A/N: This is a parody so don't take it seriously. It will probably have some stupid shit that won't make sense, but whatever. This will be my summer fanfiction and I will update it each week for the summer that will have at least 1000-1500 words. That's my goal.

Summary (change): Now that Jane with Dragon has ventured to the new kingdom. We'll need to have a new protagonist and that's where the possessed mercenary enters the "show". Will she blend in, in the castle and will she make friends or enemies? Read and find out!


Chapter 2: Mercenary, you have arrived

With the leaving of Jane and Dragon the whole castle was quiet, too quiet. Usually it was Dragon that caused great commotion inside the castle, whether being him breaking down the stone wall (Gunther was glad that Dragon had gone since he was the one that had to fix them) or the loud farts that Dragon farted to stink the whole place up. Everyone missed his crazy shenanigans and especially his farts because if you smell them enough they will smell like chocolate macaroons. But that didn't matter since they don't know what chocolate macaroons are in the first place.

Everyday everyone went through their day as normal. Pepper cooks each hour of the day to night without stopping. Rake, the gardener, will plant and water his vegetables in his garden and then secretly he will stare at Pepper's boobs until he feels something harden inside of his underwear … if he is wearing underwear that day because he usually dirties them daily. Smithy will get his daily workout by sharpening the tools that Sir Ivan always gives him. Although he wonders why the knight will stare at him and then lick his lips and run away. But Smithy didn't care because he is an egotistic asshole. And Jester. Now Jester sometimes will need to hide inside the library so he can work in his erotic stories about little boys and bunnies. It is his secret passion.

Only Gunther is the only one that still cares about Jane. Sometimes when he is practicing with the dummy, he would imagine he was sparing with Jane and imagine her red, fiery hair sway with the wind or the way she would move with her sword that almost seem if she were dancing with Gunther. He misses her dearly. Although he was glad that giant reptile left the castle, he wished that Jane wouldn't have left him by himself for he needs her dearly. She was the only one that understood the misunderstood squire. And now he's alone. Gunther sighs, walks away from the dummy and heads for the stables. He sets the hay on fire so the smell will remind him of Jane's hair. He leaves before Smithy comes with a machete to try and kill him.

The everyday lives of the people inside of Castle Kippernia are getting too tedious, too wearisome even for the royal family. They need new action, new drama, and even felt as if something is missing from their lives. Jane and her reptile were not it since mostly everyone was glad they left (rumor has it that the day the squire left the castle did a secret party at her departure). King Caradoc every day will have new tantrums about the stupidest things like how he doesn't man-boobs and that even his son, Prince Cuthbert, has bigger boobs than him and declare that Sir Ivan will need to wipe his stinky ass for no reason. Sir Ivan is mostly sad because he wanted to wipe the ass of the strong, handsome smith, not the whiny and hairy king. So for the rest of the week the Scottish knight will bring his toilet paper made out of rock and scratch the king's ass that will make him bleed until morning. He loves the color red since it reminds him of his pubic hair.

Now, in a distant road that leads to the castle. There's a girl walking with her black stallion. Although in appearance she looks like any ordinary girl, she is no ordinary girl. She has the skills of a hundred dead soldiers and the agility of a deadly cheetah in a hunt. But mostly she has the mouth of a sailor, though half of what she says she doesn't even understands herself. Some people in her old town thought she is possessed with a demon and kicked her out of the town; even her own parents disown her and turn their backs on her. With nowhere to go she grabbed her rucksack and a little money she had saved and with her horse left her old town to venture new lands that maybe one day she could call her home.

Being in the road isn't what she thought it would be. During the day-time they are bandits that try to rape her and in the night-time there are fruity male prostitutes that try to win her charm and her money. But in the end she is always the winner is such situations. She passed through many towns, but none where she could call home. In one particular town she went to the plaza to buy some fruit for her and her four-legged friend. Everything was going perfectly normal. The people were merrily walking and buying in the streets, the venders were shouting their items and sales, and even the smart were haggling with the dumb merchants. She walked into one stand that were selling a bag of mixed fruit for ten coins and thought it was a reasonable buy and so decided to purchase it. But that's when the shit started.

"Twenty coins, m'lady." The middle-aged man said to the girl with the horse beside her. He thought he could outsmart the stupid peasant.

"Excuse me? Oh hell no, you fcking mothertrucker! I'm tired of you and your sleazy ass bitch ass!" The girl quickly covers her mouth in shame. Where did these strange words come from? Maybe she really is possessed by a demon just like her old town thought she was.

No, not again! She thought. This happen to me before and I was exiled from my own town and now here? What is wrong with me? I do not understand this madness! Perhaps I need help by a priest; surely he will help me and exorcise this demon I have inside of me.

She quickly tried to open her mouth to apologize for the strange behavior, but it was too late. Everyone within hearing range stopped what they were doing and looked at the poor looking girl. The whole street was dead silence. The girl fought the tears that were trying to fight themselves. It was too late.

"What did you say you little wench?! What language are you speaking of, of the devil?!" The merchant shouts, interrupting the silence in the street. "Are ye some kind of witch?!"

"No, please sir! Forgive me! I do not know what happen to me just now. I am hungry and I just want to pay for my food. That is all." The girl lowers her head in shame. Her stomach was hurting from hunger and her horse was also hungry as well. If only she listen to the fruity male prostitute she met earlier that day. None of this stupid shit would've happen. Instead she would be sleeping with a sissy man that had a one inch dick.

"Get her!" The ugly merchant shouted and as soon as he shouted the whole town went after her, trying to burn her down on the stake because they have nothing else to do and because that's what you normally do to witches. She ran and ran to get away from the unoriginal people as in nothing annoys her that much.

Now unto the present … again. The girl shakes her thoughts to remove them from her present mind and looks at her horse lovingly. At least he doesn't care that she is possessed by some demon trying at act like it's from the ghetto or some shit. She looks around hoping to spot a she-male in the wilderness in their natural habitat, but what she found was something even better. She discovers another town behind the forest with the name of Castle Kippernia.

"All right, my boy! Time to start some more dumbass shit again! Hell yeah. BITCH!"

Again she shakes her head in shame and starts to walk to the road that leads to Castle Kippernia, hopefully to find a good priest that won't try to sexually abuse her like the other times.


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