This fic received a way bigger response than I was expecting so thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows, I appreciate the support and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or the characters.
"Beckett?"
Beckett hummed in response to her name, her eyes moving up from where they'd been to meet his. Castle was smirking at her and she blushed at the realization that he'd caught her staring at his lips. Again.
She'd caught him staring at hers too. In fact, he'd done nothing but stare at her all morning but when she made a comment about it, he just grinned, not caring that he'd been caught staring again.
The boys had even made comments about his staring and still it didn't dissuade him. She blushed at that too.
"Is it lunch time yet?" Beckett found herself saying not long later. She'd gotten basically no work done this morning due to the ruggedly handsome distraction sitting a few feet away. Glancing at her father's watch and seeing what time it really was made her groan though, "it's not even 10 yet".
Castle would've laughed at her eagerness for lunch time if he wasn't feeling the exact same way. They were only going to be talking at lunch so he's not sure why the sudden need for time to speed up but he just wants to be alone with her, wants to talk about things so they're both in the same page. And a small (or not so small) part of him is hoping that she'll kiss him again.
Finally it's lunch time and they tell the boys they're going out and will return soon. The boys give them knowing looks in response which Beckett chose to ignore.
She breathes a sigh of relief when they step into the elevator, not sure where this sudden eagerness today has come from. They're only going out to talk, that's all, but she can't help hoping that that's not all that will happen today.
She's not sure if she's ready yet though, ready for a proper relationship. She shouldn't have kissed him last night not knowing if she was but she couldn't help herself. He was standing there looking completely gorgeous, looking at her like no one ever has before and she'd snapped and kissed.
She loves him, she knows that for certain, but she's not sure if she's ready to open up to him completely yet, not sure she can be all that he needs. But today she can tell him that, let him know how she feels and what she wants and hopefully he wants something similar in return.
She suddenly becomes aware of just how close Castle is standing beside her and realises this is the first time they've actually been alone since their kiss last night. She has to clench her hands into fists beside her to stop herself from spinning around in front of him, pushing him up against the wall and kissing him like she's wanted to ever since last night.
Castle isn't fairing much better, extremely aware of how close Beckett is and how he wants to do nothing more than press his body and mouth to hers. His lips still tingle from where she kissed him last night and he's not sure that feeling will ever go away.
When the elevator doors finally open, he's relieved but also disappointed, desperately wanting to feel her against him again.
The fresh air outside clears their heads a bit as they walk to Remy's. They walk in silence, both thinking about the coming conversation and what it could mean for their partnership.
They both keep sneaking glances at each other though, trying to determine what the other is thinking. Once they'd caught each other looking and they both turned away and blushed.
Finally they arrived at the diner and took their normal booth in the corner, the waitress signaling she'd be there in minute to take their order.
Now they were seated, neither knew where to begin. They stalled even longer when the waitress came to take their order and then they were alone again, neither knowing exactly how to start the conversation they both desperately needed.
They'd both been so eager this morning to have this conversation but now they were struggling. They stalled even longer making small talk about how their families were while waiting for their food to arrive even though they'd had this same conversation just yesterday.
Finally their food arrived, a burger, fries and a shake for each of them, and they set about arranging the food in front of them, switching the burgers that the waitress had mixed up.
Castle grabbed two straws, opening them and putting them both in his milkshake while Beckett did the same to hers before they pushed them into the middle of the table between them so they could share. It was reassuring that they still kept these old habits when it looked like things could be changing between them.
They'd been sharing their shakes since the first time they'd come to Remy's for dinner together. They'd both been trying to decide what to get to drink, revealing that they were both torn between getting a chocolate milkshake and a strawberry one so they decided to get both and share and they've been doing that ever since.
"I suppose we should talk then?" Castle finally asked after taking a sip of the chocolate shake, knowing they were running out of time before they'd have to head back to the precinct. He'd been so ready for this conversation this morning so he's not sure why he's so reluctant now? Maybe because the conversation they were about to have had the potential to break his heart completely.
"Probably," Beckett answered, smiling despite the nerves that were swirling in her stomach.
Castle figured he might as well just go for it now even if he did have everything to lose. But she must feel at least something for him, she was the one that kissed him after all, right?
"Last night you kissed me, why?"
Beckett couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her, surprised by his directness. Usually they skirted around issues of importance, talking in subtext, but it looked like today they were going to have an open and honest conversation and Beckett found she was relieved by that thought. They'd have to get used to these kinds of talks if they ever expected to get anywhere if they finally decided to take that leap from friends to more, wouldn't they?
"Why do you think I did?" Beckett asked back, not sure she can show her whole hand yet, trying to work up the courage to tell him how she really feels, not something she's used to doing with anyone.
Castle took a deep breath and exhaled after hearing her words, trying to formulate a response. She must like him, right? Must have at least some feelings, not matter how small, for him if she'd kissed him. And she spent the entire morning pretending not to stare at you, his brain supplied and that was true, she had spent a considerable amount of time staring at him today.
"I…ummm…" Castle really didn't know how to respond to that, all the words he knew and he couldn't string together a response that made sense. She couldn't really have feelings for him, right?
Did he not know, did he really not know how she felt about him?
"I….Castle…ummm…" It was Beckett's turn to stumble over he words, maybe instead of spending the morning day dreaming about him and staring at him, she should've thought about what she was going to say now.
"Sorry, I'm no good at this," Beckett finally said, shaking her head at herself, wishing she could be better, for him.
"You're not good at what?"
"Talking?" Beckett replied which caused Castle to laugh.
"I don't think either of us are," Castle replied, Beckett laughing with him too now.
They sat silently for a minute after that, both trying desperately to find the right words to give to the other.
Beckett ended up speaking first, "I shouldn't have kissed you like I did last night."
"Do you regret it?" Castle asked uncertainly, wondering where Beckett was going with this.
"Of course not," Beckett replied quickly, wanting to reassure him that that's not what she meant, "I shouldn't have said it like that. I just meant that it wasn't fair to you, giving you that when I don't know how much more I can give you."
"What do you mean?"
"I told you about that wall and how I can't have the type of relationship I want until it's gone?"
When Castle nodded, Beckett continued, "kissing you like that, it wasn't fair to you when I don't know what I can give you, how much of myself I can give you, how open I can be."
Castle was trying not to let his hopes get too high as he listened to her speak and he knew he was asking a lot of questions but he just really needed to know what she was thinking, "What are you saying?"
She smiled at that, at the tentative way he spoke, at the hope she could see in his eyes that was slowing growing brighter.
She reached across the table then, maneuvering her arm around the food to take one of his hands in her own, "do you want to know why I really kissed you?"
"I do," Castle replied, his heart beating in his chest at her question and the way her hand felt resting on his, scorching his skin.
"Because I wanted to. Because as I was standing there, I couldn't stop myself any longer. There you were, looking entirely handsome and there was nothing I could do to stop myself from kissing you." Her own heart was pounding in her chest as she finished speaking.
"But you're not ready yet?" Castle asked, trying to understand her words from before with her words from now.
"I want to be," she replied, frustration slipping into her voice, she so wanted to be. But why couldn't she be? What was stopping her? In the past she hadn't been willing to open her heart up to anyone, not wanting the potential to be hurt again like she was from her mother's death. But she already loved him, had already let him in so close that there was no way she was getting out of it now, not that she wanted to anyway.
"I could be," she said quietly at her realisation of how much she really loved him, how close he already was to her heart, already inside that damn wall she had. She wasn't sure he'd even heard her until he was squeezing her hand and she was looking up into his eyes again.
"I could be for you," she clarified, after seeing the questioning look in his eyes.
"For me?" he asked, his voice breathless. For him?
"I love you," Beckett said by way of answer, the words slipping out before she could stop them. But she wanted him to know, needed him to know.
"Kate." His voice broke on her name but the look he was now giving her, one so full of love, made her heart swell. "But the wall?"
"I just realised you made it passed the wall and into my heart a long time ago and there's no way to get you out now." He was grinning by the time she finished talking and his eyes were so full of love that her heart was bursting at the sight.
"I love you too." He couldn't hold the words in any longer either, and whether she knew already or this was the first time she was hearing it, he needed her to know too.
He suddenly wished the barrier of the table wasn't between them because now he wanted to kiss her even more than before, wanted to show her how much he really did love her.
They quickly finished off their meals after that, smiles permanently stuck on their faces as they ate.
Castle insisted on covering the bill once they were done and then they were walking back out onto the streets together, heading back to the precinct.
On the walk back it was Beckett who reached over and grabbed Castle's hand, twining her fingers with his as they swung between them. The smile he gave her in return was so bright that she couldn't help but lean over and place a quick kiss on his lips.
Castle leaned back in, pushing his lips back onto hers but Beckett pulled away far too quickly for his liking, "tonight, okay? We can go back to my place and have dinner."
"And kiss some more?" Castle asked, a dangerous glint in his eyes.
Beckett leaned back into him, bypassing his mouth and placing her mouth against the shell of his ear, "if you're lucky."
She laughed as he groaned as she pulled back again, amazed at how quickly things have changed for them in the past half hour. They'll still need to talk more, still have more things to figure out but at least now they can do it together.
And now she gets to kiss him whenever she wants, which is quickly becoming her favourite thing ever.
There's a possibility there'll be more to this fic because I really enjoyed writing it but for now it's complete. What did you think?
