BLOKE - CHRIS FRANKLIN

(as the song begins, we see Amber standing by herself. There's a scream from os as Nath speeds into the frame, whizzing past in an out of control wheelchair and screaming, "WAZZUP?!?" There's a crash as he disappear on the other side of the screen. Amber rolls her eyes.)

I HATE THE NEW AGE GUYS

(Shot of Nath running down Pip, then pointing and laughing at him)

I'M A CHAUVINIST, I LIVE ON BEER AND PIES

(Shot of Nath at the table. He's pouring tomato sauce on a meat pie, and has a can of VB beside him)

TRIED TO TELL YA, BUT YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE MAYBE I'M AN ANGEL UNDERNEATH

HAVEN'T BRUSHED ME TEETH!

(Amber runs in and kisses Nath, then gags and runs away, clutching at her throat. Nath shrugs and starts to eat his pie)

YESTERDAY I LIED

BUT ALL ME MATES GAVE ME A REAL GOOD ALIBI. THANKS GUYS!

(Matt sticks his head in and yells, "That's okay!"

I REALLY WENT OUT DRINKIN', I TOLD YOU I WAS AT WORK

(Shot of Nath at a bar, totally sloshed. He's lying back asleep in his wheelchair, VB cans littering the ground around him)

DON'T ASK ME FOR COMMITMENT, 'COS IT'S SOMETHING I WILL SHIRK

(Amber comes in, grumbling, and pushes Nath. Still unconscious in his chair, out)

I'M A BLOKE, I'M AN OCKER

AND I REALLY LOVE YA KNOCKERS

(shot of Nath staring at Amber's chest. She looks down, and can't figure out why he's staring at it)

I'M A LABOURER BY DAY, I PISS UP ALL ME PAY

WATCHING FOOTY ON TV

JUST FEED ME MORE V.B.

JUST POUR MY BEER AND GET MY SMOKES AND GO AWAY



(shot of Nath watching AFL on TV. He's reclined in an armchair and looking perfectly comfortable as a rather disgruntled Amber walks in, puts a packet of cigarettes on the table beside him, and tops up his beer glass. Nath nods and she exits, muttering rather nasty things)

OR TAKE ME AS I AM

THIS MAY MEAN YOU'LL HAVE TO FETCH ANOTHER CAN

(shot of a very unhappy Amber pulling six-pack after six-pack out of the fridge, and attempting to carry them all in to the lounge room, stacked on top of each other)

REST ASSURED, IF I START TO MAKE YOU BREAKFAST,

I'M GOING TO EXTREMES

(Shot of Nath in the kitchen, trying to make pancakes. He flips the one he's currently working on, but it sticks to the roof, along with a dozen or so that are already up there. Amber walks in, gazes up at the ceiling, then bangs her fist down on the counter. All the pancakes fall down, one each falling on Nath and Amber's heads)

BUT TOMORROW I'LL GET SHITFACED AND TODAY WON'T MEAN A THING

(Shot of a sloshed Nath snoring in his chair again)

I'M A BLOKE, I'M A YOBBO

AND ME BEST MATE'S NAME IS ROBBO

(Matt walks by. Nath sticks a sign on him saying, "Hi! My name's Robbo!" Matt looks down at it in confusion, then at Nath. Nath just shrugs)

WINFIELD IS ME CIGARETTE, I DRESS IN FLANNELETTE

WHERE A SINGLET THAT IS BLUE

(One by one, Nath holds up a pack of Winfields, a flannelette shirt, and a blue singlet in demonstration)

THROW IN A FEW TATOOS

(Nath stands up and turns away from us, pulling down his pants to show Amber a rather vulgar tattoo on his ass. We don't get to see it though, as a black "censored!" bar blocks the way. Amber walks away in disgust.)

YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME ANY OTHER WAY

(Shot of Nath playing the guitar solo. Matt and Amber exchange glances and grimace)

WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT ME FIGURED OUT THE SEASON'S ALREADY CHANGIN'

(Shot of Nath in front of the TV, watching AFL again. Matt sticks his head in and yells, "FROM FOOTY TO CRICKET!" As he does so, Nath switches channels and the cricket comes on)

I THINK IT'S COOL WHEN I ACT LIKE A TOOL AND ME MATES TRY TO SHAVE ME

(Shot of a sloshed Nath at the bar again. Matt and several of the other boys around South Park have pulled him out of his chair and laid him face down on the bar. They pull down his pants, obviously going to shave his ass, but when they see the tattoo, they all look away, disgusted. Stan vomits)

I'M A BLOKE, I'M AN OCKER

AND I REALLY LOVE YA KNOCKERS

(shot of Nath staring at Amber's chest. She growls and punches him in the face)

I'M A LABOURER BY DAY, I PISS UP ALL ME PAY

WATCHING FOOTY ON TV

JUST FEED ME MORE V.B.

JUST POUR MY BEER AND GET MY SMOKES AND GO AWAY



(shot of Nath back in front of the TV. Amber walks in with his beer and smokes, but instead of giving them to him, she clobbers him over the head with a hockey stick, throws them on the ground, and sets them on fire. She then leaves)

I'M A BLOKE, I'M A YOBBO

AND ME BEST MATE'S NAME IS ROBBO

(Matt walks in, throws his "Hi! My name is Robbo!" sign onto the fire, and leaves)

WINFIELD IS ME CIGARETTE, I DRESS IN FLANELETTE

WHERE A SINGLET THAT IS BLUE

(Amber comes back in, and adds to the fire one by one, a packet of Winfields, a flannelette shirt, and a blue singlet. Then she gets the hell outta there.)

THROW IN A FEW TATOOS

YOU KNOW YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME ANY OTHER WAY

(Close up of Nath, gradually zooming out to show the living room begin to catch fire. The zoom keeps going, out the window, as the entire house starts to go up in flames. Dash enters the picture and calmly starts to hose the place down)