This is actually the Chapter where stuff begins to happen. Yay for plot! :)

Here's where the warnings come in.

Magical Warnings of Doom: yaoi, probably incest (I don't know. I'm still working on it. but at the very least incestive feelings), sexual references, self-harm, drug references, morbid situations, and other stuff. You have been warned.

...


Chapter 2 (?)

Years passed. As InuYasha got older, Sesshomaru became more and scarce around the household, usually coming back from week-long excursions with piercings or tattoos. InuYasha didn't know what to think of his older brother. They were strangers in the same household.

It was on the eve of Sesshomaru's eighteenth birthday (the last night that Inutaisho lived) that things began to get out of hand.

-That night (Sesshomaru's perspective)-

I arrived for the first time in two weeks and the family was eating dinner. I sneered at them, my disrespect being the only way I could disguise my jealousy, and waltzed over to the fridge, searching for my own dinner. Izayoi stood immediately with a sincere, if unsure smile. She rushed over to me.

"Sesshomaru." She said. "There's a place for you at the dinner table." When I merely grunted, she tried something else. "Happy eighteenth birthday. InuYasha and I got you a present. It's waiting on your bed."

I froze and glanced over at InuYasha. His cheeks were flushed slightly and his eyes were locked on his plate. He was growing into an amazing young man. I could only regret that I wasn't a part of it. I nodded as kindly as I could manage at Izayoi. "Thank you."

She kept on her smile. "Please join us for dinner, Sesshomaru. You're home so rarely."

I begrudgingly went to sit down. Izayoi served me as if I was some magnificent guest while my father and brother sat in silence. I tried to catch InuYasha's eyes, but they made a point of staying down. Izayoi, bless the gentle woman's heart, tried to make conversation, but it was impossible among us. So she sat, awkward and flustered, and shared our silence.

We sat for a while after desert in stony silence at the table. I opened my mouth to thank Izayoi for the meal and excuse myself, but my Father spoke first. With cold eyes pointed at me, he said sternly, "Sesshomaru, tonight is your last in this household. Get your things and get out by tomorrow at noon."

Izayoi gasped. "Inutaisho, we talked about this!" She sent a warning glance at him. "Please, don't-"

"InuYasha, go to your room." Father demanded.

I could see something like fear in the boy's eyes as he hurried off. I stood to follow him, wanting more than anything to comfort the boy, but Father blocked my way. "Where are you going?"

I glared at him. "I thought you said I had to get out."

"Sesshomaru, please stay." Izayoi begged. "What would InuYasha do without you?"

"Something tells me he'll manage." I muttered.

"You aren't leaving this room until you apologize." Father said.

"For what?" I asked skeptically.

"For the nuisance you've been to the entire family!" Father said. "You've been nothing but an ungrateful, selfish, brat since InuYasha was born!"

I was just about to lose my temper. "How the hell could I be a nuisance? I'm never here!"

"You're no trouble at all," Izayoi assured me. "Honestly."

"Izayoi, stay out of this!" It was the first time I had seen Father shout at his wife. She shrunk and buried her face in her hands.

I rushed over to her. "Look what you've done..."

"Excuse me?" Father asked.

"Apologize!" I roared. "I will put up with all sorts of your shit, but I will not put up with you being unkind to this wonderful woman!"

"I'm being unkind?" Father asked. "And what have you been doing, you hypocritical bastard?"

"Trying to stay out of your way since I was so obviously keeping you from bliss and perfection!" I exclaimed. "Since I was so obviously unwanted!"

"Don't try and make this your sob story, Sesshomaru!" Father growled. "You are a flawed individual. You made yourself unworthy of our family."

"Unworthy..." I smiled, beginning to feel psychotic. "Well let's sit down and have a conversation about my flaws." I walked over to my Father and forced him into a chair. Much to my pleasure, I saw his eyes flash with fear. I felt intense satisfaction and... err... stimulation. "You say I'm selfish. Ok. Ungrateful? Maybe so. But those things could've been solved with parenting. Let's talk about the real issues I have. But, oh! I forgot! You don't know the first thing about me!"

My father looked at me warily. He could probably see the crazy in my eyes. I felt almost on high. I had no clue what I was saying anymore.

"I'm possessive and aggressive." I hissed, pressing hard on Father's chest to keep him in the chair. "Not to mention probably psychotic. I have extreme anger issues. I love violence and making people feel uncomfortable. I hate speech, especially my speaking, which makes my communication skills terrible. I'm a horribly vain and jealous being. I've tried to kill myself ten times over the last month." I smiled. "I'm sadistic and masochistic. I love the taste of blood. And I'm devotedly homosexual. Not to mention partly incestive." I took a shaky breath. "But all I've ever wanted was to not be a nuisance. All I ever wanted was for you to be grateful because I left you and your family alone. But I guess I should've known better. Leaving didn't make you love mom any more."

I took a few steps back and wondered for a moment what I had done. My father looked at me and, for the first time, I think he was actually looking. I turned to a mirror and, for the first time in years, I actually did too. I saw tears that had somehow managed to leak out of my eyes, two lip piercings, any number of steel hoops in my ears, and the gleam of metal from my left eyebrow. I saw long perfect hair and large burning eyes. I saw leather and lethargy. I couldn't look. I had to turn away.

"I'll be gone by morning." I said quietly. I began to walk slowly to my room.

My father grabbed my by my hair and I winced. He dragged me to the door. "No. You're going to get the fuck out of my house. Right now."

I let him drag me from the dinning room and throw me out into the rain. I could hear Izayoi protest loudly and Father shout back at her. And I saw InuYasha in his room with his back to the door and his eyes closed. He was crying. I felt terrible. I was making life miserable for everyone. InuYasha's eyes opened and his gaze met mine for a moment. He looked surprised. Then he rushed out. Next thing I knew, I saw him standing in the doorway. Just like on that day, he brought me a coat.

"Here." InuYasha said quietly. "You might get cold."

I bit back tears. I pulled on the coat, noticing InuYasha also wore his. "You going somewhere?"

He looked at me, his young eyes wide and bright with emotion. "Wherever you are." He stared straight into my soul. "Please... take me with you!"

"InuYasha!" Father shouted out the door. "Get back in the house!"

I shook my head. "Listen to him."

InuYasha shook his head. "No. I... I want to be with you."

"INUYASHA!" Father shouted. He trudged out and grabbed InuYasha by the hair even more roughly than he had grabbed me. InuYasha cried out.

That was all it took. I whipped out my knife and lunged at my father. I held the blade to his throat. "Release him." Father didn't move so I hissed, "That was an order, not a request. Let InuYasha go."

I once again had to question my sanity. But Father let InuYasha go, so I had no complaints. I took the knife away from his throat. Father spun around and punched me. It startled me and I stumbled back a few steps.

"No!" InuYasha shouted. "Dad! What are you doing?"

"He's dangerous." Father said. "He'll do bad things to you! You have to understand, InuYasha."

Well, fuck. I did say incestive, didn't I? I let out a low chuckle. "I would never lay a finger on my little brother." I grabbed my father by his shirt and whispered wetly in to his ear, "You on the other hand, old man..." I laughed lightly. "You can't imagine the things I would do to you."

I pushed him away from me and began to walk off. I wanted to get away before he tried to take another swing at me. I felt someone grab my arm. When I looked it was InuYasha. He was looking at me with those eyes again. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. Then I said, "Stay with your mother. I'll be back."

"You promise?" InuYasha asked.

"Cross my heart." I forced a smile. I allowed myself to choke out a sob and hugged InuYasha. "I'm sorry."

InuYasha didn't say anything and after that I ran off.

I have to admit, I'll never know what happened that night. I know that I went back to the apartment I was renting and took out all my earrings except for the top one, vowing I would never have that much metal in one place ever again. I remember I cut up my face and the back of my hands and went to sleep.

I woke at four in the morning because my phone was going off. I picked it up without even looking at the caller ID and answered, "Do you know what time it is?"

"Sesshomaru!" It was InuYasha. "I need you! Someone broke in. They stole almost everything valuable and... I think dad is dead..."

I jumped out of bed. "Ok. I'll be right there. Where's your mother?"

"She's in bed. She won't wake up, but she has a pulse. She looks like she was hurt badly." InuYasha's voice was trembling. "Please hurry."

"It's gonna be ok." I said as I pulled on a pair of jeans. I grabbed my car keys. "You called the ambulance, right?"

"Mmhmm..." InuYasha said. "I don't know if they're coming..."

"Just hold on." I was already out to the car. "I have to let you go now. I have to drive."

"Ok..." InuYasha said. "Please speed."

I hung up. "As if I wouldn't..."

When I arrived at the house, the ambulance had also just arrived. I rushed up to the house.

"Excuse me sir, you'll have to stay back." A man in uniform said.

"I live here." I hissed. I pushed my way into the living room.

"Sesshomaru!" InuYasha exclaimed. He rushed towards me but stopped not three feet in front of me. I could see the inner conflict he was having.

I rushed the last few feet and took his face in my hands, touching him for the first time in years. His smooth skin was incredibly soft. "Are you ok?"

"Yes." InuYasha said. "I'm fine."

"Good." I hugged him. "I was worried."

"You took out your earrings..." He whispered.

I laughed. "Yeah. They were kind of garish."

"If you live here, where were you last night?" A police officer asked, looking stern.

"I only live here part time." I said. "I have an apartment down on 22nd avenue. I was there."

The officer looked at me skeptically, but said nothing more. I rolled my eyes and released InuYasha. I looked to the kitchen and saw my father's dead body lying on the floor. I couldn't help but smirk. Served the bastard right. I knew the officer saw that. His frown increased.

"Would you say your father and you were very close?" He wondered.

"No." I said. "He threw me out. He treated me like shit and I really didn't want anything to do with him."

"Sesshomaru didn't kill him." InuYasha said. "I told you it was the black-haired man."

The police officer smiled at InuYasha. "Just looking for more evidence. We're not suspecting your brother of anything." He glared at me. "Yet."

Then he walked away. I shook my head. "Don't worry about him."

It took the better part of an hour to get Father's death squared away. InuYasha had to be interviewed a few times. I was asked a few questions as well. Mostly about family relationships and health records. A death councilor came to talk to InuYasha and I, but neither of us were comfortable speaking with her so she didn't stay too long. Just long enough for me to fill out some paper work and for her to give me a few numbers, including the place where his body would be examined and a place where we could arrange cremation for the body. I took these burdens half-heartedly. I knew that Izayoi would be making the real decisions. When it came to Father's will, I knew nothing would be left to me.

-later that evening (InuYasha's perspective)-

Sesshomaru sat in silence, watching the night and the traffic through the windshield as he drove. After the initial greeting, he hadn't said more than a word to me. Not that he really needed to. I was just glad he was there.

When it came to my brother, I knew almost nothing. I knew that when I was younger and Father's inattention to him hadn't caught my notice, he was a wonderful big brother. Sometimes (I assume when Father angered him) he was cruel, but other than that he had been almost an ideal brother. It was he and not my mother who taught me how to tie my shoes and ride a bike. When I was about eight and I started getting friends was when he stopped showing up for dinner. He started becoming less of my idol and more of a stranger.

He changed drastically. His smile lost its light and sincerity. His voice, so much stronger and deeper, was heard so rarely. He matured and, because we didn't see him often, it was really noticeable. His face took on its metal (from nose rings to eyebrow piercings and lip rings) and his body became mature and toned. He seemed callous and distant and his emotions stopped showing. I didn't know whether or not to be afraid of him. I didn't know what to think...

A month before Father died, I found out my body had made its own decisions. One night Sesshomaru came home, wet from melted snow, in the middle of the night. I hid behind the Christmas tree so he wouldn't see me as I attempted to gauge if he really was the cold-hearted beast he appeared. I saw him strip down to his boxers to dry off by the fire. It was then that I experienced my first erection. That night became the first night I masturbated as well. It took me that long to realize that I found Sesshomaru beautiful.

And so here we were: in his car in the moonlight on our way over to his apartment. He was being so kind to me; once again, being the big brother that I remembered. It was something I had missed terribly. He would drive me to school after winter break was over and take me to see Mom in the hospital every day until then, and probably after. I was going to stay with him in his apartment until the house got fixed. After that, I didn't know. He didn't tell me much. I was a little worried that he thought I was a burden. But he took me on without thinking about any other options.

Still silent, Sesshomaru parked the car in front of a large forest-green apartment complex (one among four) and killed the engine. The silence rang and I couldn't look at him. Since that night, I had found it very hard.

"This is where I live." Sesshomaru said. "I'll get you a key made tomorrow, incase you need it ever."

"Ok." I said.

Sesshomaru got out of the car, so I followed him. He got my duffle bag out of the trunk and carried it to apartment 13. I was thankful that we didn't have to climb any stairs, because I just didn't feel up to it. Sesshomaru unlocked the door and led me in. The apartment was clean and stylish with signs of wear. There were plants and everything seemed to be nice and somewhat new. He some things I noticed he had immediately were: a large TV and a cable box; two laptops, two regular computers and an internet connection box; two fridges; and a very unique-looking reptile/amphibian thing in its cage.

"You can sleep in my room." Sesshomaru said. "It'll probably be more comfortable for you."

I blushed. "Oh! No! I don't want to take your bed from you!"

"You need it more." Sesshomaru said.

"But..." I protested. "M-maybe we could share it!" Realizing what I said, I blushed a deeper shade and hurriedly corrected, "I mean, like, take turns or something! Not sleep together..."

I blushed even deeper as I thought about the very phrase. Sesshomaru laughed. "I'm not going to let you spend a night without a bed. What would your mother think?" Sesshomaru smiled a little. "And since you're so opposed to sleeping in it together..."

Sesshomaru's laugh, his laugh of joy, was one of the most wonderful things I had ever heard. "I'm not that opposed tot he idea..." I said. "I mean, I could get used to it."

Sesshomaru said nothing. He led me into the bedroom and set down my bag on the bed. "Sorry about the mess... I was studying yesterday and haven't got around to cleaning it."

This room looked far more lived in. The bed was a mess, one of the bedside tables was in disarray, there was a desk with papers strewn about, and textbooks in random places around the room. There were two dressers and a closet. I smiled. "It's ok."

"You may use this bedside table for your things," Sesshomaru said, motioning to the clean one, "and the smaller dresser, if you wish. Please do not go through my things. I like my privacy."

I nodded my understanding and Sesshomaru left. I began unpacking things into the smaller dresser. There were already clothes in it, but they didn't look like any clothes I had ever seen on Sesshomaru. They were all very simple, and many of the shirts were made out of satin or silk. I took the opportunity to snoop around without going through things. I looked at the papers and textbooks. Mostly they were language books, but a few for math and science, as well as a cook book. Apparently he had been writing several essays in a variety of different languages. The math textbook had several unfinished assignments in it.

I finished unpacking and went back out to the living room. Sesshomaru was already at work cooking (dinner I guess). I looked at his odd pet. It looked kind of like a turtle without its shell, but in a more frog-like shape. I frowned at it, concentrating.

"His name is Jaken." Sesshomaru was suddenly right behind me; so close I could feel him. "He's a very rare species of frog. He followed me home one day, so I kept him."

"Oh." I said. I could feel my heart racing. "Jaken..."

"He's not incredibly friendly, but I think he looks wise."

I nodded. "Yeah."

Sesshomaru walked over to the living room. He sat on the couch and began to look at another textbook. I looked around. There wasn't really much for me to do here, but to get on the computer. I didn't much want to. It was always tempting for me to be going places I wasn't supposed to and I wasn't sure if Sesshomaru would scold me or not. So I sat down next to him and watched him write.

"So you still go to high school?" I asked.

Sesshomaru shook his head. "Not since I was 15."

"Then University?" I wondered. Sesshomaru just nodded, so I continued, "It looks like you're a little behind on your work."

Sesshomaru looked at me expressionlessly. I was sure I was in trouble. I began to blush. (That was my thing.) Sesshomaru looked back down. "I took last week off."

"Why?" I wondered.

"I was..." Sesshomaru was silent for a moment. "... sick."

I frowned. "You're lying."

"Don't pout." Sesshomaru said. He stood up and went back to the kitchen.

I decided to go back into the bedroom. I just couldn't resist the urge to snoop now that he told me not to. So, I chose the least intrusive thing I could think of: the garbage. Right on top, there were bloody bandages, similar to those on Sesshomaru's face. It made me all the more curious as to what on earth could be beneath them. I pushed past those and found a razor. It made me a little sacred. Beneath that there was an empty pill bottle, some broken pens, paper cups, a torn shirt, and (most scandalously) an empty tube of lube and quite a few used condoms.

Just thinking about Sesshomaru having sex made me horney. I eased myself onto the bed. I hesitated for a moment, but I couldn't stop myself. I pushed down my pants and started to jack off.

I know it was wrong that the first thing I did in my brother's bed was masturbate, but it was too much to take. And I was there, surrounded by his rich scent. God. I could imagine him throwing me onto the bed and fucking me. Slow, hard, any way he wanted. All I wanted was his cock in me and some part of his body touching me. His slim, beautiful hands. His soft, swollen lips. Oh, how I wanted him!

Just as I was about to cum, the door opened. And there was Sesshomaru. It was too late to stop myself. I had to release. I saw my brother's shocked face for a moment and then I closed my eyes. I hear the door slam shut as my orgasm tore through me. I hadn't realized I had been moaning until that moment. I bit my lip and sat for a moment in silence. Good feelings gone. Just like that.

I pulled up my pants and went out to the living room. Dinner was on the table, but Sesshomaru was not there. The front door stood partially ajar. I opened it slowly. There he was. Beautiful Sesshomaru. He was sitting on the curb drinking coffee and looking up at the dark sky. Just then it started to snow. I walked cautiously up to Sesshomaru. There I stood in silence for probably a full 60 seconds. Then Sesshomaru sighed.

"I forgot how fast you're growing up." He said quietly. "You're my little brother. I never really thought of you as a young man."

How could he not? Was I not as much of a stranger to him as he was to me? I didn't really know what I was supposed to say or do in this situation. "I... I'm sorry. That was really wrong of me. I don't know what came over me."

"Obviously lust." I heard Sesshomaru mutter. He was snide and condescending.

"I... I'm sorry..." I muttered, feeling close to tears. (And it's not my fault for being so girly! My mom treated me like her daughter more than her son. People at school make fun of me for it enough.) "I... I didn't... I mean..."

"It's ok." Sesshomaru said. "Let's go inside and eat."

-later (Sesshomaru's Perspective)-

Dinner was tense and awkward. I wasn't angry at him at all, and I tried to communicate that as clearly as possible (since he kept flinching like a puppy that's been kicked too many times), but to no avail. I had made him cupcakes for dessert and I left them with him. I told him I was going to a night class at University and took off. I couldn't stand being near him now. My thoughts were all off whack. Him just jacking off wasn't hardly anything. Normally I would've laughed and let it blow by. But for some reason I couldn't get past it. In the back of my mind I guess I wished that I could make him that happy.

I hit my head against the steering wheel. I was parked in the lot of the University and I probably looked crazy to the students walking by, but I didn't care. If will power couldn't keep those thoughts out of my head, then pain would. I reached into my glove box for the razor I knew was there and gingerly took it out. A crowded parking lot probably wasn't the best place to punish myself, but it would have to do. I took the blade and cut one shallow line into my wrist.

There was a tap on the car window. Shit. The door opened.


I used to hate cliffhangers. Then I started using them. :) review if you like this story. There's a third chapter that I've written half of that I'll finish if people show interest.