AN: Beta'ed by yoanagf, but in the end, all mistakes are my own.
Emma almost found it amusing that this was the second time in a week that she was standing on Regina's front porch late at night. It would have been if not for the reason she was coming back. She was worried. The woman had been acting weird since that night.
In every interaction Regina had with anyone, the woman had been almost…placid. That's the word Snow had used anyway, but Emma couldn't help but feel like Regina was just…cold. That, in and of itself, wouldn't be unusual; people called her a bitch for a reason. No, what really sent uncomfortable chills down Emma's spine was the fast the woman's usually soulful eyes looked…dead. Emotionless.
Regina had always been good at wearing masks and maintaining appearances, but her eyes…they had always betrayed her. But the last week, even when forced to spend time in the company of her supposedly mortal enemy Snow White, Regina looked like she just didn't care. And it set off loud warning bells in Emma's mind.
So here she was, standing in the crisp late evening air in front of 108 Mifflin Street, waiting for a sign of life so she could reassure herself that everything was okay.
The unmistakable click-clack of heels caused Emma's pulse to pick up slightly. At least this time she didn't have to pick the lock on the door and find a passed out Regina on her couch.
"Miss Swan, what a surprise," the woman offered as soon as the door opened, her voice sounding anything but. "And what can I do for you at this late hour?" she continued, the barest hint of annoyance in her tone, but nothing like the sheriff had come to expect and associate with her. And that was another thing that didn't sit right with the blonde; she'd been 'Miss Swan' again these last days, which only made her feel like Regina was distancing herself from…well, everyone, by being overly formal.
"How about a drink of that famous apple cider of yours?" Emma replied with a look that had the brunette sighing as she stepped aside to let her in.
"As you can see for yourself, I'm perfectly alright," Regina proclaimed as she handed a glass to the sheriff before settling down in a chair gracefully, one leg crossing over the other as she eyed Emma impassively.
Emma raised her brows. "Yes, so I've noticed."
"Meaning?" Regina inquired, voice a little deeper with warning for the blonde not to go there. As usual, it remained unheeded.
"I'd say you're acting a little too alright."
"I'm sorry? I wasn't aware that me trying to move on would be so undesirable. Isn't that what you've all been asking me for since my son found you and brought you to my town?"
"Not like this, Regina. Something is going on, you're acting weird."
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about," the brunette replied nonchalantly, causing Emma to frown in irritation and throw her hands out in exasperation.
"This, Regina, acting all emotionless and disinterested. Since when did you become cordial with Snow White? And Henry, don't you care about him anymore?"
"Of course, I care about him," Regina barked angrily. "He's all I care about. That's why I've done it."
"Done what?" Emma requested, her eyes narrowing in a silent warning for the woman to cut any bullshit. The brunette just pursed her lips.
"It's nothing."
"Regina," the sheriff growled out in frustration. God, sometimes she just wanted to strangle the woman.
"As far as I can see it's none of your concern, Sheriff. Everyone is doing fine now. I get along with your un-charming parents and I can be around my son who doesn't remember me without feeling like it's tearing out my heart."
"Yeah, but it's like you have no heart," Emma blurted out in aggravation. And then she gaped at the woman in disbelief as a flicker of a guilt passed over her features and she realized what it meant.
"Oh my God, Regina, please tell me you didn't actually remove your heart?" The fact she was even contemplating or asking it at all was ridiculous. Freaking magic always messing with her head.
The brunette pursed her lips indignantly. "I had to. It's the only way for me to be able to think clearly."
"Or you could have just kept it in and dealt with it like normal people," Emma barked as she shot up off the couch and started pacing. "Jesus, woman, are you out of your mind? Who the hell takes out their own heart?"
Regina quickly stood herself as a look of anger came over her face. "You people may think I'm just a robot, but I'm not. I can't live with the pain of knowing my son is so close, but I can't even touch him because he thinks I'm just some damn stranger," she belted, one hand clawing at her chest where her heart used to be as she remembered the feeling of utter despair that had consumed her before she removed it. "To see him look at you as he used to look at me and know that he might never remember and that I might have to stand on the outside looking in at my own son whom I raised for eleven years and whom I love more than anything."
The anguish in her voice and the wetness in her eyes made Emma's own water. Because she understood it, she really did. The thought of it being her in Regina's shoes made her heart clench painfully; and she'd only known the kid for two years. Regina was and would always be a mother; his mother, and yes, it had to feel almost unbearable at times. But taking out her heart? There was no way that was the answer.
Unconsciously, Emma took a step closer as if to comfort the woman, but Regina stiffened immediately and she knew better than to push when things were so emotional. So instead she clenched her fists and forced them to her sides.
"Look, I know I can't even start to imagine how it must feel for you, but you have to put it back, okay?"
They looked at each other for a long moment.
"Henry might not remember you right now, but we will get his memories back and I need all the love I know you have for him; Henry needs your love. You can't love him if you don't have your heart, right?"
Regina's bottom lip trembled for a second, before she drew in a heavy breath and let her body relax just a little. She had to be strong, she had to – "It hurts so much," she whimpered and it was not what she'd meant to let out at all.
And then she was enveloped in strong arms as Emma Swan clung tightly to her, stroking her hair and whispering "I know, I'm sorry" over and over, trying to soothe her. And Regina, against her better judgment, wrapped her fingers against strong shoulders and hung on for dear life, soaking in the touch even though she tried to tell herself not to.
"We'll figure it all out, I promise," Emma offered, sighing internally when she felt the brunette go rigid in her arms and knew in a second Regina would pull away and admonish herself for her moment of weakness. She wanted to tell her that it wasn't, that she was a strong woman and that it only made her like her more because it meant she was human.
Emma let her pull away without a fuss as soon as she felt Regina start to move, but didn't give her time to put her walls all the way back up, knowing if given the chance, the brunette would shove her out the door and pretend this moment never happened.
"Where do you have you heart?"
Regina eyed her warily. "It's safe."
"Please, Regina, we need to put it back," she pleaded, willing the other woman to see reason and not go off on her or refuse her request.
A flash of irritation passed over sun-kissed features, before the brunette grew almost morose. "You can see yourself out, Miss Swan."
"What?" Emma asked surprised, eyes widening slightly in shock. "Regina, no, you have to-"
"Put my heart back, yes I know," the woman interrupted curtly. "And I will, but I prefer to do it in privacy, away from your prying eyes."
Emma frowned, but knew she couldn't really do anything other than comply and hope the woman kept her word. "Okay," she offered after a moment, trying for an encouraging smile and hopefully succeeding. If Regina didn't follow through, she'd notice and then she'd just have to try again and refuse to leave until it was done.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then," she said firmly, as much of a consolation to herself as a promise to the other woman.
Regina's lips barely lifted in parting as she promptly dismissed the annoying blonde who apparently refused to leave her alone.
