Disclaimer: I don't own anything. All rights to respective owners.

A/N: Moving on to the theme Father! So I just went with a classic defining father moment that I hope is somewhat sweetish?!


Promise of Someplace

His breath was short and hard, hands shaking as he wringed them over and over again, nervousness consuming so much so that he was afraid that his body was about to fall in a puddle of nerves on the white linoleum floor.

Sweat formed on his brow and his dark blue eyes shifted to the large window right across from where he sat. For the last few minutes, Mamoru had been debating, hitting back and forth in his head, if maybe he should stand and look through the glass to see what he had been waiting to see for years.

'Breathe, just breathe,' his mind whispered, though it didn't help.

Why was it so hard? Why was he shaking with fear and horror? He had wanted this, begged for this, dreamed of this happening to him. This was….everything to him.

Yet, shouldn't he be happier, overjoyed with a strong sense of pride and thrilled to have such a precious gift of life.

He wasn't. Not at all.

Hands sweaty, body shaking and boneless, worry permanently etched onto his face, he was the opposite of most of the others that were in the exact same situation as he was right now.

Disgusted. Sickened. Appalled. Repulsed. Revolted. Nauseated.

That's what he felt about himself. This - this was supposed to be the best moment of his life, coming in as a tie with his wedding day.

Why was this so hard? Just get up and look through the window, that's all he had to do.

"Dr. Chiba?"

His name forced his wide eyes up to the nurse in question, who wore a sweet smile. "Y-yes?"

"You can come in to see her, if you'd like," she informed with a beckoning of her hand to the door.

His breath became erratic again, faster and more shallow. "Uh sure, o-of course."

'You can do this, just stand up and walk. That's something you do everyday. It's just walking, simple.'

He braced his hands on his knees, and with a slight struggle, he stood, with a shake, on his long legs. It was a workout to even shuffle his feet and follow after the nurse, into the room. Mewls and soft cries reached his blood-pounding ears immediately and he felt his heart in his throat at the sight of numerous little cribs.

"She's in the second row, second to the…" Her words were drowned out. He knew where she was, Usagi's nurse had long told him when he was in her hospital room.

With more steady breaths, he slowly, so slowly, stepped toward the little crib that held the tiny person, the most important person. A small little person who didn't know anything and it was up to him along with Usagi to teach that little person everything that there was to know, to protect her and love her with everything they had.

Usagi could do all that, but could he?

The nurse made it to her first and Mamoru could just barely see in the crib from his spot, little clothed-hands and bare feet flailing around. The woman gently and naturally picked up the small infant wrapped in shiny, soft pink blankets, soft cries of protest emitting from the bundle. "Shh….it's okay little one. Your daddy is here."

His shoulders tensed at the d-word. It was another title to himself along with prince, king, hero, orphan, husband, friend…..father. It was unsettling and made knots form all in his stomach - that wasn't a normal reaction, was it?

"Want to hold her?"

The question made his body shake and hands itch. Would it be so wrong to say no to that request? "I-uh don't-"

"It's just some new father nerves don't worry. Here," the nurse raised the pile of blankets up to him and he nearly stumbled back in complete fear. Confusion entered her kind eyes and he quickly amended by giving a shaky smile and with a cough, stepped closer to her, arms awkwardly floating in front of him ready to be instructed.

All in a blur, the woman deposited the newborn in his hand, reminding him of supporting the head, keep her secure from squirming, and it was just a few seconds of Mamoru finally looking at her little chubby face that the nurse smiled and left him to tend to another and he grew in a panicked state of mind.

What if she unexpectedly moved and he were to drop her? Or what if his hand wasn't right and her head dropped instead? Or-or maybe he should have washed his hands before doing this - god, he could be exposing so many germs to her this very second!

Then it was him shaking again and eyes widening when the bundle of blankets began to shift and come into the waking world.

Slowly and very cautiously, Mamoru shuffled over to the small little glass bassinet to deposit the infant to its original resting place, focused on not dropping her.

In the clear, he stepped back, hands up and breath coming out short as relief flooded him.

"Oh Dr. Chiba if you want you can take her back to your wife's room. I'm guessing you'd just love to spend some time with the new family member?"

The panic set up again and the lump lodged in this throat. Mamoru curtly nodded in confirmation to the nurse, hands still but his entire being shook within. He was supposed to wheel her back to the room, that was so so far and so many events could happen on the way that could cause injury of some kind but….

Usagi would wake up soon and demand loudly where her newborn child was after specifically saying that she didn't want her taken out of the room, but Mamoru had seen her dozing off and falling into a deep sleep. The girls and the Tsukinos came to the same conclusion and requested for the infant to be taken, allowing the exhausted mother shuteye after they left as well.

Mamoru didn't even dare to inject, he wanted the same but not for all the same reasons.

His fingers curled over the glass bassinet and he breathed in heavily, sending a quiet pray for good fortune.

The jittery father kept his midnight eyes ahead as he began the journey back to the room, sight flickering to any movement near them. Going through the hallways as slowly as possible, rounding corners with intense concentration and precision. People would pass and he was so terrified at the thought of them accidentally bumping into the bassinet and maybe it would topple over-

'Focus baka!'

The dark-haired man was nearly breaking a sweat by the time he reached the darkened hospital room, seeing that the whole trip had taken nearly half an hour but to his relief, the baby had stayed quiet and immersed in sleep.

In the shimmer of only one lit lamp, he caught the big lump-shape on the bed, turned away from him and long golden hair spilling over the edge like a waterfall. His heart fell in disappointment seeing his wife still asleep.

With resolve, he 'parked' the bassinet in front of a big green leather chair and he sat down in it, watching as the child rolled around in her sleep slightly.

He looked at her, really looked at her once she rolled to his side, and he closed his eyes in a horrible realization that he hadn't looked at her until now. For the past day and a half, his blue hues would just merely pass her face, never staying to long otherwise his mind would whisper treacherous, dark things and his heart would clench.

'You'll fail. She will hate you and your happiness will be short-lived like always. There is no happy ending for you.'

It had started out so amazing and thrilling nine months ago, when Usagi had gotten those test results in the harsh light of their bathroom, tears and smiles after months of trying. Then it was the waiting to announce to everyone once it was clear, then the planning and the flips his heart did as each passing day, Usagi grew with their child - their child, their family. It was nine months of challenges, sickness, random hormones - that resulted in small fights - dealing with the frantic antics of their friends who showered them with baby gifts and then his in-laws doing the same.

It was an insane nine months but that ninth month-

That was his breaking point.

Fear and doubt creeped into his mind to the point when no longer did the excitement beam in him when Usagi accosted him to feel a kick or coo over baby onesies, or share stories of what they would do as a family now that Chibiusa was finally going to be with them. She spoke with such love and bright eyes and he would pathetically try to match her emotions, avoiding suspicions. If he revealed his thoughts, she would no doubt reassure him, admit she was scared too and their conversation would become tense and he didn't want that.

Usagi had joy at being pregnant and he never wanted the smile to disappear from her face, especially during the times of her explaining daydreams.

Instead, he stayed distant, diving into his books and studies more, avoiding the bright pink nursery when necessary.

Caught up in this brooding, he was startled to come back to see eyes opening and a small mouth parting in a baby yawn. And every nerve ending sizzled with fear as those dark eyes just looked at him through the glass wall in some sense of curiosity.

He knew without a doubt, looking at her, that he would lay down his life in a heartbeat for her, would love her with every fiber of his being, everything he was, everything he had was hers….

But what if it wasn't enough?

Usagi always joked that he would be an excellent parent with every task while she would hook up diapers wrong, make bottles too hot, and assemble all the baby gear incorrectly. She praised him as if he were a parent god and never missed a chance to add that Chibiusa had liked him much more in the past. The father-to-be laughed off the comments and always reassured her that she would be the most incredible, caring mother out there, that their daughter should be so lucky to have the most warm and doting mother.

He never, ever voiced his full thoughts.

He resisted the urge to ask her all the rhetorical questions: Which one of us wears their heart on their sleeve? Who was the bright happy one that could voice so many emotions and be able to show love to our daughter? Who did she spend time more time with? Who had experience with her? Who-

Who had a family? Who knew what family was?

It took him years to truly come into his full mind, to let the happiness settle and build as he grew with Usagi but now in this next stage - he had a mere few months to prepare.

He was unskilled, even as a doctor, he knew nothing of what to do with a baby emotionally.

He loved her - god did he love her with everything but-but….

Who had no experience? Who grew up with no emotions? Who had no family? Who could mess everything up because they have no utter clue what to do?

Who had no one to ask for advice?

Mamoru could ask Kenji - and he was almost like a father at this point - but it wasn't the same, it never could be and the thought broke him.

After years of wishing and tear-stained nights back in the orphanage, he had a family and still - he was lost.

Looking into her eyes, he wondered what he could promise her. He couldn't promise a family for her, he had none. He couldn't promise to protect her no matter what - the future had shown him those horrors and still they appear in his nightmares.

There was one promise, one he could keep though.

He raised a hand and dangled his index finger in front of her and with a gloved hand, she weakly grabbed it.

"Hi Chibiusa," he whispered, tentative to the sleeping mother a few feet away, "You might not know me but I know you. Well the you that you will be become."

With a logical mind, he knew that she couldn't understand him but, he was the one that needed this.

"I'm your dad and that person over is your mom," he spoke, "We're the people you're stuck with but trust me, I think you'll really like your mom."

She cooed, still gripping his finger.

"But…," he paused, "You gotta go easy on me okay?"

She looked up at him, dark eyes that would eventually lighten in years come.

"I've never really had a family and so, I'm still learning and I'll make mistakes. I'm so scared I will mess up and ruin everything and you won't get the life that you deserve."

He scooted closer to her, moving his finger a bit and her eyes followed his movements.

"But I promise you something," he whispered, "You will always have a place where you are loved and have a family - because it's not just us. You have grandpa Kenji and grandma Ikuko, your uncle Shingo, uncle Motoki, and like ten aunts who all love you so so much."

Her eyes looked up to lock onto his.

"I love you so much," he thickly said, "And I promise you that you'll always have something I never had. You will always have a someplace."

He could of imagined it but Mamoru could of sworn her head cocked in question.

"It means that no matter what," he answered the silent question, "you will always have a home where you will be wanted and cherished. A place where you will never have to question if you're loved by anyone."

He didn't know that the tears had slipped until he saw the glimmers in the glass reflection.

It was something that he never had. Numerous nights did he stay up wondering if he was worth anything, if he was good enough for anyone's love. It was something he still carried deep within him, the morbid thought that was 'would anyone miss him if he were gone.' He grew up thinking that he meant nothing - to anyone or even the world. And his daughter would not go through it, that is something she will forever be promised.

His forehead slipped and he pressed it against the glass, staring so deeply into her dark eyes that began to close.

His tears descended without resistance. "I love you and I promise I will try to always give you everything that I am and can be. I will always give you a someplace."

The corners of his mouth grew upward as she began to sleep - mentally joking that this was Usagi Tsukino's daughter - and he watched the fluff of rose pink blankets rise and fall around the little girl - his little girl.


So-so on this one I believe. I'm definitely not a parent but I could only imagine what they go through and tried to do that parenthood moment justice somewhat.

Next: The Shittneo! (I spelt that wrong didn't I?)