00:02

I look ahead to see Len surrounded by a group consisting of his friends, and fans.

Two girls desperately clutches at Len's arms, him not bothering to shake them off.

And there he is, Kagamine Len, in all his glory, parading down the hallway flanked by girls, friends, and admirers.

Following them, I quickly scurry inside my classroom, taking my seat in the corner of the room. I take out my phone and a pair of earphones, plug them in, and then turn on an alternative station. I settle my head in my arms and I look out the window.

"I should go to the roof for lunch today, no one should be up there."

When the sensei comes in and begins the lecture, I slowly daze off, my head floating off into the depths of the clouds.

The Roof

I am perched on the railing of the roof, only the wire fencing in front protecting me from falling.

But there was still that little crevice, that space where if I slipped from my spot, I'd fall down fast.

Like the space between the platform and the actual steps to the train.

The place where the conductor goes out of his way to say

Watch your step.

I sometimes pondered the idea of life after death. If suffering would really disappear if one were to end their life.

If happiness could spring at the end.

And a new beginning would start.

Sometimes I wondered if my deeds were great enough to go to heaven, and roam with the angels above.

Or if there was some limbo area where people like me- those who did both good and bad- would go.

Or if they wouldn't allow any person with any speck of badness in their hearts enter the gates of Heaven.

What if someone didn't watch their step?

What if someone, without being able to rectify all the bad they've done with good, fell in that instant?

I carefully observe my arms, limbs, and fingers.

I see the scars of relentless scratching of pain, struggling for ease, some kind of high that could release me from the horrible, horrible suffering that I felt.

Would even going to hell make this life, this screwed up life, any better?

I breathe.

Slowly I begins to inch my bottom forward, one centimeter at a time.

I release her feet from the diamond shaped holes in the fencing.

Shuffle

Shuffle

Shuffle

Relea-

"Ne ne, Len, this looks like a nice place to play, hmm?" A seductive voice purrs, knocking Rin out of her movements. I turn, before hopping off the rail, my legs buckling slightly as the weight of my torso carried through. The tremor of pressure made its way to my thighs, and the sting of blood rush came.

I scamper past the couple sitting on the bench, my eyes narrowly missing the blonde haired twin of mine currently tugging on a girl's hair, whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

As I turn and close the door behind me, my eyes meet familiar blue ones.

Looking away, I run down the stairs as fast as I can, ignoring the burning sensation of a cut opening building up in my legs.

"Mama! Mama!"

Her mother turned and beamed at her little girl.

"Rin! How was school today? Sakura-sensei told me your class drew today! What did you draw?"

I hurriedly rummaged through my school backpack, eager to show her the drawing of me, Len, Mommy, and Daddy.

"Look Momma look!"

She looked at it in surprise, then evidence of happiness was clearly projected on her face.

"Wahh RIn, you're very talented! Is that a picture of you and Len with Mom and Dad?"

I nodded quickly and repeatedly, my head bobbing up and down.

"Well, I know who's amazing picture is going on the refrigerator today!"

"Yay! Yay!"

I woke up in the middle of the night, suddenly thirsty. I climbed down the stairs to go to Mommy's room so she could get me water. I was too short to get it myself.

I approached her room and I heard muffled noises. A weird springy sound came out of the room, like the sound me and Len make when we jump on the bed.

Thump

Thump

I suddenly heard silence, so I assumed that Mommy and Daddy decided to go to sleep. Usually Mommy was awake so she could get me water, but I guess not this night.

I sit up, my breathing hitched and coming out in short gasps.

Every night.

Every single fucking night.

This dream, no nightmare, is slowly driving me insane, forcing me into a corner where I can't drive myself out. Where no matter how hard I pinch myself, I won't wake up.

I can't ever wake up from this nightmare, even if I wake up before the dream ends, I know what happens next. I can't wake up, because I am living this nightmare.

Every day, every moment I do, speak, think, or breathe, is another moment where I am constantly reminded of the fact that i should be feeling the pain for what I did.

My fingers itch for skin, my legs begging for pain.

I scratch.

What I did.

Scratch

What I didn't do.

Scratch

I never tried to stop.

Scratch

All my fucking fault.

Drip.

Guess I'm going to hell after all.

HELLLOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah… I guess it must be strange to have such a happy go lucky greeting after reading a decently morbid story…hahaha…

So i tried to make it longer, but I kinda like how this chapter ends, so I'll leave this chapter at that.

Sowwy for the like boringness and bare minimal of Len and Rin interaction.

Senpai don't hate me!