CHAPTER 2

Sookie was in tears when she entered into the cab. She didn't expect that reaction from Bill. She was not ready to deal with his rejection. And what was that coldness in his talk? She was not sure of what she really was expecting to happen, but she knew what she was not. She felt like dying, her face contracted by the weeping.

She managed to give the address of the hotel that Darcy had booked for her and with that, it just felt more real that she would spend the night alone. Her sadness was expressing itself with small strange sounds that she never though she could be capable of.

Sookie was aware when she left Bontemps that Bill was into trouble. But he had just confirmed with his words that he was in real danger and that just made things more dramatic still. And he said he was now with Nan. She sobbed out loud again and cried in grief and rage for the opportunities she had left behind. Something was fluttering in her stomach, deep inside. She didn't know what to do. Though he gave her no choice. She already knew when Bill was serious about something. He was determined to keep her away so she would have to accept that even if she didn't want to.

-Lady I don't know what the problem is but if this is a man, I must say he's a complete fool to make you cry that way, so beautiful you are!.- said the driver with a strong italian accent, looking at Sookie through the mirror. She would have thought under other circumstances, that the man was quite good looking and could have had a crush on him.

She sobbed once again and tried to put the words together to say he was not exactly a man. But then, he was. A man that she had lost because her stupid pride. So she babbled some nonsenses and then kept crying hopelessly till the car stopped in front of the hotel. Once the car had stopped the man tried to assist her but she just ordered him to go on with a polite waive of her hand.

After paying the bill Sookie stepped out of the car, completely blinded with tears. She could'nt believe he did'nt loved her anymore. But then again he hadn't said so, had he?

More than two years had passed from their definitive split, but she never thought in her deepest core, that he would disappear the way he did, he seemed so interested in getting her back that she took him for granted. And now she understood, all the rejections, all the disdains, were just meant to make him suffer, and that understanding chilled her heart, as she felt so shallow and cheap. So much as she knew he was after her, so much she had wanted to cause him harm. Big mistake. She had been so hurt, that she could only find relief disdaining him.

But that feelings had started to change progressively as soon as he left.

In the first month, she would'nt believe he was really gone. Was keeping busy with her life, busy with work and hanging around some nights at Fangtasia with Eric. They had such an open relationship, they could talk, no promises to each other, no ties... It had been somehow funny for a while. She was tired of complicated relationships (and Sookie knew very well that no human could interest her, after all she was ruined for any normal relation she could have), but being with Eric was almost easy and exciting, though things with him started to deteriorate with Bill's departure.

She started to miss some of Bill's traits that couldn't be found in Eric. She missed specially the tender look on his eyes towards her. Eric was not tender at all, and sure it wasn't his fault, after all, 1000 years of existence were too much for feeling too many things.

Besides, he started to be too involved into his new role of being Victor's right hand. Sookie never accepted that, as she felt the new King didn't deserve his new position as he usurped the place of the Queen using a brutal violence and killing some vamps she really had liked. Even if she couldn't understand very well -or approve- the Kingdom stuff, it felt like a betrayal. She was glad Bill had reacted to that. She had been proud of him. Her respect for Eric started to weaken and she didn't enjoy sex with him so much as before. She used to get distracted when they were togheter and when they had sex, his bites started to be more painful than exciting. So she started to put distance between them as the weeks went by. Victor demanded through Eric her assistance a couple of times but apart from that, the Supes World was quite calmed down meanwhile.

She thought of Bill the first week of his absence a couple of times (maybe more). And she wondered if she had been too cold with him, he told her, on the last night that she saw him, that he would be away and could possibly not return for a long time. Sookie was sure it was a trick to get her attention so she played indifference to that. And when he said he wanted to explain to her the truth of what had happened between them, she was just too cruel with him saying she would be busy that night, next one and the whole next week, giving him the understanding that she would never have the right time to discuss that matter with him. He left after giving her a long look of disapproval that froze her for a while.

After some days, she started to regret it.

She soon understood that she was not completely over him. in fact, she was starting to miss him. Recognizing that to herself was hard, but she had to admit it when the monotony of her day-to-day invaded her and she would find herself hopping for Bill to get to Merlotte's night after night, everytime the door would open.

She asked Eric, Pam, everyone that knew Bill in town. Eric was angry because of her interest in Bill and her starting distance, though she was able to find out after some struggling, that Bill may had be sent away on a special assignment, a secret one, of course. That wasn't a big help. -"he may be at any small corner of the United States".- ended Eric ironically.

As time passed by, she suspected that Bill was not playing tricks anymore. He was not showing up around. He was...gone. Simply, and totally gone.

As she waited any news - why would he give them to her if she had been so focused into sending him constantly the wrong signals...- She wondered if she had pushed him too far this time. did she really care? wasnt that what she had wanted? she had to admit that she had been teasing herself, that caused her an enormous anxiety. She was starting to realize that she still loved him, that she missed his attentions badly, his sweet words and the way he would sit at his Merlotte's table and stare at her all night long. That devasted her. She was in bed for a week, what was very strange for Sookie. She thought that maybe if she would collapse, he could feel her pain and maybe, come back.

Now that she had grown older, was the betrayal of Bill such an unforgiveable one?

If life was about feelings, kissing,loving, feeling the other, had not she rejected all what it was worth? AND IF LIFE WAS pain, well she was very alive then, because she shrinked in pain every time Bill came to her head. His deep blue eyes, his dark hair, his sweet pale face...his formal and gentle way of speaking. She always had known that he was there for her. Until now. She was alone.

The night the letter came to her hands, she opened it carefully, as if it was the last thing she would have from him. She did read it slowly, line to line, word to word. And when she got to the last lines, where he told her he had really loved her, she understood. And she finally then, forgave him. There wasn't anything new there that she had'nt heard before. But somehow, his absence, gave to the words a meaning that escaped her before.

She stood devasted in his resting place, shrinking herself down in a miserable shape. Forgiveness had arrrived too late.

That was the last thing twisting up in her mind when she entered the room and heard a sharp strike, then all went dark.