I.
Kiara pounced around trying to bat a butterfly.
"Hey, come back! I just want to snort you."
The orange-winged insect landed on a rock.
"Hah… mighty drug lord, has cornered her next hit." She growled playfully and pounced.
Kiara looked up immediately after she landed on the stone, her prey getting away.
"Hmm… I wonder what drugs are anyway."
Pumbaa and Timon together: "Illegal!" They cried out as if suspecting Kiara drugged.
"Ahhhhh! Drug-dealers!" She fell off the rock.
"Oh, don't worry Kiara. Curly Joe is comin'!"
Timon grimaced. "Oh… huh, let's see. Gee, Shemp, the good news is your daughter is still straight. The bad news is… a warthog molested her. Is there a problem with that?" he said.
"Kiara? Kiara? Now Princess Kiara, as a mentality unstable princess, you should know-."
"Shut it, Pumbutt!" She snapped.
"Oh, okay. We just don't want you to become a homo."
"Homo?! Oh… Simba would kill us. You didn't get slipped a drug by a lioness did'ja? Catch a whiff of her perfume? Have her paint your nails?" He was glared at by Kiara.
"Will somebody please forget my stupidity!?"
"I'm sorry, I was listening. Did you say you were homophobic?" Timon asked hopefully.
"Why don't you losers argue over drugs?"
So they argued over drugs.
"Fra la la la la la la, Fra la la la la la la. La la la laaaaaaaaaaaa." She sang as she skipped off.
Kiara crossed a log bordering the Pride lands and Fruit Pie lands.
"Hey, it's a Pridelander!"
"Hey, it's a Fruit Pie Lander!"
"My mother said to NEVER put myself on a Fruit Pride Lander!"
"You always use your brain?"
"No!"
"Bet ya do… bet you're extremely intelligent. A Fruit Pie Lander mates with whomever he or she wants! I mate myself, PL!" The black cub later known as Anakin Skywalker boasted.
"You… masturbate? Cool!"
He turned around to face her smugly. "Ahhh… drug dealer!"
"Oh, God, ah!"
They dashed off not unlike cubs about to be eaten by crocks.
"That was a close score…"
"Heh-heh, you said score."
"Hey… why are you running from Santa's elves?"
"I'll go get your Christmas presents, don't move!"
The crocodiles surrounded the young lion Jedi. "Oh no!"
Kiara leapt atop its open mouth. "Okay, I'm an idiot! Now move it."
They evaded their would-be captors.
"Wow, you were really smart."
"Really?"
The lion nodded sincerely. "By the way, my name's Kovu."
"Heh… I'm heterosexual."
He flinched away. Mama lioness growled from the rushes.
"Tag, you're sexy! Tag, you're sexy you're sexy!"
Kovu was despondent.
"Hello… I pretend to mate you, you pretend to mate me. Get it?"
"Nope."
"Whatsamatter? Don't you know how to make a little love and get down tonight?!"
"Oh… you're homosexual." Kiara said albeit uneasily.
"No, I'm… bisexual."
"Well, that's okay. You accept my lack of smartness… I accept your ethnicity."
They smiled at each other.
"ROAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"
"Sexypuss101!"
"Shemp!"
Zira glared at Nala sidelong.
"Stick gender."
"Stick figure."
"How dare you try to try to corrupt my child!"
"Oh, haven't you met MY child? Kovu. He was destined to follow in Scar's paw prints, not produce incestuous heirs and ruin the Pride lands by becoming… a homosexual, ha!"
Simba growled at Kovu.
Timon scoffed. "Pfft! That's not a sex toy… that's a cat you!"
"We're finished here." Simba departed with Kiara.
"Oh, no, Shemp. He," she glanced back at the lion's rear end. "Has only begun."
They parted ways.
"Bi." Kiara said wistfully, aching to know more about Kovu's ambivalent sexuality.
"Bi." He muttered in consent and resigned himself as his lesbo mother carried him off.
To be continued…
A/N: Kovu is… bi?! Wonder how he'll turn out.
LP
