"I can't believe I didn't win ANYTHING!" Perry said as he, Pinky and Devon left the main room. "I ALWAYS win something! I won 'Most Improved' when I was Ned's age, 'Best Fighter' when I was two, and I have always won 'Most Reserved' since the age of three. Not to mention 'Most Successful'. WHY didn't I win SOMETHING?"

"You don't need to win something to know you're great." Pinky said.

"Yeah, but it's nice to win." Perry grumbled. "Apparently all those agents that won are better than great. I used to be one of them."

"You still are!" Devon assured him. "You're a really great agent!"

Perry sighed.

They came to the agency's kitchen. Perry stuck a bagel in the toaster.

"Oh, hello!" Manfred said, entering through the other door. "Perry and Pinky and Devon!"

"Oh my." Perry added under his breath.

"Hello, Manfred." Devon said.

"I'm so happy for you two!" Manfred said. "Winning those awards."

"Thanks." Pinky and Devon said in unison.

"I'm toasting myself a bagel." Perry announced to no one in particular.

"I must admit, I was shocked to win an award myself." Manfred said. "It was a really nice surprise."

"What did you win?" Perry asked, in spite of himself. "The Perfect Award?"

Pinky nudged him in the side, but Manfred laughed. "Oh, he's funny! Weren't you at the ceremony?"

"Yeah." Perry took his bagel out of the toaster and smeared some cream cheese on it.

"Well, then you probably already know that I won 'Best Plot Foiling'."

Perry's expression darkened. He had won that award annually since his first year at the agency.

"It's really hard to get that one." Manfred added. "Your villain has to nominate you, and then-"

"I know, Freeny." Perry interrupted. "I've won it every year."

"Oh." Manfred said. He seemed to understand the situation, and gave Perry a look of pity.

It only made Perry angrier. He turned away from Manfred and bit into his bagel.

"I'm sure you'll win something next year." Manfred assured him.

Monogram came into the kitchen. "Hello, agents."

The agents all saluted him.

Monogram gave Perry a disapproving look. "Agent P, why aren't you using the low-fat cream cheese?"

Perry took an extra-large bite from his bagel.

Monogram shook his head. "We've talked about this. You're getting a little too plump. I don't want you to have weight problems."

Perry sulked.

"Enough with the attitude." Monogram said. "You've been very cranky lately. You need to snap out of it. Hello, Agent M! I expect you're back from helping Carl file papers?"

Manfred nodded.

"Wonderful. Listen, I need your help with something. Would you mind coming with me for a few minutes?"

Manfred followed Monogram out of the kitchen.

"Hey Perry, you're fat." Perry mimicked. "Manfred, you're awesome at filing papers. Now come and do important stuff that Perry's too fat to help with."

"He didn't say you were fat." Pinky said. "He just said you were getting a little plump."

"I like that word." Devon said. "Plump. Plump. Plump. Plump."

Perry glared at him, and he fell silent.

"I'm sorry you didn't win anything." Pinky said.

"It's not just that." Perry sighed.

"What else is bugging you?"

Perry didn't respond. Truthfully, he was a little envious of Manfred's growing relationship with Monogram. Perry knew he didn't always do things Monogram liked, but at least he knew he was Monogram's favorite.

But was the favorite Manfred now?


"Perry's home!" Phineas said happily when Perry came in through the pet flap.

"I hate everything." Perry growled.

"Hello to you, too!" Ferb said.

"Aww, what's wrong?" Phineas picked him up and cuddled him.

"Nothing." Perry mumbled. "I'm just not the best anymore."

"What? Of course you're the best!" Phineas exclaimed. "You're the best pet in the whole world!"

"And apparently I'm fat."

"You are a little chubby." Ferb said.

Phineas kicked him.

"I'm kidding!" Ferb insisted.

"Maybe he was just testing to see if you were alive." Perry said.

"You are not fat." Phineas said. "You're perfect."

Perry snorted.

"I'm serious." Phineas said. "You just had a hard day, that's all."

"Doofenshmirtz forgot to nominate me for 'Best Plot Foiling'." Perry explained. "He claimed that the mailman went on strike and he didn't get the application until it was too late."

"The mailman DID go on strike last week." Phineas said. "We missed Great Aunt Lydia's funeral because we didn't even know she died until yesterday."

"Who IS Great Aunt Lydia, anyway?" Ferb asked.

"I have no idea." Phineas said. "Wasn't mom related to her?"

"I thought she was related to father."

Phineas took a letter from the kitchen table and looked at it. "OOOOHHH. This was supposed to go to our NEIGHBOR'S house. Hope they weren't too close to their Great Aunt Lydia, 'cause now they're REALLY late to her funeral."

"That's not cheering me up." Perry said.

"I'm sure she was a cranky old bat and they don't care about missing it." Ferb said. "Does that make you feel better?"

Perry smiled. "Sorta."

Phineas gave him a hug. "You're the best pet in the world. No matter what anyone else says."

"Shh." Ferb said. "Bubbles might be listening."

"For your information, our goldfish is named Blubbles!"

"Bubbles!"

"Blubbles!"

"BUBBLES!"

"BLUBBLES!"

Perry had heard this argument enough times to know that it didn't really have an end. He squirmed out of Phineas's grasp and jumped down.

The boys were completely oblivious to him leaving as they continued to shout at each other.

"BOYS! KEEP IT DOWN!" Linda called from upstairs. "I'M TRYING TO WATCH A DOCUMENTARY ON LINT!"


Perry and Otis the owl kept fighting, despite Pinky's pleas for them to separate.

"Otis! Cut it out!" Pinky shouted. "Perry! He didn't even DO anything to you!"

"Jerk!" Perry shouted.
"Meanie!" Otis responded.

"Oh dear." Manfred said, watching them. "I'll go get Monogram."

All of the other agents seemed interested in the fight, save for Ned the narwhal, who was busy looking at a dandelion and hadn't actually noticed the huge event going on a foot away from him.

"Get him, Perry!" Shouted a fox.

"GO OTIS!" Yelled a cow.

"SAVE THE PANDAS!" Screamed Peter, waving his favorite panda bumper sticker with teal fluff on the sticky side.

"CUT! IT! OUT!"

Perry and Otis froze. Otis was still gripping Perry by the neck, and Perry was still holding onto Otis's head.

"Let go of each other." Monogram growled. "I am very disappointed in BOTH of you."

Perry narrowed his eyes. Manfred was standing by Monogram's side, looking a little uncomfortable.

Perry slowly released Otis. Otis loosened his grip and allowed Perry to slide out.

"Did I missilie sometins?" Asked baby Ned, who had only just looked up from his dandelion.

"Agent P, this is the seventh fight you've gotten into this year." Monogram said.

"It's his fault!" Perry pointed at Otis.

"You were the one who punched me!" Otis snapped.

"You DESERVED it!"

"BOTH of you. Stop." Monogram handed Otis a handkerchief. "Cheese and crackers, Agent P, you made him bleed."

Perry pointed at his own arm, which was a little cut.

"I'll meet you in your lair to deal with you." Monogram said. "Agent O, come with me. We'll get you cleaned up."

Perry hesitated.

"NOW, Agent P."

Perry sighed and stood up. He shamefully walked toward the door, growling at Manfred as he passed by.

"What's gotten into you?" Monogram demanded.

Perry didn't look at him.


"Agent P, I don't understand the way you've been behaving lately." Monogram said. "I feel like we need to have a talk."

"Of course, you'll do most of the talking." Perry muttered. "Since you can't understand a word I'm saying."

"Now, Perry. What's bothering you?"

"Manfred's annoying and I hate him. Otis is a big jerkface. I wish you would wear a polka-dot outfit sometimes."

"Can you write down what's bothering you? Or draw a picture? Why did you fight with Otis?"

Perry sighed. He pulled out a pen and drew a picture. He handed it to Monogram.

"Hm… it looks like… Otis is standing with some other agents… you're walking by… Otis is pointing at something, I can't tell what it is…"

"It isn't anything." Perry grumbled. "He's not pointing at anything."

"Agent P, I don't understand. Please tell me what's bothering you."

Perry scowled at the floor.

"Do I need to send you to the agency psychiatrist?"

Perry glared at him.

"Well, whatever the problem is, you need to realize it and figure out how to fix it. I can't have you beating up all the agents. And you really need to lose that bad attitude. You've been very disrespectful these past few days."
Perry's eyes started to water. He turned his back so Monogram couldn't see.

"May I make a suggestion?" Monogram said, in a kinder tone of voice. "Maybe you can try hanging around the O.W.C.A orchestra any time you feel anger. I know music always used to soothe you when you were a baby."

"He remembers. How sweet." Perry spat.

"And maybe I can take you to my house for dinner this weekend. We can talk things out more then, okay?"

Perry nodded slowly. He wondered if Monogram ever took Manfred home with him.

"Good." Monogram held out his hand, and Perry grasped onto his finger. Monogram led him down the hall and into a small theater.

A penguin in a fedora and tuxedo was conducting a small group of animals on instruments. It kind of sounded like 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' mixed with the Flea Waltz.

The penguin turned and looked at them.

"Perry just needs something to listen to to calm him down." Monogram explained. "I hope it's not too much of a bother, Paulo."

The penguin shrugged and continued conducting his noise.

"Leave when you feel like you want to." Monogram said. Perry stood up.

"Stay at least fifteen minutes." Monogram corrected himself.