a/n: again, all characters are SM's.
Since it was finished, I thought I would go ahead and post up chapter 2.
Song for this chaper: Mary Jane, Alanis Morissette
Sitting on the plane in first class, waiting on the runway for take off, I thought again of the last moment with Jacob. He had unloaded my luggage on the curbside, and without speaking he gave me a rib crushing hug. He refused to say good bye and I didn't know if I could bring up emotions to associate with this moment without having a panic attack in front of the airport. He let me go and I could have sworn I heard him mutter sure sure to either himself or to me, as if it were some reassurance that this was the right thing to do. It was over as soon as it began and without a backward glance, he got back in the truck and drove away. I felt awful for not being able to give him more than that awkward stare but he knew I wasn't in the right place to be more than present physically and vacant emotionally.
My seatbelt fastened, I pulled my bag from beneath my chair and pulled the letter out that had began this whole journey. Unfolding it carefully as the stationary was delicate like the woman who had wrote it, I studied the feminine scrawl:
Dear Bella,
I am so sorry to hear of the recent passing of your parents. Your mother was a dear friend of mine and I wish I could be at your side during this difficult time.
Please know you are more than welcome in my home, wherever that is. At the moment, I am in West Kilbride, Scotland. My husband is a doctor and has settled, for the moment, here in the UK. We would love to have you for as long as you would like.
With deep sympathy and kindest regards
Esme Cullen
A week after the funeral, I had a meeting with my mother's estate executor. It had felt like an execution, there had been too much finality in it. Two people summed up in paperwork. Fucking paperwork. The lawyer had been a real lizard and made my skin crawl. He informed me that my Charlie and Renee had started a large trust for me and as they had passed and I had reached my majority, the trust was now available. If at any other time that amount of money had landed in my lap, I would have done a happy dance around the building.
However, this was not any other time and I blankly looked at the paperwork in front of me. Picking up the pen, I signed my name where the lawyer had put those annoying sticky post it arrows. I wanted to tear them off and then tear the whole thing up.
Then I had received that letter from Esme and I knew my mother would have wanted me to visit her. Renee had always talked about Esme and often wrote back and forth. I had tried to introduce them to e-mail but my mother insisted on writing, as did Esme. When I had read the letter for the first time, it had called to me as if there was something waiting for me nearly 6000 miles away.
So hear I sat, on my long haul flight. The first flight from Forks, Washington had been a hop but then I had taken a longer flight to Dulles in Washington DC and connected with a British Air flight to Glasgow International. I could see the last few sights of the coastline of America and something in me felt a loss at this as well, I wanted to wave goodbye to the lonely lighthouse flashing on the coast, a beacon in the darkness.
The flight attendants had come down the aisle offering beverages and I asked for a coke, hoping not to fall asleep on the plane. I could feel myself getting tired anyways, and made it halfway through the in-flight movie when I my eyelids must have dropped.
The next thing I knew, the flight attendant was standing over me, shaking me roughly, her worried eyes boring into me. 'Miss, are you ok? I think you were having a nightmare.' I opened my eyes fully and realised the whole plane was staring at me. My heart started to speed up and my breathing quickened. The breaths came in quicker before I could control them but I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. I felt like I was going to die as my eyes started to see little sparks. 'Miss? Are you-'
I felt myself let go and slipped under the surface willingly.
***
'I think she's coming around.' Someone was patting my cheek and the most horrible smell was being wafted underneath my nose. I took a deep breath in and opened my eyes to three flight attendants leaning over me.
I felt my brows knit together, 'Wha-'
'You fainted, Miss. Are you feeling better?'
OhmygodIfaintedontheplane.
I looked into the eyes of the nearest attendant, her blue eyes intense on my features, 'Yeah I'll be fine. Just give me a minute.'
My whole body was tingling with the aftermath of the nightmare and the panic attack. I could feel that my heart rate had returned to normal and I was able to slowly sit up without my head feeling too heavy. God I'm so tired. I feel like I could sleep for days.
'If you need anything, please press the call button to let one of us know.' and with that, the flight attendants left me alone. I reached for my bag, and pulled out the bottle of prescription pills the doctor had given me. I took two with the now flat bottle of coke I had bought in DC. They only numbed me and dulled the nightmares. I was hoping if I slept again, hopefully I wouldn't cry out in my sleep.
***
I touched down in Glasgow and made it through customs and baggage claim without any issue. There are these tv screens in the arrivals part of the airport where you can see the waiting area. A sign in dark letters asks Who's Waiting For You? I don't remember ever seeing even a picture of Esme and seeing not one familiar face both saddened me but confirmed that this might be a new beginning as well.
When I walked out to the waiting area I looked around, hoping for a sign. Anxiety filled me for an instant. What if she forgot? What if she decided I wasn't welcome? What if she came on the wrong day to get me?
'Bella?' A woman, sharply dressed in what was probably some European designer dress came forward. 'Oh Bella you look like Renee!' Strong arms wrapped me in a tight embrace and instantly I knew this was Esme. This felt like a mom hug and I felt my eyes water. 'Oh sweetheart, it's going to be ok.' Her hands soothingly rubbed my back. I opened my eyes and saw a mountain of a guy standing behind Esme with a lopsided grin on his face.
'Mom, you're going to smother her if you're not careful!' Esme reluctantly stood back but took hold of my hands as she stepped away from me.
'You're way too thin, but that is easily remedied! Was your flight ok?' I nodded and started to tug at my bags.
Emmett beat me to them. 'No way small stuff, that's why I'm here! Geez, Bella, did you pack the kitchen sink?' He winked at me as he easily hefted my luggage and started to carry it towards the sliding door exit.
The sun was nowhere to be seen and the clouds were heavy and low. There was a lushness to the air that was a lot like the home I had left in Forks. Esme led me to her car which was a small SUV. I sat in the back seat as Emmett loaded my things. Esme sat in the driver's side and put the keys in the ignition. The car briefly beeped a warning to fasten seatbelts and as Emmett sat down and shut the door the whole car vibrated.
'Are you hungry, Bella?' Esme glanced back at me.
'No thanks. I'm a bit spacey from the flight.' I pulled my hoodie closer around me, hiding my hands in the sleeves and scrunching the cuffs with my fingers.
Esme backed the car out of the parking space and headed for home.
***
Home was an old farmhouse that Esme had renovated and turned into a lovely space to live. She had managed to add wings to the house to accommodate her large family. She told me about her adopted children and their partners, six in total. She rattled off names but I was too tired, drugged and jetlagged to take them in. Her small touches were everywhere inside the house. From the living room with its inviting fireplace and big comfortable sofas, the artful pieces and knick knacks on the walls and placed on table tops to the soft but warm hues that made the place refreshing but comfortable.
She motioned for me to follow her as we made our way upstairs. 'The bathroom is the last door at the end of the hall but your room is en suite. Here is your room. You are right across the hall from Edward.' The hall was a fresh white and the doors were soft sand colored wood. She opened the door to a light and airy room with a skylight. The room looked onto the back area of the house and its gardens. Situated along the far wall was a large window covered with white curtains and a large wooden sleigh bed, which was made with fresh white linens that almost promised the best sleep ever. Well, maybe for other people, I thought sarcastically.
There was a huge wardrober in the room on the west wall. Along the wall with the door was a chest of beachwood colored dresser drawers with a large mirror over them. On top of the drawers was a small ivy plant. A small delicate strand had sneaked across the top of the dresser along the edge the was flush against the wall.
I turned to Esme as she took in my features as I studied the room. 'Bella, you look tired. There are fresh towels in the bathroom,' she gestured towards the door on the right, 'We will leave you to yourself. If you need anything, I'll be downstairs.' She squeezed my shoulder and quit the room. Emmett entered and left my luggage in front of the bed. As he turned to leave, he looked at me with a small smile.
'You'll do, small stuff. I'm your big brother now. Rose and I are going to the pub later on if you want to come along.' With that said, he lightly punched my shoulder and left the room.
I felt grimy and sticky and my hair felt too heavy for my head. I decided a shower sounded heavenly. After I found my toiletries bag in my suitcase, I slipped into the small bathroom, and undressed. I found the towels easy enough and they were thick, white, and soft. I took some more of my medication and then slipped into the shower and turned the water on hot and full force. I stayed under the spray until my skin wrinkled. Then I got out, wrapped myself in one of the towels and padded barefoot back out to the bed. I noticed the carpet was dark purple and thick under my toes. I put on a purple tank and black shorts from my case and then put my black hoodie on over the tank.
As I pulled the covers back on the irresistible bed I was torn between desperately wanting to sleep and fearing having a nightmare and alerting the whole house they had opened their doors to a crazy person.
Sleep won out and I my eyes were closed before my head hit the pillow.
***
Stars glittered like the edge of a serrated knife in the sky above me. I stumbled over a log and my breath hitched. I was being chased, I could hear growling and snarling as it charged through the forest, seeking me. I knew I wouldn't be able to run forever. Sobbing, I climbed a rock which was next to a large tree. My fear of what was coming for me won out over my fear of heights. I clumsily grabbed for a tree branch as the snarling grew louder and andrenaline snaked through my veins. I pushed myself in a panic the word no a refusal at my inability to save myself.
'No…no…no…no…'
I opened my eyes and realised that not only was I not alone in my room but through the slight moonlight filtering through the curtains, I looked up into a pair of concerned masculine eyes.
'Are you awake?' a velvety voice laced with concern asked me, 'I heard you across the hall. Are you alright?'
I leaned over to turn on the lamp which was situated the bedside table. Warm light glowed into the room and I blinked while my eyes adjusted. They settled on the form of the man who was sitting on the edge of the bed. God damn, he was gorgeous. Green eyes, cheekbones and a jaw line any model would have murdered for. His bronze hair was messy and he ran his fingers through it as I looked into his eyes. I realised I was staring and a flush filled my cheeks with embarrassment. I realised my face was wet, either from crying or sweat, and my hair must have been every which way. I started to reach up to smooth a piece of hair that lay across my cheek but he had beat me to it, tucking it back, his fingers lingering on the shape of my ear. There was an electricity that came from his touch and I almost gasped from it as my stomach turned over. The panic from the dream faded as I stared into his emerald depths.
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a/n: Please review, I need your help and it can only get better from here. Lemme know what you think! xo
