He doesn't know. Well, I suppose that I really can't be sure of that, can I? He and I, well, we've always had a way of communicating without words. I'm sure that my feelings are written subtly in my facial expression and soft gestures time and time again. However, that kind of communication is strictly banned in our line of work, so I must assume that he doesn't know.
I respected that man before I even knew him. At the pentagon, I had access to the file on the original Stargate mission to Abydos. The passion in his words rang out to me as I read his mission report. I was honored to be selected to join his team. Then, I saw him sitting in the conference room on that very first day, and my heart skipped a beat. Yes, he was arrogant and a little chauvinistic, but even then, I could see beyond that. He is quite a bit older than me, and definitely not the type of man that I'm attracted to, but something about that rough exterior drew me in from that very start.
Now, I sit across from him at the conference table, many years later, and I can't help but being bothered by the fact that I can't tell him how I truly feel…how I would lay down my very life for him…how he's the owner of my heart without evening knowing it or trying for it.
This job means the world to him, though, as it does to me. What we do here is important. This whole thing, the whole operation, it's bigger than one relationship. Plus, the military is my life…it's what I chose for myself many, many years ago. Therefore, there's nothing I can do.
He doesn't know. He probably never will. For now, I'm happy just to be in his presence, a small part of his life. It's not much, but it's everything at the same time.
