A/N: one of the most fulfilling things i've ever experienced was when i checked my email and twitter mentions this morning! they were filled with lovely comments and favorites and follows, just from my first chapter! so thank you SO much for that. please please continue reading and reviewing like the amazing people you are. big S/O to my first fans and editors, Bailly (theothergrey_ on twitter) and Hayley (rizzlesblack on twitter)! they helped me make this fanfic possible.
disclaimer: don't own the OUAT characters or the song lyrics or the movie reference!
enjoy!
Chapter 2: Casually Cruel
Regina POV
Regina stared, slightly dazed, at her perfectly manicured finger tracing the rim of her wine glass. Blonde hair. Green eyes. Sway of hips. Sass.
The brunette snapped her spine straight and focused back on the essay papers in front of her. No. Why is Emma Swan in my thoughts? I absolutely cannot think about her. End this madness. Regina used the dominant rational part of mind to force the blonde out of her mind. She glanced down at her papers, furrowing her brows in frustration. No use grading them now, I'll do it tomorrow after class.
Regina slowly climbed the stairs of her large but empty house. Her choices of shoes ranged from regular heels to boots with heels. Her feet always suffered the consequence after a long day at work on her feet lecturing at the college but her high standards of dressing would not let her dress any less impeccably.
Drying off her face, wiped clean of any makeup, she studied her reflection. The scar right above her lip would always remind her that doing the right thing did not necessarily guarantee a good outcome for oneself. But besides that small mar, there were no blemishes and few wrinkles. Although most would consider it a blessing for her age of 33, she believed it to be a curse, like a glaring sign that screamed at people who looked at her that she had experienced little joy in her years of life. The lack of smile lines and crow's feet around her eyes were a huge giveaway in her opinion. But that wasn't the only curse she felt burdening her soul. Those battle scars that she felt within weren't ever going away, ever going to change.
The brunette felt herself slipping into her dark place once again. She felt her heart twisting, shriveling, and dying a bit more every day as her nightly routine and the choking silence around her forced her to harshly self-evaluate and criticize. Unwanted tears stung her eyes and threatened to slip down her cheeks but Regina tightened her self-control. She would not throw herself a pity party. She would not cry. She absolutely would not and could not cry.
Standing there for a few minutes, she forced her body to unstiffen. The brunette started to undress, feeling the warm sweater dress slip off her body and cold air hit her bare skin.
Quickly slipping on one of her favorite silky dark blue pajamas, she settled in the middle of king-sized bed that was specialized to suit her body, featured 1000-thread count neutral-colored bed sheets, and displayed an assortment of neutral-colored pillows. Moving deeper into the bed, snuggling under the sheets, the brunette released a sigh of exhaustion and fell asleep within minutes.
swanqueenswanqueenswanqueenswanqueenswanqueenswanqueen
Regina pressed play on the dvd player, showing the class a short satirical Shakespeare movie. With her latte in one hand, the brunette sat down in one of the empty student seats secluded in the corner.
The double doors located at the side of the classroom opened, and there entered Emma Swan, late.
Typical. Regina rolled her eyes. She turned her attention back to the screen. Soft footsteps came closer and closer until Regina turned her head, only to find that Emma had sat down in the seat besides her, when she could have chosen from over a hundred other seats. Not good.
As the movie went on, Regina could only seem to focus on Emma's warm presence which was drawing her closer, like a moth to a flame. She turned her head slightly, to watch Emma chuckle at the screen along with the other students. Her laughter seemed so contagious and Regina couldn't help but break into a smile. Too much staring would get the brunette caught so she turned back to the screen.
Emma lifted her arm to the armrest, which was just inches from where Regina was resting the hand holding her latte. Regina did not fail to notice this.
Then suddenly, there was a feather-light brush across Regina's wrist that was currently gripping her Starbucks cup very hard. If the brunette's nerves weren't already sensitized and strung out on alert, she probably wouldn't have caught the touch.
There it was again, the brush. Regina turned her head, glancing in the direction of her other students, who were laughing too hard to notice her and Emma. Then she directed her gaze to the blonde who was still looking at the screen, but this time with a very concentrated look.
Emma shifted her gaze to the brunette and eyes locked. The blonde's index finger rested on Regina's wrist cause the brunette to slightly tremble. She could feel her fragile strength crumbling under that touch.
Regina saw Emma's breath hitch as she felt her head move slightly closer. Emma did the same until there was just a breath between them.
Both were hesitant to initiate the kiss but as Regina vaguely thought how soft Emma's lips would be, a sharp noise pierced through her sense.
The brunette's eyes suddenly opened and she stared at her ceiling, her alarm still blaring and her lips tingling from that almost-kiss.
Emma POV
Emma woke up with a start, sitting up straight in her small dorm bed. Her slightly frizzy, unruly blonde hair was highlighted by the rays of sunlight through the window. Time to get ready and go to B141, Swan. Butterflies tickled her stomach as she thought about Regina.
Last night was pretty unsettling. After coming home from her night job, Emma found herself pondering about that day's event and her interactions with Regina. It was unusually bizarre that the blonde felt herself doubting her actions. The things she's done during her younger years had been done without regret or inhibition. She might as well had "no ragrets" tattooed on her chest. She smiled at her own We're The Millers joke.
But as Emma tried to refocus on the work in front of her, she only succeeded in falling back into her thoughts. How could she have let that comment slip out? Had Regina been flirting with her when she had told Emma to work on her timing?
Mixed signals lead to mixed feelings. Why had I made my flirting so obvious with her? Why did I walk away like that, all sassy and shit? If she hadn't been flirting with me then she might think I'm a perverted student crushing on her on the first day of class? Oh god.
Emma shook her head at her thoughts last night and tried to calm the butterflies with several deep breathes. It didn't work.
Checking the time on her phone, she found herself with a few minute left before class started. The blonde made no move to walk at a faster pace but just smiled instead. Whoops, I guess I'm going to be late, Ms. Mills.
swanqueenswanqueenswanqueenswanqueenswanqueenswanqueen
Emma pushed the doors open, making a point to be a bit noisy so Regina would notice that she had come in five minutes after class had officially started. Her teacher did not even glance over at the blonde and continued explaining the instructions of a partner project.
Killian gave the blonde a once over and grinned at her. "Hey Swan, late again I see. You're my partner for this project."
"Yeah I overslept," Emma lied, knowing all too well why she was late. "Of course you're gonna be my partner. We're gonna rock this project."
The blonde sat through the class period, doodling pictures of crowns and hearts and swans and other seemingly random pictures on her notebook, waiting patiently until Ms. Mills called upon her to receive her punishment.
Regina POV
The class had ended five minutes ago and Emma Swan was still sitting in her seat, head down and brows wrinkled in concentration as she scribbled something in her notebook.
Regina sat at her desk, staring blankly at her work, unable to concentration again. She had tried not to flinch when she heard the doors open early today to reveal Emma, dressed in basically the same version of what she had worn the day before. That dream was too real. And too dangerous. The brunette could still feel that touch on her wrist and her lips felt sensitized. As she lectured the group, the brunette was constantly warring internally: to "punish" Emma or to go back on her word and not make Emma stay after class.
She licked her lips and glanced up to Emma who was still writing something in her notebook. What could she have been possibly writing this whole time? Regina really wanted to know but for some reason, she heard her mind whisper, "curiosity killed the cat."
The brunette took a deep breath. Pain was the only thing Regina knew and in its own way, pain was the only thing Regina could and knew how to handle. She had decided what to do.
Emma POV
The last time Emma checked, the brunette was standing behind her desk, cleaning up some papers, looking spectacular as usual with a form-fitting red dress covered by a black blazer. After tucking her paperwork into her briefcase, Regina walked over to where Emma was sitting.
"Miss Swan." Regina's melodic rasp broke Emma's concentration on perfecting her swan drawing. She looked up, the butterflies returning as she saw that Regina was now focused on her, and only her.
As the brunette grabbed the chair on the other side of the blonde, Regina's arm accidentally brushed Emma's back, causing the blonde to immediately feel a delicious shiver run up her back. Regina sat down, perfect posture and all, an appropriate length away from Emma yet close enough to be able to reach out and touch the blonde. As the brunette started talking, Emma stared, mesmerized by Regina's blood red lips.
"... It's the second day of class and you've already been late both days, Miss Swan. You have a responsibility to this class and to your education. Neither do I know what is going on in your personal life, nor do want to know what is causing you to be tardy. However, what I can gather is that you have been very irresponsible with my class and disrespectful to your classmates, not to mention rude, audacious, and inappropriate in what I perceive as you flirting with me."
Emma's heart dropped with every horrible adjective and hurtful word that came out of the brunette's beautiful mouth. Her breathing stopped in the middle of her chest and she felt as if she would literally explode, or barf, or both.
Regina continued. "I do not believe you staying after class for an hour with me, every day, if this continues to happen, will be beneficial for anyone.
For this reason, I'd like to ask you to transfer out of my class."
Regina POV
Regina tried to keep a calm poker face, as she watched Emma digest what she had just said. Did I really just say that?
Emma's jaw tightened, doing amazing things to her already amazing jawline, but as Regina noticed this, she took a more detailed notice of how Emma was trying to fight back tears behind her green eyes. Her cheeks started to pinken. Oh no, don't cry. Please don't cry.
The brunette started reaching for the blonde's arm, as if it was the most natural thing to do. "Miss Swan…" Regina heard herself say it, before she realized how sympathetic and apologetic and pitying and pathetic she sounded.
"Save it Ms. Mills." Emma shrugged away from Regina's hand, quickly stuffing her things into her backpack. She took long strides towards the exit, leaving Regina far behind.
Regina felt herself about to go chasing after Emma, wanting to profusely apologize and stop her from feeling the pain but Emma turned around at the door.
"I thought you were different." The blonde's chin trembled and she stood there, green eyes locked on Regina's for a second, before leaving.
Her words felt like a blow to Regina's body and conscience. She wanted to double over, heave, and hyperventilate all at the same time, feeling that dreaded yet familiar sense in the pit of her stomach. But she didn't. She did not allow herself that small relief from the pain. She wanted to feel that sharp raw feeling. She needed to.
That feeling that ran through her veins, that she felt in her every cell, every molecule of her being, reminded her of who she really was. A monster.
