Monday 10th January
I need to rant! Yes, rant and rant and rant. I'm lying here with my panties resting at my thighs because I can't pull them up. My bottom feels like it's on fire! I don't think I can handle this mission without attempting to kill Victor in his sleep. Perhaps I can lock him in the garage and disappear into the night? The sun hasn't even dipped yet, but I'm in bed. Oh, how I'd love to leave him to it. I'd like to see him explaining himself to Erik after I've vanished and he's left holding our mission in tatters. Ugh, this is awful. Every time I move, I swear my bottom stings and it feels like the skin in boiling over and beyond my pain threshold. I think I pushed him too far this time. Wait a second, I thinkā¦
He just caught me in bed writing in my diary. Another round of painful swats were delivered to my bottom that quickly, I was almost dancing on my stomach. How did I get myself into this mess? You see, I've been sent to bed and I'm not supposed to be doing anything except from staring at the wall, thinking about my behaviour, or sleeping. I can't sleep, though. I love sleeping tablets and I don't dare move from this bed because he'll hear me and probably skin me alive. He's really not happy with me today. I bet you want to know what I did, don't you, Diary? I can't tell you now; I have to tuck you away in my bedside drawer in case he comes to check on me again. Don't worry; I'll explain myself tomorrow at the earliest.
Tuesday 11th January
Victor's still giving me those disapproving looks, but he hugged me this morning and we sat and talked for a while. It was almost nice when he admitted he knew this was hard for me. After all, he pointed out I wasn't used to having a father because I'd never had one before! I appreciated him mentioning that point. It's an important one, you know. I never had a father or a mother, but I have been spanked before. I'm sure everybody was punished that way in the days when I was a child. Though, I'm wandering away from my original purpose now. I think I'd better let you know what I did that sent Victor so wild.
Victor went out and I was alone. He said he had some errands to run and he knew he could trust me not to "act like an idiot". I think he's regretting that now. Anyway, he left and I waited at least ten minutes until I went into the backyard. I even made sure I was wearing my bikini again. Last night I was told to "throw it, dump it or set it on fire", but I didn't. How could I? I love this bikini and I'd live in it if I could. So, there I was, and as usual, Tommy was talking to me over the fence as soon as I walked out onto the deck. He has a gym room at the bottom of his yard and likes to work out there each and every day. Of course, I was impressed because I approve of a man taking care of his body that way. We were talking and then he offered to give me a tour of his house. He still lives with his parents but they were away on vacation in Hawaii. It was fun, actually. He helped me climb over the fence Victor had thrown him over a few days earlier. We were able to joke about that, though. I even told him that I was sure my father hadn't meant to act that way. I'm not sure Tommy believed me, but it cleared the air a little.
Then, there I was, walking around his house in my bikini and bare feet. I was cold, too cold, and he offered to warm me up. I know I'm not really seventeen and I shouldn't be feeling this way, but there were actually butterflies in my stomach when he spoke to me with his eyes sparkling with warmth. Soon the fireplace was roaring and I was sitting on the rug with Tommy's dressing gown wrapped around me. We hadn't done anything too forward, we'd only kissed, but I was enjoying myself. It almost made me feel regret because I'd never had the chance to act this way when I was originally seventeen. At the time, I was too scared in case I couldn't stop myself from losing my current form. If I had turned blue, I probably would have been attacked again. I've been attacked a lot of times in my life, especially when I was younger. But at that moment with Tommy in front of the fireplace, I felt a rush of happiness. I was in a bikini; it was a cold January day and there was a man who was being nice to me. And then everything crumbled like it always seems to do in my life. Victor let himself in the house and he wasn't happy.
My 'Father' thought I was being used and if I hadn't gotten in the middle of them, I think he would have thrown Tommy on the fire this time! I still don't understand why somebody who hates me has suddenly become overprotective, but he has, and I'm not sure how to handle it. But there we were, all arguing and Tommy was threatening to take on Victor, and I was attempting to stand my ground. It was a huge mess, it truly was. I had to hand the dressing gown back to Tommy and my new father noticed I was wearing the bikini he'd told me to get rid of. He quickly took off his coat and before I could protest, he was putting it on me and buttoning it up.
I knew Victor was angry. He was snarling at Tommy and telling him to keep away or he'd break his legs. Then there was some talk about me getting my heart broken and if that happened, Victor was going to rip out Tom's heart and feed it to him. I was mortified. I'd been having a great time, I wasn't really seventeen, and all of a sudden, I was being dragged away with a forceful hand on my arm.
When everything was said and done, I wasn't pleased. I told Victor he'd embarrassed me! He'd destroyed any chance of me spending time with Tommy and I hated him for it. And do you know what he answered with? "Good," he said. That was his answer. Then he pointed to the spot in front of him and clicked his fingers. He moved a kitchen chair out from the table and put it in the middle of the room. "Over here on the double," he growled to me. It was right then I knew I was in for it.
Oh, Diary, I felt like I was under the age of ten right then. I could feel my stomach twisting in knots as the butterflies flew away. My day had died and it had such a promising start. He wasn't pleased with me leaving the house without his permission, he wasn't pleased I'd kept the bikini, and he wasn't going to let me "be used by some punk who thinks with his dick". I would have described Tommy rather differently than that, but Victor wasn't having any of it, and when I refused to go anywhere near him, he guided me over to the chair with swats to my soon-to-be red bottom.
It hurt, and when I said I'd been embarrassed by Victor's behaviour earlier that afternoon, I'd been wrong. Being laid over somebody's lap to be spanked is the worst type of embarrassment I could ever have been dealt with. It was terrible and it really did hurt. His smacks weren't slow or calm, they were hard and fast. He told me I was "going to learn a good lesson" and he even called me his daughter. He said what was happening to me right then would be the same thing he'd do to his own kid if she'd been "sniffing around a boy in her underwear". I told him I was wearing a bikini, not my underwear, and anyway, lots of women wear bikinis, even some men do. But he wasn't impressed with my backchat. He smacked and smacked until I begged him to stop. I cried over his knee and still he smacked me until he thought I'd really learnt a lesson that would stay with me for some time. When he let me up from his lap, he sent me straight to bed, and I ran. I was in tears as I went to my room, but the first thing I did was throw the bikini away.
Do you know what though, Diary? I hated the disappointment in Victor's eyes. He wasn't pleased with my behaviour and I wasn't happy with my sore bottom. But I'm beginning to think he actually went easy on me because he tapped his belt when he told me I'd better get rid of my bikini. You see, he came to check if I was in bed. I was still crying but he stroked my hair and even kissed me on the forehead when he left my room. I think he's realising he's been wrong about me, too. I'm not a bitch, I'm just lost and I can't find my way back to the girl I used to be.
Wednesday 12th January
I only have a few minutes until I have to leave the house. We're going to tour the school today. Can you believe at my age I'm going back to school? That sentence makes me sound like I've actually been to school before, which I haven't. I was too scared. People were terrified they'd catch something from me when I was younger and I was terrified I'd be bullied until I wanted to self-destruct. I did self-destruct, of course, but I joined a terrorist group instead of anything too radical and ridiculous. I have to go now, but I'll write about everything later.
I just got back! It's almost 8pm. We stopped at a diner, though, and talked about what would happen when I started school. Victor wants me take everything seriously, not only the mission, but the opportunity to learn more about the world and follow the rules the school have set for all the students. I didn't know how to answer that. I'm not used to a man being friendly unless he wants to sleep with me. But Victor's my father, at least he's acting like a father would have done in the days of the Neanderthals and such. I told him he was a bit of a knuckle-dragger because I'm sure parents don't spank their children anymore, and he asked me how I knew that for sure. I also didn't have an answer for that.
The school was large. I'm going to get lost, I know I am. I tried to think of ways to spy on the Marie girl, but I haven't come up with anything yet. When we met the principal Victor did most of the talking. I think I'm learning more about him as the days pass. He actually sat there and sounded like a normal person as he spoke to the principal. Of course, said principal was a woman, so maybe that had something to do with it. She seemed taken in by Victor's words and was interested in his years being a soldier and fighting across the world. All I did was stare at what the woman was wearing. I think it was a potato sack matched with green tights and red heeled shoes. The sad thing was I didn't have a chance to berate her for it because Victor glared at me when I laughed. She asked me how I'd been coping since my mother had died and I laughed. What I was actually laughing at was her choice of clothing, but I found that difficult to explain because he kept giving me a 'don't you dare' look.
Argh! I feel like banging my head against a wall. I shouldn't be scared of going to school, but I am. It's not as though I'm shy! So, I need to deal with this before the day arrives when I have to sit in class and not insult anybody for their fashion choices. Oh, Diary, how am I going to achieve this without getting in trouble? No, you're no help; you're only cheap paper wearing a blue leather coat.
