A/N: Hi guys!

It took a little longer than I would have liked to finish translating this, and I'm sorry. This chapter is a little shorter than the last one, but still I hope you'll enjoy it.

I had a very clear idea of what I wanted to happen, or so I thought, but while I was writing it, it took on a life of its own! However, the main idea hasn't changed (Felicity writing in her diary).

It is written mixing the past and present tenses, but I hope it isn't too confusing. But just in case, I will tell you that what is written in present tense is what Felicity is writing in her diary.

This was originally written before 2x13 (Heir to the Demon), and hence before Felicity talked about her mother. It's just a comment so you won't find the mention about her childhood odd.

As always, I have to mention my beta luvtheheaven, because she's done awesome work.

I hope you like it, even if it is only a little bit.

And don't forget, when you're bored, take some paper and your favorite pen and enjoy writing!


Title: Silence

Characters: Felicity

Rated: K+

Spoilers: Not really. Some little stuff could be mentioned, but nothing important.

"No one will listen and understand you as well as a pen and paper" ~ Unknown


Chapter 2. Silence

Felicity wrapped herself in her coat when she left the Verdant basement and a wave of cool night air hit her. It had been raining most of the day, but luckily for her, it had already stopped. She went to her car, dodging the biggest puddles, flopped into the driver's seat and sighed. It'd been a long day in which she'd had to fight constantly to keep her emotions well-hidden behind her smile. It had been really exhausting.

So when Felicity got home, she dropped her purse and coat on the couch and she went straight to the shower. The hot water on her skin made her feel better instantly, as if some of her concerns had gone down the drain. She remained in the shower until she felt her fingertips begin to wrinkle. She turned off the water, wrung out her hair, took a couple of deep breaths, wrapped herself in a bathrobe, and put on her glasses. She walked barefoot to the kitchen then grabbed a spoon and her favorite ice cream and set them on the nightstand beside the bed. She put on pajamas, and with her hair still wet got into bed, sitting with her back against the headboard. She took the ice cream container and ate a few spoonfuls, savoring it slowly, enjoying its taste.

"Nothing like some ice cream on a bad day," she told herself aloud.

When she was satisfied, she set the container back on the nightstand and took out a small notebook and pen from the drawer. It was the diary her mother gave her when she was seven years old and that she had never used for fear that someone would read it. She laughed as she realized how ironic it was that as a child, she'd refused to use it, worried about what her mother would say if she ever had found and read it, but now, fifteen years later, she had begun to write in it, knowing that if it ever fell into wrong hands, Oliver, John and she would be in serious trouble.

She reread the first pages, those which she had written over a year ago, stopping at some of the phrases that for one or another reason brought significant memories to her:

'There is no doubt. Oliver Queen is the Hood. And I have now agreed to help him!? I must be going crazy.'

'How can he expect me to work if he walks around shirtless all the time? Does he not realize that I can't stop staring at him?!' Felicity chuckled when she read that. She still had some trouble staying focused when he was sparring with Diggle, or when he approached her shirtless, but now she managed to hide it pretty well, and sometimes she even thought Oliver did it intentionally.

She continued reading until she reached her first mission with Oliver and John: 'I had a bomb on my neck! A BOMB! I haven't been so scared in my entire life... I won't go with them again, even if they beg me!'

"Nope, now I'm the one who asks Oliver to let me go with him," she thought aloud, realizing how much her thinking had changed.

'When he looked into my eyes, asking if I was okay... I swear it was fear that I could see in his eyes, but… could it have really been fear? Does he really care about me that much?

Felicity continued leafing through the diary, remembering more little moments.

"If you ever need to tell someone about your day… You can tell me." She couldn't help heave a long sigh when she read it.

Felicity would never forget the night that Oliver told her that... She perfectly remembered the way he'd looked at her, the feel of his hand on her shoulder, the warmth of his voice... He'd really wanted to let her know that he was there if she needed, although she already knew that. But Felicity just couldn't do that. Not to him.

She knew that if she talked to him about her problems, fears, or frustrations, he would be able to find a way to blame himself, and he had enough burdens on his shoulders - she couldn't add any more.

Besides, how she could talk to Oliver about her concerns, if all of them, in one way or another, were related to him? When it wasn't Isabel's malicious and venom-filled comment, it was the fear of him getting hurt on a mission, or the frustration and guilt when she felt that she was who had failed. She couldn't talk about all that with him, so Felicity kept silent over and over again.

Tonight wasn't an exception. That's why she had gone to her diary. It was her way to let off steam without having to involve anyone else. She had been doing it for over a year and so far it had worked quite well.

She wrote the date in one corner and a sad face beside it. She liked to do so because that way, she could know if it had been a good or bad day just by looking at the drawing. She closed her eyes and thought for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts before starting to write:

'There are good days, bad days and worse days... Today has been one of those last type. There have been so many awful things at once… Moments where I thought I wasn't going to be able to handle it anymore, I felt I was going to break at any time… There've been so many things that I don't even know where to start.'

"From the beginning sweetheart, always from the beginning," she remembered that her mother used to say when after a bad day at school Felicity wanted to let off steam and she babbled.

"From the beginning, of course..."

'It is clear that today I'd gotten up on the wrong side of the bed, because nothing would go my way…

The alarm clock ran out of batteries, the heater broke down when I was showering and I burned the pancakes... And all this before leaving home!

And then, when I arrived at the office, the floor was wet, and I was in a hurry because I was late, and so of course I slipped and I hit the floor so hard that it still hurts. I'm sure I will have a huge bruise tomorrow... But worst of all is that when I'd gotten up and looked to see if anyone had seen me... Why did it have to be her? I'm sure Isabel will take advantage of this. That shrew...

At least the rest of the day at work was pretty peaceful… Ignoring the fact that Isabel "slipped" and spilled coffee on my desk, destroying half of the papers on it... I don't even understand how Oliver can put up with her. I really don't know how he was able to sleep with her...'

"Felicity, don't go there... Not again," she chided herself as she crossed out the last sentence.

She ate a couple more spoonfuls of ice cream and continued writing:

'Later in the lair, it seemed that I was going to finally get something good, because Oliver's been training on the salmon ladder, and well, I love when he does that... But it didn't last long, because the computer had started beeping. In a moment, Oliver and John were beside me, asking what was wrong.

It was the alarm of a chemical laboratory, and when I checked (because "hacked" sounds really bad, doesn't it?) some cameras surrounding the area, we could see that a van had driven right into the place, so they headed over there in a hurry.

It hadn't seemed like it'd be a complicated mission, but I couldn't help but ask them to be careful... I had a bad feeling, as if something was going to go wrong. Oliver told me not to worry, that they wouldn't take long. And I... I tried to believe him. But as soon as they'd closed the door, I felt a knot in my stomach.

I started to work immediately, searching for information about what products were in the lab, the building plans... I'd even gotten images from security cameras to find out how many people were inside. Just two. One next to the front door and another in the east corridor. At least that's what I thought and what I'd said to Oliver.

When Oliver told us that he'd already knocked out both of them I felt much calmer. It seemed that my fear had been unfounded. But no. Suddenly I couldn't find Oliver! He'd ended up in some sector that I couldn't access. I wanted to let him know what was happening but it was too late. I heard arrows, screams, blows, gunshots and grunts of pain. Suddenly, an explosion... and then nothing. NOTHING!

I'd seen that John had entered the room where Oliver was, running, while I was trying to figure out what had happened, but I couldn't, and I felt SO helpless... And I didn't know if Oliver was injured or worse. Other times John is with me and he helps me calm down, but today I was alone. And I was scared to death.

I haven't been so scared during a mission for a long time. I was terrified. So when I'd finally heard John saying 'I have him Felicity. He's only slightly bruised,' I could breathe again although I was still scared. I needed to see him with my own eyes. When they finally appeared in the security camera images... I had to force myself not to cry. Oliver was leaning on John, but he looked OK.

Nevertheless, until they had returned to the lair, I hadn't been truly calm. John was right. Oliver just was a little pale and bit dazed by the explosion, but nothing more. He explained to us that a bullet had hit one of the tanks and that's what had exploded.

We managed to convince him that it was best to go home to rest, and that tonight he couldn't do anything else. He barely argued, and that's what worries me most, because I'm sure that means he felt dizzier than he'd told us.

When I had first joined them, I realized that Oliver had been convinced that he could deal with everything on his own, that he didn't need anyone, and that he had to be the strong one. He really believed that he couldn't depend on anyone. But not only that. I soon realized that Oliver was a complicated man who was trying to hide his past, was pretending in his present and didn't think about his future. Because Oliver lived day to day, minute by minute. Consequences of his years on the island, I guess...

But I think that John and I are slowly changing that. He's able to be himself with us, he allows us to see when he's sad, worried, or even hurt (and not always physically). Maybe he doesn't tell us directly, but he lets us see through him. He doesn't put on a mask when he's with us nor does he tell absurd lies to hide his real feelings. Not anymore.

With us, he isn't Ollie, the pre-island-stupid-rich-boy, nor is Mr. Queen, Queen Consolidated CEO... He's just Oliver. The man who's burdened with cares, a tragic past, and demons that scare him more than he can express in words. The man who wants to save the city, who cares about his family and friends, who wants to be a better person. The man who sometimes gets on my nerves, who doesn't laugh when I babble, who makes me shiver with just a glance...

He's the man I love even though I don't want to, because I know he's not for me, and I know he'll never see me that way.

So even though he said I could tell him... I can't do it. How am I going to talk to him about all this? I can't tell him that Isabel is trying to make my life miserable, or the rumors that everyone in Queen Consolidated are spreading behind my back about how I came to be his assistant... I can't tell him about how scared I am whenever he wears his Arrow suit, or that I can't stand the idea that something could happen to him. I can't talk to him about how frustrating it is that no one can know that we are really good friends, and why I spend so many hours with him if I'm just his Executive Assistant.'

"Of course I can't tell him about any of that... So I don't know what I would do without you," she muttered, staring at the diary. "I think at this point I probably would have gone crazy."

Felicity looked at her watch and sighed. It was getting late and the next day was going to be a busy workday. She put the diary in the drawer and took off her glasses. She knew the next morning she was going to regret not having put the ice cream back in the freezer, but at that moment she didn't want to leave the bed. She turned off the light and closed her eyes. Hopefully, this would be her worst day in a long time. Besides, not everything had been bad... 'It had been a while since Oliver had used the salmon ladder', she thought with a smile.


Thanks you for reading! And please don't forget to leave me reviews so I'll know what you think. Thank you very much!

I have some ideas for the next chapters, but if there is any famous quote or proverb about you would like to read, just let me know. Suggestions are welcome! ;-)

Until the next "chapter", have a great time!