, he always flirted but I wasn't interested in the least bit. However, it was a little fun to watch Jay sweat it.
I turn back to Josh and motion to Jay standing behind me. "Josh, this is my new partner, Detective Jay Halstead." I glance behind me to see Jay staring him down. "Jay, this is Josh."
Josh hands my cup to me before turning to Jay, holding his hand out. "Nice to meet you man," Jay looks down at his hand before reaching up and shaking it. "What can I get you?"
Jay shakes his head. "Simple black coffee is fine."
Josh nods and turns to pour his drink. Jay glances over to me and I roll my eyes before moving to find a seat. Seconds later, I hear Jay thank Josh and then he was sitting across from me at the small table.
I had picked a table in the far corner so that Josh couldn't hear our conversation, considering we were the only ones in the shop this late at night. I glance up and find him busy behind the counter, not paying us any attention before turning to look at Jesse. He sat with his back facing the counter and was watching me intently.
"Okay Halstead, you got me alone; talk." I say, bringing my cup up to my lips and taking a swig.
He shakes his head, as he leans forward on the table slightly. "I don't know where to start."
"Well why don't you start with why you randomly stopped writing me and then forgot all about me." I retort sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at him.
His eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Erin, what are you talking about? You're the one asked me to quit writing you."
"No I didn't Jay!" I exclaim, a little too loudly. Josh glances up from behind the counter and Jay gives me a look. I stay silent for a minute until Josh turns back to his work. "Jay, I wrote you every day for three months after I got your last letter, and I heard nothing in return! Do you know how much that hurt me? I loved you, more than anything and it just about killed me when I never heard anything from you."
At my statement, his face softens and he sighs before reaching up and running his hand over his face. "Erin, I don't know what happened, I really don't, but I never quit writing you. I wrote you a letter a day for the entire first two months I was there, but eventually, you quit answering me. I continued to write you for alteast another month before I got a letter from you, asking me to leave you alone so that you could move on with your life."
His eyes never leave mine as he speaks, and I feel my eyes grow twice their size as he tells me this. "Jay, what are you talking about? I never sent you that. I loved you, I would have followed you to the ends of the earth – I would have never sent that."
He sighs and sits back in his seat. "If you didn't send that… then who did?"
Suddenly, it all clicks and I shake my head in frustration. "I think I have an idea."
"No! Mom you know what? You went entirely too far with this." I stay silent, staring out into the cold Chicago night as my mother argues from the other side of the line. I roll my eyes, cutting her off. "No mom! This IS your fault! You did this to me! You sat back and let me cry myself to sleep every night for MONTHS knowing you did this to me. Your own fucking daughter! Who does that? Mom, you cried WITH me." By now, I was on the verge of tears, but it was only pissing me off more. "No, mom I'm done. I don't know how you could do something like this to someone you supposedly love. You know how I felt about him; you knew he was the one for me. He loved me and he cared about me, he was going to take care of me and just because you couldn't have that, you wouldn't let me have that. It is because of you that I am this miserable bitter shell of who I used to be, and the reason I've been this way for almost nine years. I'm done with you mother, you've lost all respect from me…"I pause once more, as she sobs and I take in a deep breath before bitterly saying. "I can never forgive you for ruining my life."
And with that, I hang up, not giving her a chance to say anything. I hastily shove my bangs out of my face before walking back inside the coffee shop. When he hears the jingle on the door, Jay looks up at me, giving me a sympathetic smile. "I got you a refill," He tells me as I take my seat across from him.
"Thanks," I mumble laying my phone down on the table in front of me. He stays silent, watching as it lights up and I quickly hit ignore when I see it was my mom. We continue this process a few more times before he speaks up. "So, I'm guessing it went well huh?"
I laugh sarcastically, as I look up and meet eyes with him. "Yeah, it went really well."I pause and let out a sigh. "She did it," I mumble glancing down at the table and playing with my coffee cup. I suddenly had no urge to look at him, to see the hurt in his eyes. "And apparently she never sent all my letters to you. She threw them out."
He stays silent, but reaches across the table and takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers for the second time that night. I smile softly at our hands before glancing up at him. He was staring at me, a mix of hurt and love in his eyes and the sight took my breath away.
"She sends her love though," I tell him, trying to joke my way through the awkwardness that this whole situation was.
He scoffs, as he squeezes my hand. "Yeah, I bet she does." His eyes were glued to our hands. "She never did like me..." he mumbles, turning to glance out the window.
"Jay, I'm sorry." I start, my eyes studying him as he glances back up and locks eyes with me once again. "I had no idea she did this. I feel so bad walking around and blaming you, and hating you for the past nine years. It isn't fair to you – "
"Erin stop it," he says quietly, but the sternness in his voice is enough to make me stop dead in my tracks. When he realizes he has my full attention, he continues on. "I believe you when you say you had no idea it was going on. I should have known something was up when I went and saw your mom –"
"Wait, what?" I interrupt him and he gives me a sad smile.
"About five years ago, when I moved home from base, right before I went into the academy, I went back to your house. I knew it was a long shot but I wanted to at least try and get in contact with you. I went to your mom's house and of course, you had long moved out. I really should have thought of that, but like an idiot, I didn't. So when I asked her for your address, or at least your phone number, she wouldn't give them to me. She told me that you were doing good and that you had a good job. She said you had moved on and you were happy with your life. No matter how hard I begged her to help me, she wouldn't. She said she wouldn't let me hurt you again and then slammed the door in my face."
"Jay – "
He shakes his head no, and squeezes my hand, continuing on with his story. "I even went as far as to try and track down Nadia. I was at the store and I ran into Jordan, you remember him?" He pauses, looking to me. I nod my head, in reference to Nadia's now ex boyfriend. "He gave me Nadia's number but apparently they hadn't had contact in a while because she had switched numbers. I tried for months to get in contact with you Erin, but Chicago is a big city. After a while, I wasn't getting anywhere and I decided to spare myself the heart break. I figured it was a long shot that I would ever find you again."
"Jay, I –"
"I love you Erin, I always have, and I always will. That is why I tried so hard to find you, I wanted to tell you that, but I couldn't find you no matter what I did. My life hasn't been the same since that day I left for training. I've regretted it every single day."
"Jay," I mumble, retracting my hand from his and shaking my head. "You don't love me – you love the idea of me."
He instantly shakes his head. "Erin, that's not true –"
"Jay" I say, a bit sternly this time, and he stops. His eyes never leave mine and I watch as a bit of sadness washes over them, as if he knows what I'm getting at. "You don't love me. You have a fiancé, and you two seem perfect for each other. Sure, you're the most random couple in the entire world, but you two are perfect. If you loved me, you wouldn't be with her."
"You don't understand what I'm saying here Erin." He says reaching out and grabbing my hand again. I try to pull it away, but he holds it tighter. "I do love you – more than anything. I met Brittany after all this happened, and I figured I would never see you again. So, I went out with her on what was supposed to be one date and now all these years later, I'm engaged. I don't know how it happened but I never wanted this. Not with her – it was supposed to be me and you. Remember?"
"I remember," I reply, thinking back to the night after the football game when he gave me his class ring and promised me that he would one day marry me and give me the life that I had always wanted. "I remember well, but that doesn't change the fact that you are engaged Jay."
Again, he shakes his head. This time, he looks frustrated. "Damn it, Erin. I love you, not her! I don't want to be with her, why don't you understand that?"
"Jay, until you do something about that, we can't be together. I won't be the other woman."
"You're not the other woman Er, and you know that. You're the woman."
"Jay – "I start, but again, he cuts me off.
"No Erin, damn it. I love you and I know you love me." He says leaning up and reaching into his pocket. He closes his hand around whatever it was and reaches for my hand. He opens it and lies something in it before speaking. "And don't say you don't, because if you didn't still love me, you wouldn't have worn that around your neck for all these years."
As he speaks, I glance down to find that he had put his class ring, the one I had given back to him just this morning, in my hand. I smile slightly at the sight of it before glancing up at him. He had a worried, fixated look on his face as he watched me, waiting for what I had to say.
I open my mouth to speak, only to be cut off by Josh who was still standing at the counter. "Erin, I hate to interrupt but I have to close, I've already let you guys stay an hour over."
At his words, I glance up at the clock on the wall and my eyes widen when I see it was the truth, and that it was getting late. "Shit Josh, I'm sorry." I say, moving to stand up.
Jay follows suit and we move to the front of the store. I quickly pull a twenty out of my pocket and hand it to Josh, telling him to keep the change before turning to face Jay. I step forward, placing the ring in the small pocket on the chest of his jacket.
He watches with a sad smile as I do so before glancing up at me.
"I do love you Jay and I always will, but I won't do anything about it as of right now. You owe it to Brittany to test out what you have with her." And with that, I turn and head for the door. I step outside and turn to look at him. "Come on, I need to get you back to your car. I'm sure she's worried about you."
"Wait a minute," Nadia practically shouts, jumping out of her seat. "You're mom did what?" I just nod my head, my face mirroring the same look of disgust as her. "What a bitch, Erin – "
But before she could finish her sentence, there's a knock on the door and we both freeze, looking to one another. "Who could that be?" I ask, glancing at the clock on the wall and finding that it was long after midnight. I hadn't realized she and I had been talking so long. "Are you expecting someone?" I ask glancing over my shoulder at her as I make my way to the door.
She shakes her head no as I reach up and glance through the peephole. A small smile forms on my lips and my heart starts to speed up when I see who it is. Without a second though, I flip the lock and swing the door open. Before I know what is going on, he has his arms around my waist and has me pushed against the wall, his lips on mine.
We pull away a few moments later, both in dire need of oxygen, as Nadia cat calls from down the hall. We both turn our gazes her way, still against the wall. I shoot her a glare, earning a chuckle from her. "Hey Nadia." He chuckles, his smirk evident in his voice.
This time, she smirks. "Welcome back, Jay." She shoots us a wink before turning and heading toward her bedroom. "I'll be wearing my ear plugs tonight, but try not to go too crazy."
"Nadia!"I exclaim, earning a giggle from her as she rounds the corner. Jay, in return, chuckles as well before turning back to me. His hands slowly slip up to frame my face as I lean back against the wall and glance up at him.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, trying to hide my smile but failing miserably. One kiss, two seconds in his arms and I felt like I was seventeen again. It was the best feeling in the world.
"I missed you," He murmurs, before leaning down and kissing me softly. "I have a lot of missed time to make up for." He mumbles his lips still on mine.
I allow him to kiss me once more, and within seconds, I'm breathless and can't think straight. I manage to push him back slightly so that our lips were no longer touching, but he keeps his hands on my face. He smirks down at me as I look up to him, still trying to form a single coherent thought. "What?" I ask, taking in the pleased look on his face.
"I left you breathless didn't I?" He asks, his smirk growing and I laugh, smacking his shoulder.
"Shut up," I mumble and he leans down kissing me again. This time, I kiss him back but quickly push him back. "I'm not letting you get that satisfaction again." I inform him, finally coming around.
He just chuckles in response, as he glances down at me, waiting for me to finish speaking. "Seriously, what are you doing here?"
He finally lets his hands slip from my face, but quickly wraps his left arm around my waist, as he reaches into his jacket pocket with his right hand. "I'm bringing this beauty back to its real owner," He says pulling the ring out of his pocket and placing it back in my hand.
I glance down at it before looking back up to him. I find him smiling down at me, a true, honest, smile. "Jay, it is your ring, not mine."
He shakes his head. "No, it belongs to you. I gave it to you all those years ago for a reason. It held a purpose remembers?" I just nod. "It still does. Erin, I want to be with you. I want to take you out on dates, buy you things you deserve, I want to marry you," His arm around my waist snakes further, and pulls me into his embrace as his right hand slides up my neck to cup my face once more. He gently brings my face up to his, so that we were only inches apart. "I want to have a million children with you –"
"Wait a minute," I giggle. "A million? I don't think so buddy."
"Ok, ok." He chuckles, his lips ghosting over mine. "Maybe I exaggerated a bit, but a couple at least. Erin, the point is, I want it all, with you. Nobody else,"
"What about Brittany?" I ask, my eyes glancing back and forth between his beautiful blue eyes and his lips before my eyes redirect and stay focused on his lips.
He shrugged. "She was upset, but she understands Erin. She knew my heart was never fully in it."
My eyes snap up to meet his. "Wait, so you two called it off?" He simply nods, watching me intently. He was waiting for me to make the next move, and honestly, I didn't have to think twice before I jumped up into his arms and crushed my lips against his.
It had been many years in the making, with too much heartbreak to count, but I had somehow finally managed to get my happy ending. I knew the future wouldn't be easy in the least bit either, but I was prepared to take it on full swing. If it meant that I finally got the boy - no, the man – of my dreams, I was willing to do anything to keep him. He was finally mine again, and I wasn't letting him go for anything.
