"This looks like a nice place," said Haru.
Itachi flinched.
"There are rats," he said bluntly.
Haru smirked. The sharp whistle he let off caused Hedwig to appear and dive bomb the nearest rat. After the fourth one, Hedwig was full.
She hadn't been able to hunt much on the way to Konoha.
Itachi raised an eyebrow, and had to fight a shudder when a roach the size of his hand ran on his left foot.
Haru, on the other hand, smirked. He said something Itachi didn't understand, and suddenly all the bugs in the apartment started running in droves, as if eager to get as far away as possible.
With all the bugs gone, and the rats missing as long as Hedwig was visible, the apartment looked livable.
Provided that one spent an entire week cleaning it. The dirt looked like it was practically caked in.
"Can't we go somewhere else?" Itachi whined.
"We've been to three other apartments. This was the cheapest one they have."
"Just one more, please?" Itachi begged.
"Fine."
This apartment was much better, though the rent was suspiciously low. The landlady refused to explain why that was.
Itachi felt much better about this place. While it was bordering the slums, it was far healthier than the last place, and best of all it was close to the Academy and a short walk from the Uchiha compound.
Haru seemed to like it more as well. Even though he thought the place looked like a strawberry cake.
"I'll take it," he said.
Itachi breathed a sigh of relief. He would have dragged the boy out of his own house if he had chosen the last place.
Itachi dragged his former teammates into helping them move furniture into the apartment (though Haru did pay all of them a pure gold coin, which shut the grumbling up) and Haru went grocery shopping.
It wasn't until the Academy let out that Itachi found out why the rent was so cheap.
A certain blonde and blue eyed menace (for the ANBU anyway) lived right next door. Naruto Uzumaki was the village pariah, always pulling pranks on the shinobi. Normally, this wouldn't be that big of a problem, but he also housed the demon fox that nearly destroyed the village nearly eight years ago.
Which meant most of the civilians hated him on sight. Some of the Shinobi didn't like him that much either.
Haru, when he saw the boy, greeted him cheerfully.
"Are you moving in next door?" he asked, clearly surprised.
"Yup. I'm you new neighbor!"
Naruto seemed to be of the mind that he would move soon enough. He gave a half hearted reply, which Haru noted.
Haru woke up and cooked breakfast, and hearing the snores he grinned. Seeing an opportunity to become friends with the somewhat cheerful blond, he cooked extra in the hopes of company.
It wasn't perfect, but it was better than nothing.
Naruto walked into his kitchen, and when he caught wind of the breakfast next door his stomach growled, loudly.
He heard a chuckle, and looked out his front door.
Haru stood there, and said "I made extra if you're interested."
The blond was through the door before Haru could blink. The green eyed boy blinked, and grinned.
"My name is Haru. What's yours?"
"Uzumaki Naruto! I'm going to be the next Hokage, believe it!"
Haru grinned. Itachi had mentioned on the way there that the Hokages had their faces carved into the mountain. Haru had taken one looked and the only thought that came to mind was that they looked constipated.
And then he said as much to the blond boy.
Naruto gave him the biggest fox grin he had ever seen, and laughed outright.
In order to become friends with Naruto, Haru even packed him a small lunch. The blond was already in love with his cooking. When he mentioned that he rarely ate breakfast, Haru invited him over whenever he wanted.
Two was better company than one.
Itachi had to go on another mission outside the village, and since he didn't want Shisui to babysit his brother again (apparently the boy was idiotic enough to take the impressionable child to a brothel) Haru volunteered to take care of the boy.
Itachi agreed so fast it would have made his head spin. Sasuke rather liked Haru, even if he was a bit weird.
Haru soon discovered the one catch to his offer to babysit Sasuke.
The boy apparently had a budding rivalry with his neighbor Naruto. This entire issue came to light the morning after Itachi left.
Naruto had quickly learned Haru didn't mind cooking for him, and had been given the spare key to the apartment so he could come in whenever he wanted. The only request Haru made was that any pranks he left behind weren't over the top.
Naruto had been delighted to learn that Haru was a prankster like him, even if he used different methods.
(Naruto found this out the hard way when he walked in with bubblegum pink hair. Sakura Haruno was not amused, even when Haru admitted to the prank.)
Sasuke took one look at the blond and growled "Dobe."
"Teme!"
Haru defused the situation with a quick bop on the head for them both. While they were busy rubbing the bump, he deftly placed the plates full of food in front of them.
"Now why don't you tell me why you two don't like each other?" he asked calmly.
"He's the dead last and no one likes him."
"He's the biggest jerk in the Academy!" retorted Naruto.
"Hmm...Sasuke, how many friends do you have that you can count on?" Haru asked.
"Shino, though his bugs creep me out, Kiba, though he's louder than Naruto, and that's it."
"And how often do you hang out with them?"
"Hang out?"
"Play with them at the local playground," Haru explained.
"Almost never."
"Naruto, how many friends do you have that you play with?"
"No one. Their parents don't let me near them," said Naruto.
"Let me tell you a little secret. I didn't have any friends to play with at your age either. I couldn't make any until I was eleven," said Haru.
Seeing their disbelieving stares, Haru continued.
"I wasn't allowed to make any friends with the other children, because my cousin and his gang used to chase them off if they got to close. They only person I could talk to was the librarian, and that was because she helped me hide from my cousin and his gang."
"No way! Why wouldn't your cousin let you make any friends?"
"Because I was different from the other children, my aunt trained her son to keep people away. She didn't want them to know I wasn't like them."
Seeing that he had their full attention, Haru cast a small charm and had the two levitating in the air.
"She didn't want anyone to know her nephew had magic."
"That...IS SO COOL!" said Naruto in his loudest voice.
Sasuke seemed to be of agreement for change.
"What else can you do?" asked Naruto eagerly.
For the next hour, Haru demonstrated his magic to his rather attentive audience. They loved every minute of it.
When they finally went to the academy, both of them were rather eager to return to the apartment to see more.
What happened was rather amusing actually. Sasuke and Naruto returned rather quickly once the day was over...but they brought a good portion of their class with them.
Haru could count at least four or five heirs on sight.
Aburame, Inuzuka, Hyuga, Nara and Akimichi. And those were the ones he remembered.
Apparently Naruto had mentioned Haru's magic show and with Sasuke backing him up, the rest of the kids wanted to see it for themselves.
Haru was amused more than anything. So he took them to a nearby park and showed them his tricks. He saved the best for last, as he summoned his patronus...which he had go up to the Nara heir as a joke.
Shikamaru took the joke pretty well. Haru, when he had heard of the Nara clan and the fact that they raised deer, had convinced Itachi to show him.
He had hit it off pretty well with the head of the clan, considering the man had tricked him into a crash course of shogi. For a first time player, Haru had managed to hold his own fairly well.
Then again, shogi wasn't too dissimilar to chess, and Ron had often cornered him into a game of that. Even if he lost abysmally every time.
Itachi had found it rather amusing.
Shibi didn't mind showing off the clan deer, who took to Haru fairly well. He liked animals and it showed.
Once the show was over, Haru noted with some amusement that the children's minders had come in search of them. They had come in halfway through the magic show.
Kiba's sister was somewhat intimidating, but when Haru gave his greetings to her hounds, he found that it was actually a front.
And somehow, he ended up being roped into babysitting the children for their parents. Since they were paying him to do it (and helping him save some of his cash in the bank) he didn't really mind.
He actually liked hanging around children.
Haru blinked, not sure if he had heard Itachi correctly.
"Could you repeat that?"
"The Hokage thinks it's time that you learn how to be a shinobi. If you're interested of course."
"I won't be taking Academy lessons with the others will I?" he asked.
"Of course not. You're old enough to be a genin or a chunin. He's going to have Iruka teach you personally until you're up to standards."
"Oh. That I could live with."
After that, he found a rather amusing tidbit.
Apparently Iruka was the only person who knew where the apartment was. And that because he cared about Naruto.
Which is how Haru got the amusing idea of having Naruto join him in the lessons to improve his standing at the Academy.
Naruto jumped on the chance.
In less than three months, Haru earned his headband. Iruka was highly impressed with his ability to pick up on the basics, even if his physical skill needed work. Because he often brought Naruto with him, the blonde had risen through the ranks a bit.
That had surprised Sasuke, but at least he couldn't call him dead last anymore.
It wasn't until Haru had been there four months that he had discovered the reason why everyone hated Naruto. And that only because the man had been too drunk to see past the blond.
Haru happened to be in the area when the chunin attacked his friend, and protected the blond from the punch. He could handle a black eye and broken arm if it meant protecting a friend.
"Don't you know who that brat is! He's the demon fox!" the man slurred.
Haru snarled at him.
"He's a child, you bastard! Petrificulus Totales!"
The man went ramrod straight, his arms pinned by the spell. Haru glared around him, furious that no one had even tried to stop him from hitting an innocent child.
Naruto had a deep bruise, several cuts, and what appeared to be a sprained wrist from where he tried to block the blow. Haru gathered the boy up and took him back to his apartment.
If there was one thing he hated more than math, it was hospitals. He spent enough time in them as it was.
Naruto didn't even flinch when he applied the stinging antiseptic. Nor did he cry when Haru set the wrist. That said more than the boy ever would about his treatment in the village.
"How long has this been going on?" asked Haru.
"As long as I can remember. Usually the guys in masks stop them before it gets too bad..."
Haru hugged the boy gently, who finally started to cry. Naruto had suffered as much as Haru did as a kid, except no one had ever stopped the Dursleys in Haru's case.
"Naruto, if you want, you can move in with me. I don't mind walking you to the Academy and back."
The look in Naruto's eyes made the offer more precious than gold.
"Can...can I call you nii-san?" he asked timidly.
"Sure you can. But you have to do the dishes," grinned Haru.
The next day Haru went to the Hokage's office and filled out the forms that would allow him to adopt Naruto. He wasn't going to leave the boy alone in the world anymore, since he saw himself in his eyes.
The Hokage had smiled, and even helped him fill it out. He then helped Haru find a few odd jobs around the village so he could support the black hole that was Naruto's stomach.
Haru could care less about some demon fox. Naruto was Naruto, and nothing would change his mind about it.
He quickly learned how Naruto felt about his own birthday, and it made his blood boil.
No child should view his own birthday as a declaration of war. Even Haru, who's relatives never even bothered to remember his birthday, had ever tried to kill him on it.
Which was why Haru threw a quiet little party for Naruto at the Ichiraku Ramen stand with Iruka. The tears on the blond's face made it all worth it.
"Wait, so there are massive snakes in this forest?" asked Haru with interest.
Itachi was taking a rare break, and had been talking about the forest he took the chunin exam in.
"Snakes big enough to eat a man whole without biting him."
Haru looked at his cousin hard...before saying "Mind if you can show me where they are?"
Itachi blinked, and stared at him.
"Are you serious?"
"No, that's the first star in the constellation Canis Major. I'm Haru remember?"
"That was a horrible pun."
"I know, but I have a godfather who used to make the same one all the time."
"Why?"
"Because Sirius is his name."
Itachi groaned. He had walked right into that one.
"So can I see these supposed massive snakes?"
"Fine, but if they eat me I am blaming you."
Haru grinned evilly.
"They won't eat you."
"I'm dead serious. If they eat me I am coming back to haunt your ass."
"Fair enough."
Once in the forest, Itachi was left absolutely speechless as Haru actually spoke to the massive snakes in the forest. He had surprised them enough that they were more interested in talking that eating him.
When he was done, Haru had to poke Itachi repeatedly before he could even move.
"What...how?"
"I can snake speak. Did I forget to mention that?" Haru said cheekily.
Itachi twitched. He had been so sure the snake was going to eat him when it came so close to his face. Apparently Haru had asked him to freak his cousin out.
"You are evil. I don't care how innocent that face of yours is, you are evil!" Itachi said when they left.
"Why thank you!" chirped Haru.
(Naruto, when informed of the prank, had laughed his ass off for hours. He thought it was hilarious!)
