Getting back into writing really makes me happy! It's been 5 years on , thank you to all who subscribe.
"DUDE! Seriously you gotta wake up… it's like twenty minutes past one o'clock. Cy had to take over the team briefing." An obnoxious voice whined through the mechanical doors, followed by banging.
It was the first day my head wasn't pounding, and I didn't feel sick. The team hadn't caught on to my rather recent habit, stealing from local liquor stores. When they all went to bed I would usually drink until I pass out. It stopped the dreams, the feelings, and made the silence bearable.
It was a rare day when I manage to get out of bed without running to empty the contents of my stomach in the toilet before greeting my teammates in the kitchen. It has become hard to continue to call them my friends. So much has happened in the past six months where I don't think any of us can look at each other the same way. I know the team thinks I have become cold, and ruthless and I'm no longer a competent leader. Perhaps they're right, but it became the only thing I have left.
I make sure my mask is properly in place before making my presence known to the rest of the group. They have seen me without it before, but Raven always used to call my eyes the windows to my soul. My soul is now damaged beyond repair; they don't need to see that.
"Well, what did I miss?" I say, as I lean against a counter, trying to not fall over due to lack of nourishment. With my newfound habit of late night drinking sessions, I tend to eat less so the alcohol works faster. Or sometimes during the day I'll take a few pain meds after a workout to dull my senses, eating means the effects take longer.
"Cyborg believes that we should go visit our friend Raven." Star pipes up, worry flashing across her face before a smile appears hinting at hope. My heart drops and I feel like I need a drink again. Visiting Raven means visiting her grave, I can hardly go visit my parent's graves without feeling like complete shit. Going to Raven's is the absolute worse, because I took the time I had with her for granted and treated her horribly. Sometimes I believe she is not a demon at all, but an angle. I'm the demon, it's the only thing that makes sense.
"You guys can. I have plenty of work to do." I walk out of the room leaving Cyborg and Beast Boy and Star in silence.
I find myself in Raven's room. Its my safe space, my sanctuary if you will. It still smells like her, and all of her stuff, what was left of it anyway is still how she left it. She packed the necessities when she decided to leave. All of her spell books are gone, but all of the pictures we have taken together were still around the room. We once went to a fair and the bear I won her is sitting neatly on her bed with the note she wrote me on its lap.
I understood why she left. It didn't mean I had to accept it though, so I started searching for her right away. I figured you couldn't hide from the worlds best detective's son. I was wrong, about four and a half weeks without a trace I asked for help. No one, not even Batman could find her. I started to grow desperate, I refused to give up the search without knowing she was okay. Two months down the line we found camera surveillance of her, she was at a college. I figured she was happy, and spent many nights debating if I should confront her or not.
I decided I should talk to her, let her know that I broke up with Star and only see a future where she is my wife. Where we would have quarter demon children, and have my best friend by my side every day until I die. I would let her choose her own path in life though, if she decided that she wanted a life without me I would give it to her. I just wanted her to know where I stood, and that she was the most important person to me, aside from my adopted father. I sadly didn't get that chance.
I went to the school that Raven had been spotted at and asked around about her. Raven was under the alias of Rachel Roth, which I figured she would do once I found her. Surprisingly there are many Rachel Roth's, and she covered her tracks very well. She was rather popular on campus, not for her personality but for her writing. I had the opportunity to talk with her partner in her writing class. I never had a clue that Raven was so passionate about writing.
As I was taken with her class partner, who I learned is named Ashley, someone came running out of the main campus building screaming. A girl was found in the bathroom unconscious, my mind started racing out of control and I sprinted. My heart was breaking but my brain kept telling me that there was no way that the love of my life was the one injured. She heals incredibly fast, she fought supernatural creatures without so much as a bruise. This couldn't be her, it just couldn't.
It was her. She was laying there eyes wide open, bloody nose dripping onto the floor. Being with Batman I had seen many gruesome crimes, and many deaths, but my stomach gave up and I found myself kneeling away from her heaving up the contents of my stomach. Raven is dead, and I wasn't there. I had no one to blame so I blamed myself. Her death has been ruled a suicide, pain killers were found on her person. Probably enough to kill an elephant they said, half of them were gone. I killed her, I was stupid and selfish and I killed her. Perhaps if I had not been so scared in admitting how I felt she would still be here. My Raven would still be alive, and I wouldn't want to die.
