Jeff tried to forget about Britta's little challenge and veg out for the rest of Saturday. But even Saturday's magic vegging powers weren't enough. Nothing was whenever Britta got into his head like that.
Being consumed with beating her and getting one up on her was nothing new. Yet combined with Annie, Britta's attack on Jeff's guts, Annie again, and the laughable Jeff/Annie Britta/Troy comparisons, there was just no resisting this. Britta laid down the gauntlet, and Jeff would cross it and laugh it up in her face, as per usual. Well, except for those times Britta very clearly cheated.
Jeff had the weekend to plan how he'd get together with Annie before Britta did with Troy. After all, there was no way she'd have something that would work that quickly, being Britta and all. So Jeff could relax and take his time planning it out.
In fact, he even revisited old implausible fantasies – like asking Annie out in the study room, making a bold declaration of his 'feelings' in class, or just apologizing for everything and asking for a new start. Various…..concerns kept Jeff from thinking too much about that stuff before, let along doing it.
Yet as he pictured Britta's shocked, stunned, defeated face afterwards this time – instead of the furious, castration-y look he usually imagined afterwards – he found himself feeling a lot better. And as Jeff imagined all the things he'd have to do to keep it going – date, be honest, act like a boyfriend, have sex with Annie without going crazy – Britta's defeat even made that palatable after all.
This put Jeff on quite a high – even better than Britta's highs – when he went to sleep on Saturday night and had it all worked out. On Monday morning, he'd try one of those ideas, get Annie and show Britta who the coward really was between them. It would be his greatest victory ever and it would teach Britta a thing or two about his awesomeness once and for all.
At least it was easy to think that on Saturday.
On Sunday, Jeff didn't think about it that much for some reason. Britta, Annie, Troy and the others didn't call or bother him, so perhaps this helped explain it. Yet whenever he thought about yesterday's plan, he didn't linger too long. In fact, when his mind did wander to those plans, he wound up finding quicker and quicker ways to distract himself. To not think about the sweet victory lying ahead.
Usually Jeff would have a lot more fun thinking about winning and beating Britta. Yet by Sunday night, he wasn't thinking about it at all – and almost felt relieved not to. Of course, that would likely be difficult when he saw Britta, Annie, Troy and the gang on Monday morning.
That morning looked like nothing out of the ordinary. As usual, Jeff tuned everyone out while they blathered about stuff that would become some epic adventure by Thursday. However, as much as Jeff usually tuned them out, he still heard them and paid some attention, even if he didn't acknowledge it.
Yet on this morning, he eventually realized he was trying not to listen to them – at least not to Britta, Annie and Troy. He was making an actual effort to ignore them and not get dragged into their conversations. Because the thought of talking to them today made him feel…..something resembling nervous, but that couldn't be it.
So what was making Jeff unwilling to talk to them? And making him less happy to think about his coming triumph? And why wasn't he already asking Annie out in front of Britta and winning? And….why did he just make a disgusted noise when he thought about that?
"Jeff? You're not going to cough up some alien goo, are you?"
Ah. So while Jeff was thinking, the morning meeting was over, he had gotten to the halls and Troy himself had caught up to him. Interesting. That was the nicest and clearest word for it. "No, why do you ask?" Jeff asked, showing less interest than usual in hopes of speeding this along.
"Okay, no alien goo, then. So I guess I have nothing else to share with you and brag about, or whatever. But as long as I'm here, I might as well say something. Something I'm not really allowed to say until I tell everyone with Britta this afternoon! But if that told you I hooked up with Britta this weekend, I guess you're just too smart for me!" Troy finished with a clearly fake groan.
However, Jeff had a dreadful feeling that he didn't fake the rest of this. "You got with Britta this past weekend?" Jeff whispered harshly.
"Where did you hear that from?" Troy asked in an actual panic. "Please say you heard it from Pierce! At least in front of Britta!"
"Troy, can you translate your gibberish into English faster than usual?" Jeff found himself asking.
"Okay look, so Britta called me this weekend, said she wanted to be with me, and then we made out a teeny tiny bit for a few hours in her apartment. But she didn't want you guys to know until we told them this afternoon! I couldn't even tell Abed, since he probably already knew, and she said we couldn't tell Annie early since she'd blab to everyone! And she said I couldn't tell you 'just because!' So that's why when she asks, Pierce told you first, right?" Troy demanded to know.
"How would Pierce even have the brains to guess that?" Jeff asked, figuring some Pierce bashing would get his head back on straight.
"I don't know! I just spilled the big secret when my new girlfriend told me not to! I can't think of everything perfect! What am I, iCarly?" Troy cried out as Jeff tried not to remember past iCarly references.
"Before we both drown in your tears again, let's clear one thing up first. Britta….is your girlfriend now? Like, girlfriend girlfriend?" Jeff double checked.
"That's what she said she wanted to be this weekend. So Pierce won't stop her from saying it again today, right?' Troy triple checked.
"And it'd make you that upset if he did?" Jeff wound up asking.
"Duh doy!" Troy said, using the most disturbing phrase possible. "I'm finally with Britta now, I can't let Pierce's big mouth ruin that! So he was too excited that I was finally with Britta, and was so happy he just had to tell someone early while she wasn't around! Should he really get in trouble for that totally logical mistake?"
Mistake was quite a fitting word, although Jeff wasn't thinking about Troy's mistake. He was thinking about Britta's.
Troy actually looked happy that he was Britta's boyfriend now. And he had no idea that Britta did it to show Jeff up, win their latest competition and make Jeff feel miserable for his lack of guts with Annie. For not hooking up with Annie fast enough just to win a challenge from an ex.
Yet Britta did it, and Troy had no idea it wasn't because she wanted him. If he ever found out, he would probably feel used and manipulated and think that he meant nothing to Britta. Nothing real, anyway.
Not if it took a bet and some idiotic competition with Jeff, of all people, for Britta to make a move. And to only make a move to beat her ex, not because she really solved the problems that kept her from being with Troy sooner. Now they would eventually come back and ruin their 'relationship' for good, long after the euphoria from beating Jeff had washed away.
How could Britta actually do that? Well, Jeff knew how, since this was Britta and this kind of screw-up was what she did. But this was too much even for her. And if she still expected that Jeff would really do that to Annie too….
And then it clicked. All of Jeff's feelings since Saturday night really clicked. Granted, it was too late to make a difference and it would make Jeff feel even worse later. But at least he knew why he was feeling guilty and shameful this time.
"Jeff? Jeff?" Oh right, Troy was still there while he was zoning out. "What were you zoning out to? It wasn't that rare Inspector Spacetime episode where Reggie saved the day by himself, right? Cause I called zoning out dibs on that for eternity! Do you think it's too soon to brag about that to Britta?"
"It's too soon in your relationship for a lot of things. And I've got to go," Jeff laid out, still halfway zoned out although he still had the energy to look for Britta. Fortunately, he found her at the lounge and she was thankfully all alone. There was a joke in there somewhere about her unpopularity, but Jeff had no time to find one for once.
A few seconds later, Britta saw Jeff standing over her, and instantly figured out what had happened. "Oh God, he told you early, didn't he?" Britta groaned.
"No, it was Pierce. At least that's what Troy will beg you to believe," Jeff filled in.
"Fine, so I probably left him alone because I knew he'd do that! So I'm still so self-destructive that I let him spoil my win early! The point is I still won! I did what you didn't have the man parts to do with Annie! But I guess if I could do it after all, you're out of excuses, so….you're welcome!" Britta bragged.
Granted, she still wasn't 100% comfortable with playing a part in helping Jeff and Annie get together. Yet at least doing it like this would help her gloat over Jeff some more.
"You would be if I was going to do it. But I'm not," Jeff responded. So he was going to be that kind of sore loser.
"Come on, Jeff! I showed you up and got Troy, and you still can't get Annie? You're going to keep stringing her along just to spite me now?" Britta theorized. "Can you really live with me beating you like that?"
"You know, if you can live with getting together with Troy just to beat me, I can live with stuff too," Jeff pouted.
"Oh come on again, we made this bet together! Now you're going to make me feel guilty just because you lost?" Britta protested, briefly noting her voice shook a bit when she said 'feel guilty.' Better to recognize that now, before her upcoming argument with Jeff blocked out all other thoughts for a few hours.
Yet instead of shouting back at her, Jeff sat down next to Britta and looked like he was thinking. That was certainly the weirdest argument tactic she'd ever seen from him. "You know what, Britta?" Jeff finally started. "You do deserve credit for this." All right, now that was the weirdest by a pretty big margin.
"I know that, but how do you know that?" Britta wondered.
"Because you did what you said you would. You got off your ass, stopped hating yourself for a little while, stopped screwing up for a little while and got your guy. I mean, you did it for all the wrong reasons, ignored all your issues and don't stand a chance in the long run with Troy. But leaving that aside, you did do it! That's more than I ever did," Jeff noted.
This had all the earmarks of a classic sarcastic Winger putdown. Except for the somewhat…..sincere way he said it, which really threw Britta off. Yes, that was better to focus on than the second half of that speech. Very much so. "What are you getting at, Jeff?" Britta asked suspiciously.
"I'm saying you won, so you should enjoy it. I mean, if I can't get that sort of thing, then one of us should. I could get it, but….I can't do it that way. Not to Annie. I can't give her everything she deserves because my ex dared me, and not because I was ready. If it's ever going to happen with her, I have to do it right," Jeff made himself get out.
"Wait a minute, you care about getting it right with a woman?" Britta said incredulously – albeit not to as great a degree as she expected.
"If I didn't, I would have just banged her and been done with it a long time ago, wouldn't I?" Jeff somehow made total sense. "But I could never just do that to her. I can't do anything with her unless I know I can do it all! The sex, the relationship, the future, all of it! If I was only ready to try just to beat you….then I'm clearly not ready at all. I mean, I knew that from the start and I didn't realize it until today, how messed up is that? So it's six more months, or years, of keeping her away until I'm not that stupid."
"Jeff, are you really going that far just to guilt me?" Britta asked with uncertainty. She should have known he was screwing with her without a doubt, just to ruin her win and even steal it on a technicality. But either his fake sincere voice and face had gotten much better – although Jeff wouldn't have put in the work to make it that better – or he was being…..serious?
"This isn't guilt, Britta, I told you!" Jeff reiterated. "At least one of us had the guts to go after someone she really…..liked! I'm trying to compliment you on that! And when you're not bugging the hell out of me and screwing up all our lives, you're….kind of close to deserving it. At least more than me. Maybe that'll balance out how you did this, I don't know. But at least you'll try to find out, which is more than I can do right now. Maybe more than I can ever do."
"Because you care too much to start out with her like I did with Troy?" Britta asked without laughing in disbelief – or even feeling that much disbelief. This truly took her aback, especially when Jeff could only nod yes. And it made her start to craft a theory that should have been impossible.
"Jeff? Be serious now…..are you….in love with Annie?"
Britta felt awkward that she whispered "in love" like Annie did when she whispered something embarrassing. Yet she soon forgot that when Jeff didn't stammering out any denials. He was just sitting still instead of comically denying everything – which made Britta all but stammer herself. "Jeff? If this is a joke, it isn't funny, even by your standards! Are you really trying to tell me you love Annie Edison? For reals?"
"If that's the way you want to look at it, I can't stop you. As long as you tell no one else." Okay, that last part sounded just like the old Jeff. Whether it balanced out the shocking first part was another matter.
"Who the hell would believe me? I wouldn't believe me and I just heard it!" Britta let out before she could stop herself.
"And that's the whole problem, isn't it? I mean, I thought about hooking up with Annie before I was ready, just to make you look stupid! If that doesn't say how not ready I am, or how you shouldn't believe that I can…." Jeff trailed off as his words further shook Britta's soul.
"Well, however I feel, it's not like it's done me or her any good, has it? And that'll have to continue a while longer. But you enjoy your honeymoon phase with Troy...since you do kind of deserve one. And remember, this all started because Pierce opened his big mouth," Jeff reminded Britta before getting up.
"Wait, Jeff, you're really…." Britta started asking again as Jeff headed off. But she still wanted to keep asking it, since she still couldn't believe she heard him right. If she did, then that would prove Jeff Winger was in love – and that was just impossible!
Or was it? After hearing him talk about Annie that way, wanting to do things right, and all the other Jeff/ Annie evidence since November 2009….was it?
"No, no that's not it!" she spoke out loud to no one. "If he's in love, then nothing's for certain anymore! If that's possible, then up could be down, black could be white, there could be a God, and dogs might not deserve to be cat's slaves! I mean, in some alternate world where slavery's acceptable….but if anyone deserved to enslave anyone, am I right?"
"I can't hear what you said, but no!" Leonard called out nearby.
"Shut up Leonard, I know…..oh God, what the hell do I know?" Britta gasped.
"No one's known that for three years, so your guess is as good as ours!" Leonard interjected, although Britta was back in her own little world.
"I knew Jeff couldn't love, but if that's not true, then anything really is possible! And if he can love someone other than himself….then why the hell couldn't I love myself enough to be with Troy? And couldn't I do it without making bets with Jeff first?" Britta then talked a lot louder to herself. "Oh my God, epiphany! I just had a real, licensed psych major epiphany! On me!"
"That's not all that wants to be on you! At least if the black lady's really unavailable!" Leonard called out.
"Shut up Leonard, I know it's not impossible to love myself now!" Britta triumphantly yelled.
"Aw, Jeff's much better at this, you're just the worst!" Leonard groaned as he left.
"Not forever, Leonard, not forever!" Britta cheered. "It almost doesn't matter that Jeff, of all people, taught me all this! Or that I have to do work on liking myself now! Or that….or that I hooked up with Troy before I was ready….and that I did it for the wrong reasons after all," she trailed off in guilt. "Damn it! Sequel epiphanies really are worse than the original!"
There really was no getting around that. Or that even if Jeff wasn't out to make Britta feel guilty, she just did that job herself. And if Jeff could realize how stupid and wrong-headed this wager/competition was, what was stopping Britta? Other than her own guilt, feeling stupid, and hating herself again for screwing up?
But if it was possible to do something to stop hating herself, then Britta probably had to do it. Even if that meant….
"Ugh! If Jeff did plan this to beat me, I will go psych major crazy on him! At least they'll have to give me my pick of a good insane asylum. I mean, if being a licensed psych major doesn't get you that, what is it good for? What?" Britta stopped herself, paused, then muttered, "Okay, one life crisis at a time…." and then headed off to find Troy.
Once she found Troy outside, she proceeded to tell him everything. Why she got drunk on Friday, why she wanted to stay at Jeff's, the challenge she and Jeff made the next morning, and how she made herself make a move on Troy just to make Jeff look stupid. Not because she suddenly wanted to be with him – well, not just because of that.
"Troy, I swear I didn't make everything up just to beat Jeff! I do like you and I want to be with you! I just…..sped it up to humiliate Jeff, not because I liked you. If that's what it takes, then I guess I'm really not ready to be with anyone. No matter how much I want to be someday…." Britta admitted. "But right now, I'm still more likely to sabotage and push away good things in my life, and people too! If I really like you, and I do….then I can't let my issues screw you over. You're too important to me to Britta like that."
"But you do like me? And I am important to you?" Troy actually asked to start off. Instead of crying or yelling or feeling used and betrayed, he just asked for reassurance that she liked him. Something was wrong with that somewhere.
"Yes, but what does that matter? You are important to me, and I still took advantage of you just to beat my ex-sleeping buddy! How can you still like me so much after that? I don't like myself that much sometimes, and most of you don't like me a lot sometimes too! So how can you?" Britta inquired.
Well, that seemed to prove Britta's point right there. Troy seemed willing to let her off the hook, yet she still sabotaged herself and tried to make him hate her after all. But it just seemed so implausible that Troy could still like her that much, with her track record. How could he like a….Britta to that extent anyway?
God, was that how Jeff felt about himself and Annie all the time? For three years at that? Well, her assumptions about Jeff's feelings were officially one more thing she got totally wrong. Good to know.
"So you screw up a lot, so what? I do too!" That wasn't the opening statement Britta expected from Troy. She didn't feel like dreaming that big, and yet….
"I got too nervous to keep playing football! I was a jerk in high school and I never noticed people like Annie! And I don't understand smart things that good neither!" Troy less than eloquently pointed out. "You're no more of a screw up than me, or anyone else in the group! You just do it a lot more often, that's all!"
"Gee, is that what it is?" Britta got in some half-hearted sarcasm.
"But it doesn't matter! No matter how much you mess up, you're always trying to make it better, like you are now! And you never give up on trying to be better and make us better too! You're like Annie that way, but even hotter!" Troy somehow judged.
"You think I'm…." Britta made herself stop before looking too shallow. Yet being called hotter than Annie was so rare these days, she could indulge in that and not look too bad, right? No. No no, she had more important things to get out of this first. For now.
"Well, you're kind of like Jeff, too, except even way hotter." Now that Britta could indulge in for a few seconds. Yet she did focus again when Troy elaborated further.
"You guys don't really like yourselves and you think you're the worst. But you're always doing good stuff and you care so much about us anyway! Okay, maybe he's a little better at it right now, that's obvious!" Well, so much for being positively compared to Jeff for the first time – kind of.
"But he won't be forever! I mean, if you're still cool and hot and awesome when you're messing up, you'll just be the coolest, hotter, awesomest person ever when you get it right! Maybe even more than Abed!" Troy cheered.
"You said when I get it right? You really think it'll be when? For reals?" Britta checked, and Troy just nodded yes. "You're really sure? I mean, I don't know when that's going to happen. It took me this long just to stop liking bad boys, instead of guys like you."
"But you do like me, I know that now!" Troy exclaimed. "I thought you couldn't like someone who treated you good! Like when you called me a loser for that text message! But you just proved that you do like me, and that really means a lot! So now we can take care of that other stuff, no problem!"
"We can?" Britta wondered. "You still want to be with me? Even after I got us together for the wrong reasons? And I called you a loser for that….less lame than I thought message? I mean, I still can't promise I won't do that again! Or stop myself from pushing you away when you're nice to me!"
"You haven't done any of that right now, so that's a good sign," Troy reminded her. "And you're not giving up after you screwed up, like always. So if you really want to be with me, I know you'll get it right soon. Now that you said you want that, it's really all I needed to know."
"I don't deserve you," Britta finally admitted, then backtracked a bit before Troy could object. "But I really want to believe I do. Look at me, I freaked out all weekend over a guy, and I didn't feel like a traitor to woman kind! Not more than 10 times, anyway! I guess I really do like you….and if you can really like me….well….thank you."
Although she felt like kissing Troy right then, Britta settled for just giving him a hug. If she was going to do this right, she still had more work to do to get that much with a clear conscience.
"I really am sorry if you ever thought I didn't like you," Britta said while they hugged. "That won't be a problem again. Not that I'm proving it in a slutty, demeaning way, mind you!"
"Don't worry, I came to terms with that a while ago. Trust me, it wasn't easy, but I did it," Troy semi-joked.
"Well, if you can do that, I got no excuse, then," Britta stated yet again as she broke from Troy.
"It really is easier, knowing you like me that way for reals and all," Troy repeated. "I guess I can't whine, though. I just waited a few months to know that. But Annie's been waiting three years to know that from Jeff! She's really earned that a lot more than I have!"
"She has, hasn't she?" Britta reflected. Hell, it was even worse for Annie because Jeff really did want to tell her he liked/loved her. He was just so convinced he couldn't make it work….like Britta was convinced about her and Troy. Yet Britta wouldn't have taken such a big step to fix that if not for Jeff. Which meant…..
"Oh God, I really owe Jeff Winger one!" Britta groaned. "It's bad enough I lost the moral high ground to Jeff Winger! Now I owe him this too?"
"How'd we get from talking about Annie to Jeff? Did your funny cigarettes make you forget what they look like? Please tell me you still remember the monkey isn't Jeff's Boobs!" Troy pleaded. But after having one of his profound spells for longer than usual, Britta figured he would go back into clueless mode eventually.
"I remember who they are," Britta assured. "Unfortunately, I remember I owe Jeff one, too. That means I have to get him together with Annie now. I can't believe it, all this from one of our little giant fights! We both didn't know what we were saying, and now I have to…."
Britta's eyes then widened to an Annie-like size. But it was because she got an idea, not because she was Disney-facing Troy. She would have to kill herself if she ever tried that, yet that was a vow for another day. "Now I actually have a good idea…."
"You sure? I know you're good at coming back from mistakes, but do you really need to come back here?" Troy tried to hint.
"I don't need to, I've finally got a real good idea! It'd be nice if it could take down an evil corporation, or Toddlers and Tiaras while it was at it! But I guess I've got to do baby steps first! I'll tell you how I stepped later!" Britta promised before kissing Troy on the cheek, heading back inside and texting Annie an invitation to her apartment that afternoon.
