APOV
Time had no meaning anymore for me. I listlessly drifted from month to month in front of my family. I think they are happy enough that I stuck around to comment too much on my new anti-social tendencies. Truth of the matter was I only stuck around for Esme. I couldn't bare to put her through anything more. After Jasper had left me eternity just sort of turned into a massively cruel joke. I think I understand how Edward slowly lost the battle with his sanity. I thank all creators in existence that my personality differs greatly from his in the sense that I will always think of the family before my own pain.
When I had received Jasper's letter in the mail along with the divorce papers I think I stopped caring about myself entirely. I stayed in this hell of my eternity for others now. In his letter he told me how he had originally went away to get better control over his blood lust without endangering the family. Then one night while wondering through some slums of one city or another he had heard a terrified scream and ran to the sound. There he had saved a woman from a rapist. He said how he had lost control of his beast inside him and had wanted to inflict every ounce of pain on the man that the man had on the woman. For the first time in a long time Jasper had used his empathy to harm a person. Then proceeded to drain the man dry. He felt no remorse over his actions as he turned around and changed the woman. Then he went on to say how his beast seemed satisfied on taking down the bad in society and how he felt so calm and at peace with his decision. The main reason he decided to join Peter and Charlotte.
He went on to state as time passed he grew to have way more intense and extreme feelings for the woman he saved than me. How he tried to fight it at first, but eventually gave in, and come to realize he never had intentions of coming back to the family. It blew me away that my supposed 'Mate' had in the end left me for another. I had no intentions of informing the family about this tidbit. I think they were angry enough at him for leaving me in the first place, but for them to find out he left to feed on humans and another mate would end any civility Emmett or Rosalie may have had left for him. Not that I felt any overwhelming need to save him from any wrath. I think I just wanted to tear into him myself in the end.
He proceeded to wish me and the family luck in our futures and told me not to be down because he was sure I had someone out there that would ignite passions in me he couldn't. He sounded so confident in that, that it made me realize that I had never satisfied Jasper in any aspect he just used my feelings for him to manipulate himself into loving me. Oh how I wished I could have broken down and bawled in that moment.
Unfortunately time passes even without my notice. It was like I was there but wasn't. Time passed seasons changed and no blips on the radar for me to make this time stand out in a monotony of endless days.
Now I sit in Carlisle's car watching the scenery pass as we head back into Forks. The beginning of my downfall as I see it. The memories flash before me in a constant haze as familiar buildings and scents reach my senses. The flashes of laughter in my thoughts cause me the most pain. It was here I had gained and lost the only other person on this earth, besides Jasper, to capture my attention and be willing to put up with my over abundance of perky self.
Bella. Her name brings untolds amount of happiness, sadness, and apprehension. We were all feeling the strain as we pulled closer to town. We had not heard anything major in the news from Forks or this general area. We tended to watch the news religiously for this region of the U.S. Still trying in our remote efforts to see if Bella was still safe. I had not had a vision of her since or anything really for that matter since I have felt this apathy towards existence. I had not told any one in the family that either. So many secrets I keep from them now I wonder if they would truly recognize the individual I have now become. Then again all of us had changed in significant ways.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts as I hear Carlisle sigh. We proceeded to get out of the car and meet with Rose and Emmett on our way to the front door. We were all walking at a human pace prolonging the inevitable. I almost whimpered at the thought of opening the door to be assaulted by familiar yet painful scents of those no longer tied into our lives.
When Carlisle finally opened the door I didn't even have the chance to process the scents in the house before I heard the muttering sounds from upstairs. You could barely hear the air moving past the lips not that you could actually make out what was being said. We silently made our way to the landing and as I tilted my head slightly to get the pitch better I realized our guest was in my room! The door was cracked when I arrived so I slowly pushed it open. My room was a disaster! All my art supplies were scattered all around the room. All you could see was paper and the vampire huddled in the corner.
As Carlisle made his way past me in the room I notice him glance back at me in concern. Intrigued we all walked slightly in the room. That's when she looked up, if my heart still beat it would have stopped in that instant. I was staring into Bella's crimson dazed eyes. Suddenly they lit up a little and she pointed at me.
"You, I seen, see?" She ran to a wild stack of papers, began pushing through them then snatched one and came rushing at me. Only thing I could think was, damn she's extremely fast! Then she held out the paper and on it she had drawn us on one of the many times we had been in her room laughing. She pointed to the picture, "These I know I see before, before Vicky. Then Vicky was there and I seen, but no one else seen, got scared. I seen Vicky all over. Very confusing, very dark then. Time made no sense. No one saw Vicky but me, they took me to the bad place."
I was lost. Bella made sense in a way, but still no sense at all. Her speech was choppy and fragmented. She was a vampire! What happened? Who's Vicky? It was as if she read my mind because in the next instant she was getting another paper then back in front of me. My vision started to haze over in a deep blood red and a reverberating growl sprung from my chest, echoing around the room and rattling the windows. Victoria!
The whimper I heard from below me instantly cleared the haze in my vision. I looked down as I unclenched my fists, letting the pulp fragments of the paper hit the floor, seeing Bella curled up with her arms covering her head. The image broke what was left of my heart. "Oh sweetie, I would never hurt you," I whispered solemnly as I took a half step forward. That's when I actually took stock of what Bella was wearing. It sent complete shock through my body and had me crashing to the floor with a resounding crack. We broke Bella, we were the ones! How is she a vampire? Too many thoughts, too many questions that we needed answered.
I refocused to see Bella staring intently at me from her position in front of me. Her arms lowered and a small smile came to her lips at the amusement of me being on the floor with her. I heard a polite cough behind me and Bella's head snapped up, her eyes immediately turned a pitch of black you could only see on a starless and moonless night. Her lips then curled back as she let loose a snarl of rage towards them.
"Parents, who are not parents. Who say they love, but vanish. Left in the dark like bad pet. All lies! Lies! Lies! Lies! Just a distraction!" Bella snarled as she began to agitatedly pace back and forth clenching her hair in her hands. She ran to a corner of the room that was filled with balls of paper and started to unfold them then toss them away. When she apparently came to the one she was looking for she ran back to Esme and practically shoved it into her face.
Esme's face crumpled and if she could she would be crying right now. She turned the picture around for us to see and it was Bella curled up in a ball on the muddy forest ground wearing the clothes she had on our last day here. It was a harsh slap in the face for all of us. To see the agony clearly etched on her face in the picture, it made me feel horrid. I can't fathom what Esme or Carlisle must be feeling right now.
Bella ran back to the corner we found her in and continued to draw what she was working on before we interrupted her. It look like she wanted to ignore us for now. Not that I could blame her. If that's what it was like for her right when we left, what happened during the 3 years we were gone. Clearly she was turned sometime recently because she was definitely older than when we had left. What had Edward said to her, or done to her for that matter. Why was she in the middle of a dark forest on the ground crying?
I looked to my family for answers but they looked just as confused and heartbroken as me. Carlisle had moved to hold Esme and Rosalie was trying to calm down an enraged Emmett.
