Byakuya's Powerthirst Episode: Re-Domination

Disclaimer: I do not own Powerthirst, Bleach, or Byakuya....sadly

A/N: so at a request, I now do the second Powerthirst 'commercial'. I think we'll travel to the world of the living with this one... Maybe get some Uryu and Urahara in it. ^.^

~*~ ~*~

It was early on a Saturday morning, and Ichigo lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. The week had been a long one; he was tired and incrasingly bored. Luckily, Rukia and Renji were supposed to be visiting. He sighed, wondering what they would do all day. He turned to face the closet...

and, unfortunately, his question was answered.

Large, pink letters were being projected onto his wall somehow. They read: Your thirst shall be quenched!

Ichigo was dumbfounded. "Wha--?"

"What are you waiting for?!" the voice cut him off.

Ichigo jumped up at the eerily familiar voice, sticking his head out the window. Standing on the sidewalk beneath his window was no other than Byakuya Kuchiki with a crazy smile on his face. Ichigo shook his head, "No... not again..."

"What if everything you ever wanted...."

"Please... not again...."

"Came in a ROCKET CAN?!" Byakuya shouted, shoving a can into the air, "PowerThirst! Rocket Edition!"

"Ah Hell! Renji I'm going to kill you!" Ichigo screamed. Byakuya flash-stepped up through Ichigo's window. "Byakuya, you need to lay off the energy drinks!" Ichigo almost begged.

"With all new flavors like Manana!" He handed a Manana can to Ichigo, "Fizzbitch!" He handed him a Fizzbitch can, "And Gun!!" He pulled the gun can and pretended to shoot the red-haired boy before him, managing to splash him with some. Byakuya noticed another can on Ichigo's desk and smashed it with a sharp kick, in between his foot and the wall. "You've had the worst, now try the thirst!" He winked, "-quencher!!"

He then bounded out the window, leaving Ichigo covered in sticky, yet slippery, Powerthirst.

~*~

Urahara, Tessai, Ururu, and Jinta sat outside Urahara's shop. Jinta was busy pretending to play baseball with his broom, while Ururu actually swept. Tessai was trying, once again, to make Urahara try some random remedies and medicines. He reached into his bag and pulled out a can he'd never seen before, labeled Rawberry. He had no idea what it was, but he still handed it to his boss, "Here, try this." Urahara popped it open and downed it in a matter of minutes. Suddenly, green drops of sweat began to fall from his forehead. "What The--?!" He asked, wiping it from his brow with his sleeve.

"Powerthirst!"

They all turned to see Byakuya smiling, a can of Manana in his hand, "Side effects include glowing sweat!"

"What?" Urahara asked. Byakuya handed Jinta and Ururu glow sticks, "Use your sweaty body to fuel sweet rave parties!"

"Byakuya, are you okay?" Urahara asked, frowning. Jinta rolled his eyes, "He's nuts..." Ururu shook her head, "That's impossible!"

"Powerthirst!" Byakuya shouted, holding his can in the air, "Anything is possible!"

Urahara burped. Byakuya spun to face him, "Bear-blasting!"

"Huh?!"

"The sport you'll invent because you'll be too energetic for normal sports. You'll feel like a fighter jet made of biceps!!!"

"You really have gone off the deep end haven't you?"

Byakuya laughed and disappeared, off to torment another poor soul.

~*~

Chad walked down the street, all alone, quiet as usual. He suddenly felt a strong spiritual pressure. Then, out of nowhere, Byakuya appeared. The Captain had a huge grin on his face, and he waved at Chad as if the boy was on display.

"What about me and my blue collar?" He asked in his best impression of the quiet boy before him. He laughed and turned to Chad, holding a can before him, "Juice Springsteen! Turn that everyman into a beveryman." Chad stared, "Beveryman?"

"Bevery stands for beverage!" Byakuya shouted, before bounding away again.

~*~

"Renji, you are the worst..." Rukia said, watching Urahara running back and forth in front of his shop, Ichigo right in toe, just as energetic from the 'shot' he took from the Gun Powerthirst. Renji laughed, "Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have released Captain Kuchiki on these poor people."

"Damn right."

"Bwah!" Renji jumped back, realizing that Yoruichi had suddenly appeared next to him. She frowned, "I guess I should try to calm Ichigo and Kisuke..."

Suddenly everything stopped.

Renji, Yoruichi, and Rukia looked around. Tessai, Jinta, and Ururu had also frozen in place.

"He's back..." Ururu murmured.

Byakuya stood on the roof of Urahara's shop. He stared down at the others with a goofy grin, "We interrupt this advertisement to--"

"BLOW YOUR MIND!" Urahara and Ichigo shouted.

Byakuya nodded, "PowerThirst now comes in Women!" He yelled, pulling a very frightened Orihime seemingly from nowhere. He planted a kiss on her cheek and through a woman-shaped bottle down to Tessai, "Now with preposterous amounts of testosterone!"

"Preposterone!" Ichigo and Urahara shouted.

"Think fast douche-fag." Byakuya shouted at Renji, "Power Thirst now comes in doves!" He tossed a few Doves at his lieutenant. Renji jumped away, just as Urahara grabbed Yoruichi in a very...obscene way.

"Get off!" She screamed.

"Hump-catting!" Byakuya screamed. He flash stepped down next to Ichigo and muttered, "Similar to bear-blasting..." Ichigo gave him a high five, and the Captain, again, disappeared.

~*~

Uryu stood by his favorite waterfall, upset that his powers hadn't returned. He looked up to the sky, "Oh Lord, why have you forsaken me?"

"CAN IT!" As if in answer, the voice sang from the heavens, "When God gives you lemons... you FIND A NEW GOD!"

"What the--?"

Byakuya jumped down from the trees, "PowerThirst…Godberry," He handed Godberry to the Quincy, "King of the juice!"

And with that, he was gone.

~*~

Isshin Kurosaki sat in his living room, playing one of his daughter's hand-held video games. He was loosing horribly, when he felt someone behind him.

"Unacceptable!" Byakuya screamed, causing Isshin to jump. "Drink PowerThirst and you'll win at everything forever!" He yelled, handing the man a Shocolate Powerthrisrt.

"Everything?" Isshin asked.

"You'll win at running! football! arson! weddings! and art! You'll even win at irony!"

Ichigo suddenly burst through the door with an "Ahhh!" just to be smacked in the face with the very same door as Isshin slammed it closed. Byakuya smiled, "Top score!"

As Isshin chugged his PowerThirst, Byakuya pulled the door back open. Yoruichi and Rukia stood before him. He smiled, "Still unconvinced? Well check out these testimonials from real PowerThirst drinkers!"

"400 babies." Isshin screamed.

"Power Thirst. It's really ahhhhhh!" screamed Urahara

"Aaahhhh!" screamed Ichigo from where he lay on the ground, his nose bleeding.

"Alright!" Byakuya shouted pulling a can out of nowhere, "PowerThirst! it's like crystal meth in a can. It's crystal meth in a can. PowerThirst is crystal meth!!!"

He stopped, turned the can to read the nutrition facts and read, "Warning, may contain Anna Kornikova."

Rukia rolled her eyes. Yoruichi scratched her head, "Who the hell is Anna Kornikova?"

A/N: hope you liked it! I may do more funny internet video spoofs… I've actually got one in mind.