Hindsight, Chapter 2
By: Storychan
Thank you to KeepCalmAndDoItLikeAFangirl for your review, and thank you to everyone who followed and favorite this story !
I'm sorry I didn't update sooner. But now I've got the transcript from season 1, episode 2 ("Wendigo") printed in one hand and a Snickers in the other, so I'm ready to write!
I promise I won't let Kelley become a Mary Sue. She's based on myself and I'm fully aware that myself can be pretty derpy sometimes lol.
Wow, this chapter wound up being REALLY long! Seriously, over 6,000 words. That's literally the longest chapter I've ever written of ANYTHING. 0_o I'm sorry….but hopefully the quality of my writing will make it worth it! I stayed up til 4:30 AM writing this…I guess that shows how dedicated (or just how much of a fangirl -_-) I am.
Enjoy, and don't forget to review!
-Storychan
For about a week, they dump me at a motel and try to search for clues on their own. They'd prefer to find the thing that killed Jessica without my help, because they don't trust me. I could be a demon for all they know, leading them astray. I understand why they're doing this. They're probably debating when I'm not there on whether to trust me or kill me. It's the most logical thing, but I won't pretend it doesn't hurt. When I fantasized about myself existing in the Supernatural universe, I'd always pictured Sam and Dean immediately liking me and offering to let me hunt with them, but that's not how real life works, is it?
It's funny how I say real life, because this shouldn't be real. Yet somehow, it all is. Another reality I was going to have to face? Even if they chose to let me hunt with them, I wouldn't know how. I wasn't like some of my friends, who were born and raised in the rural South, where my college was located, and could shoot a possum from a mile away. My parents were very pro-gun control and I'd never even seen a gun in real life. As for other weapons, I wasn't familiar with any of them, either. And whatever force had brought me to this world hadn't given me convenient psychic powers or anything like that. The Winchesters thought I was a psychic because I knew their future, but the true reason I knew was just because I watched too much TV. I was just a couch potato, weak and ineffective. I hadn't been able to anything for Jessica. And to be honest, I spent most of my week just sitting around crying about that.
Why was I here? I wondered that constantly. I hoped Sam and Dean would choose to trust me so I could at least try to help them. Yet the possibility crossed my mind that the "shoot first, ask questions later" Dean, whose approval I craved, would decide I was too suspicious and be rid of me.
But when I thought about it, I knew that, sooner or later, they would come back and admit that they hadn't found Jessica's killer. That was a foregone conclusion. I also knew that I was their only lead. It would probably take them a while to trust me, but they would figure out quickly that they needed me.
Or, at least, that's how they'd see it. I already knew they'd find the demon responsible for all this and kill it, even if I wasn't here. But they didn't know that, and it didn't serve my ends to tell them.
After 7 days, Dean burst in the door of the Motel Palo Alto, where I'd been puzzling all this out, grabbed me by the arm, and said gruffly, "Get in the car. We're leaving."
"Where are we going?" I asked, but I already knew the answer: Lost Creek National Forest, just outside of Grand Junction, Colorado. Why? Because while I was pointlessly trying to convince Jessica to run for her life, Dean was going through the stuff John left in the motel where he was staying right before he went missing. That was where he found a note that said "DEAN 35-111". Those numbers were coordinates to Lost Creek, and Dean was going to follow them because he believed they would lead him to John. I knew they wouldn't. They were just going to lead him on a hunt for a kind of monster called a wendigo.
For a second, I planted my feet in the ground and refused to move. I wanted to tell Dean that he wasn't going to find John in Colorado. I wanted to tell him not to get his hopes up. More than anything, I wanted to tell him that I knew exactly where he would find John.
But then I thought about Tommy Collins. That was a teenager that Dean was going to save from the wendigo in Colorado. I knew that by now Tommy had already been snatched from his tent and dragged to the monster's lair. If I told Dean that John wasn't in Colorado, he wouldn't go. And then Tommy would die, because nobody would be there to save him.
I also knew that in season 8, even if we went to Colorado and saved him today, Tommy Collins was going to die. The demon Crowley was going to kill him as part of a bizarre vow to kill every person Sam and Dean had ever saved, in order, until they agreed to his demands.
In other words, if we went to Colorado now, Tommy would only live seven years longer than if I just told Dean right now where John was hiding. Was it worth it? Tommy was going to die anyway, but if I changed history and we got to John now, maybe John wouldn't die. Maybe Dean might be happier in the long run.
I thought about it, but then the words of Professor Richardson, my favorite teacher at the college I'd been attending until I got sucked into this horrifying world, sprung into my mind. "If you wouldn't let someone die who is standing right in front of you, you shouldn't let the same person die just because you aren't there to see it happen, or because it's done indirectly." He was talking about a psychology experiment in which people were told to electrocute someone they couldn't see, but his words really fit the ethical dilemma was faced with now. I always laughed when he said someday his class could save a life. I never thought I would actually be in a position where I could choose to let someone die or not. But when it came down to it….
"What's the matter?" Dean asked, bringing me back to reality. "Are you coming, or not?"
"It's nothing," I said. "Let's go."
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Sam's asleep when we get in the car. I know he's having nightmares about Jess. A wave of guilt comes over me. I hate that I couldn't do anything for him. We drive in silence for awhile, but before Sam wakes up, Dean takes the opportunity to talk to me.
"So…you're a psychic, Kelley?"
"That's right," I lie.
"But….you're human?"
"You can test me with salt and silver and holy water and whatever else you want if you don't believe me."
"I already did. When you were asleep last night."
I'm a bit creeped out by this, but I understand. How many monsters had I seen try to deceive these boys?
"I'm not your enemy, Dean." I swear. "Would I have warned Sam about Jessica if I didn't want to help you?"
"I know you want to help," Dean replies, shifting uneasily in the driver's seat. "When I snuck in to test you last night, I heard you….whimpering."
"What are you talking about?"
"You were thrashing around, moaning…..It was obvious that you were having nightmares, Kelley. You kept muttering something….It sounded like 'I have to stop it from happening'...What is it you're here to stop?"
I suddenly remembered what images had been flashing through my head as I slept last night. The Yellow-Eyed Demon possessing John, injuring him. The boys driving towards the hospital to get him help. A semi-truck, its driver possessed as well, ramming into the Impala. Dean, unconscious in his seat, head dripping red blood. Then slowly dying as the machines try to breathe for him at the hospital. John selling his soul to the Yellow-Eyed Demon, choosing to trade his life for Dean's. Dean, waking up cured only to watch his father die. That was how season 1 of Supernatural ended. That was how this year was going to end, if I didn't, couldn't, change anything. How was I supposed to explain all this to Dean? How was I supposed to tell him that after he found John – the only thing he cared about right now- that he was going to lose him so fast? Maybe it won't come to pass, I thought. Maybe I'm here to change history. But what if I can't? I mean, even if I save John, does that mean Dean will die? What's the point?
"I don't know," I confess. "I don't know why I was sent here."
"Sent?" Dean blinks. "Sent by who?"
"I don't know that either." I admit with a frown. "I'm sorry. I don't know why, or by who, or for what purpose, but I was sent here for you."
"Why me?" Dean replies. "I'm just an average guy. What's so important about me?"
"You're anything but average, Dean," I chuckle. "I mean, you're a hunter!"
"There are lots of hunters out there. Why was some random clairvoyant chick sent to me?"
"Well…." I think about this. "You're going to save the world."
"I…..what now? How am I supposed to do that?"
"You'll find out," I say as vaguely as possible. That's not until season 5, after all.
"Is there anything you can tell me?" Dean asks, getting frustrated. "Like, can you tell me where my dad is, or what killed Jessica, or how to gank it?"
"All I can tell you," I sigh, "Is that you'll know all of those things by the end of the year."
"Fine then," Dean rolls his eyes. "I can tell you know more than you're letting on, but if you won't tell me now, I guess all I can do is keep you with me until you feel like talking." I cast a nervous glance in his direction. "I'm not going to interrogate you," he clarifies. "Not like how you're thinking. I don't hurt little human girls."
"Little?" I smirk.
"How old are you?" Dean asks. "Sixteen? Seventeen?"
"I'm actually twenty," I reply. "People always assume I'm younger."
"Twenty? Really?" Dean grins. "Only eight years younger than me. Never would've guessed you were, y'know, legal." I find myself flushing, and then Sam wakes up. Dean offers to let him drive, and Sam swears he's ok, then unfurls a map and starts staring at it, ignoring me completely. Not that I blame him, I think. I introduced myself to him by telling him his girlfriend would die, and then she did. It makes sense why he wouldn't even want to look at me.
"Where are we?" he asks Dean.
"Just outside of Grand Junction," Dean replies.
"Maybe we shouldn't have left Stanford so soon," Sam frowns.
"Sam, we dug around there for a week," Dean argues. "If we want to find what killed Jessica…"
"We have to find Dad first," Sam finishes. I know they're not going to find him for awhile, so I'm glad that from where I'm sitting I can't see the hopefulness in their eyes. I hear Dean say, "Dad will know what to do," and I almost jump up and tell him the truth, that it's not going to be that simple. Instead, I keep my mouth shut until we pull up to the ranger's station, then walk in quietly behind them. Dean tells the park ranger that the three of us are environmental studies majors from UC Boulder.
"Bull," the ranger assesses. "You're looking for that Haley girl, aren't you?" I already know that Haley is Tommy's sister, but Dean doesn't, but he can tell she's important, so he lies and says we're friends of hers.
"Well I will tell you exactly what we told her. Her brother filled out a backcountry permit saying he wouldn't be back from Blackwater until the twenty-fourth, so it's not exactly a missing persons now, is it?"
But he IS missing, I think to myself. Somehow, Dean secures a copy of the permit, and we walk out of there without the ranger calling the cops on us or worse.
"Are you cruising for a hookup or something?" Sam asks bluntly. "The coordinates point to Blackwater Ridge, so what are we waiting for? Let's just go find Dad. I mean, why even talk to this girl?"
I'd almost forgotten, with all the episodes in season 1 that focused on stopping the monster of the week, that that was never Sam's primary objective. All he cared about was finding John.
"Maybe when we find Dad, he can tell us if he knows anything about why Kelley is here," Sam adds.
"Dude, she's standing right there," Dean points out, hazarding a glance at me. I glare at Sam. "Finally remembered I exist, huh, Sammy?" I grumble.
"Don't call me Sammy," Sam snaps. "Only Dean gets to do that."
"Look, what happened at Stanford isn't my fault," I complain, although I'm not sure I really believe it. "I tried to help you. I'm still trying to help you. And I say we go talk to Haley."
"You don't get a vote," Sam replies coldly. I'm not really angry with the way he's treating me. He just lost the woman he loved, and he associates me in his head with that incident. I want him to trust me, but I know that earning that will take effort.
"I agree with Kelley," Dean speaks up. "I mean, I want to find Dad, too, but I also want to know what I'm walking in to. I mean, since when are you all 'shoot first, ask questions later'?"
"Since now," Sam snips.
"Really?" Dean questions, and we all get back into the car and drive to Haley's house.
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When we get there, Dean immediately lies to Haley that he and Sam are park rangers. "And, uh, she's an intern at the department," he adds, pointing to me. I definitely don't look old enough to be a full ranger. Besides, I'm the only one Dean doesn't have a fake Park Services ID for.
Haley raises an eyebrow, but lets us in. She and her brother, Ben, explain that they haven't heard from Tommy in three days, and how unusual that is for him. Dean tells them that he'll find their brother. Haley reveals that she plans on searching for him herself, and agrees to forward Sam the last video Tommy sent her.
From there, Sam, Dean, and I drive to a bar to discuss the case. As we walk through the door, Dean stops me. "Are you sure you're old enough to be in a place like this?" he asks me.
I roll my eyes. "I'm not twenty-one yet, so I can't drink, but there's no law that says I can't walk in and sit there with you." I pause, and look away. "Unless you don't want me in there with you. If you don't trust me enough to talk about the case with me there…."
"You already know about as much as we do," Dean says. "If not more. So, I don't really see the point of hiding it from you. I mean, you say you want to help us, right?"
"Of course I do!"
"Then let's go," Dean suggests, and we walk in. "Bartender, get the little girl some milk, okay?" he laughs.
"S-shut up," I say, but I'm not really upset. It seems like Dean is starting to accept me as an ally. Now if only Sam would do the same….
When we get to the table, Sam immediately pulls out his laptop, still not saying anything to me. "So, Blackwater Ridge doesn't get a lot of traffic. Local campers, mostly. But still, this past April, two hikers went missing out there. They were never found," he reveals.
"Any before that?" Dean asks.
"Yeah, in 1982, eight different people all vanished in the same year. Authorities said it was a grizzly attack. And again in 1959 and again before that in 1936." Sam replies, then pulls up a video on the screen. "Every twenty-three years, just like clockwork. Okay. Watch this. Here's a clincher. I downloaded that guy Tommy's video to the laptop. Check this out." He slows the video down, and we can clearly see a shadow moving across the screen. I'm already aware that it's a wendigo. Sam explains that it moved three frames in a fraction of a second. He then adds that in the '59 "grizzly attack", there was one survivor. I know that's who we're visiting next.
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The survivor, an old man named Shaw, reports that the thing that attacked him moved too fast to see, made a sound like no man or animal he'd ever heard, and, most interestingly, was smart enough to open a door.
When we leave, Dean wonders aloud if the culprit could be a skinwalker, or a black dog. I know he's wrong, but choose to not correct him, because I know he'll figure it out soon enough. We grab some weapons out of the trunk.
"We can't let that Haley girl go out there," Sam comments. I already knew that he was going to say that. It's dangerous for anyone to be out there right now. But what he says next surprises me. "Kelley shouldn't come with us either."
"Why not?" I ask, staring him down.
"Do you even know how to shoot?" Sam questions. I'm forced to shake my head. "You'll just be a liability," he dismisses me.
"Why do you care what happens to me?" I ask. "You don't know me. You don't seem to like me. If I get hurt, what does that matter to you?"
Sam's eyes widen, and for the first time since I've met him, his expression softens. "I don't want anyone else around me to die," he says sadly. "I don't want to be unable to protect you, too." I frown. I know he's thinking about Jess.
"I should've listened to you, Kelley," Sam says miserably. "You told me what was going to happen, you warned me, and I didn't listen to you. You're not the one who screwed up here, you're not the one I should blame. The only one I should blame is myself." I notice that Sam is shaking. He sounds like he's trying not to cry. I realize now that I'm not the one he's truly angry at.
"I don't think you're to blame, either, Sammy," I say, placing a supportive hand on his arm and looking him in the eye. "The one you should blame is the thing that killed her. I'm telling you right now that we are going to find that son of a bitch, and we are going to avenge Jessica, alright? I know that we will."
"You know a lot of things, don't you?" Sam asks, looking bewildered, but somewhat comforted. "Still, you should know not to call me Sammy." He half-smiles as he says this, and for the first time since I got here, I feel like I've made a difference.
Dean clears his throat. I think the two of us forgot he was there. "Let's focus on the here and now," he says. "We can't tell Haley she can't go to Blackwater Ridge because of some big scary monster. Her brother's missing, Sam. She's not gonna just sit this out. Now we go with her, we protect her, and we keep our eyes peeled for our fuzzy predator friend."
"Finding Dad isn't enough?" Sam gripes. "Now we have to babysit, too?" He's mostly talking about Haley, but he looks straight at me as he says it.
"Unlike Haley," Dean says, taking note of this, "Kelley knows what we're up against." He looks at me. "Have you ever used a knife before?" he asks, offering a small silver dagger to me.
"Like to….hurt people?" I gulp. I'm suddenly nervous.
"No, huh?" Dean shakes his head. "I guess maybe that's a good thing. But, still….stabbing's pretty self-explanatory. My plan is to protect you, like Haley. I want you with us, because I'm betting you know something that can help us. Hopefully, you won't have to do any of the fighting yourself. But just in case, if something does happen…." He forces the dagger into my palm. "I'm pretty sure you can figure out what to do with this."
I eye the dagger uncertainly. I might actually have to kill something. Hunting always sounded cool, but now that it's something I may have to truly do – now that I'll really be putting myself at risk of injury, even death, as well – I find that I'm scared.
"It's not going to bite you," Dean says softly. "Hell, it's what you use to stop things from biting you."
I know he's right. If I want to survive long in this strange new world, I need to be brave. I stick the dagger through my belt loop and prepare for my first hunt.
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We meet Haley, Ben, and their hiking guide, Roy, the next day. Roy immediately suggests Ben should stay home, where it's safe. Ben refuses, and then we ask to join their rescue team. Haley is suspicious. So is Roy.
"You're rangers?" he asks.
"That's right," Dean lies.
"And you're hiking in biker boots and jeans?" Haley snorts. She looks me over. "And in your case, a Hello Kitty T-shirt?" I look down at myself. I forgot I was wearing that. It was what I'd had on when I was teleported into this universe. All my other clothes were back in the "real world". But then, I could sleep, eat, dream, feel in this world, just like I could in my own. Could I really say it wasn't just as real?
"Well, sweetheart, I don't do shorts," Dean smirks.
"And what's wrong with Hello Kitty?" I add, hoping my attitude will make me look a little more intimidating than my shirt does.
"You think you're funny?" Roy growls. "It's dangerous backcountry out there, her brother might be hurt."
He's definitely hurt, I reflect. I know for a fact that he just woke up in the wendigo's lair and watched the guy he was camping with get eaten. I also know he's next. I know better than all of you how much danger I'm putting myself in. But I've already decided that I can't let Tommy die. There's no turning back now.
"Believe me," Dean says seriously. "I know how dangerous it can be. We just want to help her find her brother, that's all."
Roy accepts this answer, and so, with that, we set out.
Dean almost walks into a bear trap. Haley's suspicions finally boil over. "You didn't pack any provisions!" she cries. "You're carrying duffel bags! You guys are not Rangers! So who the hell are you?"
For once, Dean is caught in a lie. "Sam and I are brothers, and we're looking for our father. He might be here, we don't know. I just figured that you and me, we're in the same boat."
"Why didn't you just tell me that from the start?" Haley queries.
"I'm telling you now. 'sides, it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman. ...ever. So we okay?"
Haley pauses. "Yeah, okay." Then she looks at me. "But what's her story?"
"I'm here to help them," I inform her.
"Why?" Haley demands.
"Because they're my friends." Sam and Dean turn around and look at me as soon as those words come out of my mouth. They were both suspicious of me at first, but….
"We are friends….aren't we?" I plead. They were my favorite characters in my world. My heroes. Now they're the only people I know in this world. If they truly don't like me, I'm not sure if I can stand it.
"Yeah," Dean smiles. "We're friends." A smile blooms on my face. Despite everything that has happened since I got here, I'm truly happy now. I'm the Winchesters' friend! Maybe I'm just a stupid fangirl, but I start thinking that makes everything worth it.
"And what do you mean, I didn't pack provisions?" Dean grins at Haley, and holds up a bag of peanut M&M's. That line made me crack a smile when I saw it on TV, and it makes me even happier in real – if you can call this real – life.
I love this guy, I think happily, as we walk further towards the lair of the beast.
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When we reach Tommy's campsite, we find the tents torn open and bloody and the supplies scattered everywhere. I saw this coming, but Haley quickly becomes hysterical, muttering her brother's name over and over. We follow the trail the bodies left as they were dragged away, but the tracks stop abruptly beneath a tree. A cell phone rings. It's Tommy's, and it's covered in blood. Haley starts crying.
"He could still be alive," Dean reminds her.
Suddenly, a voice calls out from the trees. "HELP!"
"Tommy?!" Haley shrieks, and suddenly everyone's running off in different directions.
"Wait!" I call after Dean, and follow him. I know this is the voice of the wendigo, trying to deceive us. But by the time everyone has calmed down, before I can tell them that, all our supplies are missing, including our phones and Roy's GPS.
"It's smart," Sam realizes. "It wants to cut us off so we can't call for help."
"You mean some nutjob just stole all our gear?" Roy screams.
Sam approaches me and Dean. "I need to speak with you two," he whispers. "In private."
We move off a little ways from the rest of the group.
"Let me see Dad's journal," Sam requests. Dean complies, and Sam immediately opens it to a page depicting a picture of a wendigo. Finally, I meditate.
"Oh come on, wendigos are in the Minnesota woods or, or northern Michigan. I've never even heard of one this far west," Dean says skeptically.
"Think about it Dean," Sam persuades. "The claws, the way it can mimic a human voice…."
Dean looks to me. "Is he right? Is it a wendigo?"
I nod. He thinks it's my "ESP" showing me the way.
"How long have you known?" Dean asks.
"From the beginning," I confess.
"Do you know what these things are like, Kelley? What they can do?" Sam asks, looking concerned.
"Yeah," I say grimly.
I know he's trying to calculate in his head how I can be a human psychic girl, how I can know nothing about hunting, but know everything about monsters like wendigoes. I can't explain, but luckily I don't have to.
"Great," Dean snarks, and looks at his pistol. "Well then, this is useless."
"We have to get these people to safety," Sam decides, and then we put away the journal and head back to the group.
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"Listen up," Sam tells Haley, Ben, and Roy. "It's time to go. Things have gotten….more complicated."
Haley asks "What?" Roy swears he can handle it. Sam assures him that he has no idea what he's dealing with. Roy becomes belligerent. He doesn't want Sam to tell him what to do. Sam is getting frustrated, and I get the sense that if Roy keeps refusing to leave, Sam will drag him.
They look like they're about to get in a fight when Haley speaks up. "Stop. Stop it. Everybody just stop. Look. Tommy might still be alive. And I'm not leaving here without him."
There's a long pause, and then Dean says, "It's getting late. This thing is a good hunter in the day, but an unbelievable hunter at night. We'll never beat it, not in the dark. We need to settle in and protect ourselves."
Haley has one question: "How?"
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Dean draws Anasazi symbols around our campfire, for protection. Roy and the other "Muggles" are still looking at us like we're crazy. I get it. Nobody wants to believe in monsters. It was a lot easier for me back when this was all just a TV show.
Then, Dean walks over to Sam, and I follow him. "You want to tell me what's going on in that freaky head of yours?" Dean asks.
"Dean…." Sam begins, but Dean interrupts him.
"No, you're not fine. You're like a powder keg, man, it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?"
Sam doesn't speak for awhile, but when he does, it breaks my heart a little. "Dad's not here. I mean, that much we know for sure, right? He would have left us a message, a sign, right?"
Dean nods. "Yeah, you're probably right. Tell you the truth, I don't think Dad's ever been to Lost Creek."
"So you're finally realizing it…" I say before I can stop myself..
Sam whirls around to face me so fast I wonder how he doesn't get whiplash. "You KNEW?" he hollers. "You knew this whole time our dad was leading us on some wild goose chase for no reason, and you didn't say anything?"
"It's not for no reason!" I protest, and Dean steps in between us and holds up John's journal.
"This is the reason," he says. He looks back at me. He seems angry too, but not at me. No, he's more disappointed. He really wanted to believe he'd find his father this easily. "Right, Kelley?" I nod, and Dean goes on, "This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession—everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off. You know, saving people, hunting things. The family business."
It's one of the most famous quotes from the show. Hell, I have it on a T-shirt back home. If I ever get back there. I always smile every time I hear it, because it's the essence of what Supernatural is all about. I smile, every time except this time. Because I see how upset Sam is, and I'm scared I can't do anything about it.
"That doesn't make any sense," he sputters. "Why doesn't he just—call us? Why doesn't he—tell us what he wants, tell us where he is?"
That's a good question, Sam. John's beat-around-the-bush tactics were why he was always my least favorite character. Sure, the evasions were to protect his sons, but I still think he went about it the wrong way.
Dean's response didn't make me any happier. "I dunno. But the way I see it, Dad's giving us a job to do, and I intend to do it." He was always so complacent, so quick to follow any order John gave him. It was going to make it harder for me to save him. That's what I'm supposed to do, right? I addressed in my head a prayer to whoever sent me here. Save these boys? Why did you choose me? I'm not strong. I'm not special. I can barely save myself. Please, just let me survive this stupid hunt. I swear I'll figure out my purpose here as long as I don't end up dead!
"Dean...no. I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about." Sam said. That was something eating away at me, too. Seeing the anguish realizing that they weren't going to find John today caused the boys made me regret choosing to come here, to not tell Dean where I knew John really was. And now that I felt so personally responsible for not saving Jessica, I truly wanted to see her avenged, if only for the sake of my psyche.
Now that I could feel just the way Sam felt, Dean's next words of advice seemed that much more profound to me. "Okay, all right, Sam, we'll find them, I promise. Listen to me. You've gotta prepare yourself. I mean, this search could take a while, and all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul. It's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience, man."
Dean was right. If I kept focusing on how much I'd screwed up so far, since I fell through my TV and woke up in this impossible reality, I was going to lose it. I knew better than anyone how long this was going to take. I had to accept that although I knew every plot twist ahead of time, I still didn't have all the answers. I had to just take discovering my mission – whatever it was – one step at a time.
"How do you do it?" Sam asked wearily. "How does Dad do it?"
Dean looked over at Haley and Ben, who were huddled around the campfire, trying to process everything that had happened. "Well, for one," he said, "Them." He continued, "I mean, I figure our family's so screwed to hell, maybe we can help some others. Makes things a little bit more bearable…..And I'll tell what else helps. Killing as many sons of bitches as I possibly can."
I smiled. But that smile quickly faded when the wendigo called out to us again, and then appeared just long enough to snap Roy's neck. Haley screamed.
I wanted – needed- to kill this wendigo now. If only to, as Dean said, make life more bearable.
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Dean started to explain to Haley and Ben what wendigoes were. Haley was still muttering that these kinds of things weren't supposed to be real.
"I wish I could tell you different," Dean sighed.
"How do you know about this stuff?"
"It kind of runs in the family," he explained simply, before reciting the legend:
"'Wendigo' is a Cree Indian word. It means 'evil that devours'. They're hundreds of years old. Each one was once a man. Sometimes an Indian, or other times a frontiersman or a miner or hunter. How do they turn into these things? Well, it's always the same. During some harsh winter a guy finds himself starving, cut off from supplies or help. Becomes a cannibal to survive, eating other members of his tribe or camp. Cultures all over the world believe that eating human flesh gives a person certain abilities. Speed, strength, immortality. If you eat enough of it, over years, you become this less than human thing. You're always hungry."
"Then how can Tommy still be alive?" Haley asked.
"You're not gonna like it."
"Tell me," she insisted.
"More than anything, a wendigo knows how to last long winters without food. It hibernates for years at a time, but when it's awake it keeps its victims alive. It, uh, it stores them, so it can feed whenever it wants. If your brother's alive, it's keeping him somewhere dark, hidden, and safe. We gotta track it back there."
"Then how do we stop it?"
"Well guns – and that knife I gave you, Kelley – are useless. So…." Dean held up a can of lighter fluid, a beer bottle, and a white cloth that he'd picked up. "We're gonna have to torch the sucker."
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Haley and I followed Dean, while Ben went with Sam. We found blood and broken branches on a certain tree….and then Roy's body fell out of it. The wendigo had killed him immediately because he pissed it off. I knew that. I saw it coming. But I screamed anyway.
And then a clawed, blood-soaked hand reached out to grab me…..
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When I woke up, my hands were tied and I was suspended in the air. The first thing I saw was a pile of bleached white bones. My heart began to pound. I'd been caught. I was in the wendigo's lair. It was going to eat me. I was going to die.
No! I thought. Don't panic. You just need to get out of here before the monster comes back.
But how was I supposed to free myself?
Luckily, I didn't have to. At that moment, Sam and Ben burst in. They'd apparently followed the M &M's Dean dropped like a trail of breadcrumbs. "Kelley!" Sam cried. "Thank goodness. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine," I said as he untied me. "Where's Dean?"
"Dean!" Sam called. I heard Dean wince. He was suspended next to where I had been hanging a moment before. "Hey, you ok?" Sam asked.
"Yeah," Dean said weakly. I helped Sam untie him while Ben took care of Haley.
"You sure you're alright?"
Dean nodded. "I'm more worried about Kelley. She's never gotten almost eaten before. Right, sweetheart?"
"I'm fine," I protested, trying to be strong. Internally, I was really scared. The fact that the wendigo hadn't come back yet was the only reason I wasn't losing it.
Then, we found Tommy. He looked almost dead until he opened his eyes.
"Cut him down!" Haley pleaded, and we did. Then, Dean found our missing supplies in the corner. Among them were flare guns. "Those'll work." Dean laughed and twirled the gun in his hands. Then, we heard the wendigo's roar. "Looks like somebody's home for supper."
"Listen to me," Dean said, addressing Haley, Ben, and Tommy. "Go with Sam, he's going to get you out of here." Then, his gaze flicked toward me. "You too, Kelley."
"What?" I argued. "No, I'm not going to leave you!"
"You're a rookie," Dean put it bluntly. "You think you'll be able to save me, but you won't. I need to save you. I'm telling you to go, right now."
"But…."
"Maybe once you've had some practice, you can do something like this. But right now you're little more than a civilian, psychic or not. You need to go."
"I'll become stronger," I vowed.
"What?" Dean blinked, taken aback.
"I'll go now, because you're right, I can't save you. But this will be the last time. I will become stronger. I'll become a hunter like you who can protect people. Because I believe I was sent here to help you. So I intend to learn how to do that."
"Ok," Dean said, with a hard-to-read look that could've meant he was anything from impressed to incredulous. "I'll help you learn whatever it is you need to do. But not today. Run."
And I did. I ran with Sam and the kids and left Dean to face the monster. He wasn't afraid at all. "Chow time, you freaky bastard! Yeah, that's right, bring it on, baby, I taste good!" I heard him call out. "Hey, you want some white meat, bitch! I'm right here!" I was honestly inspired by Dean's courage. As I watched Sam aim his flare gun at the wendigo once we were a safe distance away, I thought, I want to be more like him.
"Kelley," Sam said, bringing me back to the here and now. "Get these guys out of here."
"No!" I disagreed. "Sam!"
Thankfully, he caught up to us. "Hurry!" he cried. We kept running. Sam stepped in front of me and the others, shielding us all.
"Hey!" Dean called, and the wendigo turned around. That was when Dean shot him in the stomach. As scared as I had been this whole time, my only thought now was That was so epic!
"Not bad, huh?"
Sam, Dean, and I all couldn't help but grin.
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An ambulance came to pick up Tommy, while the cops started questioning Ben. "And you say it was a bear that attacked you?" the police officer asked in disbelief. Ben stuck by that story. It was something we'd agreed on before they got there.
"I don't know how to thank you," Haley told Dean. He smiled at her lasciviously.
"Must you cheapen the moment?" she teased.
"Yeah."
She turned to get on the ambulance with Tommy, but before she left, she kissed Dean on the cheek. I felt a pang of jealousy. Dean had always been my fictional crush. But…..now he wasn't fictional anymore. I wasn't sure how to sort out how I felt about him now that I'd actually met him. I still thought he was handsome, and brave, and witty. I still wanted him. But even though we existed in the same world now, I knew Dean was a player with no interest in falling in love. I also knew that when he did fall in love, a few seasons from now, it would be with Lisa Braeden. Not me. He breaks up with her eventually, though, I told myself. What was I trying to convince myself of? That I still had a shot with him? I was already hiding so much from Dean. His father's whereabouts. The identity of Jessica's killer. The fact that I knew John would soon die. The truth behind how I knew all of these things. My feelings would just be another thing I'd have to hide, I decided. This wasn't the time for wish fulfillment. I had bigger things to worry about.
Becoming a full-fledged hunter. Saving Dean. Figuring out if saving Dean was even what I was here for.
Yeah, I had a lot on my plate. Love – hell, figuring out if that was even what I was feeling – could wait.
After everybody else left, Dean looked at Sam seriously. "You know we're going to find Dad, right?" he said.
"Of course we will," I added. "I've foreseen it." If I could give these boys anything, it was peace of mind.
"OK," Sam smiled. "But in the meantime, I'm driving."
