WARNING: Adult language, Sex and violence

CHAPTER TWO

"Where do you keep your liquor?" Alex asked as she opened and shut his cabinets. She strained to reach one of the higher ones.

Bobby, increasingly confused, stood in the entrance of his small kitchen. "I…I don't think I've got anything…I've been away so much lately…and…truthfully…" He swallowed. "I was afraid if I had any alcohol around, I'd be tempted…" He awkwardly moved into the kitchen. "But…I…I can make some coffee…or tea…or…if I've got milk…"

"Dammit, Bobby!" Alex turned to him, her hands on her hips. "I don't want my head to clear…I want to stay numb…" She paced furiously in the small space. "You've got nothing in here…Poor Bobby Goren…Can't even be trusted with a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer…" There was so much anger in her voice and body that Bobby took a step backward. "He's got so many problems…His Mom just died…He just dealt with a serial killer…He's the only ethical cop in the NYPD…Nobody understands him…He's all alone…" Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

Bobby was so hurt and puzzled that anger wasn't an option as a reaction from him. "I…I'm sorry…Alex…I can go out and get something…"

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Alex yelled. She crossed the tiny kitchen in a few steps and seized the lapels of Bobby's suit jacket. "Don't comfort me! I don't want it!" She shoved him against the refrigerator, and Bobby winced in pain as his back slammed into it door. "I don't want kindness…I want to be angry…I want to scream at someone…Hit someone…" She hit a fist against his chest, and Bobby grunted in pain and surprise. "How could they?" How could they all get it so wrong?" She cried and yelled and broke his heart. She hit him again, and he grunted again. "Kevin…Kevin lied…How could Kevin lie? He lied…and that boy killed him and another man and now he'll be in prison…And all these years I thought I knew…I thought I knew…" She continued hitting Bobby, who did nothing to protect himself, not even raising his hands to ward off her blows. He welcomed the pain. At least he provided a target for Alex's anger and felt something.

"We'll make sure he gets caught," Alex gasped. "We'll catch him…More like catch anyone we can get our hands on…And you…" She glared at Bobby; tears streaked her face. "You didn't care how this hurt me…You went ahead and bulled your way through…" Her words stabbed him and hurt much worse than her blows. He welcomed the pain; he deserved it. "You got to prove to everyone how brilliant you are…" She began to choke. Bobby thought she neared the end of her outburst.

"Alex…"

"No!" she yelled. "I told you…Don't analyze me! I don't want the department's "whack job" to pretend to know me!" Her hand found the small pot containing the now dead plant Bobby's mother had entrusted to him. She seized it and slammed it against Bobby's head.

He reeled with the blow, but barely felt it. Alex's words had hurt him in ways no physical attack could. She started to swing at him again, but Bobby instinctively threw up an arm and grabbed Alex's wrist. She cried out in frustration and pain and dropped the remains of the plant and pot, scattering dirt and clay over the floor. She swung at Bobby with her free hand and Bobby caught it. He spun her around, and they engaged in a brief, terrible dance before he turned her against the wall. Exhausted, they both stood in an angry embrace. Alex stared up at Bobby's face. Blood oozed from his nose and a cut over his right eye, and bruises formed on his face. His eyes showed a terrible pain.

"Bobby," Alex cried. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…I…I just don't want to feel anything…I'm sorry…I don't want to think…I want to forget…"

Bobby released her and his arms fell uselessly at his sides.

"I'm sorry…I didn't…I didn't mean to hurt you…I didn't mean to say those things…You're a good, brilliant man…I…I just wanted…Wanted to attack someone…wanted to blame someone…And you were here…I'm sorry…"

"It's…it's ok…I understand," Bobby said softly. He tentatively touched Alex's arm.

"No…No…" Alex shook her head. "I…I…" She collapsed against him, and Bobby wrapped his arms around her. He desperately tried to think of something to say to comfort her.

"I just want to forget…I don't want to remember," Alex mumbled into his chest. "I want to stop thinking." She wrapped her arms around Bobby's neck. "Bobby," she murmured into the spot where his neck met his chest. "You can do it…You can make me forget…"

A puzzled and troubled Bobby tried to pull away from her, but Alex clung to him. "What…Alex…"

"Make me forget, Bobby," she pleaded. "Please…I don't want to feel what I'm feeling any more…Please…make me forget." She pulled his head down and brought her face up to his and kissed him deeply and savagely, her tongue roughly seeking admittance to his mouth.

"Alex…No…No…" Bobby moaned, his words lost in her assault. He dropped his arms and again tried to pull away, an act made impossible by the alcohol still in his body, Alex's determined attack, his confusion, and his long suppressed desire for her.

Alex shoved his jacket off. Bobby briefly thought of escape, but Alex quickly wrapped her arms around his neck again. "C'mon, Bobby," she pleaded. "Make me forget…Help me…I know you can do it." She yanked at his tie and ripped the buttons from his shirt. Bobby felt the sweet pain of her fingernails through the cotton of his undershirt. She began a savage assault on his neck and chest, nipping and biting at the sensitive skin. He moaned in pain and pleasure as she left angry red marks. Bobby wavered and wondered if his knees would support him.

"No," he thought, the reasoning part of his mind clinging to consciousness. "This isn't right. She doesn't know what she's doing…She's still drunk…She's in pain…We can't do this…We can't…I've got to be the strong one…I have to…Oh, God…"

Alex yanked Bobby's shirt from his pants and her hands reached for his belt. "Bobby…please…help me forget…I don't want to feel this way…Make me feel better…

Bobby grabbed her and spun them out of the kitchen. "Alex…No…We can't do this…It'll…It'll ruin everything…Our jobs…Our partnership…"

She jerked away from him. "Fuck the job!" she screamed. "And you didn't care about the partnership when you stomped in and reopened Joe's murder case!" She swung at Bobby, who managed to catch her fist. He spun her around so that one of his arms encased her in a bear like grip. She struggled fruitlessly against his strength.

"Alex…Please…I'm sorry…Please…Ow!"

Alex struck with her only weapon and slammed her head against Bobby's chin. Her rage fueled the blow with enough force that Bobby saw stars. He lurched away from Alex, stumbled against his couch, and tumbled clumsily on the floor. Alex stared down at him, guilt rapidly replacing anger. Dazed, Bobby struggled to sit up. Leaning back against the couch, he tentatively touched his mouth. Blood smeared his fingers.

"Bobby…Oh God…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" Alex dropped to her knees beside him. "Are you…"

"What do you want from me?" Bobby asked coldly. He grabbed her wrists, and Alex winced at the pain. For the first time during the evening, anger flared in Bobby. "I was doing my job…I do my job…And I'm sorry if I hurt you, but I thought you believed in doing the job, too." He used his free hand to pull her to him. "Is this what you want?" he asked in a low, cold voice. "Is it?"

"Yes," she whispered with a mix of fear and want. "Yes."

He kissed her desperately. "I'm going to die," Alex thought. "He's going to break me and burn me up…and I don't care…I don't care."

"Bobby…Bobby…" She whimpered and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Take me…please…make me forget…"

He broke the kiss and pulled away from her. "No." Bobby shook his head. "No…It's not right."

"Bobby." Alex yanked her sweater over her head and let it drop on the floor.

"Alex…No…" Bobby gasped.

She reached behind her, unsnapped her bra, and let it join the sweater. Alex seized Bobby's hands and pulled them to her breasts. Their soft fullness, the sight of Alex open and vulnerable before him, snapped the last of Bobby's fragile control. He buried his head against her chest, and his mouth began performing wonders on her breasts as he grabbed her hips and lifted her.

"Oh God…Yes…Bobby…Yes…Please…" She shoved his shirt off his shoulders as he nipped and nuzzled her tender skin. He stumbled through the apartment, occasionally banging against a wall or piece of furniture. Alex yelped in pain and pleasure. They finally collapsed on his bed, both with bruises starting to form on their bodies. She yanked the shirt completely off him; he pulled her pants and underwear from her. As she kicked off her shoes and socks, Bobby stared at her. She was beautiful, the most beautiful and wonderful thing he'd ever seen. Her soft, pale skin flushed with desire, but he was appalled to see the injuries where he'd held her so tightly and propelled her against the walls and furniture. His fist flew to his mouth.

"Oh…God…Alex…What have I done…I'm so sorry…Please…"

"Shut up!" She seized and yanked down his pants and boxers. She gasped; the rumors and speculations of the ladies' room were true. "He could really hurt me," Alex thought. "But I want him…I want him to make me forget, and if he can do that by hurting me, I don't care." She took him in her hand, and Bobby moaned and trembled. He felt soft and silky and warm in her hand. Still holding him, Alex sat up on the bed and let her free hand move up Bobby's stomach and chest.

"Get your T-shirt off," she growled.

Bobby didn't remember tearing his undershirt off. He found himself on the bed with Alex, desperately clutching her. He kissed her, and Alex returned the kisses with equal desperation and passion.

"Alex," he gasped. "Please…I…I want to forget too…Oh, God…Please…Forgive me…Please…Help me…"

"Shut up…Shut up," she murmured. "Just…Please…Please…Bobby…Bobby…Bobby…"

They reveled in the terrible dark pain. Alex thrilled to the sweet pressure of Bobby's great hands on her body, losing herself in the sensation. Bobby was lost in the searing touch of Alex's fingernails strafing across his chest and clawing into his back.

"I shouldn't…Protection…Did Alex think…Don't hurt her…But…Oh, God…Alex…Alex," Bobby thought. "Please…Yes…Yes…Hurt me…The pain…I deserve it…I've hurt you so many times…"

He wanted to pace himself, to love her gently and tenderly, but she didn't want gentleness or tenderness. When he tried to slow his pace, Alex clutched him tighter and drove her nails deeper into his skin. "More," she gasped." More…harder…harder…please…Bobby…Bobby."

Their minds blazed with sensations. Pain and pleasure intertwined. The world was hot and cold, rough and tender. They found the oblivion they sought, but also a strange, wonderful comfort. As they climaxed, their eyes met, and for one brief, glorious moment, they weren't alone. For the first time in many years, Alex was connected to someone on a level that went beyond words, beyond thoughts. For the first time in his life, Bobby felt that connection. The physical and emotional release overwhelmed him as the greatest joy and pleasure of his life swept over and through him.

She fought it at every step, but awareness returned to Alex. She'd expected Bobby to give her great pleasure, but the reality was so far beyond her hopes that she was lost for several moments. As her senses returned, Alex became aware that Bobby, trembling and gasping, lay across her. His bulk was wonderfully warm and reassuring. And then the terrible realization of what she'd done descended on Alex. The wonderful joy and pleasure was lost in a wave of guilt and pain.

"I've betrayed him," she thought. "I've used him for a few moments…and I may have destroyed him…" She fought the tears that formed in her eyes, but her body began to shake with poorly suppressed sobs.

Bobby felt Alex tremble beneath him. "Oh, God…I hurt her." He tried to raise his body, but his arms refused to support his weight. He turned his head to face Alex, and it was all too much. His mother, Brady, the casual cruelty of other cops, and now he'd hurt Alex. He couldn't fight any more, and the sobs took him.

END CHAPTER TWO