(Disclaimer: This is just a friendly reminder to everyone that I own neither Camp Camp (which is owned by RoosterTeeth), nor the Everything Wrong With series (owned by the people at CinemaSins) and I encourage everyone reading this to go watch both of those shows first to understand the jokes here. I love both these shows and thought putting the two together would be awesome. That is all.)
(A/N: ...Fucking exams. Don't know how other college students cope with this sort of pressure. Anyway, sorry for the hiatus guys and gals, life just sucks right now. But it won't be long before a can relax a little. I'm still hitting that wall with my RWBY fic, and their are other fics I want to do as well... all that the same time. The ideas in my mind are like a dozen squares trying to squeeze into a round hole all at once. But I digress. Here's a new chapter and I hope you enjoy it. Not sure when the next one will be posted... Also, CAMP CAMP SEASON 3 Y'ALL! WOOAH!)
Everything Wrong With: Cam Camp
Season 1 , Episode 2: Mascot
Spoilers
(duh)
David: And here we have our time-honored camp mascot, Larry the hamster.
First of all, it's Larry T. Hamster XI. Give him the respect he deserves, David. (ding)
Second, why is David showing the campers Larry now? This seems like something he should have done on the campers first day. I'm not sure how time passes in this show, but I doubt this is still Nikki and Neil's first day and the other kid should know who Larry is by now. (ding)
David: Say 'Hi' Larry.
David impersinating Larry: Hi there, campers! I hope you're ready to have fun today!
David is either trying too hard, or has seen way too many little kids shows like 'Dora'. Probably both. (ding)
Nikki: Are you a gypsy?
David: Uhhhh...
Wait, is he? It's never brought up again and the hesitation implies that he is. I wants answers damnit! (ding)
Max: (puts a marble in a strangely shaped branch)
(*Noises of a masterfully-built Rube Goldburg machine*)
Oh, so that's what those contraptions are called. Always found those interesting. No sin.
(A catapult hurls a rock, with the words 'Fuck the police' painted on the side, straight at Larry. Knocking the hamster out of his hand with a loud *THUNK!* and flying off into the distance.)
Larry: (Squealing in hamster as he and the rock are sent to an island in the middle of the lake)
Christ, everytime I see that scene I die a little more of laughter. Reset the Sin counter. (reverse ding back to 0)
Max: Aw man. (looks at David) That was suppost to kill you.
But immediately add a sin for a child actually trying to murder someone. Yes I find David overly happy and annoying more often than not, but that doesn't mean you should kill the guy. (ding)
(Theme song begins)
Wait... THIS is the shows theme song? David's catchy as hell song from last episode? One that we'll be hearing with each new episode?... Oh boy, I'm never getting this out of my head. (ding)
David: Well, Max, we were GOING to make hand-made ice cream, (leans in closer to Max, looking angry for the first time) But someone killed our mascot and now we need a new one becAUSE EVERY GOOD CAMP HAS A MASCOT, MAX! (pants in frustration before regaining his composure and smiling like he never had an outburst)
Two episodes in and Max is already breaking him? I thought he would have lasted longer. I mean, yeah Max deserves it, but I wasn't expecting him to yell at him like that... yet. (ding)
Also, where is Gwen in all this?
Nikki: Lady-sickness. My mom used to get that all the time.
Ah. No sin there then.
Neil:... How do you cure it?
Nikki: (the shot zooms in on Nikki's face and everything goes darker) EDGE CLOSER TO DEATH. (the shot zooms out and everything is back to normal) WOO! Mascot hunt!
God damn mood whiplash. What the hell just happened? (ding)
Nerris: Yeah! Like a unicorn!
Barbara Dunkleman is now punning in this scene. (OK, this running gag got old quick. One more sin, then never again.) (ding)
Dolph: (jumping up and down) It should be fierce! Und pure!
Again, no comment. (ding)
Quartermaster: C'mon now. *grumbling* (drags a sack across the forest floor, the sack is leaking a lot of... red liquid)
Umm, okay, wow! That's not suspicious and creepy at all! (ding)
Neil: You SERIOUSLY want to go in the woods with the bad guy from every horror movie EVER?!
Nikki: Yeah, he's gonna turn you into a skin suit.
Neil's right. Nikki... well, I can't say she's completely wrong. (ding)
Max: Besides, anything's better than hanging with DAVID.
David: (is all teary eyed) *Sniff* Sorry everyone, just... really overwhelmed by all this friendship right now.
Between the almost certain death at the hand/hook of a creepy old dude and David... I'd say it's about fifty-fifty. (ding)
Max: (rises his hand, volunteering to go with the QM)
Dolph, Neil, Ered & Harrison: (take a step back)
Max kinda brought this on himself, here. (ding)
David: That means you too, Magic Kid... Magic Kid.
You'd think David would at least know the names of his campers, or at least come up with a nickname for each of the ones he doesn't know. Having two "Magic Kids" is probably confusing as hell. (ding)
Harrison/Nerris: Illusionist!/Sorceress!
Don't push it kids, you're just two different types of nerds. (ding)
Nikki: (appearing in a tree, upside down) How many talons would you say we're looking for here?
David: (nervous) Heheh, um...
Nikki: You know what? I'm just gonna do my own thing. We'll talk after. (disappears into the treetops)
I wouldn't be surprised if she came right back holding a tiger or crocodile or something on a leash. Those animals don't live in trees or this part of the world? Do you really think that'll stop here? (ding)
David: Nerris! Play dead!
Oh, so now he remembers her name. (ding)
Nerris: I'm out of mana!
I'm no expert on D&D, but I'm pretty sure "Play Dead" isn't an action that requires any mana. (ding)
Nikki: Look! (points to a set of bear tracks) I smell a mascot!
Well, bears do mark their territory, so- wait, no, NO! Bears make bad mascots Nikki! Stop!... She's not gonna stop is she? (ding)
Max: Look, man, we can just go back to camp and relax. Gwen can be a mascot.
Max is being an unwarranted douche to Gwen. (ding)
QM: You need to see BEYOND the camp. Into the true beauty of nature!
Max: Uh... this looks like the place where teenagers go to get stabbed.
Max would be great at CinemaSins. (ding)
Nikki: (with Neil, in a cave, looking at a bear skeleton) NOOOHOOO! I would have fed them porridge. And it would have been just right!
I'm no animal expert, but I pretty sure porridge is part of a bears natural diet, regardless of how "just right" it is. (ding)
And that's just ONE reason of many of why it would be a bad idea to have a WILD BEAR AS A CAMP MASCOT! Seriously, that's just asking for trouble. (ding)
Platypus: (suddenly appears) *Hissssss!*
Nikki: Pssh, what's that? Doesn't look very cool.
Neil: That's a platypus.
Again, no animal expert, but last I checked, the platypus is an animal native to Australia. What's it doing near a summer camp in North America? (ding)
Nikki: (approaching the Platypus) Awesome! You're coming with mama!
Platypus: (jumps up, balancing on it's tail, waving it's legs and bearing it's teeth at Nikki) *Hissss!*
OK, I am positive that a platypus of any kind has teeth. (ding)
Max: Hey, so how'd you lose that hand anyway?
QM: *Grumblerumblerumble* the JEWS. *Grumblerumblerumble*
Max: ...I feel like you should be more specific.
Regardless, I'm like 99% sure that's racist. (ding)
Max: *Sigh* Well, I guess Nikki was right. Enjoy wearing my skin!
Wow... he accepted death way too quickly and calmly for a kid. What the fuck, Max? (ding)
Squirrel King: (holds out his paw as the Quartermaster approaches, stepping onto his hand when he offers it. Even a stoic like Max is enchanted by the scene before him)
This scene is so pure and beautiful. I'm gonna take off a sin-
QM: (impales the Squirrel King on his hook, blood spouts from the wound)
Never mind, adding two... (ding, ding)
QM: (takes the Squirrel Kings crown and puts it on his head, forest animals start attacking him, but he fights them off) I AM YOUR KING NOW! THE THRONE IS MINE!
What the fuck is even going on anymore? (ding)
Eye-patch Squirrel: (speaking in squirrel) Your actions will have dire consequences!
No, seriously, what is this? I don't even... (ding)
David: (holding a clipboard with "Positivity + Max = Success" on it)
Playing favourites David? I could have let that slide, but why show favouritism for the one camper that hates your guts the most? I don't get you. (ding)
Nerris: It's a wizard's amulet.
David: ...Which can be recycled, and become anything it puts it's mind to!
Nerris: It gives me +1 Dexterity!
Homer Simpson sound clip: NERD! (ding)
Harrison: (just made a rabbit disappear into his hat) Ta-da!
David: Wh-where'd it go? Bring it back!
Harrison: Oh... I don't know how. This is kinda why I'm here.
If you knew you couldn't get it back, then why did you put it back? This is why you should have gone to Hogwarts, dude. (ding)
David: AH! Kids, get to the pier!
(everyone ruses to the pier and are now cornered)
Neil: Where do we go now?!
It's not like you're boxed in guys. Just jump off the pier and get around it. It's not much of a jump and the water looks shallow enough for most of you to walk in the lake. (ding)
Nikki: (sounding excited) I WANT A VIKING'S FUNERAL! LIGHT ME UP!
What is it with these kids and their swift acceptance of death? (ding)
Gwen: (appears from nowhere and grabs the platypus by the tail)
Gwen ex machina. (ding)
David: Well, I mean, I think this is all pretty normal...
(Horns and fanfare are heard as an army of squirrels carry their new king, Quartermaster, who sits upon his oaken throne. Max is also present, walking along side them.)
"Normal". (ding)
Gwen: ...I need more Midol.
I like Gwen. She seems to be the most relatable character in this show. (reverse ding)
David: I guess the platypus is our new mascot!
It was just chasing you a minute ago and was planning to attack you and the campers with it's poisonous kicks. How is this a good idea to you?! (ding)
Platypus: *Mwack*
...Never mind, Platypus is now best character. (reverse ding)
Larry: (pulls himself assure, out of breath, but otherwise uninjured)
Larry survived being hit by a rock, being catapulted to an island and the swim back from said island... somehow. (ding)
Platypus: (eats Larry)
Well, never mind then. But I'm pretty sure Platypi don't eat hamsters. (ding)
Ered: Pussies for life.
Has RT put that on a shirt yet? That sounds like a big seller. (reverse ding)
Max: ...So what's with the Quartermaster and Jews?
I think the less we know about that the better. (ding)
Mwack the Platypus: *Muack*
Muack. (reverse muack ding)
Total Sin Count: 35
Sentence: Death by Platypus (Muack)
(Keep following me guys, I ain't dead yet!)
