A/N: POV segments will be their own chapter in this story...I think it'll help keep the over all story cleaner...all of them will come from Natsuki, like before. This, clearly will result in some very short chapters, because the POV aren't huge in length...but, I hope it will give the story a better flow than how they were sitting in the middle of the story for White Fence...

If you don't like this...don't read it...just leave me alone...I'll leave you alone, and we can simply exist...(what a novel concept.)

Chapter 2
(Natsuki POV)

There really isn't much to tell, Takeda, even though I know you think there's some grand story..then again, you were always inqusitive back then too, so what should I expect?

I don't have much to say. I mean, I could bore you with trivial details, but really, would that be enough? I think not. Though, I did promise I'd tell you. I guess, if you really wanted, I could. There's nothing huge about it. Life is funny like that, isn't it? In the heat of the excitement and all...okay, it was a huge deal...anyway, if I had to describe the experience, it would be like this:

Overwhelming in the best of times.
Completely insane others.
You feel like shit.
You have highs.
You have lows.
Sometimes you eat crazy concoctions.
Your bladder grows a mind of it's own.
Sometimes you smell things, normally pleasant things, and you just want to keel over...because for whatever reason, you just can't take it.

Then, things start not to fit...and things with no give just don't feel good...you start to replace jeans with anything that has a drawstring, or a soft midsection...so you walk around in clothing that just isn't your style, because at least it doesn't feel restrictive...sometimes your forgo getting dressed at all and spend the day in your pajamas, because low and behold, you don't even care if you roll out of bed...yeah, sometimes sleeping isn't easy.

Oh, yeah...and you get dizzy, not often, but...well, I did, but I was an idiot. It all depends more on how much you over do it. I'm not used to just sitting around, and letting everyone else do things for me. At first, I made things difficult because of it. They say the first trimester is the absolute worst. I have to agree. I really do, it sucks. I'll bet if I would have taken it a little easier, rested just a little bit more than normal, then, I'm sure it wouldn't have been so bad. You know how it goes though, don't you? Anyway, that's not all that happens, and trust me, I wish it was...

Really...it gets complicated sometimes...

There are times that you just need people...I mean...really, really need them...Takeda. When you feel like no one cares, or understands. Even if you know better than to think it, sometimes you just can't help it. Yeah, you can rationalize it in your head just fine, but, it doesn't stop you from crying. It does weird things...really, really weird things...all of that stuff, it's only the tip of the iceberg. It gets so much more personal than that.

Dude...I kid you not.

Sometimes, your libido goes berserk, and others, you don't even want to think about sex. Your boobs will hurt, and the baby will just kick around inside, and that's not always comfortable...I mean it gets to the point, sometimes, when you just want to be left well enough alone...oh, that?

All of that is nothing...I could say far worse.

Takeda...trust me, modesty is the least of my worries...and no shit it bothered me...but...well...listen, this entire pregnancy thing, it sort of robs you from at least some level of modesty. I mean, well...doctors do things, people see things...and there's a side of a person the comes out...it's not that it isn't really them...but rather, it's a personal side.

It just isn't something you can completely hide...so you get used to being embarrassed...either that, or...well, I don't know what you would do otherwise...besides walking around mortified all the time...I guess some people do that. Hell, I was tempted at first to do that.

It's delicate...
Fleeting...
Impossible...
I don't know if I would call it magical...but...it's out of this world for sure...
Yet, it's completely real...you can't stop the realities from crashing down around you...
Sometimes, you don't even want to.

Anyway, Takeda...I don't have a problem telling you about it...because I promised that I would...but, only because I trust you. This feels weird...explaining stuff like this...anyway...since we're among family here...I guess I can make an exception...

I couldn't say there were many times in my life that left me completely, utterly shocked. I'll bet I could easily count all of them on one hand, and all of them, ironically, were the times I knew that life would get turned upside down. Irreversibly so, in fact, if I were to sit and really think about it. This newest choice of mine wasn't an easy one. In fact, it was one of the most difficult choices of my life. Everyone always makes it sound so easy, but, it's not. It wasn't like I was some young woman anymore.

I'm not exactly all that old, either. I'm in my early thirties, so...it's almost perfect.

I'm at that age, old enough to understand the world, and all of the difficulties it brings. Yet, still be young enough to keep up with the inadvertent ruckus that this type of choice would bring to the table. It was truly, utterly, a choice for me. I agonized over it. Once I deiced I would go through with it, I tried really hard to select every aspect that I could, right down to the very donor. With a careful diet, and instructions from my doctor, I had begun the road to parenthood on a rocky start. At first, stress, and uncertainty about every little detail, well it made me really upset...but that's why Aki said I was horrible.

I was stuck wondering for no small amount of time, if this was really a good idea.

It was a road I'd visited once before. I'm ashamed to admit this, actually. Back then, I was in my late twenties. I thought it was perfect back then too. I really wanted it to be. In my head, I had this plan, and I thought, just like everything else, it would work...why wouldn't it? That's what I thought.

My job was stable, my life was everything I expected it to be, and with a home squarely placed under my belt, I had amused, on several occasions, to attempt to get pregnant.

For all that I'd tried, and that was no small effort, it came up a failing endeavor. The implanted eggs didn't take, and while that thought depressed me to no end, I'd thrown herself even further into my work. I used my job as a way to push away the pangs of emotions that would have otherwise consumed me. It's a time I really don't want to explain...so that's what we're going to skip over.

Because it's complicated, that's why!

Takeda, I'm not going to talk about that, so lay off...I promised I'd tell you about Rin, and that's what I'm doing. Anyway, I really wanted it to work out...I wanted my own kid, a little person from me...

I hadn't been in a committed relationship back then, and had to cope on my own, with very minimal support from others. My independence, was a stubbornness at the time. Being pigheaded was probably an innate gift of mine...Okay, it is a gift of mine...fuck you too, Nao. Can't I say my peace?

My stubbornness had gotten me beyond hardship on more than one occasion in the past. So, I fell back on it...and even if that made me a difficult person, I was also unrelenting in the face of a problem. I'd like to say it was my saving grace. I had Kane and Aki to worry about anyway, since they were in school by that point, and Aki was becoming a little fighter though and through. So, needless to say, even if I had wanted to wallow in my own self pity, I didn't have the chance, really.

Yes, Mai...I know, I know. I do rely on others now...Mai, stop it with your blubbering! Oh, sweet lord, save me now. Mai, my depression during that was a painful time...it was something I protected and fought fiercely...I didn't know how to really fall back on other people.

Don't Mind her, Takeda...Mai just cries a lot, when I talk about this...blubbering pain in my ass...as I was about to say, before these two redheaded idiots decided to get all weird on me...it was because of my determination, and a few years of reflection, that I decided it was time to ultimately try again. I really did want a baby, and I felt like this time it might be different...just might, but I didn't count my chickens, so to speak.

Looking at the situation this time, with the glass only half full, it was no wonder why I refused anyone to really get involved at first, not even Shizuru. This battle was a personal one for me. They were my own fears. My own goals and dreams that were not exactly ones that could be quelled by the support of others. I needed the space, and the breathing room...when the doctors appointment finally rolled around..the one that would give me my answer to everything that had been bothering me through the process...I needed the car ride and the peace of my own little world.

So...needless to say, on that rainy afternoon that Kane, Aki, and Shizuru found themselves at odds, I found myself stunned.

When this news hit my ears this time, it was as if reality had somehow mingled with my most dire wishes...either that, or I was dreaming.

Things I would never really admit, but clung onto deeply, seemed to finally win out. The car ride home gave me a new set of things to muse about, a new way to keep my mind busy. I remember that...my mouth was quite dry, and though I wished for a beer, or some soda, I found myself sipping on bottled water. That in and of itself contrasted with my usual tastes, but it was one truth of many. I was doing it out of my own volition, and when I considered why I would even bother with it...

A smile slid across my face.

It was that same, idiotic delirium, that I was sure I had manged to stop another fight, when I finally entered the kitchen later that evening. Nao was the first one to take notice of me, but when silence came from around the table, Shizuru turned away from the oven...I forget how I told them the news, but I do remember that everyone was giving me this really weird look after I'd said it. In fact, Aki fell off the chair she was sitting on...

No, Nao, I told you, I really don't remember!