Chapter Two

As Jen moved around the room tidying and sorting, she hummed a little tune under her breath. She felt relieved that she found herself in this moment, in the art room of Huxley Green. If it hadn't been for this fortuitous offer at Huxley, events may have played themselves out much differently. And most certainly, tragically.

Only days before, she had been faced with the most difficult decision.

The anxiety of the past week, faded away as she worked. She had been in such a quandary. She had sat in her armchair, cradling her Gran's tiny crystal dove in her palm. Praying for guidance. Praying for a sign. She absentmindedly traced her fingertips over the small carved details of its glassy outstretched wings. Her face etched painfully with her indecision. Time past so slowly and seemed to stretch out before her in an agonizing silence.

She held the fate of her and Tilly in her hands and in the endless beating of her aching heart. Her love of teaching art was battling inside her chest, playing a cruel game of tug of war. It was stubbornly positioned squarely against her love for Tilly. Either way she chose, she would lose.

From all the applications and interviews she had, Hollyoaks Sixth Form had offered her the incredible opportunity to teach Art full-time. An unheard of opportunity for someone so young and fresh to the profession as her. She had failed to mention this fact to Tilly. She had purposely not mentioned it to Tilly.

With good reason, she justified to herself. She agonized over her decision as she waited and waited. She didn't want to unnecessarily upset Tilly, especially since they were getting on so well. And she needed time, as she tried to work out whether or not to actually accept the job. And she still had not heard back from the one place she really wanted, Huxley Green Collegiate.

Unbelievable, even to herself, as she wavered and procrastinated, she began hoping the placement offered by Hollyoaks Sixth Form would slip by. Each day and moment she spent with Tilly deepened their connection. Each day and moment that she gazed into her beautiful intelligent eyes, and felt the fire of their passion as she touched her delicate skin, she felt herself tumble even more deeply in love with her. They shared their dreams, hopes and wishes. Even as they argued philosophy, their love bloomed with a breathtaking and unexpected depth that continually surprised her.

She began to realize how difficult it would be. How impossible it would be to see her everyday, be aware of her presence, knowing they couldn't be together. She wasn't ready to even fathom the level of heartbreak or the pain it would cause them both.

The sobering truth was that teaching at Hollyoaks would mean the end of her and Tilly. There would be no way she could allow herself and her integrity to slip. Even as she weighed every idea she could to get around it, they all led to the same conclusion. Their love affair was forbidden. Even now as they continued to discreetly meet, layering lie upon lie to friends and family around them, it was like a splinter. A painful irritation that couldn't be pulled out, couldn't be reached, and instead festered. Jen's head ached with all the many thoughts that tumbled inside her, like an endless loop.

If only Tilly were older...she would practically be graduating now...going to Uni...

If only she wasn't so mature...so confident...so beautiful and bright.

If only my heart would quit ruling my head...

She had been so dreadfully close to accepting the job at Hollyoaks. Fortune, this one time, was on her side. Huxley Green Collegiate saved her from the direction she knew she had to take. She paled at the thought of the consequences. It had been absolute torture, hoping, waiting, deflecting not only Tilly's questions about her next moves, but Diane's too.

Her stomach flipped tensely looking at her dwindling bank account, and the notice from the Student Loan office that her payments were coming due. The pressure was unbearable.

The offer from Huxley Green Collegiate was not as glamorous a placement as full-time teaching art in her own classroom, but close enough, as a teaching assistant position at such a prestigious school offered opportunity for advancement. It was, she mused, an incredible blessing. It meant still being able to see Tilly, albeit discreetly.

Unfortunately, as she privately agonized over her decision, Tilly could tell things were not right with her. They had a vicious argument as Tilly began growing fearful and suspicious, as every question she had of her job situation and what was causing Jen to be so vague and tight-lipped was met with silence or a change of subject.

Tilly's angry words had hurt. "Don't you dare push me away again! All you ever worry about is your damn job! What about me? After all your promises do you even care how I feel? Why won't you tell me what's going on? Quit treating me like I can't handle the truth!

Tilly had stormed off, the words stuck in her throat, strangling her. She could only watch helplessly as Tilly disappeared around the corner, the tears burning her troubled eyes. She couldn't tell her what was going on because she herself, didn't yet know.

Thankfully, the moment came when she could fully share her good fortune. It wasn't perfect, but would allow them the togetherness they so craved and longed for. It was a compromise, but one they could both cope with. Until Tilly reached her 18th, and finished College in 10 months, it was a situation they could work with. Above all, she could share the truth with her and prove to her that she really was all she cared about.

Now, she just had to figure out how to win her back.

...

Ironically, after their unpleasant argument, Jen had soon received the good news of the offer from Huxley Green Collegiate. It felt as if a thousand pound weight had lifted itself off her shoulders.

She ran to celebrate with Diane, and called her brother Liam and Auntie Stella to tell them the good news. Caught on the phone for hours with Liam, it had been too late that evening to contact Tilly. She decided to wait until morning, giving them both an opportunity to return to a calmer place, and hopefully for Tilly, a more receptive state.

...

Jen woke to the sound of banging in the hall outside her door.

She rolled and stretched across her bed, snuggling down under her duvet. The early morning light danced flickering shadows against her wall. She stretched her nearly healed arm out before her and rotated her wrist. Other than a weird thick feeling where her bone had knitted itself back together deflecting the blow from Ally's attack during the summer, it was almost completely healed.

Jen heard Sinead and Diane again, this time shuffling and heated whispers, and wondered what they were doing up so early.

Jen snapped to attention. Oh yes! They were heading out for a pre college shopping trip to London. She quickly got out of bed and threw on her robe. After a quick trip to the toilet she sauntered down to the kitchen. She rubbed her eye and sleepily poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Aw Mum!" Sinead was yelling as she ran back upstairs.

Diane appeared at the door. "Honestly, an overnight and you'd think she was going away for a year the ways she's packed! Hurry up!" she yelled after Sinead.

"You're sure you don't want me to give you a lift to the station?" Jen asked tentatively, as she stirred her coffee, watching the swirl of cream mix in the dark brown liquid.

"Oh, love, no worries, it's more exciting making the taxi wait," she said sarcastically as she turned to bellow up the stairs, "Sinead come on!"

In a flurry of noise and dust finally the door slammed behind them and quiet engulfed the house. Peace at last.

Jen leisurely picked up the newspaper off the kitchen table and wandered over to the sofa where she curled into a corner. She took a languid sip of her coffee. A smile slowly played across her lips. Laying the newspaper to the side, she slipped her hand into her robe pocket and pulled out her mobile. She stared at it a moment, thoughtfully chewing her lip. Her face grew serious. She began typing. After several tries, she found the words she hoped would begin to make amends to Tilly.

My dearest Tilly, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you with my inability to share with you what's going on with me. But I'm ready now. Remember when I mentioned Sinead & Diane would be away this week? I have house to myself...promise I'll tell you everything, please can I have a chance to make it up to you? xx J

Tilly's immediate and snappy response made Jen's heart leap into her throat.

Excuse me, Miss Gilmore, but I'm not finished being angry with you, so I think you'd better make it worth my while.

Jen's fingers tumbled quickly over her mobile's keys.

Please don't be mad at me, promise, tonight will proper make it up to you...wining, dining included with good news! But first, will you let me take you on a little adventure this afternoon?

Jen anxiously held her breath.

Count yourself lucky that I love you enough to put up with your s**t!

: ( I know...I'm so sorry...ppplllleeeaaasssse let me make it up to you? XXX

It better be really good!

I promise you won't regret it! xx

We'll see, I'm not as easy as you seem to think...x T

: D Will see you later then? XX J

Jen let out a little squeak of delight and smiled widely reading Tilly's affirmative message. She leapt off the sofa in excitement, almost spilling her coffee. She had better get herself sorted for their time together, and pronto!

...