Okay, so I haven't exactly seen all of Buffy yet. I'm on like season 4 now and I've seen none of Angel so I might have made some mistakes. Really I just love seeing Angel and Spike being a family. I think it's just so cute! If I made any major mistakes please tell me!

Warnings: Blood, light violence.

I own nothing. Please review!


"Angel," Giles grinned, "Come in. Come in."

I stared at the surprisingly happy Watcher before walking into his home. I was surprised to say it, but he had been different ever since Spike's little transformation. Something that had happened nine months ago last week.

Truthfully everything had changed since then. I couldn't bring myself to be mad about that. In fact, I doubted anyone was upset by anything Spike related. It was too hard to be upset when those crystal clear blue eyes were staring up at you. It was also the most amazing feeling.

It was because of this that I didn't even bother to hide my smile when I saw my beautiful little boy sitting in the middle of the floor in the living room having a conversation with his favorite stuffed animal. A patchwork bunny.

That had been gotten for him the third day that I had been here. Okay, maybe gotten for is a bit of a stretch. The little stuffed bunny was the only toy that didn't cause Spike to scream bloody murder.

It was also the creepiest in the store. Especially once you realized that it was 'x' where the eyes should be. It was good to know that at least part of Spike was still the same.

Spike had that toy with him wherever he went. It even sat on the toilet when he was given his baths. Everyone knew better than to try to take the bunny, that everyone called Hatter. He loved Hatter more than anything else and I loved to see that smile on his lips.

Thought there was one thing that Spike loved to do to Hatter. It was actually the reason Hatter got his name. He would put anything and everything on that bunnies head. Right before putting that thing on his head. It was his favorite game to play when he felt like playing alone.

In this year I had learned a lot about Spike that I honestly hadn't paid attention to before. The first being the fact that he hated to be alone. He would scream, kick, cry. Anything to get someone to be in the same room as him. Not to say he wouldn't play alone. He loved playing by himself. He just had to have people around him.

The second thing was his love of small, dark places. He has hidden in basically every cabinet, behind or in-between every piece of furniture, and in closets or under beds. Which I admit scared me the first few times. If not for the fact that I could find him fairly quickly I would have thought he had been taken.

The last thing was how much he loved Willow. He was always going between her and I if he needed or wanted something. That was a good thing because it helped dull the guilt that she still felt. Which was probably why she couldn't say no to the blonde. That was going to hurt us when Spike was old enough to understand.

Taking another look at my Childe I saw that he was wearing his pajama's ready to go to bed when we got home, but the thing that made my smile grow was the black leather duster I had specially made for him. He loved this one just as much as his adult self loved his. It was the only other thing he hated to be without.

It was easy for me to admit now, though it had taken awhile, but I loved Spike. In the back of my mind I knew that adult Spike would never act like this, but that wasn't his fault. Now I had a chance to let him grow and be who he wanted. Not what we made him to be. Once that was done I'd get to know him again.

"How was he?" I whispered to Giles.

"For the most part he was good," Giles replied, "There was a little incident when it came time for his blood. He refused to eat all together. He's probably starving right now."

"He was doing that this morning too."

"He's used to drinking from you. Weaning him onto animals blood is going to take some time."

"I know, but having the knowledge that my so…that Spike is starving because of me."

"You can call him your son, Angel. No one would be upset about that. As for him feeding. Why don't you leave some of your blood here. Slowly we'll mix in animal blood until he gets used to the taste?"

"That's a good idea. Nothing else happened?"

"Nothing. Spike gave me a fairly quiet day."

Nodding my head I turned back to my Spike and thought about what Giles had said. I knew that no one could fault me for thinking of Spike as my son, but for some reason I found myself not being able to say it. Not because of what anyone else thought, but because of what Spike would think.

Everyone was still looking for a way to get Spike back to himself. Though we were no closer to doing that. I had no idea how much he was going to remember if we ever did get him back. To say that that thought was disconcerting was an understatement. I honestly liked how things were now. Maybe that made me a bad being, but I wanted Spike to stay this way forever.

It wasn't that things were easier with the younger vampire. This was still Spike. No, things were just very different and I loved it. This was something I never let myself dream of having. Even when I was human. Now I had it and as bad as it made me I didn't want it to change.

As I thought that it hit me that I had no idea what Spike would have wanted us to do. He was my Childe and I had little to no knowledge on him. I had never even tried to get to know him after I got my soul back. Because no matter how much I regretted my treatment of the younger vampire he was a monster. Or was he?

Spike was different than most vampires. He always had been. It's what made him such an easy target. It was as if he had a soul even after Drusilla had changed him. I don't know why or even how that was possible, but it was. And he had been given hell for it.

I don't even want to begin to think of everything that had been done to my Childe at my own hands. I don't want to remember him screaming as we tore him apart. I don't want to remember him beg for us to kill him, to just have mercy as we healed him. I don't want to remember the feeling of his blood blanketing me with each new wound. I don't want to remember how delicious it all was. But I did.

That was another reason I didn't want to think of him as my son. I never wanted to harm Spike again and I hated myself everyday for it, but that didn't change anything. I knew what I was capable of and I knew exactly what it would take to break him. Mostly though I knew exactly how wonderful breaking him felt.

I needed to keep all of this in my mind. The idea of forgetting and repeating those same mistakes was my biggest fear right now. Because if the day came when I hurt my Spike again I would do everything possible to die. After I was sure someone was there to take care of my Childe. I would protect him. Even from…No, especially from myself.

"Dada," a voice suddenly rang out.

My eyes widened as I looked down at Spike. The blonde had moved from his spot on the floor and was now sitting in front of me. His arms were stretched over his head sowing that he wanted to be picked up. My whole body felt ridge as I slowly bent down and picked up the child.

"Dada," Spike sighed cuddling into my chest.

"Looks like Spike is already a step ahead of you," Giles commented.

One look at the sleepy smile Spike was giving me I knew that the Watcher was right. Whether or not I thought I was ready or even deserved it Spike thought of me as his Dad and I wasn't going to ruin that.

"Yeah," I smiled, "I guess he is."