Don't Let Go

Summary: 'Never' is too easy a word to say; in a certain Ichimaru's case, it's the story of his life.

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"Ikorosu, Shinsou."

--

"Damn you, Ichimaru," muttered a young, white-haired man pacing back and forth outside the hospital ward, his zanpakuto still slung over his shoulder even though he was now tall enough to wear the blade at his hip instead – old habits died hard. "Damn you, you freak!"

"Shiro-kun, calm down." The man spun on his heel and met the steady, unflinching gaze of his girlfriend, as she sat on one of the few chairs available outside the operating chamber. She had seen the wound, the great stab wound in the centre of the older woman's chest, but still she tried to convince both herself and Hitsugaya that things would turn out to be okay. "Matsumoto-chan is strong, she'll pull through this. She's survived worse…"

"She loved him," Hitsugaya interrupted, jade eyes flickering towards the room once again. "None of us ever saw it before but she loved the bastard. And now she's like this, and where's he?"

"Keep your voice down. We're in a hospital, remember?"

He muttered something inaudible and sat down, glaring at the door in front of them. The battle was over – Soul Society had won and Aizen was dead – but the war was still only just beginning. Tousen was alive still, and was directing pre-planned assaults to keep the shinigami from finding their hideout until they had recovered enough to launch another attack like the last.

And Ichimaru. Just thinking of the name made his hands shake with rage. The silver-haired snake hadn't been seen since the battle, since the overwhelming crush of bodies that had surrounded him on all sides. His corpse hadn't been recovered but that made little difference – it meant that there was still a chance he was alive.

"What happened anyway? How did Aizen die?"

"Ask Abarai."

"Abarai-kun's resting."

"Then ask someone else. There were plenty who saw it happen."

"Shiro-kun…" Her eyes were pleading by now, and he knew that he was unable to resist whenever she was like this.

"Fine! I'll tell you!"

---DreamScape---

"Ikorosu, Shinsou."

Rangiku instinctively shut her eyes, hearing the slight shriek of Shinsou's blade come rushing away from the hilt – in her fear she had forgotten all about Ichimaru's orders to kill her, that now Aizen knew she was still alive he would have no choice but to follow the command… But then she realised that the pain was never coming, that there was no blood trickling down her chest, nor any wounds anywhere else on her body except the minor ones she had obtained on the way to the centre of the battle. Cautiously she opened both bluish-grey eyes, searching for a reason why the blow had never reached her. And at the same time the clamour of battle ceased as, one by one, all heads turned to face the centre of the battle, and…

"You."

Ichimaru's grin never faded, not even as he looked at the man whose chest was now pierced through by Shinsou, the man who was now staring at him over his shoulder, an expression of disbelief clear on his features. Comprehension hit her – she had never been the target. Ichimaru had never aimed for her, never intended for the attack to come anywhere near her.

"Yup. Me." His voice was the same as ever, the same cheerful yet sometimes sinister tone that he always used.

"Why?" Aizen demanded, though now he was dying the coarse demand was weakened, more like a plea than what it was supposed to be. The betrayer betrayed.

"Ya really think I'd let ya hurt Rangiku-chan?" She froze, her gaze flickering between Aizen and Ichimaru, heart pounding, head spinning. 'He did it… for me?'

Shinsou retracted, causing a sudden bright spurt of blood to erupt from the centre of Aizen's chest, a sickening, ripping sound coming as the blade was wrenched out, severing flesh, shearing bone in two; with a nauseating gargle a mixture of gore and bile and body fluids splashed down to the dampened soil. The stricken man slumped to the ground, his blood running to mingle with the blood of those he had slain. Those from Soul Society stood in stunned silence, watching with something bordering on morbid fascination, or possibly relief, or shock. Not one of them was expecting this sort of outcome.

As his reiatsu flickered and died, though, a roar rose from amongst the ranked masses of Hollows and, dotted amongst them, the Arrancar; as one they charged at Ichimaru, clamouring for blood to be repaid. Tousen suddenly burst free from the restraining spells cast on him, and before the shinigami standing guard over him could react Suzimushi was out and slicing through their bodies, cleaving some in two, impaling others through their hearts, slashing across the throats of others. His skin and clothing smattered with blood he then was forced to hold off the renewed assaults from his once-friend Komamura and the 'demon' Zaraki, both of whom seemed oblivious to their own wounds and pain, only desire being to stop the bloodbath before Soul Society gained any prolonged damage. Even Zaraki was aware of the importance of this battle, and for once was not trying to fight for the sake of fighting but for all those he 'cared' about, mostly Yachiru and various other members of his division but there were, of course, those from other divisions who he had mild affection for, even though he would never admit to it.

A sickening ripping sound, a rough cry of pain, and the mob of Hollows and Arrancar parted slightly. Rangiku caught sight of Ichimaru down on one knee in the centre of the ring, panting for breath, bright crimson staining his once-white haori and pooling around his feet. She screamed; Ichimaru glanced in her direction, eyes open… and he smiled, just as the mob closed in, a haunting, sorrowful smile so full of meaning, unlike all of the others he had sent her way.

"GIN!"

----

Ise Nanao moved through the library quietly, never disturbing the other shinigami loitering there as she stepped past them. Glasses flashed as her head reached out to pull a heavy book from one of the shelves, and as she carried it to a table she noticed that another, smaller book had been hurriedly stuffed inside it. With an angry hiss about people who didn't respect books anymore she took it out and was about to set it down on the table when something about it caught her eye.

The book was simply bound, without any embellishments or embossments on the cover, not even a word to say what it was, and that was what was interesting; intrigued she opened it up to the first page and let out a half-choked gasp. She knew that handwriting anywhere – that slightly slanted script that she had read so many times on paperwork sent through her office…

'Please, whoever finds this, read and know before it's too late.'

"Ichimaru," she whispered, sitting down in shock as she stared at the page before her. She must've been sat like that for a while, for it was a long time past midnight when Kira, sent to look for her, found her sitting in the same position. No amount of persuading could get her to move, and when it became obvious he glanced down at the book clutched in the other fukutaichou's trembling hands. From behind the blond hair that hung in front of his face his eyes widened in shock and recognition, and he had to grip the back of a chair to keep from falling over.

'We… we have to take this to Yamamoto-taichou at once,' was the single thought that ran through their minds at exactly the same moment.

"Get the other taichou and fukutaichou, all those who aren't too badly injured," Nanao snapped as she rose from her shock-induced stupor. "Tell them that it's urgent, and that we have to meet as quickly as possible!"

Kira nodded and hurried away, leaving Nanao alone in the centre of the room. The fukutaichou drew in a long deep breath to steel herself; her eyes turned cold and calculating as she assumed the mask her rank demanded of her; and as she released the breath she was unaware of even holding she turned the page to delve into whatever secrets the smiling madman had left behind.

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Yr 1: January 13th

'E's up to no good. I knew that as soon as I saw 'im, that Aizen. 'E's plannin' somethin', somethin' bad. Somethin' that will probably endanger us all, but no one else seems ta realise. Not even Rangiku-chan, though she hasn't really met 'im yet.

Why can't they see? What will it take to show 'em that somethin's wrong here?

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Yr 1: January 20th

It appears that 'e's keeping 'imself – the true 'im – concealed by 'ypnotising everyone else in Soul Society. Everyone – including Yamamoto-sama 'imself! 'E's keeping the true power of his zanpakuto hidden, claiming it's merely an illusionary-based shikai. It is, but not in the way 'e suggests.

I still don't know what 'e's up to – in order to find out I'll 'ave to get on the inside, but that means I may be forced into betraying Soul Society…

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Yr 1: February 4th

There are two people resistant to 'is 'ypnotising – Tousen and me. Well, I say I'm resistant – it's only a matter of time before I'll be under 'is spell as well. As long as I can avoid that, though, I'll be able to work against 'im from the inside out.

Since I've graduated from the academy I'll have more of a chance now. Especially since I'm in 'is bantai – who knows, if I play the part well enough I may gain 'is trust and be able to find out more easily.

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Yr 1: February 14th

Not a progress report as such, just that Rangiku-chan may be thinkin' somethin's wrong. I've 'ardly been able to speak to her these last few weeks; I've been so caught up with this.

When this is over I'll try and make it up to her. At the moment, though, if Aizen doesn't find out about us she'll be safe. I'll make sure of that even if it costs me my life.

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Yr 2: April 30th

Working my way through the ranks – almost at a seat now. If I can gain 'is trust then 'e'll be more likely to trust me with 'is secrets. That's what I'm 'oping – if I can get them then I can try and work against 'im…

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Yr 4: September 25th

Kaien's dead. 'e was one of the others suspecting – an' now 'e's gone, jus' like that. Hollow attack, but I'll be damned if that were a normal Hollow. It were something stinkin' of Aizen, it was.

Let's sort out the facts – at approx. 3am last night various members of 13-Bantai were called out on a Hollow alert within Soul Society. Warning no 1 – Hollows can't usually enter without inside help.

Leading shinigami was Kaien's wife – Warning no 2, since if something happened to her then Kaien would likely react without thinkin' things through.

She was the only survivor of the attack – Warning 3. No Hollow encountered 'as ever been strong enough to wipe out a whole group of trained and trusted shinigami like that.

It turns out that there was no trace of the Hollow left after the attack, yet there was a lingering 'Soul Residue', as I call it – no one else seems to feel it. Suggested that the Hollow weren't dead, just hiding. Then, at approx. midnight the next day, Kaien's wife attacked and killed several shinigami standing guard over her, before escaping into the nearby forest. A pursuit lead to the discovery of her robes and zanpakuto left on the ground, and the Hollow nearby.

Kaien attacked without thinkin' – almost as soon as 'e touched the Hollow's tentacles 'is zanpakuto was gone and the Hollow took control of 'im. Eventually Kaien regained a small amount of control and impaled himself on that Kuchiki Rukia's zanpakuto, killing 'imself an' the Hollow.

Worries me, it does. A Hollow that can turn a shinigami into a monster like it with a single touch. Is this what Aizen wants, to build an army o' these things? Or am I readin' the signs wrong, an' this has nothin' to do with Aizen? Could it be there are more traitors than I realised?

Thin's are gonna be 'arder from 'ere on.

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Yr 5: June 22nd

Been promoted to taichou of 3-Bantai. Don't know whether it's a blessin' or a curse – I'm further 'way from Aizen now, bu' can't keep as close an eye on 'im. There has to be some way I can warn the other taichous of his intentions, but I ain't sure how. S'unlikely they'll believe me…

But that young recruit – the one named Hitsugaya. 'E's a smart one – 'e may be able to figure it out if I leave the right clues for 'im to follow.

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Yr 10: March 18th

There's a cloud across my vision – I made the mistake of opening my eyes and seein' the world clearly. 'Cause Aizen were waitin' for the chance – his hypnotisin' ways are all but controllin' me. Damn me for my foolishness – I've no way o' knowin' if 'e'll use me in 'is plans now, no idea if I'll be yet another unwilling pawn.

I can't go on seein' Rangiku-chan, not if I want ter keep her safe from 'is gaze. Damnit, she's probably in danger 'lready cause of my involvin' Hitsugaya in this game – e's her taichou now.

Damn my stupidity.

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Yr 13: July 27th

Blood! Stainin' everythin', th' walls… Shinsou, me, Aizen… even the crimson scarlet sunset mocks me for my part in this evil, red as blood… Damn him! 'e's made 'is move an' I can't stop 'im – can't even stop meself from the mindless slaughter. All dead – all 46 of 'em. These hands, these bloodstained, hangman's hands…

Started. No turnin' back – I gotta break myself free an' tell 'em. I'll be punished for my part in it all, both 'ere an' in me next life, bu' I can't let 'im get away with this…

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Yr 13: August 13th

I know wha' they say 'bout the 13th bein' unlucky – they're right as well. Hinamori an' Hitsugaya, they're close ter dead. Soul Society's in chaos, an' all over Aizen, Tousen… an' me. I can barely cling ter meself, barely keep in control long enough ter write this, but I have ter. S'the only way ter let 'em know.

Aizen's weakness – 'e's overconfident in 'is own abilities. If someone can distract 'im while someone else gets b'hind 'e's good as dead.

If I die before I can resolve this then I 'ope whoever finds this can succeed where I 'ave failed.

Ichimaru,

Taichou of 3-Bantai.

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Seconds, minutes, hours, days… Rangiku had lost all sense of time and direction, was unsure if she was awake or dreaming or if she was even alive…

"How is she?"

The voice was unmistakeably male, a rough yet worried tone sounding from near where she lay. It was oddly familiar, yet she couldn't quite place a name to the speaker…

"She's doing as well as can be expected in this situation…"

Slowly Rangiku opened her eyes to a white room in a building she had no memory of entering. Panicked she tried to sit up but two hands went to her shoulders and held her down. Her sight focussed; she saw the wild and unruly mop of snow-white hair and jade eyes of her taichou staring down at her with a concerned expression.

"Hi-Hitsugaya-taichou… Where am I?"

"In 4th division's headquarters. Now rest, Matsumoto – you need to get your strength back."

"Where's Gin?" she whispered quietly, desperately. She sounded like a lost child asking where her parents were – without him she was a lost child, even though on the outside she was a grown woman. "Hitsugaya-taichou, where's Gin?"

There was a flicker of sympathy in Hitsugaya's eyes as he looked down at his fukutaichou. She seemed frail, somehow lost. He couldn't for the life of him figure out what was missing, and didn't want to break it to her that Ichimaru was gone. Forever.

But perhaps his eyes betrayed him, for hers widened in shock and disbelief. "Iie…" she whispered. "Iie, it… it can't be…" She forced his hands away, sitting up and running to the door. Opening it to come face to face with Unohana she grabbed hold of one of the woman's sleeves and in an almost pleading voice burst out, "Please tell me it's not true, Unohana-taichou! Please! He can't be gone! He can't!"

The older woman's eyes only told her the same thing. "…I'm sorry, Matsumoto," she said, a sorrowful undercurrent in her voice. Rangiku released her sleeve and took a few step backwards, gaze flickering from one to the other before she broke down in hysterical tears. She felt Unohana's motherly arms wrap around her and pull her close, stroking her hair in a comforting manner. "Hitsugaya-taichou, it may be best if you leave for now."

He nodded and left, closing the door behind him, and Rangiku, no longer afraid of embarrassing herself in front of her taichou, let out all the sorrow and heartache and fear and betrayal she had been feeling for all of the past year in a torrent of tears. Desperately she put her own arms around the elder woman, not wanting to be left alone.

But everything screamed his name at her –when she was ill and still stubbornly trying to sit up he had pinned her down much as Hitsugaya had; too many times to count he had comforted her in this manner as she woke from a nightmare or saw him get hurt. Unohana-taichou was helping as best she could, but she just wasn't Ichimaru. As the bitter realisation set in she sobbed harder.

She was afraid of being alone more than anything.

She was alone now.

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I'm sorry for neglecting this! I've practically rewritten the entire chapter five times now, and this is the only version that gives any semblance of justice to my ideas. Yes, I know I'm worse than Kakashi when it comes to excuses, which is why I'm not bothering to try and cover up for my errors.

There will be one more part after this, and Gin's fate will be revealed, as will the reason behind Matsumoto's wound.

Once again, sorry! DWA, over and out (and ready to crack down on writing within...the next three yea-months?)