Chapter 2: Honesty.
Summery:Laguna has a proposition for the sorceress and her knight; and does Odine bare good tidings?
(Notes: I know theres one or two misplaced lower-case letters here. It will be fixed.)
The kitchen of the palace did not look like what you'd expect. Instead of the grand gilded affair that the downstairs portrayed this kitchen would not look out of place in a farmhouse. In Fact if it wasn't for the great window looking over the city you'd think it was the middle of the countryside. The fourth floor of the palace was dedicated to matters of office. Full of 'primness and pompous old men.' as Laguna, squalls' estranged father, said whenever he was released from official duties. However the fifth floor was his own private dwellings. Great libraries flanked small and rustic kitchen and dining quarters. A lounge with a large TV and comfortable, if worn, chairs crowded round a large, pitted coffee table. Issues of magazines and films were scattered around including several that Laguna himself had either starred in or written. The only thing here aside from the libraries that even hinted that they still were inside a palace were the bedrooms. The bedrooms were grand and luxurious. Enormous queens sized beds sat atop a lake of soft deep-red carpet. The area around the bed was sunk into the floor. It was amidst the purple silk and cotton sheets that Squall slowly, and reluctantly, awoke. The sun lay across his chest warming him through the white shirt. Down filled pillows cradled his head and for a brief fleeting moment he allowed himself to relax, to be embraced by the comfort surrounding him.
The sound of running water brought him back to earth with a slap. He pushed himself to sit up and swing himself out of bed. This sounded like a simple action, but Squalls' body protested audibly in the form of a long groan. 'Squall? You awake?' Rinoa stepped into the room, light and fresh as a spring flower, the complete opposite of him in the morning. Squall smiled faintly and turned to face her. The smile Rinoa had meant for him when she stepped out of the en-suite failed her slightly, but she recovered. It was like looking into the dream again. Not the beast squall that woke her, but the ashen faced man with dark ringed eyes that looked at her looked almost as much a corpse as the body in her dream had done. He yawned and stretched, running a hand over his face to shake away the sleep. The spark of life seemed to return to him and once again he was himself in her eyes once more. The illusion may have lasted but a second, but it was long enough for Squall to notice. 'Is there something wrong, Rinoa?' Laughter was the reply and she shook her head.
'No, no. I'm fine. Just tired is all.' Squalls' eyes narrowed in concern.
'Another bad dream?' Rinoa shook her head, avoiding the subject.
'Get washed, dressed. Brush your hair if you wont have it cut will you?' She grinned, ' and come for breakfast.' He rolled his eyes at her and stood up, headed for the bathroom. She waited for him to pass him before placing a hand on his shoulder. 'Squall?' He turned, puzzled.
'What is it?' She leaned to him and planted a single kiss on his cheek.
'Its good to have you back.' she whispered, then left.
Breakfast was a simple affair of bacon omelettes hand made by Laguna himself. He'd come a long way in three months, this time virtually no egg remained stuck, burnt to the pan. Rinoa picked at hers like a bird while the man sat beside her, dressed in black jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt, ate as though he'd not seen food in days. Laguna sat to her left and watched, fork halfway to his mouth in amused surprise.
'Well,' He began. 'It would seem you've taken a liking to my cooking at last.' Squall shook his head, swallowing his current mouthful.
'I'm starving.' Was all He said. Rinoa looked to the older of the two men.
'It's those damn pills. They must do something to His metabolism, He always seems to wake up ravenous.' Laguna nodded sympathetically.
'Still having trouble sleeping, son?' Squall leveled him a glare that demonstrated his feeling on that particular term used in conjunction with him. Bridges there still not quite mended it would seem. Laguna coughed and tried again. 'S-Still having trouble sleeping, Squall?' The young man didn't answer, but instead went back to his omelet. Rinoa sighed deeply, this macho posturing she was used to but it still annoyed her somewhat. She knew part of her, well; boyfriend, she supposed, wanted to acknowledge this man, his father, into his life; but that it would take a bit more than a token gesture to completely earn his trust.
'Yes, he is. I was hoping Odine would be able to give us anything easier on him.' Another glare, this one aimed at her. it simply said I'm not that weak, I can take it. Laguna frowned.
'Odines' out of town again this week. something about a lecture overseas.' He bit the end of his fork thoughtfully. 'Though, He did leave something for you, Its on my desk in the office.' Rinoa looked at Squall.
'Probably the result of your last CT scan. We should get a look at that as soon as-' Squall stood up, a frown playing across his head like thunder.
'I'm not an invalid. I don't have to listen to you talk about me like one.' With that he spun on his heel and stormed out of the room.
'Squall!' Laguna called. Rinoa shook Her head.
'No, let Him go. I think all this time off is getting to Him.' She sighed, looking helpless. 'He doesn't like having to depend on people.' The man, so much like the person in question, nodded.
'Tell me about it.' Odines' diagnosis had worried everyone. had it been anyone else (alright, maybe not Zell...) a prescription of sleep and metal rest would have been easy. But Squalls' mind had never been rested. He sat on problems while they steamed over and over and He was not one to share what was bothering Him. It was likely He could be close to snapping, on the brink of madness of the sleep deprived that even tablets couldn't help. Then again, He could be just fine They would never know if He never spoke. Odine had seen round that though, a Brain without sleep would begin to degrade, pathways would close causing madness and eventually complete shut down of all functions. By scanning Squalls' brain every fortnight or so He could easily tell if Squall had been getting enough rest. Constant procedures and people checking up on Him did nothing to improve the SeeDs' mood. Though his Father tried to ease His sons' stay as much as possible by giving Him simply duties around the place like advising and helping Kiros and Ward, But all He had gotten in response was the occasional sigh or shake of the head.
'He's a teenager Laguna.' Kiros had reminded him. 'You missed out on all the nappy changing and tantrums, this is sort of making up for it. Hormones raging, He's taking it out on you, years of repressed angst.' Laguna sighed at his old friend. 'Since when did you become the expert?' Kiros laughed.
'It's an unwritten law.'
'Like how one sock always goes missing?' Kiros nodded.
'Exactly.' It was remembering these words that allowed Laguna to reign in His normally cheerful attitude away from the depressed old man He was very dangerously close to becoming.
'Damn parenting ages you.' He groaned. Rinoa chuckled slightly.
'You look good for it though, Least I know Squall wont be loosing His hair with age.'
'Speaking of age,' The man laughed brightly, his eyes alive again. 'I've been meaning to ask you both. Well best I should run it past you first, can never tell with him.' He nodded at the door that his son had stormed out of. 'What is it?' Rinoa refilled her orange juice, Laguna rubbed his chin.
'I've wanted to talk to you both about...well. Moving here permanently.' Rinoa choked loudly on her drink, it was the last thing she had been expecting. She knew Laguna had enjoyed having his son around but did not know He had adjusted to life as a father that completely. 'I've, and you must never tell Him this, but I've enjoyed having Him around, Reminds me of My Raine.' He smiled. 'The best thing I've ever done, and well I worry about him. He can't go back to SeeD as He is, battle might send him back the way he was. And,well, I'm getting on in years. I've been meaning to look for a successor - and the people have voted more than once that they will accept anyone I recommend. I just well...' through bit of orange Rinoa manged to cough out,
'You want Squall to be president?' Laguna slapped the table.
'Exactly! I-if you think He'd even consider-' The girl interrupted.
'I don't know, I'd, I would have to have a word with him. He might find it easier coming from me.' She sighed sadly. 'I think He still has heart set on returning to service.'
'That is what I was afraid of.' A hand was passed through his greying hair as he thought. 'Still, it's worth a try. Would you please talk with him.' Rinoa stood up.
'I'll have a word with Him laguna.' She placed a hand on his shoulder. 'But I can't promise anything.' With this she walked out of the kitchen, leaving Laguna to collect the plates. The air conditioned hallway was silent. No obvious guards were posted here, Oh there were guards, Just out of sight. Rooms behind paintings of Winhill and Raine that laguna and commissioned or acquired over the years, hidden from view yet only a few inches away in case of emergency. The carpets absorbed her footsteps as Rinoa made her way to the office, sunlight spilling over onto the carpet from windows that looked over the courtyard. She enjoyed life here in Esthar, Certainly she would prefer to be back in Timber, maybe with Squall if he would have it, but here was a close second. The silence was only occasionally broken by the whooshing sound of the lift running past. Even on the presidents private floor people came too and fro between the office and other floors. No matter the occasion or time of day there was always work to be done.
Rinoa turned left through a dark walnut door frame just as a young female PA exited and headed to the lift. Rinoa regarded the woman with jealous eyes, but waited for her to pass before heading to the window where Squall was stood at the window, using the sun light to study the documents. Despite her making her way to him as silently as possible he did not flinch when she wrapped her arms around His soldiers, standing on tip-toe to reach. Here she could feel the slight stubble under the line of his jaw, Soft hair down to his shoulders and smell the pleasantly bittersweet scent of his aftershave. He didn't smile but he relaxed into her grasp, a sign of trust for Him. She kissed his cheek lightly and beamed at him. 'I don't see how you can read that stuff. I mean how do you tell if it's good news or bad?' Squall pointed a finger at figures and dark marks on the scan. To Rinoa it looks a little bit like the black and white photo of a cross section of a bath sponge. 'Odine showed me what to look for after I asked him to.' He held the scan up to the light so she could see. 'Simply put I'm getting better.' Rinoa swung round to look at His face.
'Is that what it really says or do you just not want me to worry about you?' Squall looked her square in the eye, for once a genuine smile that lit his face up with boyish charm. He sat her down on his fathers grand desk in front of the window. Laguna liked the view over the city. Helped him to see why he had to put up with all the paperwork. He held two scans up to the window. 'This is last months. See this?' He pointed to a dark spot. 'That's bad, where I haven't been sleeping'
'Where one bit stops talking to another?' She had listened to several explanations aimed at her and Laguna from Kiros.
'If you like.' He nodded. 'Here,' He pointed at the second one, the dark spot had shrunk considerably to be replaced with something that looked the same as the area around it. 'This is Thursdays.'
'The parts are getting back in touch? So what does this mean? Will you be able to dream again?'
In the days following their escape from the compression Odine placed Squall in a sleep lab to find out why He couldn't sleep, and how he would react to being drugged. After a few days it became clear the drugs worked but the damage done prevented him from being able to dream. Odine had theorised that Squall would be completely cured when he could dream again, If the damage done there had healed then he would be free to sleep on his own again. It was possible the brain had sabotaged itself to prevent sleep but there was no way to be sure without cutting him open, and at that Squall had walked out of the sleep clinic. He nodded at Rinoa. 'Eventually, According to the notes Hes thrown in I should be dreaming again in a few weeks, month at the most. No mention of hypnotism, I think hes given up at last.' He smiled and She chuckled.
'So, What do you want to do now?' Squalls' smile faded, his eyes became serious once more. He put the files away and lent on the desk beside her.
'I've been thinking,' He started, looking at his shoes. 'After...After the last fight, I saw my team mates thrown into time.' He closed his eyes, He was serious now and talking like this was difficult, He had pulled the SeeD shell about him once again. In this mindset He had been trained to withstand torture to keep secrets, Having an emotional conversation like this was almost painful. He could not talk about the fight against Ultimecia the same way He had spoken to Rinoa about the scan moments before, that open way of speaking was something He had only recently learnt; To let the shell slip away just enough to let his emotion show, and Rinoa was the only person He felt He could trust enough to let see such a tender side of him. Rinoa understood what this meant, The emotional side of him was fragile delicate and so easily broken like spun glass kept in a locked safe. He trusted Rinoa enough to show her the contents of that safe, but if She was to break that glass...She knew He would never open to anyone again.
'I... It hurt Rinoa. I was willing to undergo anything I was ordered. It what I've been trained to do.' Rinoa Nodded. 'But, I saw my team mates, my...' He swallowed hard and looked to Her for reassurance. She squeezed His hand and willed him on. 'My...Friends, I saw my friends vanish. I did not know if they were dead or alive, I didn't know what to do! I couldn't even pull myself out of Ultimecias world I was so confused.' He looked away, gritting his teeth. 'I discovered something.' Rinoa held his hand to her chest and looked at him, using her free and to move his face to hers.
'What did you find out?' He looked at her. The steel in His eyes were gone, now they were sky blue.
'I found out, That, without orders...I'm nothing.' Never before had squall been so open, so honest with her, even now She could see there was genuine fear in his eyes. Weather it was from what He was saying or that fact He was saying it in the first place that scared him She didn't ask.
'So, you want to go back to garden?' To her surprise Squall shook his head.
'Not now, Not just yet. I can't. I never want to feel that hopeless again. I thought my training prepared me for everything, But if I can be thrown off hilter that easily...and so...' He blanched but recomposed himself. 'Then my training is far from perfect. Ive spent my whole life trying to close of my emotions, T-to close them away from harm, to destroy them, But that never works, does it?' He looked at her, Vunerable and just a little bit scared. She shook Her head and stroked his hair.
'No. You can't seal yourself away from harm, from pain. It just makes it worse when it eventually gets through.' Strong enough to destroy your mind she thought. Squall nodded before closing his eyes and letting out a deep sigh. 'Then I have some serious work to do. If ignored emotions can be...so...so fatal to someone, Then I've decided. I need to learn how to acept them, and the pain they bring.' Rinoa held a breath, Was He saying what she thought He was? 'And in that state...I can't be a solider, I'd be a liability. I'm not used to thinking with my heart, Only my head. I'll make to many stupid mistakes until I learn which one I should listen to and when, I'll put too many people in danger. So,' He took a very deep breath and let it out slowly. 'Im going back to Garden-' Rinoa hiccuped, 'To hand in my my application for indefinite leave, At least until I get my head sorted out.' The girl at his side squealed happily and hugged her.
'This is brilliant! Oh, Squall Im so proud of you, I know it must not have been an easy decition to make, garden was your home.' Squall was lost in thought again.
'Yeah, about that...Maybe we could use the money I've saved up to get a place In timber, Maybe somewhere further off...'
'Actually Squall, l- Your father wanted me to ask if we'd like to stay here.' She held up her hands. 'I thinks it would be a great idea, you want to get in touch of your emotional side, A father that wants to get back in touch with his son seems like a perfect starting point.' The young mans eyes were closed, thinking, listening.
'What was the catch?' He added after a pause. Rinoa laced her fingers together.
'He wants you to train to be the next president.' He took this in without a change of expression. 'That'd be good too. Dealing with people, youd certainly learn from Laguna of all people when not to listen to your head. And vice versa, And I don't think there's anything you have to sign that makes you legally bound to take over when he retires...' Squall thought again for a moment then looked up.
'Cant say it's a situation I dreamed of being in...' Rinoa clicked her fingers, remembering something.
'Speaking of dreams!' She told him of her nightmare. He listened silently, only his eyes showing any emotion towards the words she said. When she finished she dug in the pocket of her blue vested jacket. Removing her hand she held up a feather. 'Then I found this in the bed this morning.' Squall took it without a word. 'Where do you think it came from? What does it mean? Can I bring things out of dreams now? Only..I don't remember feathers anywhere.' The steely blue were studying the feather closely.
'I-' He began. Rinoa pulled him back, he blinked rapidly.
'Your eye, Its bleeding again.' True enough, after wiping his wrist across his face, there was a crimson red smudge. Squall groaned and closed his eyes, tilting his head back resting the heels of his hands over his eyes.'I think,' He said after a while, 'I think I should only be concentrating one one problem at a time. Looks like im not quite up to plumbing the mysteries of the sorceress' dreams. Not if this headaches anything to go by.' The sorceress in question clung to his elbow.
'Is there anything I can do?' Squall shook his head, mouth a slash of annoyance at the pounding in his head.
'Not really, Just trying to think about too much at once. Do me a favour?' He opened his good eye and smiled at her.'
'Anything.'
'Go tell Lagu- Go tell my father that I'll accept his offer, On one condition; That we go back to Garden as soon as possible to sort out the paperwork. Best I put this behind me so I can think on other things.' Rinoa nodded and kissed his cheek before turning, a smile glowing on her face as she skipped down the corridor. Things were good. Squall was getting better and now he could finally be opening up to the idea of emotion being a asset rather than a liability. She rushed to tell Laguna the good news. Squall had called him Father!
As soon as Rinoas footsteps had stopped echoing in the office Squall sank into a chair. He pinched the bridge of his nose and waited for the bleeding to stop. It didn't take long, it never did. Nothing more than pressure in his 'taxed' brain. Squall gazed over the city, Could he do it? could he be president of all this? The most powerful nation on the planet? he shook his head. Not yet he thought. Not when there's still so much to find out. He looked again at the feather Rinoa had given him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out another, identical black feather He'd found in the shower a few weeks ago after Rinoa had just finished using it. He would need to find out what was going on with his Rinoa before he felt comfortable enough to face his own demons.
