A/N: After a very encouraging review from one of my favorite authors I decided to give you guys Arthur's POV. I still won't be updating this anytime soon after this, namely cause Psychology class is kicking my ass worse than the English one for college courses, and I still have to figure out what to sell and what to keep since I'm being kicked out of the house.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Sum: Cardverse AU Spades is a vast land known for its' fertile lands and abilities in magic. Arthur is due to be the Queen of Spades because he has the highest connection to nature magic in the lands. What no one knows is that Alfred has a bit of magic too.

Regrets

Chapter 2: The Other Half

Arthur scowled once he and Alfred were alone in their room together.

"C'mon, don't be this way Artie…" Alfred sighed.

Arthur's scowl deepened, "I'll bloody well act however I want you bloody git! I don't want to be married to you!"

Arthur kept his back turned to the other. This marriage may as well have been a total farce. They hardly knew each other and they most certainly didn't love each other. Alfred was the type of man that women loved, the type of man to treat everyone equally and respect them all, but most importantly he was the type of person Arthur had always wanted to save him from this sort of life.

Arthur hated the life of royals. It was all so fake, it didn't mean anything to any of them, it was all just some damn pretense of agreement with no real meaning…and Arthur hated thinking that their marriage was the same, because there was no other way that Alfred would have possibly met him and Francis had always said no one could love someone who looked and acted as he did.

He heard Alfred shuffling into a makeshift cot, but kept his back turned on the man as he settled into the bed comfortably. It was routine at this point, an unspoken agreement that there would be no contact between them, but Arthur ached for it to be real, for the marriage to have meant more, and for there to be real feelings between them, but all they ever did was argue. It was painfully cold and it made Arthur feel lonely to know that there was little he could do to close the gap between them.

Arthur knew more about their kingdom's magic than anyone else in the kingdom except maybe Alfred, though he never understood the boy's interest in it or asked why he wanted to know so much. Arthur made an effort to get closer to the jack, Yao Wang, but never made an effort with Alfred. Alfred was so different, so bright and loyal; a good leader with a good heart and Arthur could not understand why he was chosen as Queen, not when there were so many others who would be better for Alfred. Alfred deserved the best and Arthur was hardly qualified.

Arthur hated the silence that surrounded them in the throne room. It was suffocating as yet another fight ended between Alfred and himself, but he refused to cry. The words hurt, but not nearly as much as the insults did. Arthur couldn't handle it, so he strode from the room with his head held high and walked to his personal library. Arthur sighed as he sought out a book for comfort, running his fingers along the spine of a particularly well used book of romantic and tragic poems.

A few tears escaped him as he grabbed the book and walked to the personal garden. He had learned from the previous diaries of queens that it was usually a meeting place for them and their queens, detailing rather raunchy situations that made him blush. He wanted that. He wanted the love of his king to truly be his, but Alfred and he grated on each other, they could barely get along. He wanted the love that those kings and queens shared, he ached to know that the legends of the love between the kings and queens were true and not a one-sided effect of magic that bound them together.

His gift and love of nature calmed him as he sat alone in the Queen's Garden. It was comforting and familiar, calming Arthur from his thoughts of Alfred as he sighed in content and sat down to read beneath the Spade Tree. It was a hauntingly familiar poem of love and heartbreak.

I dare not hope his love is mine

Nor share I the thoughts of heart

For dwelling thoughts in kind

Have lingered from the start

I seek not a withered love

Nor reveal these feelings true

I seek mutual friendship of

A relationship undue

Arthur understood so perfectly the anonymous writer whose feelings hid beneath the surface of friendship. It was painful, but it was preferable not to make the current relationship awkward and they were already accustomed to the constant battle of words, but Arthur had hoped, perhaps something would change.

Time passed unduly, with uncertainty lingering between the servants and the royals themselves as they adjusted to the new type of life and the petty arguments that rang through the halls each day. It became routine. All too soon a few years had passed, life continuing in the same manner, until they received a declaration of war by the Clubs kingdom. Arthur immediately began to throw around orders, knowing that Alfred would need time to gather his own thoughts, watching his King from the corner of his eyes.

As the king left Arthur worried, but continued handing out orders and telling Yao to call council as he went to get Alfred so that they could alert the generals and have a war meeting to discuss tactics.

He walked calmly, trying to gather himself. He couldn't show just how worried he was to the king, he couldn't tell him that he didn't want the war because wanted or not they were about to enter one. If he hadn't had to jump into action and hand out orders in place of the king he would have been stuck in stunned silence, because the possibility of him losing Alfred to it was very real. He knocked on the door and took a deep breath.

"Come in," he heard Alfred say as he opened the door. It was so nonchalant, like Alfred couldn't care less at who was at the door, like what they had just heard was an everyday announcement that held little meaning to him.

Arthur scowled at the man before him as he walked in, but the man did not turn to face him. "I beg your pardon Your Majesty but we need you to be with us as we alert the generals."

"Right, of course, I'll be there in a few minutes, I just have something to take care of," Alfred said, no noticing Arthur's eyes narrowing.

Arthur's scowl deepened as he concluded that something was wrong with the king, but he couldn't pry as it was obvious the king had dismissed him. He walked out the door without another word and slammed it shut behind him.

Arthur walked down the hall to where he had told Yao to meet him. At Yao's questioning look he shrugged and stared blankly at the wall before him. Even when Alfred joined them and they walked to alert the generals, Arthur stared blankly. Everything he had hoped for their kingdom was at risk, Alfred's life was at risk, and he hated to think that the war would take everything.

During the week before his departure Alfred secluded himself further, choosing to sleep in separate quarters from Arthur, and it worried him even when he would take walks through the garden or sit beneath the Spade Tree and enjoy a cup of tea while reading a book in the little free time he was given to not stress himself out before the battle.

Arthur was worried about Alfred, while he did not like being married to the git he knew Alfred was a good man. He didn't like how Alfred, who was usually a very social person, secluded himself and closed himself off from the other members of the kingdom. Only once had Alfred left the castle grounds, he returned to the place where he grew up to see an old friend, Tony, without knowing Arthur was following him. A sharp pain flooded Arthur as he watched the two talk and laugh together. It was the closest Alfred had been to himself since the news of the war and he was jealous, not just because Alfred was happy, but because it seemed like the two were the ones who were actually together. He felt like he didn't belong, he never would.

Arthur returned to the castle without noticing Alfred's eyes on his back as he spoke to his old friend. It hurt that Alfred would never share those secrets with him, to know he would never be the one to help Alfred or talk with him about his worries. It was painful and duly noted that there would always be someone else in Alfred's life to take the place he wanted.

It wasn't until the night before Alfred was due to leave, Alfred walked into the room he had shared with Arthur who stared at Alfred's form blankly. He watched as Alfred shuffled his feet and shifted uncomfortably, "May I stay here for the night?"

Arthur stared at him hard wanting to turn him away, knowing the man never really used proper grammar and English unless he wanted something, but he could feel himself giving in, because he had never seen his king's eyes as sad as they were now staring at him. No matter how badly he hated to think he might lose him, he couldn't deny him. Arthur nodded and Alfred walked over to the bed, slipping in but kept his back to Arthur not knowing how much that hurt, because Arthur wanted to see the face of the brave man who he would be seeing off in the morning.

"Thank you," his muffled voice said as Arthur too slipped into the covers.

The next morning Arthur awoke alone, a painful ache in his chest knowing this could be the last time he saw Alfred, his King, the man he loved. He wanted to say the words so badly, wanted to tell Alfred how he felt, but maybe it would be worse. Maybe it just wouldn't be worth that risk. He'd just have to tell Alfred when he got back from the war.

Arthur got out of bed and dressed himself for the day. Today he would have to see off Alfred and today he would be left alone with Yao and would handle the affairs of the kingdom alone. He stood atop the castle steps with Yao and the servants, Alfred's generals atop horses awaiting their King who would lead them into battle.

Alfred arrived looking regal, something no one would have thought of him just a few years ago before their marriage. He looked brilliant astride the steed and had Arthur been a woman he would say that Alfred would be the perfect knight in shining armor and the type he would want to rescue him. The sight made him breathless, but he took a few breaths and calmed himself.

"I take it you are prepared?" Arthur said sternly, his eyes just a bit softening a bit as he watched Alfred who nodded at him without saying a word. As was customary Arthur gave his king a kiss on his lips, just a peck that made Alfred blush, and while Arthur tried not to the telltale color formed on his cheeks as well from intimacy that he had never had before as the only other kiss they had shared was in the church the day of their marriage for luck, there had been no wedding night to consummate their marriage.

The months that the war waged dragged on in an endless cycle for Arthur. It was hopelessly dull without Alfred there to talk to him even if all they exchanged were teasing remarks and insults thrown. He listened to the complaints of the kingdom and resolved issues, but admittedly the most interesting part of his day was watching the palace guards train the new soldiers. He pitied the poor boys who would soon be sent off to fight in the war, but they were enthusiastic and had Alfred's optimism, which was endearing in a way Arthur would never admit aloud.

Arthur was going through his paperwork when he found a parchment written in elegant cursive he had only seen once before. Checking the signature to confirm who the work belonged to he saw his king's signature. He read through it once, then twice, and again unbelieving of the words written before him and he felt his heart flutter in joy and shock, before turning to guilt and sadness and maybe regret.

Dear Arthur,

My beloved queen I know how busy you are and know that you will not find this note until well into the war. This may be my only chance to make my feelings known. I love you. Those words have been a burden upon me as I wish you nothing but happiness. I know you hate me and think me immature, but if you treat life like a job, everything worth living for will pass you by.

I love the way you look in the morning, your golden hair a tad bit messy and your eyebrows look so fluffy that I want to run my fingers over them just to see if you might purr like a cat. I love the way your eyes light up and how they reflect your mood. I love the rare smiles that grace your lips and it makes me want to hold you close and kiss you over and over.

I love you so much that I never want you to doubt it. I was so happy when I found out I was going to be king because it meant I could help the people of Spades. When I met you I was happier because I believed I was the luckiest man in the world to be able to wed you and get to know you. You might not remember it but we met before when we were younger, and I've always watched you from afar since then. You were so kind to me, an orphan no one cared about, and it made me happy.

I also have something else to confess. For all that I love you and you not I, all I desire is your happiness. Should anything happen to me I beg of you to find someone who will love you as much as I and more, someone to care for you and show you that you are loved in every way, even ways that I was not able to.

All my love forever,

Alfred F. Jones

The letter made him ache with undeniable pain and love. The combination hurt, because Alfred had done this, wrote this before he left knowing he might not make it back, and Arthur had not done anything at all. He had not even told Alfred how he felt with a gesture like this.

A week after he found the letter a messenger rushed in to the throne room, halting the speeches being given. Arthur silenced those who dared to protest in outrage. "What news?"

"My Queen, I bring you the utmost terrible news and I must deliver to your ears alone," he said.

Arthur nodded. "Everyone, you are dismissed. We shall reconvene in two hours."

Unwilling to induce the queen's wrath they begrudgingly left the room, shutting the doors so that all that remained were the queen and the messenger. "Speak."

"My Queen, it pains me to deliver the news, but His Highness has fallen in battle. The king of Clubs ran him through with his sword on the battlefield as King Alfred drove him back and allowed the troops time to retreat," the messenger said.

Arthur was terrified; he kept his face unreadable, unable to express his grief before the man. It wouldn't do for him to fall apart, the kingdom needed him. "Does anyone else know?"

The messenger shook his head. "Good. Keep it that way. The people are more likely to continue fighting if they believe His Highness is still alive. Keep our soldiers fighting and push Clubs back. When this war is over, only then shall we announce the passing of our king."

The messenger nodded and Arthur dismissed him. Once he was gone, Arthur ran to his study, and pulled out the letter. He wept and his tears stained the page on which Alfred confessed his feelings, his eyes too blurry to read the words anymore, but he had memorized them anyway.

"Alfred, Alfred, Alfred, Alfred," he chanted his name over and over. He had lost his love before he could tell him. Alfred was gone and somehow he would have to move on, somehow he would have to keep going, but he felt like his world was falling apart and he didn't know how. Alfred's words echoed in his mind with his voice, telling him to move on and be happy, but Arthur didn't know how. Alfred had been the only one to accept him in any way, to show him love, and point out things about him that he liked, where others thought were repulsive, like his eyebrows.

"Why?" he dared to question, knowing no one would answer. "Why did you go? Why did you leave me?"

Arthur cried and cried, until finally all he felt was hollow. There was no justice in the world like Alfred had believed, if there were Alfred would not have been taken from him before he had the chance to experience love. Yet, Alfred had always believed, so maybe if he did something would be worth it. Maybe he just had to search.

A/N: There you go. Literally last chapter for a while because my laptop is dying on me and I need to finish all my assignments before it goes bye-bye for good on me. On a belated side note, Happy National Compliment Day.