Disclaimer: We want to thank Ms. Stephenie Meyer for creating the beloved characters of Edward, Jacob, Renesmee and the rest of the Cullen family. Also, the wolves

Edward Cullen's 10 Rules for Courting My Daughter

Rule #4: If you want to court and marry my daughter, you must keep her safe at all times; even from your own people.

Nessie and I were down at First Beach hanging out with both wolf packs, when Nessie got injured. As usual Paul and I were arguing over who is the most badass comic book villain Doomsday or Dr. Von Doom. Of course it got physical to the point that Nessie stepped in between us fearing I was going to get hurt. Right before Paul could get a swipe at me, Nessie grabbed Paul's ears (who had turn to a wolf). One of Paul's fangs snagged the lower lid of Nessie's right eye. It looked far worse that it actually was. Luckily I had turned into a wolf, managed to get Nessie on my back and run back to the Cullen mansion. Of course, Edward was in my face before I even stepped through the front door foaming at the mouth. Damn his telepathy ability, it always manages to get me in trouble. Why didn't I think of just automatically calling Dr. Fang? Then I wouldn't have to deal with the overprotective bloodsucker daddy. "How dare you? How am I supposed to trust you with her when this happens? You're supposed to protect her, not hurt her!"

Rule #5: My daughter may come with an infinite checking account, but that doesn't mean that you get a free ride.

Go back to school. Get a job. This is not a suggestion.

I was hanging out with Jasper and Emmett playing video games. "So what are you going to do with your life?" Jasper asked me out of nowhere. "Uhhh. Marry Nessie and have kids." I replied. "No. Really. What are you going to do? I know you worried about how you're going take care of Renesmee." I stared at Jasper I should have realized that he would have picked up on that. Being the smart ass I responded, "I don't know maybe I'll be a mechanic. It's the only thing I'm good at." Blondie responded by calling from up stairs, "Or maybe you could get a job at the pound!" jasper chuckled and I rolled my eyes. Of course she would say something like that. I looked at jasper, feeling a little indignant form that last comment and said, "What do I need a job for huh? Thanks to daddy and granddaddy, Nessie has an infinite checking account." Jasper grinned and looked up behind me. I didn't even have to look to know who was standing there. "Jacob. I would have though you more of a man than to want to live off your wife and never contribute? Is that a wolf thing or just a Jacob Black thing?" he grinned and walked away. Damn telepathy.

Rule #6 Respect my Daughter…even when she doesn't Respect herself.

I took her to the bar. It wasn't my fault. She wanted to go. She wanted to see it. What was I supposed to say? No? Really? So we got there and what did she do? She ordered a drink. I tried to talk her out of it but noooo. One of these day I'll have to have talk with her about how her rebellious daughter of the goodie goodie family routine gets me in trouble every time. But how can I when it's part of what I love about her? So she started drinking and then she started dancing. Then she was dancing on the bar and was about to take her shirt off; when blur of purple and black lace showed up in front of Nessie covering her up with a blanket and threw Nessie over her shoulder. Alice rushed out leaving me in the dust to fend for myself. I thought knew what I was going to encounter as soon as I walked in. That is until I saw Nessie in the middle of the Cullen's living room singing "Tequila makes my clothes fall off." As soon as I walked in the door and took in the sight Alice slapped me across my face harder than I had ever been slapped before. Then she pointed one long skinny finger at me and said, "I expected more from you." It hurt coming from her. She wasn't usually the one doling out punishments or insults. Then she grabbed Nessie's hand and drug her up the stairs saying something about feeding to get the alcohol out of her system so they could have a girl talk about the way young women are supposed to behave. Then I was left in a room that I hadn't realized had filled up with the rest of the Cullens. Bella walked up and slapped me, not as hard as Alice did, but hard enough. Then she followed the other two up the stairs. Edward stepped forward and gave me a steely look. I waited to be beaten. I was really, genuinely afraid. But all he did was look for a long time. Then he finally spoke. "Alice and Bella beat me to it. But don't think we aren't going to have a long talk as soon as I'm done being disgusted by you."