Language Warning! Just… don't be surprised. x3 Oh yeah. And I don't own Vocaloid.
TiNaF
Chapter 1: Vegetarian Atheists
Come on, bell. Ring. You can do it. Twenty more seconds and we can each lunch. But really, it's okay to go early. Hurry, before he gives us an—
"Class your assignment tonight is to do all the vocabulary for chapters 14 and 15." Brriiinnggg. "Have a nice lunch!"
Assignment. I sighed, picked up my empty backpack, and lumbered out of room 216. Only halfway through the day and I had things to do in every class. I decided, in my foul mood, to be an inconsiderate jerkface and walk slowly through the congested hallways because, hey, I was five foot ten and had green hair. I could do whatever the hell I wanted.
I felt someone flick the side of my head and turned around to see my bfffffl, Luki. (Don't ask what all the f's stand for. I'm still deciding.) "Learn how to walk, asshole," he insulted.
"Hey there, douchebag, it's nice to see you, too," I replied coolly. "I'm going to Sonic with Mr. K, wanna come?" I asked.
"Sure. You better not get us caught this time, though."
"Hey. It's not my fault the principal happened to take his lunch break there. It was one time!" I retorted.
"Yeah, whatever. Walk faster, I'm hungry."
We walked a little further down the hall and I dropped my useless excuse for a backpack off in a trash can before heading down the hall toward room 123.
Gakupo Kamui, or, as we like to call him, Mr. K: fresh out of college and the youngest teacher at our school at the microscopic age of twenty-four. It was completely and utterly illegal for him to be encouraging our behavior, of course, but no one honestly cared.
"Mr. K.!" I announced as I came into the room. It looked like a rainbow had thrown up all over the tables, which meant the painting class just left.
"Mr. K., we're going to Sonic. Wanna ride in the back of Mikuo's truck with me?" Luki asked nonchalantly.
Kamui was crouched under a table somewhere, apparently, picking up crap that the previous class had left about. So messy. As exhibited by my backpack, at least I threw my trash out. Mr. K. popped up upon hearing Luki's voice, because I'm obviously not important enough to respond to.
"Oh, hey Luki, Mikuo. Yeah, sure I'll go. Just let me put this stuff somewhere," he said holding an armful of art supplies. He ended up just dumping it all in a corner somewhere, claiming it was "organized chaos."
So we start heading to my car ** and luckily no police officers or other teachers stop us and everyone loads up in the back. Sonic was just down the road from here, but it was still too far to walk. I started my shit-car and pulled out of the parking lot unnoticed, which was strange because I literally had two dudes with purple and pink hair sitting in the bed of my trunk. This world was blind…
We made it to Sonic (surprise, surprise) and I realized I wasn't hungry so I just bought food for Luki because the dumbass left his wallet "in his other pants."
"Okay, what do you want, Luki?"
"Hell if I know. Surprise me." Which meant he wanted a bucket of french fries. Did I mention he's a vegetarian? I try to make fun of that as often as I can.
"One ton of fried potatoes, it is," I sighed.
"You're gonna get fat from all this greasy junk food, Luki," Mr. K. commented. He knew about the whole vegetarian thing, too. Everyone did. It's just one of those things that people hear from unknown places and don't usually admit to knowing.
"He lives in America, it's okay if he gets fat. You know, I hear they're thinking about legalizing prostitution over here. Then he won't even have to worry about his girlish figure," I claimed. (Totally not true, btw.)
"Or he could move to Australia. It's legal over there."
"Will youi guys stop pretending I'm not here and order me some freaking food? I'm starving over here," Luki griped.
"You know, I hear the food is healthier over there, "I continued, completely ignoring him. "If we ship him over now, maybe we can prevent his impending obesity."
"I'm skinnier than you, moron. Oh your God." Did I mention Luki's atheist? Well it's not really that, more that he doesn't like God because he made animals for eating, which is apparently a sin for animals to die. (I guess he's agnostic, technically, but nobody knows what that is.) Luki is so weird. "So do you guys want to argue about how freakishly obese I am or do you want to eat?"
Needless to say, we chose the former of the two.
…~…
"Y'all want to go down to Wal-Mart or something?"I asked after we finally got to eat something (And do I do NOT have a bad accent. "Y'all" is simply a word that happened to be infused into my vocabulary at a young age and it's just infuriating to waste time with all of the syllables involved in "you all.")
"Yeah, let me see if I can get a substitute. Hold on." Mr. K. pulled out his cell phone and paced away.
Luki and I looked at each other. "I hope that when he gets fired, it's not until after we graduate," he mused.
"Got a sub! Let's go."
So to make a long, convoluted story short, I was speeding down the road for one mile and a cop pulled me over. This guy, the police officer, looked like he had been chewing tobacco since he was six years old and never heard of the word "sunscreen" i.e. he was the biggest redneck I'd ever seen. He spoke in a RIDICULOUS Mississippi accent and, if you ask me, he hadn't seen mouthwash before, much less used it.
"Son," he called me son. Lol. "What do you think yer doin' out here speeding when you and yer little buddies oughtta be 'n skool." Yes. His accent was so bad he spelled school wrong in his speech. At least he didn't recognize Mr. K. as a teacher.
"Well, I think I was going to Wal-Mart, sir," I replied. Luki and Kamui snickered in the back.
The officer shifted his weight back and looked down at me with a sinister smile. "Do you think yer funny, son?"
"Actually, I think I'm pretty fucking hilarious, sir. Thanks for noticing."
So he let me off with a ticked for speeding and gave me a "stern warning" about my behavior for the future. Whoops. Mom was probably going to be upset about that. Sucks for me!
I went ahead and Drove Mr. K. back to his place since he had already called in "sick" for the rest of the day and going ahead to Wal-Mart seemed dangerous so that just left me and Luki, who had moved up to the passenger seat. I drove in a random direction as we decided what to do next.
"So where do you want to go," I questioned. "If you say school I am pulling over and slapping you."
"I don't know; where else can we go except, well, home or something?" he said.
"Drive to Nashville?"
"Nah. We did that last week." He pondered for a moment. "We could always drive to Georgia and kidnap my sister. She's still on the stupid choir trip thing, after all. I bet we could find her."
I deliberated the thought for a moment. It was Thursday and the school choir would be coming back the next morning anyway… "Sure, but you owe me for gas. Oh, yeah, and text mom. Tell her I'll be gone until nine-ish. Make up something nice for me."
"Where's your phone?"
"On the dashboard. Text your sister, too. Tell her she's sexy," I said.
"Ew, no. I'm not telling my sister she's sexy," Luki refuted.
"It's from me. Tell her." I looked at the time. "One already? She's in Atlanta; that's a four hour drive."
"Not if you speed," Luki inferred, typing away at light speed. "Hah. Luka doesn't think we're gonna come."
"Ask her where she'll be around six. Did you tell her she's sexy?" (by the way, it's six because of the time change.)
"Dude, I'm not going to tell my little sister she's sexy."
"How can you just ignore her sexiness like that? I mean, her boobs are the size of… me." Luka was known for being comparable to Dolly Parton when it came to her MASSIVELY ENORMOUS chest.
Luki ignored me and read me my messages. "Your mom says 'Kay, don't get anyone pregnant.' I told her you're driving to Georgia. Not sure she believes me or not. Luka says that they'll be eating dinner at their hotel from six to seven and if we're abducting her we have to take her friend with us."
"Who's her friend?" I asked.
"Rin Kagamine."
"She that snarky little blonde from our class?"
"The one and only."
Sounds like fun. Oh, and you're driving home. Better sleep now."
Luki made an "Mm" sound in reply and kept texting—his sister I supposed. Now for the long drive on the same endless stretch of road for an excessive, butt-numbing amount of time. Oh hell yes.
Haha. Sarcasm. I'm so funny.
…
Okay. So BIG thanks to everyone that reviewed my first chapter/prologue/thing! ^^ This is my first time writing a story where I'm actually TRYING to be funny all the time sooooo I hope I at least made you smile a couple times. lol
I hope this wasn't majorly offensive to anyone in any way. I make fun of a lot of things in this story, so just don't take it personally. I do not share the opinions of my characters… and I'm usually just making fun of the place where I live, anyway XDXD
Chapter 2 is already under way! I write this in my third period study hall class which is weird because I hate writing at school, but I really like writing this story. x3x3
Review! Please~?
