Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. At all. I am just borrowing them to use them for my amusement.

Ed: SHE'S TORTURING US! HELP!

Me: -covers his mouth- Shh... relax, Edo.

Ed: -muffled- Don't call me that!

Also, any pop culture references you see here I do not own at all. I don't own any songs, movies, shows, any of that media. They belong to their respective owners.


Welcome to Asking the Cast! I am your host, Queen Cari! And here we have some questions for our cast of FMA, asked by our lovely reviewers!

Ed: I don't want to do this.

Me: Oh, hush, Edward. We're gonna do this! Is everyone ready?

Ed: No.

Al: Uh… sure

Mustang: Not really

Everyone else: Ehh….

Me: -.-" Whatever. Let's get this started!

Our first question is from agarfinkel! Let's see what they have to say!

King Bradley- even though you were ordered to by Father, was it awkward addressing Pride, the first homunculus, as your son?

Bradley: Not exactly. I was given my task to pretend he was my son, and I would act it until Father goes on with his plan.

Olivier- why is it that you and your youngest sister, Katherine, are the only normal looking people in your family?

Olivier: Tch. Why does our appearance matter anyways?

Me: Did you know that she sparkles as well?

Olivier: -gives me a death glare-

Me: -sweatdrops-

Al- who do you like more: May Chang or Julia Creighton (from the Sacred Star of Milos movie)?

May: Who's Julia, Alphonse?

Al: Uh, just a girl we met near Creta. She was really nice. And I like them both. They are really sweet.

Ed: But Al, they are asking who do you like more.

Al: What do you mean? I like them the same.

Ed: They meant like, Al, you know, that like.

Mustang: Kinda like how Fullmetal likes his mechanic.

Ed: What! Not that way, you bastard! Well, I like Winry and all, but not like that!

Mustang: Someone's in denial.

Ed: Shut up, you bastard!

Me: -sighs- Security!

-Security come out to restrain them-

Ed: WTF!

Mustang: Hey! I didn't do anything!

Me: Behave or I'll make you two hold hands for the rest of the evening.

Both of them: …

Al: -uses this time to avoid the question-

Me: Al, answer the question.

Al: Uh… well… I uh…

May: Well Al?

Al: Uhh… -blushes-

Ed: Answer the question Al!

Al: I… like them the same. B-But, I kinda bonded more with May, you see, going to Xing and all to study with her…

Me: Poor Al. That's what happens when you want a girlfriend.

Riza- how did you end up owning your dog, Black Hayate?

Hawkeye: Oh, well, it was raining, and Fuery found him outside. He couldn't keep him, because he lived in the dorms. Falman also lived in the dorms, and Breda was not exactly fond of dogs. Havoc hinted that he wanted him for dinner.

Havoc: I WAS KIDDING!

Mustang Unit: -gives him a glare-

Havoc: It was a joke! Geez.

Hawkeye: Anyways… the Colonel made it seem like he would overwork the poor thing.

Mustang: It was a joke! I love dogs, I won't do that to him.

Hawkeye: Right…

Mustang: It's true… I'm not that cruel.

Ed: -cough-bullshit-cough-

Mustang: -glares at him-

Me: Edward…

Ed: …

Hawkeye: -sighs- Anyways, so, since no one could keep him, I took him in.

Fuery: And I was grateful for that. Thank you Lieutenant.

Hawkeye: You're welcome.

Me: I bet Black Hayate is grateful too, right boy?

Black Hayate: Arf!

Havoc: Wait… does anyone remember that Hawkeye shot at him?

Everyone: O_O -sweatdrops-

Hawkeye: What? He needed discipline. He shouldn't have pee on the wall.

Me: Man… poor dog. And boys, you guys should take that as a sign to behave.

Mustang Unit: We do.

Me: Anyways… onto the next question.

And here are questions from ms. cheerful

Hey Ed, do you have a middle name?

Ed: No, I do not.

Me: I don't think many of the characters have middle names... except for the Armstrong family, of course.

Armstrong: Why, of course! The art of giving a middle name has been passed down the Armstrong family for generations!

Olivier: -twitch-

Me: -sighs- Major... put your shirt back on.

Why do you like cats so much, Al?

Al: Well, cats are really adorable creatures. And I've always wanted a cat since I was little! But Brother said we can't have one.

Ed: We were busy Al. We couldn't take care of any animals.

Al: But Ed...

Ed: Look, Al, now that we got your body back, you can have all the cats you want.

Al: :O Yay!

Me: I have a feeling Al will be a cat lady when he grows up.

Al: Hey look, a cat! -grabs my cat- Hello there, pretty girl!

Me: Al, put Rayas back down.

Ed: Ha. What kind of name is Rayas?

Me: Shut it, Ed. Next question:

Hey Pride? Was it hard acting like an innocent child and being like a mama's boy?

Pride: Like I told Alphonse Elric before, it was a little fun. It was entertaining as well.

Homunculi: MAMA'S BOY!

Pride: SHUT UP!

Why do you always have a cigarette in your mouth, Havoc?

Havoc: -smoking a cigarette- Because I can. Cigarettes help me relax easily. And you would need them if you're working for the Colonel.

Mustang: Those things will kill you one day.

Havoc: Oh well, I lived my life.

Me: Too bad you had a crappy love life.

Mustang: Huzzah. -high fives-

Havoc: I hate you all.

Me: Love you too, Havoc.

Who would you want to obey orders from first: Lust or Father? (Question for Gluttony)

Gluttony: Well, Lust is my best friend. And Father is my Father. Lust obeys my Father, so I obey Lust too. And by obeying Lust I obey Father.

Me: .-. Jeez, I don't even obey my own parents.

Why do you hate milk so much, Ed?

Ed: -dark aura- Milk is a disgusting and evil substance that came from the utters of an animal.

Me: Well, Ed, milk is needed to feed the young. Even us humans need milk. That's why women have breasts.

-Guys look up with eyes wide-

Havoc: Wait... what?

Me: We have breasts so we can feed babies.

Mustang: So... wait what?

Ed: You're kidding me?

Me: Basic biology boys.

Havoc: Holy shit... And I love big breasts!

Me: -shrugs- I do too, Havoc. I do too.

Every other female: -sighs in frustration-

Me: Well then... next one.

Our next question is from MissiB

O.k, here's a question for Envy: Yo, Envy, why do you insist on looking like a transgender palm tree all the time?

Envy: WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE KEEP CALLING ME A TRANSGENDER PALM TREE?!

Greed: Because you look like one?

Envy: SHUT UP!

Greed: Look at you man. You're ugly as fuck! That hairstyle and that skort doesn't help at all.

Envy: I'll snap your neck you bastard.

Al: Miss Cari, aren't you going to separate them?

Me: Nah.

Ed: HEY! Then why do we -points at Mustang- get punished if we fight?!

Me: Because I love torturing you two more. Besides, a Homunculi fight will get ratings and shit.

Ed: Fuck you .

Well then, on to the next questions! Here is one from Bluefire21

I guess I can come up with a few. If you don't mind, I would like to ask questions of someone who is rather…dead.

Dear Hughes: What's you opinion of Royai? Also what's your opinion of Parental Royed or Parental Roy/Elrics in general? And finally, do you happen to have proof of either with your infamous camera?

Me: Not to worry, Bluefire! Everyone here is alive, even if they died in the show.

Hughes: Hooray! Well, Royai... um... -whispers- what's Royai?

Me: It's the name of the romantic pairing between Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye.

Mustang: What?

Hawkeye: Huh?

Hughes: Ooooh! I'll tell you what I think of them! If it weren't for the fraternization rules, I would have made sure that Roy already popped the question to her!

Mustang: Hughes, she's just a friend.

Hughes: Don't deny it, Roy! Listen, whenever he would get drunk at the bar-

Mustang: -clamps his hand over Hughes' mouth.- Shut up!

Hughes: -muffled noises-

Mustang: EW! -pulls his hand away- He licked my hand!

Me: Spill it, Hughes.

Hughes: Well, he would go on about how pretty and amazing Lt. Hawkeye is. She is the most amazing woman he's ever met and he wouldn't ever want to lose her.

Mustang: -looks down in embarrassment-

Ed: So... Colonel Bastard has a thing for the Lieutenant?

Mustang: Shut it, Fullmetal.

Hughes: Aw, speaking of Fullmetal, parental Roy/Ed and Roy/Al is adorable! I knew Roy was the fatherly type!

Mustang: What? No!

Ed: Hell no!

Al: Uh... the Colonel does look out for us a lot though.

Mustang: I'm their commanding officer, not their father.

Hawkeye: He believes if people refer to him as their father, it makes him feel old.

Mustang: I'm not old! Besides, I'm more like their handsome older brother than anything.

Ed: Keep dreaming, old man.

Mustang: Shut. It.

Hawkeye: -sighs-

Me: Ed... Colonel, remember the deal.

Both of them: -grumbles-

Hughes: Aw, it would be nice to see them hold hands. It would make another collection to my photos. Oh that's right, I have some pictures here of this so called Royai you speak of.

Mustang: WHAT!

Hawkeye: What are you talking about?

Havoc: Show us!

Breda: Spill them, Lt. Colonel!

Ed: -snickers- Perfect.

Hughes: -looking through photos- Hm... I can't find them... perhaps in my other wallet. Oh look, here's a picture of my lovely daughter Elysia! Isn't she adorable? -shows off his pictures of his daughter-

Everyone else: Oh God!

Me: Daw, she's so cute. x3

Hughes: Isn't she? Look at her! Well, off to find the Royai pictures! -searches through his stacks of photos-

Me: Well then... while Hughes is doing that, next question

Here's one from KonohaKame01

Dear Winry, Do you have an eye for a particular short, golden eyed alchemist? If so, how many kid?

Winry: -blushes- Uh... well, um...

Al: Do you Win? -smirks mischievously-

Winry: I uh, don't really like guys who are shorter than me...

Al: But Brother got a growth spurt.

Winry: Fine... well, I do have a crush on Ed. Actually, I've been in love with him for a while now.

Hughes: Aw, so Ed and his mechanic do settle down! That is just adorable! -still looking for those Royai pictures-

Mustang: Ha, I knew it.

Al: Well, that is adorable. :] What do you think about that, Brother?

-We all look and noticed Ed is missing from his seat. A few moments later he returns-

Ed: Sorry, had to take a leak. Did I miss something?

Winry: ...

Al: ...

Hughes: Well, you screwed up. -still looking for pictures-

Ed: What I miss?

Me: -.-" Dammit Ed.

Next question. Ooh, a guest reviwer! This is from... justaguest

um ling and roy,
you two are my favorite characters and i want a request. can you two sing for me? you guys can pick any song you want :)

Mustang: I'm not singing.

Ling: Ooo, but I want to sing :D Come on, Colonel, we should sing together!

Mustang: No.

Me: Come on, Colonel. Sing for the audience!

Hughes: Come on Roy, you can do it!

Ed: Ha, he's just mad cause he has a terrible singing voice.

Mustang: Shut it, shorty.

Ed: WHO'RE YOU CALLING SHORT THAT HE ISN'T EVEN THE SAME HEIGHT AS EVERYONE WHILE SITTING DOWN?!

Mustang: You heard me.

Ed: I'm going to kill you now!

Me: THAT'S IT! Strike three! Al, Winry, Hawkeye, I need your help! Security, restrain them!

Ed: WHAT?! NO! -Al grabs him-

Al: Sorry Brother!

Me: Winry, knock him out.

Winry: Gladly (still mad about confessing but Ed was not there to hear it) -hits him hard with a wrench-

Ed: x.x

-Meanwhile Hawkeye has her gun pointed at Mustang's head-

Hawkeye: Sorry, sir. But you two had a deal and broke it.

Mustang: Betrayed by my most loyal subordinate. T.T

Me: Hand me the superglue.

Mustang: WHAT?!

-Superglues Mustang's hand onto Ed's-

Me: There we go. Now behave until the end of the segment.

Mustang: ...

-Everyone else laughs at their misery-

Ling: ... Um... what song should we sing?

Me: Mustang, if you sing, then I can take off the glue. Deal?

Mustang: ... Fine. Come on, future Emperor. What song should we sing?

Ling: ... Can we think about it?

Me: Sure.

Ling: GREAT! -squeezes in the small space between Mustang and Hawkeye- Okie doke! Now let's us decide what song to sing!

Mustang: Hm... what do we have in common?

Ling: Uh... we're awesome?

Mustang: Yes we are.

Al: You two get Ed really annoyed.

Hawkeye: You're both childish when you're happy, yet, you two put your subordinates before yourselves.

Ling: ... What's your goal, Colonel?

Mustang: I want to be the Fuhrer of Amestris.

Ling: Funny. I want to be the Emperor of Xing.

Al: So both of you guys want to be King...

...

Me: Oh God not that song!

Ling: Oh I just can't wait to be King!

Mustang: Oh I just can't wait to be King!

Both: Oh we just can't waiiiiiiiiitttttt... TO BE KING!

Me: Dammit -.-"

Well, that ends this segment. Thanks for the questions folks! Perhaps we can see you guys next time!